I met a woman a little over a year ago, and fell in love. I was sure if met the most wonderful woman in the world. I absolutely adored her. It didn't take long to realize I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Everything was great, and I asked her to marry me. I asked her parents if I could, because She was worth it. I'd never asked anyone else in 27 years to marry me... So this was a first.
...she said yes.
A few months before the wedding I changed jobs to make more money. I didn't have much money to begin with and we got a trailer and moved it to her parents lot across from their house. I was working every single day, coming to the trailer and fixing it up to get it ready to move in to. There was a wedding ahead to prepare for. I was getting stressed. I ended up starting to drink one or two beers. Bad choices... I just didn't want to be stressed.
I started to change... Or was I always this way? But she wasn't being treated the same way that I treated her before.
Fast forward, after months of a repeating pattern... Me not showing much attention, spending all the money I earn, not doing all the nice things I once used to, among many other things I don't take care of... I researched BPD and have concluded that this is what I have. I read the articles and say "this is me".
She wants a divorce. She is depressed. She says I can not change, and doesn't think that if I do change that I can make her happy. I WANT to change, and I will make a serious effort to do so. I have made an appointment to see a therapist, not to make her change her mind but because I want to fix whatever is wrong with me.
What am I asking you? First, I need your prayers. It would be great if God would completely heal me... Which I know he can. But he might not do that right away. But I need prayer for healing for me, and my wife.
I need prayer for my relationship with God. I think my BPD keeps me from being close to God. I haven't been very close or in the word for two years. I need a closeness.
If you have any input on how to fix this marriage, or myself... Please send your comments.
Thank you,
Shawn
...she said yes.
A few months before the wedding I changed jobs to make more money. I didn't have much money to begin with and we got a trailer and moved it to her parents lot across from their house. I was working every single day, coming to the trailer and fixing it up to get it ready to move in to. There was a wedding ahead to prepare for. I was getting stressed. I ended up starting to drink one or two beers. Bad choices... I just didn't want to be stressed.
I started to change... Or was I always this way? But she wasn't being treated the same way that I treated her before.
Fast forward, after months of a repeating pattern... Me not showing much attention, spending all the money I earn, not doing all the nice things I once used to, among many other things I don't take care of... I researched BPD and have concluded that this is what I have. I read the articles and say "this is me".
She wants a divorce. She is depressed. She says I can not change, and doesn't think that if I do change that I can make her happy. I WANT to change, and I will make a serious effort to do so. I have made an appointment to see a therapist, not to make her change her mind but because I want to fix whatever is wrong with me.
What am I asking you? First, I need your prayers. It would be great if God would completely heal me... Which I know he can. But he might not do that right away. But I need prayer for healing for me, and my wife.
I need prayer for my relationship with God. I think my BPD keeps me from being close to God. I haven't been very close or in the word for two years. I need a closeness.
If you have any input on how to fix this marriage, or myself... Please send your comments.
Thank you,
Shawn
