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My heart is so hardened

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by Invalidusername, Sep 2, 2018.

  1. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    Well, the natural man, meaning the sinful nature of ours wouldn't have feelings for GOD, and if this is the case for you, where you recognize that you have no affections for him, maybe it's not so much about it being a mental illness, maybe you have to spend more time in the word of GOD, but maybe one way to know if it might be a disorder is if you literally feel no emotions for any other things and not just for GOD, it could be a different person, it could also be feeling no emotions after watching some entertainment, but I'm no psychiatrist, so you should go see a real one, but if you discover that you feel happy with tv, or phone or with some girl that you like but no emotions for GOD, then it could very well be that you have a spiritual problem and not a physical one, please don't treat this condition of yours lightly.
     
  2. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    Also, through my experience I have found this to be true, "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." - 2 Corinthians 1:9
    It felt like GOD was done with me, it felt like I was fighting by myself in vain, I felt like GOD would not answer even if I had faith, I felt all of that only to realize that I could really rely on his promises even though it felt like he would not answer, though I was despairing, the only thing for sure that kept me alive was the strength GOD was providing me, namely, to look at the cross, to have faith in his promises, in his words, despite what it feels, it may even feel like there's no point even if you have faith, but here's the thing, the very fact that you are able to just hang in there on GOD's promises, by his grace, means that it's not over, if you rely on his strength for everything, you will discover something that you may have never truly seen before even if you may have heard it happen for other people, if you discover that your own strength fails you, then rely on his unfailing LOVE and power, and then you might just discover this verse to be true just like I did, "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:9
    Indeed, with the hardness of heart, we may have both felt like GOD had already condemed us and sentenced us to death, but based on my experience I discovered that the purpose of that was to help and make me rely on his strength alone in whatever I must do and I believe that it can be true for you as well.
     
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  3. Solid25

    Solid25 New Member

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    Hi invalidusername,

    I may be in the same boat as you and have had a long period of on and off backsliding but always wrestled with whether or not I've lost my salvation. Can I ask you a few questions? Its not my intention to scare you with these or make you dwell on something if you don't want to. I'm just trying to get some clarity for myself as well.

    1. Were there times when you searched for help/hope on these forums and still sinned afterwards?

    2. Had you already known scriptures like from Hebrews and other passages like Ephesians 5 that talked about " anyone who continues to live like this will not enter the kingdom".....and then still have into sin?

    3. Are you still giving in/struggling with sins from time to time?

    I have been all three and it's been making me question whether I fell off the deep end without knowing it and am experiencing a hell on Earth now.

    I've heard all the suggestions:
    " If you're here on this site it means you still care"
    " If your asking for help here it means you haven't blasphemed the spirit"
    " People who have blasphemed wouldn't even care"

    All of that. And yet I keep giving in. So ive been in a state of confusion over whether I care or don't care....like a hyperanalysis to see if I've reached that point. But I can't seem to figure it out. All I do is review the past month ,week , day of the last sin ( for me it's pornography, strip clubs and actually sleeping with prostitute on occasion)....like for instance I gave in today to porn. But I've been to this site plenty of times in last 6 months or so.....asking same question or typing in same searches on Google...." Willful sin and feeling reprobate"...."have I gone too far" ....." OCD VS BACKSLIDING"......you name it I've searched it..... Just to see if someone can relate. BUT then a week later I give in to sin and it has me all confused again.

    I don't know which point I'm at now. Some days I feel as if all the anxiety confusion hyper analysis of myself is part of the second death and these are my punishments.

    Sorry don't mean to scare you again if I did. I just wanted to ask those questions to see if you could relate.

    How are you now btw? Have things gotten better?
     
  4. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

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    Don't worry about scaring me. I have a complete lack of emotions atm.I have searched for help and then sinned after in the past but no longer do that anymore. I was aware of the Hebrews verses but I had a OSAS interpretation of those verses. I no longer sin anymore since I understand the consequences of sin better now.

    Ok so are you 100% sure you are born again? Because being born again means it's very hard to continue in sin.

    It's sad because in 2015 I felt the Holy Spirit grieving inside of me and I told Him I'd repent later. So sad. I don't feel any remorse about it though.

    I really didn't understand how Christians were expected to be living in victory over sin. When you have the Holy Spirit, you have the ability to say no to sin when you weren't able to do that before. I didn't understand that. I just stayed on milk.
     
  5. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

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    And on your question of whether I'm doing any better or not: I'm definitely doing better now. Starting to get some of my emotions back. I think I also had a mental illness. Not an excuse but it does explain some of the things I did.
     
