My bf says no sex tempts him to cheat

[NothingIsImpossible]

He feels like he'd rather fornicate and apologize to God than cheat.

Well problem is he won't be forgiven by God by having sex and praying after. Why? Because hes planned what he wants to do and is just like "Eh, I can pray about after and be fine!". But he doesn't realize hes abusing Gods grace. If you plan to sin and then plan to apologize, then God will know its not from your heart. He maybe can full others with that excuse hes using but its still an excuse and Gods not stupid.

Especially if he has sex, asks for forgiveness but plans on doing it again. I know because I was the same way with inappropriate content. I planned to look at inappropriate content, then pray after. And while I was getting ready to pray I was also planning what inappropriate content to look at the next day. So God wasn't taking me seriously. I was a sinner enjoying sin and pretending I could get away with what I thought was a loophole in prayer.

My solution is to just get married after a few months lol.

Well the problem with marrying right away is sure, you fulfill your sexual desire right away. But if the marriage doesnt go as plan you get divorced then just replaced the original sin (sex before marriage) with divorce. The fact hes making excuses about sex and cheating doesn't look good at all. If hes this full of excuses before marriage, imagine what he will be like after marriage. Or what if you have sex, get pregnant and he decides to ditch you because he just wanted the sex, not the baby.

I mean at least he was honest enough to tell me no sex will make him tempted to cheat and that he can't wait until after marriage.

No guy is willing to marry without sex, none I've met anyway.

Well if a guy wants sex that bad or he "might cheat", then dump him. If hes willing to cheat now, he will be willing to cheat when married too. And to be honest the fact he says hes tempted to cheat if yon don't have sex shows hes being manipulative to make you feel bad so he can have sex with you right away. I'm not saying all men are liars.... but... well to many are. They think with their genitals, not their brains.

I again say this as someone who was the same. And most couples I met have the same issue with their bf/fiancee before marriage. Hes guilts them into sex and half the time ditches them before marriage. Find another guy. Its not easy, but its better then messing up your life over. Next thing you know he will be telling you (once married) "Honey I really want to buy this $15,000 sound system. If I don't get it I'll become depressed and may cheat to feel better!" or "Our sex life is boring now, we need to make it better or I'll look somewhere else for sex!". Trust me this is normal manipulation.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Oh forgot to mention, you really want to see how honest and trusting he is? Ask if you could see his phone. Or his FB or messages or emails. Because I wouldn't be suprised if hes talking to toher women, looking at inappropriate content and maybe even talking about you to his male friends like "Man this lady is frustrating! I want to have sex with her but no matter how I try to push her into it she won't do it!". If he doesn't want to show you anything then there is no trust and hes not worth it then.

Btw I'm 25 and this man is 35, divorced due to a cheating wife, with two kids.

Red flag alert. I mean how do you know its not the opposite way around. Given how horny he seems to be, he probably cheated on his wife because having kids slows down your sex life. Maybe you should ask his exwife what hes like before marrying him. Can't believe just one side of the story. He could be lying just to again manipulate you into thinking hes the good guy here.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I think you can do better. You haven't met him in person yet, right? And he's already saying he'll be tempted to cheat? That's mighty presumptuous of him, especially since you haven't met yet and you might not like him at all. He's clearly making sex his priority rather than having a meaningful relationship with you with the potential of getting married. Plus, he's in a different stage of life - ten years older than you, divorced, with children. I'm not judging that, but I think it would make more sense to date a man who has never been married and has no kids yet. And yes, I do believe there are men who will wait until marriage to have sex. Even a man who is not a virgin, but who loves you, would be able to put that on hold. You deserve a man who respects you and your wishes.

 

[PollyJetix]

Thank you as well and everyone else. I will wait and tell the person I'm going to wait if he leaves he leaves.

Good for you! I'm crying here. You will never regret it.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Flat out saying "No I won't wait I want sex" is very selfish of him and shows that his heart is not committed to you or to God.

Its true, so true. But it is easy for me to say that now in hindsight.
Is the following a stereotype?
Women are controlled by their emotions. Men by their **** ? Especially younger men.

 

[Ave Maria]

I would tell him that being tempted to cheat and actually cheating are two completely and totally different things. If he cannot remain faithful to you during your courtship phase then he is not likely to be the right person for you. If a person can't remain faithful during their courtship phase it is unlikely that they will remain faithful if married to the same person. I would like to say that this is not true in the case of those who sincerely repent though. God can give us the grace to truly reject our former ways and to live lives of virtue and grace.

