My bf says no sex tempts him to cheat

[Angeleyes7715]

My bf is long distance, but I'm going to see him for the first time pretty soon.
The thing is we don't agree on sex before marriage. He feels like he'd rather fornicate and apologize to God than cheat.

I feel like I'd rather wait because I've had sex outside of marriage before and it messes things up, cheats me, and risks me burning in hell for eternity.

I have not met one guy that is willing to wait for sex. They don't get mad or anything, it's just they aren't willing to wait. My solution is to just get married after a few months lol. That's what they did in bible times meet and get married. I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell....

So what's my decision? And the thing is my bf says to me he hopes I'm not having sex with some other guy and telling him I'm waiting. I'm not but tbh I feel guilty because I have had sex with a guy that I am friends with now.... I'm not cheating with him of course, but I mean I'm denying my bf when Ive had sex before.

I also hate having sex with different guys it's gross, even with a condom. So, I don't want to have sex with my bf, but if he's just going to get tempted and cheat cause he's not getting it from me then what's the point? I mean at least he was honest enough to tell me no sex will make him tempted to cheat and that he can't wait until after marriage.

No guy is willing to marry without sex, none I've met anyway. Even my friend said Christian girls that get married to some guy in Bible camp and are virgins until wedding night does not happen except for in movies and women who lie on the internet. I'm kinda starting to believe that it's not possible.

Yes this guy is Christian. Literally the only guy I've ever met that was still a virgin at my age was LDS and I don't believe in LDS religion and the guy was somewhat strange to me so it didn't work. I come from an Apostolic/ Pentacostal background.

Last thing I've already broken up with nearly every guy I've dated over this issue.
I know a lot of people on here say the right Christian man is willing to wait, but that just isn't true. Christian men are not willing to wait either. Is it really my fault if I want to get married and do things God's way but no one's willing to marry without sex?

I could just say forget being married and stay single forever, but I mean I'd rather not be an old lady with no kids who can hardly pay her rent and has no one who cares about her. That's what happens to old women with no family in my opinion. I'd have Jesus though I guess... :/

 

[PropheticTimes]

My bf is long distance, but I'm going to see him for the first time pretty soon.
The thing is we don't agree on sex before marriage. He feels like he'd rather fornicate and apologize to God than cheat.

I feel like I'd rather wait because I've had sex outside of marriage before and it messes things up, cheats me, and risks me burning in hell for eternity.

I have not met one guy that is willing to wait for sex. They don't get mad or anything, it's just they aren't willing to wait. My solution is to just get married after a few months lol. That's what they did in bible times meet and get married. I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell....

So what's my decision? And the thing is my bf says to me he hopes I'm not having sex with some other guy and telling him I'm waiting. I'm not but tbh I feel guilty because I have had sex with a guy that I am friends with now.... I'm not cheating with him of course, but I mean I'm denying my bf when Ive had sex before.

I also hate having sex with different guys it's gross, even with a condom. So, I don't want to have sex with my bf, but if he's just going to get tempted and cheat cause he's not getting it from me then what's the point? I mean at least he was honey enough to tell me no sex will make him tempted to cheat and that he can't wait until after marriage.

No guy is willing to marry without sex, none I've met anyway. Even my friend said Christian girls that get married to some guy in Bible camp and are virgins until wedding night does not happen except for in movies and women who lie on the internet. I'm kinda starting to believe that it's not possible.

Yes this guy is Christian. Literally the only guy I've ever met that was still a virgin at my age was LDS and I don't believe in LDS religion and the guy was somewhat strange to me so it didn't work. I come from an Apostolic/ Pentacostal background.

Help!

Hi Angeleyes

I'm not sure of your age, but I've been around a while. If a man will not wait for you, then you need to move on. A man who loves you and cherishes you would work hard to wait. Yes, there are men (let me emphasize MEN, because boys will be boys) out there who love God enough that they work very hard to wait (they may fall from time to time but we all do in some manner). Flat out saying "No I won't wait I want sex" is very selfish of him and shows that his heart is not committed to you or to God.

My advice to you - keep it long distance if you must keep it at all.

 

[PollyJetix]

If he cannot be faithful now, if you don't give him sex, then how do you think this guy would stay faithful during marriage, at times when you can't give him sex? Because those times happen in every marriage. Sickness. Travel. Other stuff. It happens.

