- Jul 17, 2017
- 46
- 39
- 34
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- In Relationship
Hi All,
This is my first post so I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly. I was hoping I could hear some different ideas regarding my current situation. I am a 28-year-old and I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years. I grew up in a family with several alcoholics. I also grew up with parents and in a church community that didn't drink at all. I guess I was kind of exposed to two extremes. Watching my cousins lives be destroyed by their father's alcoholism was incredibly tramatic for me and I developed a newfound sense of security living in a household where alcohol just wasn't around. Fast forward to 28 I have never had a drink of alcohol. In college I was never even tempted and wouldn't even consider dating someone who drank. I don't actually believe that drinking in moderation is a sin but I truly feel like it is one of my spiritual convictions and something the Lord has laid on my heart to abstain from. I have no problem with my friends drinking and I'm around it all the time.
I know that witnessing alcoholism shaped my view of drinking, but I've also grown up and have been able to form my own ideas separate from the past. I know many Christians who are in love with the Lord, and are amazing leaders who drink alcohol responsibly and don't have any issues. Personally, not drinking has been a ministry opportunity for me. It is been one of the ways that I can truly be set apart from the world and it has given me the opportunity to have unique conversations that I wouldn't be able to have otherwise. It's also extremely helpful when I have a friend that is dealing with alcohol or substance-abuse. Most times I'm the only sober person in their life. So that's the background.
When I first started dating my boyfriend two years ago I told him that I didn't drink and that I didnt want to date someone who does. I have always dreamed about being on the same page with this issue especially when I have children. He told me he drank but that he didn't mind stopping. It was something that was easy to give up if that would keep us from dating. I of course was hesitant, because I wouldn't want someone to make that decision based on me. I agreed, but never really felt comfortable. When we would go out with friends who would drink I could feel the tension. I knew he wanted to which made me feel guilty. we had a few conversations and I decided that I would be OK if he drink occasionally without me knowing. I know he has had drank here or there and I would like to say that it doesn't bother me but it really does. I just feel so sad and disappointed maybe in myself that I'm going against something that has been ( and still is) so important to me. This is one of the issues that's keeping me from feeling comfortable about getting engaged. I know if it came down to us breaking up or him drinking he would again tell me he would gladly give it up but I'm not an idiot and I know fast forward a few years that would change. And I can't force him to have the same convictions as me nor would I want to. Honestly, I don't know what to do and yes I have prayed about it. I'm sorry this is long I have no idea if there's a limit! But if anyone has advise I would love to hear it! Sometimes moving forward without us being on the same page feels impossible and there's part of my heart that wants to hold out for someone that shares the same conviction.[/QUOTE]
This is my first post so I'm not sure if I'm doing it correctly. I was hoping I could hear some different ideas regarding my current situation. I am a 28-year-old and I've been dating my boyfriend for over two years. I grew up in a family with several alcoholics. I also grew up with parents and in a church community that didn't drink at all. I guess I was kind of exposed to two extremes. Watching my cousins lives be destroyed by their father's alcoholism was incredibly tramatic for me and I developed a newfound sense of security living in a household where alcohol just wasn't around. Fast forward to 28 I have never had a drink of alcohol. In college I was never even tempted and wouldn't even consider dating someone who drank. I don't actually believe that drinking in moderation is a sin but I truly feel like it is one of my spiritual convictions and something the Lord has laid on my heart to abstain from. I have no problem with my friends drinking and I'm around it all the time.
I know that witnessing alcoholism shaped my view of drinking, but I've also grown up and have been able to form my own ideas separate from the past. I know many Christians who are in love with the Lord, and are amazing leaders who drink alcohol responsibly and don't have any issues. Personally, not drinking has been a ministry opportunity for me. It is been one of the ways that I can truly be set apart from the world and it has given me the opportunity to have unique conversations that I wouldn't be able to have otherwise. It's also extremely helpful when I have a friend that is dealing with alcohol or substance-abuse. Most times I'm the only sober person in their life. So that's the background.
When I first started dating my boyfriend two years ago I told him that I didn't drink and that I didnt want to date someone who does. I have always dreamed about being on the same page with this issue especially when I have children. He told me he drank but that he didn't mind stopping. It was something that was easy to give up if that would keep us from dating. I of course was hesitant, because I wouldn't want someone to make that decision based on me. I agreed, but never really felt comfortable. When we would go out with friends who would drink I could feel the tension. I knew he wanted to which made me feel guilty. we had a few conversations and I decided that I would be OK if he drink occasionally without me knowing. I know he has had drank here or there and I would like to say that it doesn't bother me but it really does. I just feel so sad and disappointed maybe in myself that I'm going against something that has been ( and still is) so important to me. This is one of the issues that's keeping me from feeling comfortable about getting engaged. I know if it came down to us breaking up or him drinking he would again tell me he would gladly give it up but I'm not an idiot and I know fast forward a few years that would change. And I can't force him to have the same convictions as me nor would I want to. Honestly, I don't know what to do and yes I have prayed about it. I'm sorry this is long I have no idea if there's a limit! But if anyone has advise I would love to hear it! Sometimes moving forward without us being on the same page feels impossible and there's part of my heart that wants to hold out for someone that shares the same conviction.[/QUOTE]