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My friend wants to become a woman. What should I do?

Neostarwcc

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I've asked this before but I have a really close online friend that I met on a video game several years ago. He is transgendered and wants to become a woman in fact he has been taking estrogen pills for almost a year now, it's uncomfortable talking to him on discord because he sounds extremely strange. That being said I still love and care about him something I thought would never be possible because homosexuality and transgenderism makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because of me he has "accepted" Christ.


He's thanked me over and over again for helping him find faith but I can't get over the fact that he is taking estrogen to become more woman like. And he probably is still sleeping with men I've been afraid to ask him after I called him out about it about a year ago. He said he sleeps with men because he's lonely and I told him I understand being lonely i after all didnt meet a woman until i was about 27 years old but that doesn't make what he's doing right. His dad died several years ago and his mom and Aunt have been raising him both of them are Catholics so me telling him to stop sleeping with men and that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning isn't new to him. What's new to him is the Protestant faith and the five Solas. Being raised Catholic he thought only Catholicism existed in Christianity. Like me when I was started and when i shared the gospel with him he said that he couldnt help but respond (a fantastic sign that God is with him). He basically saw my light, my kindness, and my rockhard faith and wanted the same for himself.

He is a veteran and got shot while serving in Iraq. He has also attempted suicide multiple times to where my wife called the cops on him once because he made her very afraid. I told him that God keeping him alive is a good sign that he wants to use him to work for him.

That being said, I don't think his faith in Christ is genuine. I hate to say it because his faith came from me but he doesn't share the same values as I do. Like for example Paul saying we can't live in sin and he still lives in sin. He doesn't want to dedicate his life to doing the works Christ set out for him. I love and care about him so much and I'm only uncomfortable because I care about him. Idk. His life did a complete 180 compared to how he was when we met but I still fear for his salvation. Maybe as time draws on he will respond to God more and more.

What can I do? Should I continue telling him that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning? If I find out he is still sleeping with men should I continue telling him it's wrong? I've been asking God what to do and all I can do is continually talk to him. I vowed to be his friend until I die and I plan on keeping that promise. I will still love him even if he fully becomes a woman. No matter what. But, it's also tearing me apart because I'm concerned for him. What should I do?
 
J
JMireles
Give him time, but don't compromise the Truth for his sake. You won't be doing him any favors. Keep praying for him, and keep trying to be a positive force in his life. Many struggle with dying to self during the first few years of their walk.
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grandvizier1006

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The best thing you can do is continue to help him grow in his faith. That's what he needs right now more than ever. Because this is an Internet relationship, you don't have much control over his behavior. Even admitting you're uncomfortable with him transitioning or sleeping around with other men might come across as hurtful, especially if he's active in online transgender communities. If pressed, just keep telling him that part of being a Christian will require him to give those things up. That being said, be patient with him and let him understand the Gospel first and foremost. Then once he becomes more of a Christian he's more likely to become convicted about the things he does that are contrary to God. He also likely has a lot of pain and trauma in his life due to being a war veteran, and that will likely have to be solved with therapy. The therapist can heal his trauma, but will also likely affirm his transgender feelings, but I think that if you remain his friend during all of this he'll come to understand standard Christian beliefs if you're willing to accept that he may "wander" a bit. I know it might seem a bit frustrating, especially if you are thinking about it as his soul being on the line, but ultimately he is the one making the choice to follow God in any capacity at all, not you. Alternatively, since you're a Calvinist, it's unclear to you if God has designated him as one of the elect and that might remain unclear for a while. One thing that should be clear is that even if he does transition, he's not outside God's grace, even if he physically cannot go back to looking and resembling a man. And above all, pray that this friendship is fruitful.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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I've asked this before but I have a really close online friend that I met on a video game several years ago. He is transgendered and wants to become a woman in fact he has been taking estrogen pills for almost a year now, it's uncomfortable talking to him on discord because he sounds extremely strange. That being said I still love and care about him something I thought would never be possible because homosexuality and transgenderism makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because of me he has "accepted" Christ.


