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[Angeleyes7715]

I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old (going on 20) man and I'm 25.

We've been sleeping together. I'm concerned about getting pregnant even though we use protection....

I told my mom the other day that we talked about moving in together and having a baby. She was like okay.... So your gonna have a baby out of wedlock? And I shrugged... I mean since I'm 25, I have a job, my bachelor's degree, my own car, etc. It's a little different than if i was a teen. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going with things cause I don't feel like I have a choice what happens to me.

Part of me cares that this is sin (maybe it's sin) and the other part of me feels too depressed to care about my life or what happens. Besides, marriage in the Bible wasnt anything like what we have today. And men had multiple wives and all kinds of strange things. I feel like we've put some kind of modern day spin on marriage to make it Christian. I've read parts in the Bible where men slept with women and they became their wife afterwards. So then in that sense what is fornication really? Seems like it's more so sleeping around with random people you don't care about that God is talking about, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, Ive talked with the guy about getting married in a courthouse or something if I get pregnant. I've even thought about other options of which I rather not mention cause well... and I can't do birth control too much anymore cause it destroys my hair and messes with my hormones. We told each other we would stop having sex. We usually end up having sex again.

I'm seriously fed up with everything in my life. I feel like I'm just making reckless choices sometimes. I'm sick of my mindless job, sick of trying to get married and do things right but not finding anyone to marry, sick of feeling like I'm going to hell because im depressed and despise life even though I don't want to feel this way.

I know this guy is very young. He likes kids etc. Even told me if I can't have children he won't be with me it's his deal breaker....

Then there's me trying to sort out how I feel about him and what not.Hes definitely a 'bad boy's :/ I thought I loved the person at first maybe I do I don't know. It's definitely a different kind of love. I am only used to being infatuated with men and or things as a means to escape my problems. This guy likes to take responsibility for things and forces me to do the same so he doesn't help me run from my issues therefore with him things don't feel like roses and daisys all the time. We argue and he's stubborn. I have fun hanging out with him, we cook together, clean, argue over money, make up, bounce ideas off each other, etc. It's like I like him but I don't trust him (but I don't trust anyone) and think he's too young to trust to commit to anything. And so I tell myself he's not to be trusted as I've been betrayed by men before. They abandon you when things get rough.

But then there's also my depression and anxiety factoring in and it's like I can't decided whether that's making me hate everything and everyone or is it really how I feel. I know a big part of me just wants to abandon everything and everyone and move far away and disappear it's impossible to do this with a relationship and maybe a kid if I get pregnant.

Regardless my actions are all over the place foolish as they may be. I've just stopped caring about my life. Can't tell what I want.

 

[Armoured]

So, what are you doing about your depression? Hate to be the one to tell you, but you won't be happy in a relationship with anyone until you can be happy in a relationship with yourself.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

So, what are you doing about your depression? Hate to be the one to tell you, but you won't be happy in a relationship with anyone until you can be happy in a relationship with yourself.

You're right. Well I'm taking vitamins and trying to fix my hormones and seeing if that helps and I'm trying to run a business to get rid of the job I hate. I'm hoping this fixes the depression, but it's a slow process. I'm also staying with my mom right now to save and pay off student loans but I really want to move out. My sister and Mom and I just rebuilt her house it's got 4 bedrooms and so they want me to live there to not pay rent so I can save but my mom has severe depression and is antipsychotic meds since she has schizophrenia and she sleeps all day and her situation is depressing me bad. I hate living with her cause it upsets me. I'm thinking I should leave and be independent but everyone says I should stay and save money.

 

[Armoured]

You're right. Well I'm taking vitamins and trying to fix my hormones and seeing if that helps and I'm trying to run a business to get rid of the job I hate. I'm hoping this fixes the depression, but it's a slow process. I'm also staying with my mom right now to save and pay off student loans but I really want to move out. My sister and Mom and I just rebuilt her house it's got 4 bedrooms and so they want me to live there to not pay rent so I can save but my mom has severe depression and is antipsychotic meds since she has schizophrenia and she sleeps all day and her situation is depressing me bad. I hate living with her cause it upsets me. I'm thinking I should leave and be independent but everyone says I should stay and save money.

Oh sweety. Look, i'm just some random on the Internet, but you sound like you have a lot to sort out before you even think about a long term relationship. Vitamins are good, but they only go so far. Have you spoken to a doctor?