  6. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    I think things have gotten better now, though recently I still struggled with masturbation but the topic wasn't clear to me, I think it was july 16th or when I last masturbated but I did it not only because I was tempted but I did not do it with porn, I think I am able to do it without lusting, but don't risk it!! I did it also because I wasn't sure if it was a sin or not, but I concluded that it was a sin because of the guilt and emptiness that I felt aftewards, like if you masturebate you don't feel complete which leads me to the conclusion that masturbation even without thinking lustfully is still sin because the orgasm that we feel when we reach climax is something to be shared with a spouse and not alone. Yes even though I just stopped maturbating though I am able to do it without lusting, please don't do it!! I just discovered that it is a sin. So dont risk!!

    And here's the answer to your first question, I did searched up help online but yeah I still was tempted, and fell into sin, this kind of thing probably happens to a lot of people, and I know scriptures in hebrews about sinning deliberately after knowing the truth, which are very scary, but one main thing that helped me was that during the times when I felt as if GOD had rejected me and I have become like esau, by the grace of GOD, I was still somehow able to choose to have faith in christ in the cross though I don't think my heart softened in any way, or I don't think my heart felt tender in any way, so I felt hardened. I felt like I could not repent, like esau, and I was despairing feeling as if I recieved the judgement of GOD on me. But afterwards, when things got a bit better, I think I remember seeing your post, but I may have been still struggling with sin or maybe I was already struggling with a hardened heart when I first saw your post, but yeah when things got a bit better even though I haven't fully recovered which I mentioned on my post, I wanted to help you, because I thought we may have been experiencing the same hardness, and this might be the time after I was able to fight lust. Sorry I don't fully remember but yeah, I think I was already able to be willing to fight lust when I started posting to help you.

    But when after I was porn free, I actually struggled with with the hardness of heart, I hated what it felt like, because I felt trapped, I did not feel like I could repent, I did not feel like I was tender towards GOD, I was despairing, so my last option by the grace of GOD was faith, even though I was not feeling any change, I stayed there, and for a few days I could not wake up properly, sleep properly, and live properly, because I just despaired. But what kept me alive was the gift that GOD gave me, it was faith, even though I despaired, it was as if the waves of despair could not destroy or ruin this thing called "rock" which is basically having faith in the works of GOD. What I also realized during my battle with the hardness of heart is that the fact that I was tempted to despair, and a verse from the scripture popped into my head, I think the Holy Spirit reminded me this "No temptation has overtaken you", I don't remember if I heard the whole verse inside my head, but it sure did gave me hope, why? Because this truth still applied, I was tempted to despair, but the very fact that the temptation was there, actually gave me hope because this verse still applied. Even now, if you are tempted, then this truth still applies to you, that, GOD saved me from that pit, so I can be a source of healing for others, and GOD is probably calling you through me, can you hear him say this?
    "Come now, and let us reason together" says the LORD. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow, though they are as red as crimson, they will be like wool."-Isaiah 1:18

    Your problem is that you deeply love lust, but you have to be willing to give that up before everything is too late, let this be a warning, GOD can give you up, people that become like Esau could not repent, why? Because they have such a love for sin that they are unwilling to come into GOD's terms of repentance, namely to give up sin and turn towards GOD. This is a warning to you, if you don't stop sinning, then your heart can be hardened in such a way where you don't even want to repent anymore. But if by the grace of GOD, you are still able to turn away from it, then surely you haven't crossed the line. I also struggled with lust, that's what made me harden my heart towards GOD. I backslided back then, but I was brought back this recent march, and I was able to abstain from porn for more than 3 months I guess, but I backslided again and I think it was on june 29th, I struggled with lust for days I guess but I just didn't want GOD to give up on me, I read from websites, I watched videos, and the scary verses from Hebrews did scare me, but I was that stubborn that even though I was scared, I still fell into sin, then I realized, I could not feel GOD anymore. It is despairingly scary. It is something I would never want to experience anymore. I in fact felt something like this when I was brought back this recent march but, this time somehow, it is worse, because I was reminded of the fact that GOD had already brought me back after I backslided, and I did it again, I was reminded of the fact that I already found relief to this kind of despair but I sinned again, and for days I could not find a relief and I was growing weary, somehow, this experience is probably worse than the last previous one, but yeah i grew weary, I realized I could not do this, it was either I was gonna give up because I didn't feel like there was any escape, or that I was gonna have faith and trust the his promises though my heart was hardened.

    I didn't want to suffer, I remembered the days when I felt right with GOD, I think I wanted them back, but I'd say it was only by his grace that I was able to choose to have faith in him as my last option. And then I think I also mentioned to you in one of my posts that I found this verse to be true, "Indeed we felt that we have recieved the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead" -2 Corinthians 1:9.