 

[Hidden In Him]

I have not met one guy that is willing to wait for sex. They don't get mad or anything, it's just they aren't willing to wait. My solution is to just get married after a few months lol. That's what they did in bible times meet and get married. I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell...

Burn with passion.

Angeleyes. Giving in to this really sad argument will in all likelihood only create really bad, compromising situations for you. It starts with the promise that you will marry, yet the marriage hasn't actually happened yet. And don't be surprised when it keeps getting put off, farther and farther and farther... as you walk in sin and begin seriously damaging your testimony and weakening your relationship with God with each passing day.

Pray for a good man. Trust me, its not impossible to wait, especially for anyone led by the Spirit. And those are the ones you should be looking for anyway.

God bless!

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I think dating couples have illusions about each other whether they are having a physical relationship or not. Even "living together" is not the same as being married.
It takes ages to get to know the real person, in my view. Challenges such as financial hardship and rules on who can and cant stay at your house, test the relationship and hopefully lead to growth.
My opinion on pre-marital sex has changed over the last year or so. its not the end of the world if it happens but "ideally" couples should wait. if both are Christians, then both should be on the same page.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

As I mentioned before he never flat out said I won't wait.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I feel like he's probably just your average guy, but idk.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Is it really my fault if I want to get married and do things God's way but no one's willing to marry without sex?

Maybe move in wider circles. I think there are men who are willing to wait, if they you think you are the right person for them.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Maybe move in wider circles. I think there are men who are willing to wait, if they you think you are the right person for them.

I guess... But I'm extremely socially anxious and introverted. I don't even like attending church service and I hate dealing with people because of the amount of anxiety I get a from it. Meeting guys is not something I really do outside of the internet. I avoid men who notice me or talk to me in public it makes me anxious. I talk to coworkers at work and I try to find places they won't be so I can eat alone. I'm just really not a people person, they drain me. I play it off pretty good sometimes though, people can't always tell. I actually met a guy who's like me and we are just friends. He is Christian and is waiting for sex now. However, I would not date him. And he's asked me and I told him I talk to too many guys ( it was true at the time) turned into somewhat of a female player without trying to... Told him I'm sorry but you're my friend and I don't want to mess that up.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Idk the whole "wait for the right man" is just making me want to give up on men altogether. Ill be like the woman standing on a building waiting for God to save her from a flood and missing the plane he sends. My whole life was meant to be suffering, sitting in a chair and typing on a computer to make someone else rich, and praying with a Chastity belt on. Can you tell I'm bitter much?

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

But I'm extremely socially anxious and introverted

If you don't mind me saying, you need to reduce your list of expectations then. Or tweak them anyway. My partner/wife is similar to me introverted and socially anxious. It has worked for 25 years now. She's not Christian but allows me to follow my faith. I don't pressure her. She doesn't pressure me. But I think the key to our good relationship is personality type ( both anxious). We both understand the others' temperament. Dare I say this is more crucial than both being Christian? I think it is, but I might be wrong.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

is just making me want to give up on men altogether

that might be a good option , you know. My brother is 55 and a Pentecostal Christian. Never married but very happy serving the Lord.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Can you tell I'm bitter much?

Good self-awareness. If you can laugh at yourself, it is very healthy in my opinion.
Does my avatar face trigger grumpiness?

 

[Angeleyes7715]

See and that's just it I feel like Christians don't always tell u to wait because it's for your best interest and for God. I feel like they do it because they never got married and this feel u should suffer too. No offense to anyone it's just my last church did this and I chalk it up to jealousy. The church women ruined my relationship and i think they were jealous. I've had church men jealous too, then they secretly try to have a relationship with me after leaving their wives, which angers me. It's all very sneaky and none of it's for God. That's why it's hard for me to wait sometimes cause I feel like I'm being fooled into missing out on my youth.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

See and that's just it I feel like Christians don't always tell u to wait because it's for your best interest and for God. I feel like they do it because they never got married and this feel u should suffer too. No offense to anyone it's just my last church did this and I chalk it up to jealousy. The church women ruined my relationship and i think they were jealous. I've had church men jealous too, then they secretly try to have a relationship with me after leaving their wives, which angers me. It's all very sneaky and none of it's for God. That's why it's hard for me to wait sometimes cause I feel like I'm being fooled into missing out on my youth.

my honest opinion is you don't have to have a Christian partner. I grew up in a Catholic family. All my siblings married non catholics, in fact non church going Christians. They have had no interest in Church or religion. But their marriages have all lasted many years. Happily as well.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Some people have to wait forever in the bible to get what they want. Sarah waited 90 some years for a baby. So being only 25, you still got lots of time for love. Its just society that makes people feel like theres some magical time limit to find love. My dads friend is a wonderful christian man who was holding out for a wonderful christian girl. He just couldn't seem to find the right one. Well long story short he got married at 49.

