- Apr 6, 2018
- 6
- 20
- 35
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
1st off, I'd like to say I am not seeking pity, whining, or such.
I'm 30 years old, and had near perfect health until I turned 17. Nowadays I cannot stand up more than 5 to 10 minutes a day without my back injury causing paralysis. I have severe pain, insomnia, memory loss, aphasia (look that up, it's like word loss), no appetite, difficulty urinating due to the weakness in my lower body due to my back injury (If not paralyzing me, it still causes weakness), so I often use catheters. My right arm often dislocated since I was 19 and had an accident on the road. I'm rather poor since I can't work, and I'm disabled but you only get $500 a month from SSI, and finding doctors and clinics that take Medicaid in my state is hard. I also have hereditary problems from my dad's side, including leg pain and serious tooth problems (I've taken care of them, but lost all but 8. He lost 26 of his in his 20s). I use painkillers like hydrocodone and Fentanyl patches legally. However, my body is extremely resistant to poison, medications, etc. An example is that dentists can't numb me up, so I feel all the pain. Fortunately my pain tolerance is high. I use a very strong muscle relaxer to sleep, carisoprodol (aka Soma) since without it, I take 3 or more days to fall asleep, and even then I awaken every 15 minutes from serious, vivid nightmares that I never forget. That Soma is very addictive and dangerous, causing you to even oass out if youre standing. I also get migraines, angina, shin splints, two back injuries, hot flashes, exploding head syndrome, and lost a chunk of my right leg's muscle from a necrotoxin, so I use a cane or walker, but if I use my arm too much, I end up with a dislocated shoulder which I'm pretty experienced at fixing myself since I can't afford to go to the doctor for it. There's also hallucinations, loss of eyesight being worse than 20/200, unable to focus further than 3 inches from my eyes.
There's a lot more, but I want to keep this already long message short as possible.
When younger I still believed in Jesus, but I was lukewarm and stubborn. I feel that to get past my stubborness, God allowed this to happen to humble me, and I'm certainly humble, and have learned a lot. Nowadays these trials have changed me. I'm now very devout, and don't want to sin at all and feel terrible if I do. So becoming sick, losing my eyesight for the most part, being unable to leave the house, etc., it helped me come to appreciate everything and get closer to The Lord. Should I be healed, I will do anything He asks of me, things I can't do now.
I live with my parents since I'm unable to take care of myself due to memory loss, temporary paralysis, bring unable to drive, having less money than one needs to live, etc. However, though My parents love me, it stresses them greatly. I feel bad about having to have them take care of me, since they should be enjoyingbliving together rather than taking care of a 30 year old.
I also lost most of my strength since I have a very fast metabolism, get sick when I eat, have no desire to eat, and have only a few teeth which are frail (despite my bones being strong). So my bones show, and my body often eats itself, causing more pain. My mother especially, is saddened by knowing I didn't have a real life when I was in my 20s. Even my doctor has said that out of the 50 years he's been one, I'm the most mysterious case of a patient he has had. In my teens I could lift 300lbs, worked out often (safely), and could sprint, play sports, and more. Now I struggle to lift 20lbs, and my right arm dislocated if I use it much. So if I need my cold packs for migraines or my back/legs, I struggle to carry them. This is embarrassing. I can't check the mail, and spend 23 hours in bed, standing up only 10 minutes. I do have a neurologist finally, and have many tests scheduled. It took years to find one who took Medicaid. I'm also looking to get dentures since my teeth, the 8 remaining, are too far gone to fix. Problem is the dentures cost at minimum $8,000, but I only make $500 a month and my parents also can't work, so they can't help. When we sell the house we could get them.
I want you all to know that you should look at anything you have, even if you're very ill, and appreciate it rather than focus on the bad things and be worried or depressed. satan wants you to focus on worrying rather than being appreciative and loving God. No matter what, I will always love Him even though My days are painful and I am stuck on medication like it's life support (without some of it, I end up having grand mal seizures).