    And also, I think the weapon GOD had given me to be able to say no to lust was that he reminded me that I was already a justified sinner, a new born person, born of GOD, he reminded me that through something, I don't remember if it was a youtube video or a website, but I was looking for help to fight this, and GOD reminded me that I was born of him, born again, and that i didn't have to respond to my lustful desires because I am his child, he actually reminded me the identity that he gave me, A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN, A CHILD OF CHRIST WHO DIED FOR ME. And I think when I believed him, like when I believed and chose to do his advice, which is to believe that I am already his and that I must also live out that identity, it was like I didn't have to repond to lust, I still do get temptations, but now I think they are not as strong anymore. So my advice is that you live that identity, that you may find the power to overcome it no matter how deep you have fallen.


    I don't know if you have crossed the line, but what I know is that GOD saved me from that pit to be a source of healing, and perhaps, I can be one for you. REPENT and believe that you have a power to overcome it, Jesus died so you would have the power to overcome that, use it, and don't neglect his blood by continuing on sinning, you never know, maybe the next time you sin again, GOD might appear in the sky, the bible does mention that we do not know the day or the hour, read this verse

    Matthew 24:46-51 English Standard Version (ESV)
    46 Blessed is that servant whom his master will find so doing when he comes. 47 Truly, I say to you, he will set him over all his possessions. 48 But if that wicked servant says to himself, ‘My master is delayed,’ 49 and begins to beat his fellow servants[a] and eats and drinks with drunkards, 50 the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he does not know 51 and will cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

    If you choose to say that your master is delayed, then you will be like that unfaithful servant who says "my master is delayed" and he chooses to sin. Then the verse says that the master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he doesn't know, and willl cut him in pieces and put him with the hypocrites. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
    So if you want GOD to be pleased with you, then REPENT and turn to him, so you may find mercy and restoration. But if the mext time you sin, and the heavens open, and GOD finds you lusting, then you could very well be dead. This warning is something you must take seriously, I don't want you to despair, but you really need to stop and come to the LORD, if you stop, you may still hear him saying to you

    “Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord "though your sins are like scarlet,
    they shall be as white as snow;
    though they are red like crimson,
    they shall become like wool." -Isaiah 1:18
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  7. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    I don't mean to make you despair with this post, but YOU NEED TO REPENT of your lust.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  8. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    People might despair because of the part of my post where it says

    "people that become like Esau could not repent, why? Because they have such a love for sin that they are unwilling to come into GOD's terms of repentance, namely to give up sin and turn towards GOD."

    Please, everyone that reads this, I didn't mean to cause anybody to despair and fall away from christ just because you find yourself having a deep love for sin and therefore you are unwilling to repent, in fact if you find yourself in a situation where you notice that you have a deep love for a certain sin, and find yourself unwilling to repent, then you should give up the sin if you are still able to. If you are unwilling to repent, then be willing to repent and change for the better, because even though you might find yourself having a deep love for sin and unwilling to repent, then the answer should lrobably that you must be willing to change, and REPENT, you can do this if you truly trust CHRIST's power.

    And I want you to believe this promise
    Philippians 4:13
    "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" that means you are able to be willing to repent of your sin, that means that you are able to give up the very desire for sinful pleasure, you are able to give up the sin for the sake of GENUINE REPENTANCE, and this promise confirms so and definitely gives people more power and strength, just like what how it helped me.

    I found myself in a similar situation but probably not exactly the same, I discovered that I had a deep love for sexual pleasure even after I was porn free.

    And I guess that's probaly the reason why I still continued to masturbate eventhough I think that I am able to do it without lust.

    And I was scared that I could not repent because I loved the pleasure it brought me, and loved it deeply, and I think I found myself in a similar situation just like what I described above,

    "they have such a love for sin that they are unwilling to come into GOD's terms of repentance, namely to give up sin and turn towards GOD."

    I think my love for pleasure is what kept causing me to be unable to repent. But finally, by the grace of GOD, I was able to choose to repent and come into GOD's terms, namely to turn away from sin and turn towards him. I think he also gave me the desire for something greater than sin, namely for a softened heart, a joy in GOD, a joy that could replace any sinful and worldy desires I had.

    By the grace of GOD I was still able to turn away from it, I discovered that masturbation does not fulfill GOD's design for sex because it is meant to be enjoyed in a relationship of a husband and a wife, the orgasm is meant to be enjoyed in having sex with a spouse. But the guilt and emptiness it brought me lead me to conclude that it was a perversion of GOD's design and through this, GOD gave me another reason to quit masturbation and call it a sin.

    So please don't risk doing it even without lusting, because it is still a sin.