See and that's just it I feel like Christians don't always tell u to wait because it's for your best interest and for God. I feel like they do it because they never got married and this feel u should suffer too. No offense to anyone it's just my last church did this and I chalk it up to jealousy. The church women ruined my relationship and i think they were jealous. I've had church men jealous too, then they secretly try to have a relationship with me after leaving their wives, which angers me. It's all very sneaky and none of it's for God. That's why it's hard for me to wait sometimes cause I feel like I'm being fooled into missing out on my youth.

Well I think I said it before, and I don't mean it in a mean way but maybe your focusing to much on finding someone. Just find something else to focus on that you enjoy. Art, ministry at church, going to a park to exercise...whatever it may be.

And while I can agree some people are jealous, remember to you may also be jealous of those who are married. Actually its not that uncommon for people to be jealous or envious of someone else who has what they don't yet. I know I was that way for awhile when trying to find a wife. Just as my wife can be envious when she sees others able to have kids. Or I can get envious when I see well off couples who can give their wifes things I cannot.

If I recall you have health issues right? I can tell you I have them too and thought love was just a dream not meant for me. I got married at 31. Maybe late to the world, but that was ok with me. True love waits. If I had to wait until I was 70 I'd do so. Though at that time I'd be so close to passing away I probably wouldn't care lol.

 

[Soyeong]

My bf is long distance, but I'm going to see him for the first time pretty soon.
The thing is we don't agree on sex before marriage. He feels like he'd rather fornicate and apologize to God than cheat.

I feel like I'd rather wait because I've had sex outside of marriage before and it messes things up, cheats me, and risks me burning in hell for eternity.

I have not met one guy that is willing to wait for sex. They don't get mad or anything, it's just they aren't willing to wait. My solution is to just get married after a few months lol. That's what they did in bible times meet and get married. I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell....

So what's my decision? And the thing is my bf says to me he hopes I'm not having sex with some other guy and telling him I'm waiting. I'm not but tbh I feel guilty because I have had sex with a guy that I am friends with now.... I'm not cheating with him of course, but I mean I'm denying my bf when Ive had sex before.

I also hate having sex with different guys it's gross, even with a condom. So, I don't want to have sex with my bf, but if he's just going to get tempted and cheat cause he's not getting it from me then what's the point? I mean at least he was honest enough to tell me no sex will make him tempted to cheat and that he can't wait until after marriage.

No guy is willing to marry without sex, none I've met anyway. Even my friend said Christian girls that get married to some guy in Bible camp and are virgins until wedding night does not happen except for in movies and women who lie on the internet. I'm kinda starting to believe that it's not possible.

Yes this guy is Christian. Literally the only guy I've ever met that was still a virgin at my age was LDS and I don't believe in LDS religion and the guy was somewhat strange to me so it didn't work. I come from an Apostolic/ Pentacostal background.

Last thing I've already broken up with nearly every guy I've dated over this issue.
I know a lot of people on here say the right Christian man is willing to wait, but that just isn't true. Christian men are not willing to wait either. Is it really my fault if I want to get married and do things God's way but no one's willing to marry without sex?

I could just say forget being married and stay single forever, but I mean I'd rather not be an old lady with no kids who can hardly pay her rent and has no one who cares about her. That's what happens to old women with no family in my opinion. I'd have Jesus though I guess... :/

Repentance is about changing your thinking, turning from your ways, and following God's ways, it is not about doing whatever you want and asking God to forgive you afterward in order to avoid the consequences, so planning to repent later is completely missing the whole point. You won't go to hell just for committing one sin unless you do not repent.

True love takes no account of its own and lays down its life for the other, so it is not about what you get out of the relationship. If he only wants to have sex with you because he can't get it somewhere else, then your relationship is not about love, but about scratching an itch. If you got married, what confidence could you have that he wouldn't cheat on you if the option were available?

I'm a 34-year-old male virgin who plans to wait till marriage, so we do exist contrary to popular myth.