 

[RC1970]

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to mankind; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I'd wait, for you and if I were you. In the case of your situation you have a choice to make but the previous posts already sum up the correct decision. Also the friends in your life who are telling you people aren't actually waiting are just trying to justify their choice of not waiting. It is most certainly possible to meet a guy who is willing to wait for you. You just have to figure out what is more important to you and go from there. Most people don't care so do whatever they want. You can take that route, but this guy does not seem like a quality dude if hes willing to put his sexual gratification above any love he has for you. He is basically saying yes I love you but I love sex more than you. If you are okay with that then that's fine. Just be aware of what you are about to get yourself into.

 

[PollyJetix]

Besides that... He's pressuring you to cheat on God, by threatening with cheating on you.

How's that for disrespect for you as a person?
How's that for no respect for God in your life?

You need to seriously think about what kind of guy you are dating... he's a potential husband.
If you marry this kind of man, your life would be misery.

You see, I married a man like this. He claimed to be a Christian... but he was demanding the position of God over my conscience!

And after the wedding, oh my!
He pressured me to do things that violated my conscience... and I gave in, over and over, until I no longer knew what I believed. I dulled my conscience on purpose, choosing my husband as my god... not realizing what I was doing.

In the end, his selfishness drove him to abandon me and the kids.
And at last, I was free to obey my conscience.
I woke up spiritually... realizing I had broken the first commandment of all: "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me."

The conscience is the doorway through which God talks to us.
But when we choose to violate it, we jam that door shut, not wanting to hear Him.
This grieves the Holy Spirit.
And eventually, we can become so confused that anything goes, and we find ourselves doing more and more wicked things, without much guilt.

I beg you, don't start down that road.
I've been there.
It started with a guy who said he loved me.
No love from a man is worth dying spiritually for.
Because that kind of "love" isn't really love.

 

[Kenny'sID]

I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell

I think that referred to passion but under the right circumstances, it could go both ways.

You say it's not true that christian men are willing to wait. Bible says to wait, just as it says not to kill steal, murder etc. If one has no problem doing those things, maybe they aren't Christian, if they have no problem with cheating or having sex before marriage, then....well?

And I agree with you, on getting married soon, but not too soon. don't wait years like some, of course those could be people that are having sex before marriage.

The simple yet maybe not so simple solution is to wait for the right man, but at the same time I realize that's easier said than done sometimes. Wish I could offer an easier solution, but the options are limited so, it's your decision in the end, and I hope whatever you decide, it works out well for you.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Hey, I know, send the present BF in here and let us have a word with him, but fair warning, it may be worse than meeting the parents/Dad of a GF.

But seriously, send him in.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Lo

Hey, I know, send the present BF in here and let us have a word with him, but fair warning, it may be worse than meeting the parents/Dad of a GF.

But seriously, send him in.

Lol too funny. I mean he said he'll wait BUT he feels like he'll cheat. And I suppose some people are right about if he can't wait now how will he wait when I can't give him sex lol. I'm gonna ask him and see what he says. Btw I'm 25 and this man is 35, divorced due to a cheating wife, with two kids.

 

[Greg J.]

My bf is long distance, but I'm going to see him for the first time pretty soon.
The thing is we don't agree on sex before marriage. He feels like he'd rather fornicate and apologize to God than cheat.

I feel like I'd rather wait because I've had sex outside of marriage before and it messes things up, cheats me, and risks me burning in hell for eternity.

I have not met one guy that is willing to wait for sex. They don't get mad or anything, it's just they aren't willing to wait. My solution is to just get married after a few months lol. That's what they did in bible times meet and get married. I mean personally I like to get to know someone first but I mean like Paul said it's better to marry than to burn. Not sure if he meant burn with passion or burn in a literal hell....

So what's my decision? And the thing is my bf says to me he hopes I'm not having sex with some other guy and telling him I'm waiting. I'm not but tbh I feel guilty because I have had sex with a guy that I am friends with now.... I'm not cheating with him of course, but I mean I'm denying my bf when Ive had sex before.

I also hate having sex with different guys it's gross, even with a condom. So, I don't want to have sex with my bf, but if he's just going to get tempted and cheat cause he's not getting it from me then what's the point? I mean at least he was honest enough to tell me no sex will make him tempted to cheat and that he can't wait until after marriage.

No guy is willing to marry without sex, none I've met anyway. Even my friend said Christian girls that get married to some guy in Bible camp and are virgins until wedding night does not happen except for in movies and women who lie on the internet. I'm kinda starting to believe that it's not possible.

