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My dilemma with my Schizophrenia or Schizo-effective disorder right now...

Discussion in 'Psychosis and Schizophrenia' started by Neogaia777, Jun 27, 2022.

  1. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    The voices/powers/presences that are on the outside are formidable, etc, so sometimes, due to their sheer power and/or ability/capability, etc, over this world and everything in it, etc, sometimes I question it, etc, and question whether they could be God, and if the voices that I am hearing on the inside, are maybe just something I made up maybe, as kind of a defense mechanism maybe, and/or are maybe something that I kind of created/made up myself all by myself maybe, etc...

    God Bless!
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
  2. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    And please do note that I have not as of yet been able to listen to and/or obey any of the voices on the inside of me to affect the outside world around me yet, etc...

    Maybe if I could, then maybe I could be more sure maybe, but as of yet, that just has not happened yet, etc, and it is still only all the ones on the outside of me in this world who still have any or all of the power in and over this world yet, etc...

    Because there power is great, etc, other people/creatures/animals, forces of nature, even manipulating technology and electrical signals/forces/impulses I believe, and that is still not the full extent of it, etc, like I said, "power" over just about anything and everything that is on the outside of me in this world, etc...

    What if I am making a mistake, etc...?

    God Bless!
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
  3. ValeriyK2022

    ValeriyK2022 Member

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    Both the ancient saints, filled with the holy spirit, and modern psychiatrists say one thing about "voices": they cannot be listened to. Humen must do our best to ignore them. Otherwise, they will continue to confuse, lead away from God, lead away from reality and lead to disability. Sometimes they lead to death. It is very dangerous.

    The purpose of "voices" is to destroy a person. If it is not possible to destroy, then at least cripple. If it is not possible to cripple, then at least upset. But in order to have trust, first they can saying pleasant things. This is described in the above book.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
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  4. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    Everyone has inner voices that they talk to, whether they are yet aware of it/them or that fact yet or not, etc...

    Everyone talks to themselves and has their own internal dialog that has two or more sides, whether they are yet aware of this yet or not, etc...

    It is sometimes called the duality or plurality of man/people, etc...

    I've just gotten to know/am still getting to know them a little bit better than most, etc, and they are my constant companions now, and have never been unkind to me and have never ever led me astray or done me wrong yet, etc, and I'm learning to trust them more and more each and every day now, etc...

    Jesus heard voices or a voice on the inside of Him, or was very, very much intimately acquainted with the many voices, or at least one voice on the inside of Him, etc, does this mean He was "crazy", etc...?

    We are supposed to be having the very same on the inside of us, etc...

    We are supposed to be hearing from God and/or maybe also His Holy Angels from the inside of us also, etc...

    And we may not in fact be truly born again Christians if we are or do not, etc, but might be fakes, and anti-christs, and imposters, etc...

    Anyway, I have learned that my own internal voices/dialog will never lead me astray, or do me any kind of harm, or ever treat/lead me wrong, etc...

    I just don't know if they are God for certain yet, etc...

    God Bless!
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
  5. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    Oh I understand that most people's "voices", whether internal or external, cannot be trusted, etc, but this is probably only because there is still something "not right" about them or on the inside of them still internally, that causes them (those voices) to be very unkind to them internally, etc, so they cannot yet be trusted yet internally, etc...

    I'm certainly not suggesting that everyone tries it, etc...

    But I'm "different", etc, therefore so are also the voices on the inside of me "different", etc...

    Really, I don't have anything wrong with me really, except for this/these little problems that I am right now describing, etc...

    I have nothing wrong with me internally, but most of my problems are coming at me from what is on the outside of me externally, etc...

    Whereas a lot of other people still do have something wrong with them internally, which is why they cannot yet trust those voices on the inside of them internally, etc...

    And I am not suggesting they do until they can either fix, or have fixed, what is on the inside of them internally, etc...

    Otherwise their own internal voices could probably really mess/beat them up even more so than they already are internally, etc...

    And I think this is still because they are/it is still "their voices" still internally, etc, but I haven't quite got all of that figured out with them yet beyond knowing that there is still just something still very wrong with them still on the inside of them internally, etc...

    But I am "different"...

    And while I have spent a lifetime trying not to be, or trying to fit in with these other people either internally or externally, I don't try to do it now anymore, but fully accept who I am now on the inside now internally, etc, which is different from what they are on the inside internally, etc...

    Anyway,

    God Bless!
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
  6. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    Now my problem is in learning how to confront or deal with or handle all that goes on with me and/or around me externally, etc, which is "a lot", and is "a lot", "a lot of the time", externally, etc, which then has it's effects on me internally, etc...

    Do I bring what it is that I think is on the inside of me to bear on it or what is on the outside of me maybe...?

    But then again, I don't really know how to even begin to do that right now really, etc, not even "in theory", etc...

    Not even the slightest clue yet on how that is even possibly to be done yet either internally or externally, etc...