He's thanked me over and over again for helping him find faith but I can't get over the fact that he is taking estrogen to become more woman like. And he probably is still sleeping with men I've been afraid to ask him after I called him out about it about a year ago. He said he sleeps with men because he's lonely and I told him I understand being lonely i after all didnt meet a woman until i was about 27 years old but that doesn't make what he's doing right. His dad died several years ago and his mom and Aunt have been raising him both of them are Catholics so me telling him to stop sleeping with men and that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning isn't new to him. What's new to him is the Protestant faith and the five Solas. Being raised Catholic he thought only Catholicism existed in Christianity. Like me when I was started and when i shared the gospel with him he said that he couldnt help but respond (a fantastic sign that God is with him). He basically saw my light, my kindness, and my rockhard faith and wanted the same for himself.

He is a veteran and got shot while serving in Iraq. He has also attempted suicide multiple times to where my wife called the cops on him once because he made her very afraid. I told him that God keeping him alive is a good sign that he wants to use him to work for him.

That being said, I don't think his faith in Christ is genuine. I hate to say it because his faith came from me but he doesn't share the same values as I do. Like for example Paul saying we can't live in sin and he still lives in sin. He doesn't want to dedicate his life to doing the works Christ set out for him. I love and care about him so much and I'm only uncomfortable because I care about him. Idk. His life did a complete 180 compared to how he was when we met but I still fear for his salvation. Maybe as time draws on he will respond to God more and more.

What can I do? Should I continue telling him that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning? If I find out he is still sleeping with men should I continue telling him it's wrong? I've been asking God what to do and all I can do is continually talk to him. I vowed to be his friend until I die and I plan on keeping that promise. I will still love him even if he fully becomes a woman. No matter what. But, it's also tearing me apart because I'm concerned for him. What should I do?

Pour out your heart to God over your friend. Confess scripture over his life. Encourage him to read the Bible daily and pray. God will work in his life through the power of the Holy Spirit. Lead by example, and ask him about how he is feeling physically, how the treatments are going and, how he's feeling mentally and emotionally and direct him back to Christ about what he is feeling and experiencing. Keep loving him. You cannot change him, only God can change people. The Holy Spirit is powerful. He can open blinded eyes with time. It may happen sooner than you think. When it happens, just be there for him.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Encourage him to read the Bible and pray everyday. The Bible is the Word of God.

Thats a good idea. I've suggested reading the Bible to him and I think he has read the gospels but not any of Pauls letters. He has also been talking about going to church. I wish I knew him IRL. He would really benefit from our church. I know my Elder would tell him what the Bible says about Jesus and living the Christian life. But sadly he lives in and around Cleveland. I don't know any good churches over there. I'd hate for him to be subjected to a bad non Bible believing church.
 
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Gentle Lamb

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Thats a good idea. I've suggested reading the Bible to him and I think he has read the gospels but not any of Pauls letters. He has also been talking about going to church. I wish I knew him IRL. He would really benefit from our church. I know my Elder would tell him what the Bible says about Jesus and living the Christian life. But sadly he lives in and around Cleveland. I don't know any good churches over there. I'd hate for him to be subjected to a bad non Bible believing church.

You cannot control where he goes to church or what he does. Try to meet him in person if circumstances allow. Just show as much love and care as you can, and trust God to work it out.
 
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public hermit

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What can I do?

What can you do? You can be a good, supportive friend. If you feel the need to tell them what you think about their choices, okay. But at the end of the day, this person considers you a friend, and you care about this person. I don't think we have to approve of everything our friends do. But, some folks can't do that; so to each their own. I say, if you care about this person as a friend, be a friend. Judgments are easy, real friendships that transcend differences and disagreements can be hard, but they're worth it.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Thanks for the great advice guys i will try to be more accepting its a challenge for sure. I don't know if he is seeing a therapist or not he hasn't told me but he is on anti depressants now and is seeing a good psychiatrist. He has been out of the hospital for over a year now so the meds are working. He is still getting over his dad's death and he had a uncle die a month ago that I've been trying to help him get through.

All I can do is be his friend no matter what and trust that God is helping him. It after all took me a while to be the Christian I am today. God will provide.
 