Yes this guy is Christian. Literally the only guy I've ever met that was still a virgin at my age was LDS and I don't believe in LDS religion and the guy was somewhat strange to me so it didn't work. I come from an Apostolic/ Pentacostal background.

Last thing I've already broken up with nearly every guy I've dated over this issue.
I know a lot of people on here say the right Christian man is willing to wait, but that just isn't true. Christian men are not willing to wait either. Is it really my fault if I want to get married and do things God's way but no one's willing to marry without sex?

I could just say forget being married and stay single forever, but I mean I'd rather not be an old lady with no kids who can hardly pay her rent and has no one who cares about her. That's what happens to old women with no family in my opinion. I'd have Jesus though I guess... :/

Is your relationship with God more important than your relationship with this man? Don't you want to find someone who is cheering you on to be obedient to God and being an example, or someone to call it into question and/or make it harder? Read 1 Peter 4:1-5.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Btw I'm 25 and this man is 35, divorced due to a cheating wife, with two kids.

Oops, a whole new ball game now.

For now I'll just say, you are so young, and have plenty of time to look around.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Yes! This is why i don't really want to date because the temptation to have sex is there and its real.

I'm gonna date but... Its just hard saying no sometimes..

 

[Angeleyes7715]

So I asked him. He said waiting while I'm away on vacation or on a menstrual cycle or something like that is a lot shorter than waiting until marriage. He also said he wouldn't cheat, I think he's just concerned it will tempt him. He's not saying he's going to cheat.

I'm just also sick of breaking up with guys because of trying to be loyal to God. I don't really feel like I'm being loyal to God by breaking up with bfs. I kinda just feel like I'm cheating myself and foolish. Guys that Ive broke up with are decent men for the most part. Any other women would get married and have kids and have no problem having sex before marriage. My sister did and now she's married with kids. And I mean I'm 100% sure I wont meet anyone if I just keep breaking up with guys over this. I'm the kind of person that could go four years of school and not make a single friend. People either bully me or don't know I exist. I never had a date from school, my first bf was AA guy from a Apostolic church. Infact seems like the only ones who did have dates in school were blonde haired blue eyed light skinned being AA in America and none of those things it's a lot harder to get dates or married. AA women have a lot less chance of getting married than other ethnicities says statistics. The chances are even slimmer if you're an AA woman with a degree like I am. Tbh I always felt like Christian women who are virgins and marry men out of Bible camp are just the same blonde hair blue eyed light skinned from upper middle class families usually sheltered from everything and LDS or Catholic. Maybe I've seen too many movies lol... Went to non denominational church several times when I was young and those were the only girls guys in church would ever talk to and the ones with friends as well. Very skinny, blonde hair, blue eyed, light skinned. I was usually always the odd ball out. Being pretty doesn't even help if you're an AA woman. I heard some man outright say that we have straw hair and he was taking about a girl who I thought was very pretty. My sister is also a thousand times better looking than I am and even she has basically stated that as AA women we are basically limited to certain types of men because half act like we don't exist. Because of this and my dad that tells me i have to get married while i still have my looks and because of my grandpa and others saying there are fewer AA men available for marriage due to high incarceration rates and because of my education that I feel doomed for spinsterhood. Attractiveness has never helped me I'm still unmarried...

Also, I've done other sins before. And I still have really bad language. What makes this sin any different than the other ones I do?

I'm very conflicted but you all bring up good points.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

So I asked him. He said waiting while I'm away on vacation or on a menstrual cycle or something like that is a lot shorter than waiting until marriage. He also said he wouldn't cheat, I think he's just concerned it will tempt him. He's not saying he's going to cheat.

I'm just also sick of breaking up with guys because of trying to be loyal to God. I don't really feel like I'm being loyal to God by breaking up with bfs. I kinda just feel like I'm cheating myself and foolish. Guys that Ive broke up with are decent men for the most part. Any other women would get married and have kids and have no problem having sex before marriage. My sister did and now she's married with kids. And I mean I'm 100% sure I wont meet anyone if I just keep breaking up with guys over this.

Especially because I've done other sins before. And I still have really bad language. What makes this sin any different than the other ones I do?

I'm very conflicted but you all bring up good points.

Yeah I know what you mean. My friend and his gf are god fearing but they messed up a couple times and now are remaining celibate till marriage.

 

[section9+1]

He's interested in one thing and that is sex. He is manipulating you for it. He's no good.

 

[CodyFaith]

Well I'm 25, male, Christian and will not have sex before marriage.