 

[GeorgeJ]

Not a good idea. Get your mental health situation stabilized. You're not thinking clearly.

 

[mina]

Please do not willfully bring a baby into this situation. It would not be fair to the baby and a baby will not fix relationship problems or mental health problems. Babies are hard work. Being a good parent is hard work on little sleep. It is worth it , but if you don't deal well with stress and demands adding a baby that needs you for everything to live isn't going to help matters. Babies deserve stable parents and home lives. There are non hormonal birth control options available; use several together to have a better chance to prevent pregnancy.

 

[Hidden In Him]

Not a good idea. Get your mental health situation stabilized. You're not thinking clearly.

Gotta agree with George here, Angeleyes. That entire OP sounds like a total disaster waiting to happen, and already is happening sounds like. Get out of the bed with this young man, and get your head on straight before you REALLY screw up and complicate your life even more.

 

[timewerx]

Part of me cares that this is sin (maybe it's sin) and the other part of me feels too depressed to care about my life or what happens. Besides, marriage in the Bible wasnt anything like what we have today. And men had multiple wives and all kinds of strange things. I feel like we've put some kind of modern day spin on marriage to make it Christian. I've read parts in the Bible where men slept with women and they became their wife afterwards.

I'm actually dubious about the whole Old Testament thing on having multiple wives. Even if you point it out, it's a one-sided affair - only the men gets multiple partners, not the other way around.

So then in that sense what is fornication really? Seems like it's more so sleeping around with random people you don't care about that God is talking about, but I could be wrong.

Marriage in the Bible is when a man and a woman decides to leave their parents and live together.

So if both you decide to live together for the rest of your lives, then you're practically married....

Elaborate wedding rituals and vows (Jesus commanded us not to make vows!) are not Christian actually, they originated from Roman pagan traditions.


I assume you haven't decided to live together. But I tell you if you do, it's HUGE step, it's exactly being married with the man (in the eyes of God) if you do that, and when situations change and you decide you don't like him anymore, now what? You just made a bigger problem for yourself. Think very carefully before you do. Make sure he's the one before living together.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old (going on 20) man and I'm 25.

We've been sleeping together. I'm concerned about getting pregnant even though we use protection....

I told my mom the other day that we talked about moving in together and having a baby. She was like okay.... So your gonna have a baby out of wedlock? And I shrugged... I mean since I'm 25, I have a job, my bachelor's degree, my own car, etc. It's a little different than if i was a teen. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going with things cause I don't feel like I have a choice what happens to me.

Part of me cares that this is sin (maybe it's sin) and the other part of me feels too depressed to care about my life or what happens. Besides, marriage in the Bible wasnt anything like what we have today. And men had multiple wives and all kinds of strange things. I feel like we've put some kind of modern day spin on marriage to make it Christian. I've read parts in the Bible where men slept with women and they became their wife afterwards. So then in that sense what is fornication really? Seems like it's more so sleeping around with random people you don't care about that God is talking about, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, Ive talked with the guy about getting married in a courthouse or something if I get pregnant. I've even thought about other options of which I rather not mention cause well... and I can't do birth control too much anymore cause it destroys my hair and messes with my hormones. We told each other we would stop having sex. We usually end up having sex again.

I'm seriously fed up with everything in my life. I feel like I'm just making reckless choices sometimes. I'm sick of my mindless job, sick of trying to get married and do things right but not finding anyone to marry, sick of feeling like I'm going to hell because im depressed and despise life even though I don't want to feel this way.

I know this guy is very young. He likes kids etc. Even told me if I can't have children he won't be with me it's his deal breaker....

Then there's me trying to sort out how I feel about him and what not.Hes definitely a 'bad boy's :/ I thought I loved the person at first maybe I do I don't know. It's definitely a different kind of love. I am only used to being infatuated with men and or things as a means to escape my problems. This guy likes to take responsibility for things and forces me to do the same so he doesn't help me run from my issues therefore with him things don't feel like roses and daisys all the time. We argue and he's stubborn. I have fun hanging out with him, we cook together, clean, argue over money, make up, bounce ideas off each other, etc. It's like I like him but I don't trust him (but I don't trust anyone) and think he's too young to trust to commit to anything. And so I tell myself he's not to be trusted as I've been betrayed by men before. They abandon you when things get rough.