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Aussie Pete

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I've asked this before but I have a really close online friend that I met on a video game several years ago. He is transgendered and wants to become a woman in fact he has been taking estrogen pills for almost a year now, it's uncomfortable talking to him on discord because he sounds extremely strange. That being said I still love and care about him something I thought would never be possible because homosexuality and transgenderism makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because of me he has "accepted" Christ.


He's thanked me over and over again for helping him find faith but I can't get over the fact that he is taking estrogen to become more woman like. And he probably is still sleeping with men I've been afraid to ask him after I called him out about it about a year ago. He said he sleeps with men because he's lonely and I told him I understand being lonely i after all didnt meet a woman until i was about 27 years old but that doesn't make what he's doing right. His dad died several years ago and his mom and Aunt have been raising him both of them are Catholics so me telling him to stop sleeping with men and that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning isn't new to him. What's new to him is the Protestant faith and the five Solas. Being raised Catholic he thought only Catholicism existed in Christianity. Like me when I was started and when i shared the gospel with him he said that he couldnt help but respond (a fantastic sign that God is with him). He basically saw my light, my kindness, and my rockhard faith and wanted the same for himself.

He is a veteran and got shot while serving in Iraq. He has also attempted suicide multiple times to where my wife called the cops on him once because he made her very afraid. I told him that God keeping him alive is a good sign that he wants to use him to work for him.

That being said, I don't think his faith in Christ is genuine. I hate to say it because his faith came from me but he doesn't share the same values as I do. Like for example Paul saying we can't live in sin and he still lives in sin. He doesn't want to dedicate his life to doing the works Christ set out for him. I love and care about him so much and I'm only uncomfortable because I care about him. Idk. His life did a complete 180 compared to how he was when we met but I still fear for his salvation. Maybe as time draws on he will respond to God more and more.

What can I do? Should I continue telling him that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning? If I find out he is still sleeping with men should I continue telling him it's wrong? I've been asking God what to do and all I can do is continually talk to him. I vowed to be his friend until I die and I plan on keeping that promise. I will still love him even if he fully becomes a woman. No matter what. But, it's also tearing me apart because I'm concerned for him. What should I do?
He is God's problem. All we can do is hold up the standard of truth. Rejecting the gender we are born is rejecting God Himself. (Isaiah 29:16) Sometimes a friendship is a millstone around our necks. Don't let it drag you down.
 
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Neostarwcc

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Allistair Begg has a church in Cleveland. You have never heard such preaching. Straight together conservative Scotsman. He has the love of the Lord and is so wise.


I'll be sure to mention that to my friend. He is temporarily living with his aunt in Iowa but plans to move back to Cleveland when he gets back on his feet.
 
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Your friend
I've asked this before but I have a really close online friend that I met on a video game several years ago. He is transgendered and wants to become a woman in fact he has been taking estrogen pills for almost a year now, it's uncomfortable talking to him on discord because he sounds extremely strange. That being said I still love and care about him something I thought would never be possible because homosexuality and transgenderism makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because of me he has "accepted" Christ.


He's thanked me over and over again for helping him find faith but I can't get over the fact that he is taking estrogen to become more woman like. And he probably is still sleeping with men I've been afraid to ask him after I called him out about it about a year ago. He said he sleeps with men because he's lonely and I told him I understand being lonely i after all didnt meet a woman until i was about 27 years old but that doesn't make what he's doing right. His dad died several years ago and his mom and Aunt have been raising him both of them are Catholics so me telling him to stop sleeping with men and that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning isn't new to him. What's new to him is the Protestant faith and the five Solas. Being raised Catholic he thought only Catholicism existed in Christianity. Like me when I was started and when i shared the gospel with him he said that he couldnt help but respond (a fantastic sign that God is with him). He basically saw my light, my kindness, and my rockhard faith and wanted the same for himself.

He is a veteran and got shot while serving in Iraq. He has also attempted suicide multiple times to where my wife called the cops on him once because he made her very afraid. I told him that God keeping him alive is a good sign that he wants to use him to work for him.