So I'm just saying we exist out there. Less common in today's society but yeah.

If God wants you to find a partner he's not going to make it so you have to sin in order to find one. That's not how it works.

We are to serve him at all times, we are commanded not to fornicate specifically many times in the bible... we cant lose our salvation after we believe in Christ, however I aim to serve Christ with my whole heart.

Don't compromise. Wait.

 

[PollyJetix]

...Also, I've done other sins before. And I still have really bad language. What makes this sin any different than the other ones I do?

I'm very conflicted but you all bring up good points.

Who do you love the most?
God?
Because it sounds like you're working really hard at rationalizing away your conscience.

There are really good guys out there who want a pure, godly girl. You don't have to sell yourself short.
And think outside of your box. Interracial marriages are very acceptable nowadays.

Personally, I don't think dating a long time is such a good idea.
Watch him closely, to see what his character is, get to know his family, and how he treats those he doesn't naturally respect. That's the biggest indicator of what life with him would be like.

And don't put off getting hitched. Once you know, you know. Don't wait around. Just get the ring, and tie the knot. Dating for a long time with no good reason, and trying to stay pure is like seeing how close to the edge of a cliff you can dance.

 

[PropheticTimes]

So I asked him. He said waiting while I'm away on vacation or on a menstrual cycle or something like that is a lot shorter than waiting until marriage. He also said he wouldn't cheat, I think he's just concerned it will tempt him. He's not saying he's going to cheat.

I'm just also sick of breaking up with guys because of trying to be loyal to God. I don't really feel like I'm being loyal to God by breaking up with bfs. I kinda just feel like I'm cheating myself and foolish. Guys that Ive broke up with are decent men for the most part. Any other women would get married and have kids and have no problem having sex before marriage. My sister did and now she's married with kids. And I mean I'm 100% sure I wont meet anyone if I just keep breaking up with guys over this. I'm the kind of person that could go four years of school and not make a single friend. People either bully me or don't know I exist. I never had a date from school, my first bf was AA guy from a Apostolic church. Infact seems like the only ones who did have dates in school were blonde haired blue eyed light skinned being AA in America and none of those things it's a lot harder to get dates or married. AA women have a lot less chance of getting married than other ethnicities says statistics. The chances are even slimmer if you're an AA woman with a degree like I am. Tbh I always felt like Christian women who are virgins and marry men out of Bible camp are just the same blonde hair blue eyed light skinned from upper middle class families usually sheltered from everything and LDS or Catholic. Maybe I've seen too many movies lol... Went to non denominational church several times when I was young and those were the only girls guys in church would ever talk to and the ones with friends as well. Very skinny, blonde hair, blue eyed, light skinned. I was usually always the odd ball out.

Also, I've done other sins before. And I still have really bad language. What makes this sin any different than the other ones I do?

I'm very conflicted but you all bring up good points.

All I'm saying is you are worth SO much more than this. I'm 45 and still single. Yes, it gets lonely sometimes, but I have seen too many bad relationships and bad marriages to just jump into the fire. I have been told I'm too picky, but I'm not picky, I have just learned who I am in God and that I deserve better than someone who is just going to use me for sex until he finds someone else that grabs his eye and he goes to that one.

I would much rather be alone then be in an abuse or unhappy relationship. And you deserve much better than that too, Angeleyes. You are God's princess.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Who do you love the most?
God?
Because it sounds like you're working really hard at rationalizing away your conscience.

There are really good guys out there who want a pure, godly girl. You don't have to sell yourself short.
And think outside of your box. Interracial marriages are very acceptable nowadays.

Personally, I don't think dating a long time is such a good idea.
Watch him closely, to see what his character is, get to know his family, and how he treats those he doesn't naturally respect. That's the biggest indicator of what life with him would be like.

And don't put off getting hitched. Once you know, you know. Don't wait around. Just get the ring, and tie the knot. Dating for a long time with no good reason, and trying to stay pure is like seeing how close to the edge of a cliff you can dance.

Thank you

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Well I'm 25, male, Christian and will not have sex before marriage.

So I'm just saying we exist out there. Less common in today's society but yeah.

If God wants you to find a partner he's not going to make it so you have to sin in order to find one. That's not how it works.

We are to serve him at all times, we are commanded not to fornicate specifically many times in the bible... we cant lose our salvation after we believe in Christ, however I aim to serve Christ with my whole heart.

Don't compromise. Wait.

Thank you as well and everyone else. I will wait and tell the person I'm going to wait if he leaves he leaves.