But then there's also my depression and anxiety factoring in and it's like I can't decided whether that's making me hate everything and everyone or is it really how I feel. I know a big part of me just wants to abandon everything and everyone and move far away and disappear it's impossible to do this with a relationship and maybe a kid if I get pregnant.

Regardless my actions are all over the place foolish as they may be. I've just stopped caring about my life. Can't tell what I want.

Children deserve a father and a mother that are married to each other in a stable loving permanent situation.

Sex is fun but one of the real purposes of sex is children. If you are having sex you should be open to children. If you aren't yet married you aren't really open to children. Yeah, you say you'll go before a judge and get married if you get pregnant, but that sounds so low end. You should only get married because both of you commit to a permanent exclusive loving fruitful relationship, not because he got you pregnant.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to marry yet. So you shouldn't be having sex, which in your case might only be solidifying yourself into a relationship that will not in the end be right for you.

Depression fuzzifies thinking. Marriage is a big deal. A failed marriage is painful. Sex isn't helping at this point. A pregnancy wouldn't help either. Getting married suddenly wouldn't help. An abortion wouldn't either. Get some professional help for the depression. When you can think more clearly, and are right with God, then look for a spouse, marry him, have sex, have children. You have the cart before the horse now.

 

[timewerx]

I know a big part of me just wants to abandon everything and everyone and move far away and disappear it's impossible to do this with a relationship and maybe a kid if I get pregnant.

You're not making sense here. You speak fondly of your relationship with the guy but you still want to abandon everything and disappear.

If he makes you happy, why run away?

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Please do not willfully bring a baby into this situation. It would not be fair to the baby and a baby will not fix relationship problems or mental health problems. Babies are hard work. Being a good parent is hard work on little sleep. It is worth it , but if you don't deal well with stress and demands adding a baby that needs you for everything to live isn't going to help matters. Babies deserve stable parents and home lives. There are non hormonal birth control options available; use several together to have a better chance to prevent pregnancy.

Trust I'd prefer not to bring a baby into the world right now. Ive taken plan b like 3 times as extra precaution. I tell myself I'll abstain, easier said than done, we use condoms with spermacide, and he pulls out. The problems is condom came off inside but it was during my low fertility period and the condom had spermacide. I didn't take plan b this time because it's making my hair come out easier I think. Still though, even if I'm not pregnant not sure what else to do. I want to be with this person and having sex is kinda part of our relationship. I don't know any birth control options that don't mess with your hormones. And I'm sick of doctors. I thought of getting my tubes tied but the guy wants kids.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Children deserve a father and a mother that are married to each other in a stable loving permanent situation.

Sex is fun but one of the real purposes of sex is children. If you are having sex you should be open to children. If you aren't yet married you aren't really open to children. Yeah, you say you'll go before a judge and get married if you get pregnant, but that sounds so low end. You should only get married because both of you commit to a permanent exclusive loving fruitful relationship, not because he got you pregnant.

It doesn't sound like you are ready to marry yet. So you shouldn't be having sex, which in your case might only be solidifying yourself into a relationship that will not in the end be right for you.

Depression fuzzifies thinking. Marriage is a big deal. A failed marriage is painful. Sex isn't helping at this point. A pregnancy wouldn't help either. Getting married suddenly wouldn't help. An abortion wouldn't either. Get some professional help for the depression. When you can think more clearly, and are right with God, then look for a spouse, marry him, have sex, have children. You have the cart before the horse now.

My sister and everyone agrees that a man is not going to wait for sex until after marriage. They say that's unrealistic and honestly every guy I've ever dated has asked and usually I break up with men because they ask and I don't want to. With this guy I wanted to. You say find a spouse and marry like thats easy. Do you think o haven't tried? The guy usually goes no further in the relationship when I don't want to have sex. What are my dating options tinder? Okc? I don't go to a Catholic or Christian Church anymore I've been treated awful and had ministers preying on me so don't suggest I find a spouse in church. I've prayed to God for help constantly even when I wasn't having sex and I still never get help. A lot of what you say feels so easier said than done.