I'm 30 years old, and had near perfect health until I turned 17. Nowadays I cannot stand up more than 5 to 10 minutes a day without my back injury causing paralysis. I have severe pain, insomnia, memory loss, aphasia (look that up, it's like word loss), no appetite, difficulty urinating due to the weakness in my lower body due to my back injury (If not paralyzing me, it still causes weakness), so I often use catheters. My right arm often dislocated since I was 19 and had an accident on the road. I'm rather poor since I can't work, and I'm disabled but you only get $500 a month from SSI, and finding doctors and clinics that take Medicaid in my state is hard. I also have hereditary problems from my dad's side, including leg pain and serious tooth problems (I've taken care of them, but lost all but 8. He lost 26 of his in his 20s). I use painkillers like hydrocodone and Fentanyl patches legally. However, my body is extremely resistant to poison, medications, etc. An example is that dentists can't numb me up, so I feel all the pain. Fortunately my pain tolerance is high. I use a very strong muscle relaxer to sleep, carisoprodol (aka Soma) since without it, I take 3 or more days to fall asleep, and even then I awaken every 15 minutes from serious, vivid nightmares that I never forget. That Soma is very addictive and dangerous, causing you to even oass out if youre standing. I also get migraines, angina, shin splints, two back injuries, hot flashes, exploding head syndrome, and lost a chunk of my right leg's muscle from a necrotoxin, so I use a cane or walker, but if I use my arm too much, I end up with a dislocated shoulder which I'm pretty experienced at fixing myself since I can't afford to go to the doctor for it. There's also hallucinations, loss of eyesight being worse than 20/200, unable to focus further than 3 inches from my eyes.
There's a lot more, but I want to keep this already long message short as possible.
When younger I still believed in Jesus, but I was lukewarm and stubborn. I feel that to get past my stubborness, God allowed this to happen to humble me, and I'm certainly humble, and have learned a lot. Nowadays these trials have changed me. I'm now very devout, and don't want to sin at all and feel terrible if I do. So becoming sick, losing my eyesight for the most part, being unable to leave the house, etc., it helped me come to appreciate everything and get closer to The Lord. Should I be healed, I will do anything He asks of me, things I can't do now.
I live with my parents since I'm unable to take care of myself due to memory loss, temporary paralysis, bring unable to drive, having less money than one needs to live, etc. However, though My parents love me, it stresses them greatly. I feel bad about having to have them take care of me, since they should be enjoyingbliving together rather than taking care of a 30 year old.
I also lost most of my strength since I have a very fast metabolism, get sick when I eat, have no desire to eat, and have only a few teeth which are frail (despite my bones being strong). So my bones show, and my body often eats itself, causing more pain. My mother especially, is saddened by knowing I didn't have a real life when I was in my 20s. Even my doctor has said that out of the 50 years he's been one, I'm the most mysterious case of a patient he has had. In my teens I could lift 300lbs, worked out often (safely), and could sprint, play sports, and more. Now I struggle to lift 20lbs, and my right arm dislocated if I use it much. So if I need my cold packs for migraines or my back/legs, I struggle to carry them. This is embarrassing. I can't check the mail, and spend 23 hours in bed, standing up only 10 minutes. I do have a neurologist finally, and have many tests scheduled. It took years to find one who took Medicaid. I'm also looking to get dentures since my teeth, the 8 remaining, are too far gone to fix. Problem is the dentures cost at minimum $8,000, but I only make $500 a month and my parents also can't work, so they can't help. When we sell the house we could get them.
I want you all to know that you should look at anything you have, even if you're very ill, and appreciate it rather than focus on the bad things and be worried or depressed. satan wants you to focus on worrying rather than being appreciative and loving God. No matter what, I will always love Him even though My days are painful and I am stuck on medication like it's life support (without some of it, I end up having grand mal seizures).