    To make things clear for you guys, I think I was able to quit lust because GOD reminded me of my identity in Christ and he caused me to live with that I dentity, but even after things were getting better, I still struggled with the idea of masturbation if it was a sin or not, since I still wasn't 100% sure, I did it, I used it as my outlet for sexual arousal and to prevent myself from lusting, I masturbated together with living out my identity as a born again christian, now it may be that I actually wasn't truly living that Identity and I was probably wrong, since 2 days ago I just discovered that masturbation is wrong, so I yeah I probably was not truly living out that Identity, but now, things are better, I am able to say no to lust, by believing and fighting sin as a justified sinner, and I am able to say no because GOD convicted me with the emptiness and guilt that I felt after masturbation. I hope things are clear, sorry, I don't even know if I said everything right about the how things happened in the right chronological order, but yeah I may be wrong for some of them, but I think the experiences are still true, it's just that I don't exactly remember if all of them in a chronological order.
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
  9. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    You overcome sin by believing the Promises of GOD one of them is 1 Corinthians 10:13"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." You should also live your identity in christ, namely as a born again child and that you don't have to feed your lust because you are a born again and than you can overcome it.

    Ask GOD for JOY in him, ask him if you really have tasted that the LORD is good,

    1 Peter 2:1-3
    "1So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.2Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 3if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good."

    And for those who have no clue what JOY in the LORD means, go and search up and watch John Piper in youtube, and learn from him what the true nature of faith means, and ask GOD for what true JOY in christ means and if he doesn't answer the first time you asked, keep asking, learn from the parable of the widow and the judge Luke 18:1-8 read this parable and learn how to keep praying to GOD.
     
  10. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    Wait sorry for my replies, I confused Solid 25 for invalid username, sorry invalidusername if my replies are a bit confusing. But I hope you guys take my advice, I'll try fixing my replies later so things are not confusing SORRRRYYY!!! I THINK MISREAD THE SITUATION SORRYY
     
  11. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    Sorry solid 25
    I thought it was invalidusername who asking me something, so
    Sorry Solid25, I thought it was me being asked by invalid username so I replied with as if it was him who was asking me, but I discovered that it was a different person who was asking and the one being asked. I though I was being asked so I replied, but yeah sorry about that.

    I'll try to edit my replies later LORD willing, so things are clearer.
     
  12. WannaWitness

    WannaWitness Shining God's Light for a Lost World.

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    I'm pretty late in the game here (and too many pages to read at the moment), but for those in this thread (including the OP) who are struggling to come back to Christ, I'm happy to post one particular song that hopefully help. I say hopefully because sometimes music can speak in such a way that mere words (whether spoken orally or in writing) can't. The lyrics in combination with the right music can move in ways we don't expect; that's the way it works with me quite often. This is not a new song, but the message rings true. Also, I know I have posted it in other threads, but it doesn't hurt to post it again, especially for the sake of people who come and go on the forums, therefore, may not have heard it.

    Anyway, be blessed as you listen!

     
  13. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

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    My mistake was always saying "I'll repent later."

    Then the Holy Spirit stopped convicting me at one point. Now I'm in deep trouble.
     
  14. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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  15. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    Well if you keep saying that, you may become like the servant who said "my master is delayed", then GOD will come on a day and at an hour you do not expect him, if he finds you not doing his will, then he will cut you to pieces and put you with the unfaithful, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
     
  16. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

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    I know. I don't sin anymore. I am saying I made that mistake.
     
  17. Kiko777

    Kiko777 New Member

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    I still struggle with certain sins like masturbation but not so much lust, but I know that masturbation is still a sin so please pray for me.
     
  18. Invalidusername

    Invalidusername Well-Known Member

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    I lost all of my libido when I lost my emotions so it's been easy for me to quit that sin. But I understand the struggle. Just remember if you have the Holy Spirit then you are empowered by God Himself to defeat that sin. You'll make it.
     
  19. pinkjess

    pinkjess There she goes...at the speed of sound

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    Thank you
     
  20. Dan61861

    Dan61861 7 days without God, makes one weak.

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    God forbid any of us sin, yet when we do we confess our sin and Christ will forgive us. Understand, our flesh cannot please God. Not even a little bit. It's Christ's passion for us that saves us. It's Christ and His work alone that saves us. This is our hope, the hope in all Christians. We do not look upon ourselves for salvation, our eyes are set upon God. For only God can save. Our confidence isn't upon ourselves, it's upon the redemption of Christ's works.

    We all sin, there isn't one that does not. We all struggle with sin, as Christians. Yet their is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. When we look towards the law, letting it condemn us we trample upon the works of Christ. Have confidence, have hope, have faith that Jesus has done all for you. Rest in Him, it is finished.

    In Christ
    Daniel
     
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