- Jan 3, 2008
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Have you ever heard that if you tell a lie long enough then you'll start to believe it? Well, I think it can work the other way around. If you're told something long enough then you can start to believe it.
My parents divorced when I was 4, so my dad wasn't ever really around to do the whole "let's go throw the ball" or anything. Because I never got into sports like the other guys in elementary school, they figured I must be gay. Also, since I didn't play sports, I wasn't popular and nobody would believe me when I told them I wasn't. Until senior year in high school or so, I became familiar with all of the derrogotory gay names.
In 7th grade, since no matter what I said or did nobody would believe me, I figured they must be right. So, even though it never quite felt right to call myself gay, from 7th-11th grade I believed I was. I made a mistake in 8th grade, but it was the only time.
During the summer between 11th-12th grade, I went to Costa Rica with my Spanish class. On the flight back home, a friend heard me talking with some girls about what had happened on the trip. He told me he wanted to talk to me. We ended up talking on AIM because it was more feasible than trying to meet. He told me about how he'd struggled with inappropriate contentography, but how God had helped him turn away from it. He said He could do the same for me. By then it had already been 4 years... I thought about it for the next few days. One afternoon, I found myself on my knees crying harder than anything and praying for God to save me and change me. It wasn't what I wanted for myself and I knew it wasn't what God wanted for me [homosexualiy]. It was then, at 17, that I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour.
I told my friend what had happened and began going to church with him the next Sunday. I ended up rooming with him and 2 other friends from school/church my freshman year in college. I became very active in a church at school and am going to lead a freshman Bible study this next year.
UPDATE: Last summer (2010) I was interning in Mobile with a friend from school. He told me he is gay, which I kind of suspected. We ended up going to a gay bar on the weekends; because that's his 'scene' and because they had good dance music. I felt myself slipping back into the mentality I had before I accepted Christ. I'm currently not as involved in church as I was freshman year of college (I'm a senior, now), but things are getting better again. (3/21/2011)
UPDATE 2: I still feel a connection to the gay community, such as DADT, especially since I considered going into the military for so long. When I'm not occupied in other ways, I find my mind easily fixates on that sort of stuff. I don't currently identify as gay, or any 'predefined' sexual orientation. I'm just me: no real 'physical' response to attractive people. I don't have any real desire to do anything sexual with anyone. I would like to get married to and have kids with a woman. However, the lack of a more clearly defined orientation or attraction scares me away because I do not want to realize later that I'm not really attracted to my wife and ruin both of our lives. (6/28/11)
"Everyone needs compassion / Love that’s never failing / Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness / The kindness of a Saviour / The hope of nations
Saviour / He can move the mountains / My God is mighty to save / He is mighty to save
Forever / Author of salvation / He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave"
"Mighty to Save" -Hillsong United
My parents divorced when I was 4, so my dad wasn't ever really around to do the whole "let's go throw the ball" or anything. Because I never got into sports like the other guys in elementary school, they figured I must be gay. Also, since I didn't play sports, I wasn't popular and nobody would believe me when I told them I wasn't. Until senior year in high school or so, I became familiar with all of the derrogotory gay names.
In 7th grade, since no matter what I said or did nobody would believe me, I figured they must be right. So, even though it never quite felt right to call myself gay, from 7th-11th grade I believed I was. I made a mistake in 8th grade, but it was the only time.
During the summer between 11th-12th grade, I went to Costa Rica with my Spanish class. On the flight back home, a friend heard me talking with some girls about what had happened on the trip. He told me he wanted to talk to me. We ended up talking on AIM because it was more feasible than trying to meet. He told me about how he'd struggled with inappropriate contentography, but how God had helped him turn away from it. He said He could do the same for me. By then it had already been 4 years... I thought about it for the next few days. One afternoon, I found myself on my knees crying harder than anything and praying for God to save me and change me. It wasn't what I wanted for myself and I knew it wasn't what God wanted for me [homosexualiy]. It was then, at 17, that I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour.
I told my friend what had happened and began going to church with him the next Sunday. I ended up rooming with him and 2 other friends from school/church my freshman year in college. I became very active in a church at school and am going to lead a freshman Bible study this next year.
UPDATE: Last summer (2010) I was interning in Mobile with a friend from school. He told me he is gay, which I kind of suspected. We ended up going to a gay bar on the weekends; because that's his 'scene' and because they had good dance music. I felt myself slipping back into the mentality I had before I accepted Christ. I'm currently not as involved in church as I was freshman year of college (I'm a senior, now), but things are getting better again. (3/21/2011)
UPDATE 2: I still feel a connection to the gay community, such as DADT, especially since I considered going into the military for so long. When I'm not occupied in other ways, I find my mind easily fixates on that sort of stuff. I don't currently identify as gay, or any 'predefined' sexual orientation. I'm just me: no real 'physical' response to attractive people. I don't have any real desire to do anything sexual with anyone. I would like to get married to and have kids with a woman. However, the lack of a more clearly defined orientation or attraction scares me away because I do not want to realize later that I'm not really attracted to my wife and ruin both of our lives. (6/28/11)
"Everyone needs compassion / Love that’s never failing / Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness / The kindness of a Saviour / The hope of nations
Saviour / He can move the mountains / My God is mighty to save / He is mighty to save
Forever / Author of salvation / He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave"
"Mighty to Save" -Hillsong United
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