Thank you everyone ...
last night was hard as I went to sleep with no kitty by my head...today my dog keeps looking for her best friend and it sets my tears in motion again...
I tell my children about stitches being up in my treehouse in heaven listening to the soft music that comes from the flowers growing up my tree and stitches visiting their mansions. Told them how stitches is talking like we do and he is talking with the hummingbirds that fly around my treehouse...I think stitches is going to visit the floating island where my horses graze and he is going to meet the other pets who have passed away..I think bear and stitches will get along great
I miss him alot and keep blaming myself because I kept calling him and I keep thinking that by hearing my voice he might have let judgement go to the wind and felt safe to cross the road. I didn't know where he was
When my cat was hit on the road in front of my house I found out from my aunt, after a neighbor down the street went to her house thinking Lucian had belonged to her.
I remember my aunt driving me to the spot because my other cat might have followed me if I had walked to go get him and then I'd loose two.
There he was, my beautiful little boy laying dead in the median strip between the roads and pointed in the direction of home. As if he'd been trotting to go see mom and then there was only darkness.
It was morning and I remembered the last time I saw him just the night before.
He'd snuggled in my lap and I cradled him like a baby on his back and he slept for awhile and then was up and ready to go play outside. It was the last time I'd see him alive.
Lucian would never stay in the house for overlong. He'd come in for loving cuddles, he'd meow-talk, purr, eat. He'd pounce to the top of my computer chair for spinnies. (I'd turn the chair on it's pivot so he could spin in circles. He loved that. He's hop up, hunker down, and look at me as if to say; let's go mom!Spinnnnnnn!
)
I found myself wondering, as I picked him up and walked him in my arms back across the road to the house and ultimately into his little burial box to be deposited under the spirit tree that lends shade and sacred space to all my departed pets, was he thinking of home when he was hit? Did he see the light in the window and was he thinking, spinnies! I'll go get spinnies from mommy?
It can break your heart even more when you suppose what could have been, when looking at the little broken kitty body and what is. And shall never be again.
Your precious cat lived knowing you loved him. He was treasured, he was fed, he was comforted, and he had a safe loving place to sleep beside your head on the pillow. He enjoyed every moment as it came when he was in your life. And that's what you have to remember. Because how he left your family was not your fault, or your responsibility.
He wouldn't be an indoor kitty. That's not your fault. He was a cat and that was his nature. He always came home and that's because he wanted to be there.And he always wanted outside too because that's what he wanted.
You can not hold yourself guilty or responsible for a cat's choices. If you'd have forced him to remain inside he'd have gotten you back for it. I know this because I had a cat that piddled on Berber carpet so as to teach me that lesson.
You loved him. He knew that in his way. And he loved you back.
Talk to him if you want to. Speak aloud or in quiet your heartbreak and call his name before you do, just as if he were there and you wanted to tell him something.
We don't know if they hear us when they pass. It's like when people pray for their lost loved one's. They hope they hear and understand what's happening to us in this life when they're no longer part of it.
Maybe they do. But it can't hurt to hope so when we need to say something after they're gone because we suddenly realize in real life there's no more time to.
My deepest sympathies to you and yours. And a hug to your kitties dog buddy too. Her heart is breaking as well. And you still have that precious little companion to love and adore as she loves and adores you. You need each other now to get through this.
Remember the good. Regret nothing.