    And then there is all the other things I'm still not sure about yet, which I think I have been trying to be describing in this thread thus far about the differences between what is going on internally versus externally, etc, and how I am still even not so sure yet, that I even still sometimes wonder if I could be making a mistake in trying to judge that which is going on with me and/or around me externally, and how I am still very, very much afraid still, about still maybe judging it still, very, very much incorrectly, etc...

    And also right now also, it also just still seems so very much stronger right now than what is on the inside of me internally, etc...

    Right now, I have to block it out with headphones like I said in my OP, etc, and can't be around other people/places/things much unless I have my headphones in, and can keep myself from being or getting distracted by it really, etc...

    Because it's just that strong against me right now really, etc...

    But, by myself, and on the inside of me all by myself and in my own home with no one else around, etc, I'm good, etc, and am pretty much good all of the time, etc, and my own internal dialog, is pretty good company for me, etc, but that all changes when I go outside, etc, because then, it feels like the entire world is against me, or has it out for me, etc, and I'm not just talking about people, but certain "beings", etc, and "beings" that have a great, great deal of power and/or authority, etc, at least, over "a lot of a lot of things here" externally, etc...

    Anyway,

    God Bless!
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2022
  7. Unqualified

    Unqualified Well-Known Member Supporter

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    we can’t be in relationship with God the very same way Jesus did. We can try but Jesus was God. He was one with the father in heaven as well as on earth in power and love. He obeyed God completely, never sinned. It is a fallen world. You cannot do that. But you can try right where you are to communicate to him about you and yours. You must humble yourself and stop trying to be God. You are human. All the stuff you are proclaiming is delusion and hallucination. You may understand something about God, but you are not perfect.
    Yes I have been in a place where all my thoughts are known. I call it my flesh because it’s derogatory. It says them before I do and took my right to be myself or tried to. We can walk in the flesh or walk in the spirit. The flesh can’t please God’. But the spirit is walking with the HS. You are projecting your flesh on the world the voices are your thoughts. Split though they may be.

    You’ve got to fight them or agree and let them go or take them captive as in 2cor10:3-5. The flesh wants to take over your life, right? That what the war is flesh against spirit. The war will make you stronger and eventually you will get the upper hand.
    Feel free to pm me at anytime. You might want to fight for your right to walk in the spirit. I spend most of my time with the things of God fighting my flesh just to keep going forward. I want the Lord very much and I can tell you do too.

    most of that other stuff is delusion. You only need a few things and a heckova lot of righteous indignation.
     
  8. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    I know you mean well, and I thank you for it, but I just don't think you know or understand, but I thank you anyway...

    I wish it was all just a delusion, but it's just not, so...

    But thanks anyway...

    God Bless!
     
  9. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    They try to talk to me, the things that are coming at me from the outside of me externally around me, but they use actual "things" (sights, sounds, and other things, etc) that are already there to do this to or toward me from what is already happening or is already there or is already going to be there externally around me...

    And when they do, it hasn't been very nice at times, and is a lot of time just "overload" or is just too much going on too fast or too quickly for me, since it jumps/changes from one thing to another (source) very, very fast and very quickly, so, I put my headphones in, etc...

    My headphones are not exactly a solution, since I'm not getting any experience or practice in dealing with these things, but it does block it all out or get rid of pretty dang well or effectively temporarily, etc...

    But I'll still never be able to be in what many others would call much more normal situations or circumstances unless I get some actual practice or learn how to cope and/or deal with it effectively, etc, so my headphones are like a temporary bandage that doesn't stop the bleeding or allow the wound to heal effectively, etc...

    It's just too hard or too much for me, a lot of time, etc... I have thought about just going somewhere that is public and with a lot happening and going on around me and just sitting somewhere and trying to be just listening, etc, but I haven't done it much at all yet, etc...

    I also know that I need to practice in bringing what I hear when I am all alone on the inside of me internally, to bear, or to be a part of, what is happening or is going with me all around me externally, etc, but I all too often lose sight of it/that because of what all is going on or is happening all around me externally, etc, but it needs to take part in it if I am to have any effective hope in effectively dealing with all that is happening or is going on with me all around me externally, etc, I just have a hard or difficult time in being able to that yet, or with bringing what is on the inside of me to bear on what is happening or going on with me all around me externally, etc, it's a major distraction, all that is going on with me outside of me, and it seems like I am only able to focus on or hear only one (voice) at a time only, etc...

    People think I am feeding them a line of bull with this a lot of the time, or that I am lying, in fact even the voices that are outside of me accuse me of this a lot, etc, but they are the very proof that this is what's happening to me and/or is going on with me, etc, and I think that is "a line of bull", etc...