 

[mina]

Non hormonal BC along with condoms: sponge, cervical cap, or diaphragm, spermicide, the copper IUD.
Go to a doctor and talk about your options. Plan B is not really regular birth control and should not be used as such. If you are taking it regularly no wonder it's messing with your system.
Sex comes with responsibility and part of that is seeing a doctor to discuss options; sorry but it does. If you are not ready for the constant demands of a crying needy baby while your homones go crazy after birth and you are recovering w/o a good support system, then you need to take responsibility for your actions. If you don't want to do that , you need to break up with this guy and stop having sex. Make better choices for your life and any future children or romantic relationships.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Non hormonal BC along with condoms: sponge, cervical cap, or diaphragm, spermicide, the copper IUD.
Go to a doctor and talk about your options. Plan B is not really regular birth control and should not be used as such.
Sex comes with responsibility and part of that is seeing a doctor to discuss options; sorry but it does. If you are not ready for the constant demands of a crying needy baby while your homones go crazy after birth and you are recovering w/o a good support system, then you need to take responsibility for your actions. If you don't want to do that , you need to break up with this guy and stop having sex. Make better choices for your life and any future children or romantic relationships.

Fair enough, but why do people automatically tell me break up with him? I'd rather stay with him and figure out how to have a relationship the right way. I am not interested in a future romantic relationship with anyone else.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Honestly I didnt even finish all of your post, not because I dont respect you or the time it took to type it. Why did I stop abrutply? cause Im screaming

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!!

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT - STOP

No kids - Please dear Lord DO NOT have any kids right now, I see and hear warning flags all over this situation.
No marriage to "this guy" or anything else. Everything I read and that's WITHOUT finishing is screaming STOP immediately. I don't know if you read a thread I just created the other day or not, but honey, I beg you do not go forward, everything is unstable right now and your gonna make some of the biggest mistakes. BELIEVE me, I KNOW what I am talking about. Find your identity, leave this "guy" and do something FOR YOU and your life WITH GOD. You are wayyyyyyyyy too young to be making these decisions and "this guy" is also, you have your whole life ahead of you. DO not ever create life in unstable situations, DO not ever think that having a child and a man around WILL FIX YOUR unhappiness, IT WILL NOT WORK. Years later you will look back and regret it and say "if only". Please, I'm trying to warn you...............

 

[Solomons Porch]

PLEASE READ:

What would you tell yourself...........

 

[mina]

If you aren't ready for the responsibility that comes with having sex, refuse to see a doctor and get checked out, and you refuse to stop having sex with him, refuse to find out options for BC and implement them, then yes, you should break up with him b/c you aren't even ready for that sort of relationship. If you get pregnant, you have to go to a doctor a lot, btw. And it's very uncomfortable most every visit. Birth and delivery is no picnic either especially if you don't like doctors. It's much easier to go now and get access to BC to prevent all that or to prevent harming your innocent kid b/c you are stressed out with it and can't handle it b/c you don't have great support and never got help for any mental health issues either.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

If you aren't ready for the responsibility that comes with having sex, refuse to see a doctor and get checked out, and you refuse to stop having sex with him, refuse to find out options for BC and implement them, then yes, you should break up with him b/c you aren't even ready for that sort of relationship. If you get pregnant, you have to go to a doctor a lot, btw. And it's very uncomfortable most every visit. Birth and delivery is no picnic either especially if you don't like doctors. It's much easier to go now and get access to BC to prevent all that or to prevent harming your innocent kid b/c you are stressed out with it and can't handle it b/c you don't have great support and never got help for any mental health issues either.

You're acting like I've done nothing. I didn't say I refuse I said I don't like drama because of healthcare costs in the us and the awful care.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I don't want to break up with the guy btw. I'll go talk to a dr. About non hormonal bc And also try to take a step back and avoid sex. I don't have any big plans for my life and any plans I did have are already gone because life is pretty awful.

I'm sick of married people acting like they are better than everyone else though or like I'm a child because I've never been married.

It might be too late for me though for all I know I could already be pregnant. I just have to wait it out and take a pregnancy test. I started a new job that pays more so now I get to do the healthcare Mary go round again. This is the whole reason why I can't get mental healthcare in the first place. By the way I did go to counselors and try to get help. They over charge and don't care and try to throw drugs at you. Thank u US healthcare system. -__-.

 

[GeorgeJ]

You've been constantly offered good advice here....not in just this thread but in many other threads you have started.....yet you persist on going down the rocky road. Why even waste your time here if you already know what you're gonna do?