That being said, I don't think his faith in Christ is genuine. I hate to say it because his faith came from me but he doesn't share the same values as I do. Like for example Paul saying we can't live in sin and he still lives in sin. He doesn't want to dedicate his life to doing the works Christ set out for him. I love and care about him so much and I'm only uncomfortable because I care about him. Idk. His life did a complete 180 compared to how he was when we met but I still fear for his salvation. Maybe as time draws on he will respond to God more and more.

What can I do? Should I continue telling him that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning? If I find out he is still sleeping with men should I continue telling him it's wrong? I've been asking God what to do and all I can do is continually talk to him. I vowed to be his friend until I die and I plan on keeping that promise. I will still love him even if he fully becomes a woman. No matter what. But, it's also tearing me apart because I'm concerned for him. What should I do?
I've asked this before but I have a really close online friend that I met on a video game several years ago. He is transgendered and wants to become a woman in fact he has been taking estrogen pills for almost a year now, it's uncomfortable talking to him on discord because he sounds extremely strange. That being said I still love and care about him something I thought would never be possible because homosexuality and transgenderism makes me extremely uncomfortable. Because of me he has "accepted" Christ.


He's thanked me over and over again for helping him find faith but I can't get over the fact that he is taking estrogen to become more woman like. And he probably is still sleeping with men I've been afraid to ask him after I called him out about it about a year ago. He said he sleeps with men because he's lonely and I told him I understand being lonely i after all didnt meet a woman until i was about 27 years old but that doesn't make what he's doing right. His dad died several years ago and his mom and Aunt have been raising him both of them are Catholics so me telling him to stop sleeping with men and that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning isn't new to him. What's new to him is the Protestant faith and the five Solas. Being raised Catholic he thought only Catholicism existed in Christianity. Like me when I was started and when i shared the gospel with him he said that he couldnt help but respond (a fantastic sign that God is with him). He basically saw my light, my kindness, and my rockhard faith and wanted the same for himself.

He is a veteran and got shot while serving in Iraq. He has also attempted suicide multiple times to where my wife called the cops on him once because he made her very afraid. I told him that God keeping him alive is a good sign that he wants to use him to work for him.

That being said, I don't think his faith in Christ is genuine. I hate to say it because his faith came from me but he doesn't share the same values as I do. Like for example Paul saying we can't live in sin and he still lives in sin. He doesn't want to dedicate his life to doing the works Christ set out for him. I love and care about him so much and I'm only uncomfortable because I care about him. Idk. His life did a complete 180 compared to how he was when we met but I still fear for his salvation. Maybe as time draws on he will respond to God more and more.

What can I do? Should I continue telling him that I'm uncomfortable with him transitioning? If I find out he is still sleeping with men should I continue telling him it's wrong? I've been asking God what to do and all I can do is continually talk to him. I vowed to be his friend until I die and I plan on keeping that promise. I will still love him even if he fully becomes a woman. No matter what. But, it's also tearing me apart because I'm concerned for him. What should I do?
Your friend isn't showing any spiritual fruit.
Does he realize being saved means getting rid of the old sinful self, putting on the righteousness of God and going forward in newness of life. Be sure and show him scripture that will help him to understand.
 
Neostarwcc
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Not much of it, no which was my concern. He does want to go to church which I thought was a good thing so when he moves back to Cleveland I'll recommend a good church for him. He desperately needs a Pastor to guide him and help him. If he lived close I would ask him to go to church with my wife and I. My Elder will be perfect.
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You might like the points this pastor makes (short video in link below) and you can even apply this to the subject of transgenderism. For example, you can ask him, do you identify as a homosexual, or do you struggle with with same-sex attraction but no longer wish to identify that way because you have a new identity in Christ? Remind him that he should struggle with his sins and not act upon homosexuality or transgenderism if he has a new identity in Christ.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
 
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Kay Ming

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Hey Neostarwcc,

I wrote a post on how to minister to, and interact with, persons who identify as LGBTQ. It's a bit lengthy, but it's sincere and well-meaning. I hope it is useful to you. It's in 2 parts (I'll post the links below. They take a few seconds to load). Take everything to the Lord in pray. I know He will guide you accordingly. God bless!!



or

 
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