    Either that or they try to say that it is me and not them, etc, and that I am relating to or am associating with or that I am identifying with everything, when they are not doing it or saying it to me a lot of the time, etc, and that I am getting "confused" by this type or form of communication, etc, and as far as that goes, I sometimes have to admit to myself that there could be some truth to that part of it maybe, "maybe" anyway, etc, because I have also had times where I knew for absolutely sure it was them and not me, etc, and they were not very nice to me sometimes, or a lot of the time, to say the very least, etc, but were downright abusive, and very manipulative, and deceptive, and were very, very downright cold/cruel/callous sometimes, and at times, a lot of the time, etc, or were the very opposite of "compassion" sometimes, etc, but sometimes it's them, and maybe sometimes it could be me maybe, etc, I am still so not quite sure about that part of it yet, as that is sometimes hard to differentiate sometimes, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  10. Chris35

    Chris35 Member

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    Anyone in your life that you need to forgive, or refuse to forgive?

    Other then that, id pray to Jesus and ask to be made clean.
     
  11. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    I'll think I have forgiven everyone, most of the time, but then I might have my moments that are most usually temporary, where I think that sometimes maybe I have not completely sometimes, but I think that most of the time in general, that most of the time I have overall and in general most of the time, etc...

    And as I told someone else already/recently, I don't know that I want all of the voices to go away completely, as they have been a source of great gain for me at times, etc, and have served as a source of sometimes good company for me sometimes, but that I just wish I could handle them better, or deal with them better when I am out a lot of the time, etc, and didn't have to put my headphones in when I am out a lot of the time, or almost all of the time, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  12. Chris35

    Chris35 Member

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    Don't sound like a forgivness problem then.

    From what you said i get the feeling that you have befriended them in a way because they stop you from being lonely, and someone to talk something along those lines. I highly doubt you can control them, but at same time you dont want to lose them.

    On the otherside is this. If it dont come from God, even if it appears good and like gain, it is not good for you, and will lead down a bad path.

    Therefore it is best to pray about it, and tell God that if these things dont come from you, then i ask you to help me let go, and take them away from me, even if it means being lonely, or losing something.
     
  13. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    You really should read the whole entire thread friend...

    It is an inner versus an outer thing, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  14. Unqualified

    Unqualified Well-Known Member Supporter

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    You just wanted to discuss yourself? I think the outer voices in your head are motivated by fear. My audio hallucinations I just have to keep going in spite of. It’s wonderful that you can drowned the sound of yours out by music. Do you want friends and people to interact with?

    I have had to learn to turn outward and expand my worldview.
    You have a nice secret place within you, I don’t have that. I think it is a mistake to shut out people,but you are doing well, maybe some time in the future, no man is an island. It’s not good for most people to isolate; lonely, pent up emotions, one sided view point. Stress is one of my triggers.
     
  15. Larnievc

    Larnievc Well-Known Member

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    Hiya, you say that you see a counsellor: are you also seeing a psychiatrist? Are you taking any medication?
     
  16. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    I have some friends that I do do some things with and spend regular time with, but I keep my circle small, etc...

    And a lot of them are friends that I have had for a very long time and since high school, etc...

    So I consider myself blessed in that area, etc...

    And they know of my limitations, and my ways, and still accept me anyway, etc...

    And I love other people from a safe distance, etc, and actually feel quite sorry for them, and hurt on the inside because of them, etc...

    In general, I know I do not have to ever worry about having absolutely no people in my life, as God Himself will provide for me in that area as I have the need for them, or as I need them, etc...

    But I keep my circle small, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  17. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    Yes, and yes, and yes...

    Therapist actually, she holds a masters degree though, etc...

    I see her once a month, and am already planning on sharing this with her, etc... She is very familiar with my issues, etc...

    And I see my med doctor once in a while also, etc, for medication issues, etc...

    God Bless!
     
  18. Neogaia777

    Neogaia777 Old Soul Supporter

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    Do you want to discuss something else and/or maybe you, etc...?

    God Bless!
     
  19. bmjackson

    bmjackson Newbie Supporter

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    Neogaia777 I wonder what you are referring to with that monika? Have you been born again by God's Spirit?

    Did you ever do some reading about nutritional treatment for mental health problems such as the ones you are explaining? I believe there is more than one clinic in the US that has had astounding success in that, particularly in huge doses of one B vitamin - either 1 or 3 sorry can't remember exactly. And I mean huge doses. Niacin or thiamine both are absolutely necessary for good mental function but must be restored with huge doses for some time. It could be an inherited defect of metabolism or develop later.

    You do need to find a functional doctor to help when it is as bad as yours though. Certainly depression and anxiety can be helped greatly by these means. Are you on medication? Then if you are you need a specialist doctor and not he usual ones.

    I have a book here called "The Orthomolecular Treatment of Chronic Diseases" by Andrew Saul PhD which is very good and explains it. Worth a consideration?
     
  20. Larnievc

    Larnievc Well-Known Member

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    Ah, cool. Just the psychotherapist in me double checking.
     
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