My 10 year old feels lonely and isolated

Mozarella

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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely. I vividly remember feeling this at school and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset. I don't feel my faith is strong enough for this and just don't feel I am armed with any of the right, re-assuring answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 

shannon T daringer

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Psalm 127..your children are like a quiver of arrows. In order for an arrow to fulfill its potential..you have to let it fly. Offer guidance but let it follow its own course.
Keep him off the phone is one suggestion..social media is not a friend..nothing social about it and leads to depression. Set him on a path with a goal..something to strive for..
 
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mama2one

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understand the feeling of not being able to protect them from life's sadness, trials, etc
our 10 yr old told me some stuff today, too that happened at school and we're trying to work on a solution

we recently attended a community event for kids about dealing with stress (held at a church)
the person putting it on gave strategies for dealing with stress
however, parents were also told we can't "protect' kids from everything because if we do, they don't learn to deal with anything and it is now a Big problem for kids who had overprotective parents and college age and 20 something kids are at a complete loss how to deal with anything

it's so tough!
today, I was thinking if we should switch our child out of public school into a private Christian school as the kids would probably be kinder plus the focus on Christianity but is my wish to shelter my child from harm ..........etc

prayers and thoughts to you
 
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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely. I vividly remember feeling this at school and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset. I don't feel my faith is strong enough for this and just don't feel I am armed with any of the right, re-assuring answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Why don't you put some faith in your son, and tell him you have confidence that he'll learn how to relate to other people who think different. Assure him that he's not expected to do anything but have fun with the other children, and when he grows up he can then decide how to exercise his faith.
 
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disciple Clint

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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely. I vividly remember feeling this at school and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset. I don't feel my faith is strong enough for this and just don't feel I am armed with any of the right, re-assuring answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Maybe you can help him to expand his circle of friends. How about a movie night at your house with popcorn and pizza. Or a game night. Are there clubs or social activities that he could join? He understands that he is different because of his Christian faith but he needs to understand that he is special and enjoys a special relationship with God. He should become active in your church youth programs. You can encourage him and recognize and praise him for the strong young man he will become. You might want to join a parenting support group at your church. Blessings
 
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Don't know for sure his problem but we all go through it .. My sons thought they had it rough, then about that age they began to get out a little and both agreed once they saw some other friends families they simply didn't realize how well they had it .. I advised both my sons to work it from the bottom up and forget the clique if it means compromise and looking down on others.. But work on being genuinely friendly, no flattery, a simple complement or kind word , when occasions arise to those who seem to be less popular and don't pile on with the rest, especially the girls, just be kind and slowly it will catch on and they will eventually talk you up to one another and it will travel from the bottom up, be patient and pray for what you want to see and wait .. To be determined to hold to his Christian principles and convinced they are the true proper way , it is a working conscious plan and a plan in life too, to do well at all things without too much complaining, you've got to do it anyway so do it with good attitude, no need to ruin your day .. Work on it and let him be involved as possible .. The biggest fear for parents today imo is that the kids don't take on contrary spirits of opposition to the parent which could be any type, we have to win our kids too even if they have a strong foundation if resentment creeps in that's where we include that in our prayers for them and keep watch .. I pray your son can become like a mighty man of King David willing to stand for what's right and who's right to be a warrior for Jesus , that the Lord begin to give him the vision with growing strength and the comfort of purpose which is peace even in persecution .. A three or more day secret fast with prayer on your part will help you be convinced, God has the answers before he created the mountains , they are beautiful, especially from the top .. Sorry if I get carried away .
:amen:
And if it comes to a fight, tell him to pick the biggest nastiest one and hit him in the stomach as hard as he can, when they don't expect it, the head only hurts your hand, I'm talking about reach up under that rib cage and as hard and deep as he can get .. Chances are he won't do it if he's a good kid but he can think about it and know the last resort .. Ha, let him practice on you a couple times but cover up if you know what I mean .. Almost forgot then tell him to go to the authority himself and confess, and why he did it and how it's going to stop with or without anybodies help, tell the trouble maker first where he's going, to report it .. And don't forget ''call my dad now''
:amen:
 
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Mozarella

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understand the feeling of not being able to protect them from life's sadness, trials, etc
our 10 yr old told me some stuff today, too that happened at school and we're trying to work on a solution

we recently attended a community event for kids about dealing with stress (held at a church)
the person putting it on gave strategies for dealing with stress
however, parents were also told we can't "protect' kids from everything because if we do, they don't learn to deal with anything and it is now a Big problem for kids who had overprotective parents and college age and 20 something kids are at a complete loss how to deal with anything

it's so tough!
today, I was thinking if we should switch our child out of public school into a private Christian school as the kids would probably be kinder plus the focus on Christianity but is my wish to shelter my child from harm ..........etc

prayers and thoughts to you
nk
 
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Mozarella

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understand the feeling of not being able to protect them from life's sadness, trials, etc
our 10 yr old told me some stuff today, too that happened at school and we're trying to work on a solution

we recently attended a community event for kids about dealing with stress (held at a church)
the person putting it on gave strategies for dealing with stress
however, parents were also told we can't "protect' kids from everything because if we do, they don't learn to deal with anything and it is now a Big problem for kids who had overprotective parents and college age and 20 something kids are at a complete loss how to deal with anything

it's so tough!
today, I was thinking if we should switch our child out of public school into a private Christian school as the kids would probably be kinder plus the focus on Christianity but is my wish to shelter my child from harm ..........etc

prayers and thoughts to you

Thank you for your comments
 
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Mozarella

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Don't know for sure his problem but we all go through it .. My sons thought they had it rough, then about that age they began to get out a little and both agreed once they saw some other friends families they simply didn't realize how well they had it .. I advised both my sons to work it from the bottom up and forget the clique if it means compromise and looking down on others.. But work on being genuinely friendly, no flattery, a simple complement or kind word , when occasions arise to those who seem to be less popular and don't pile on with the rest, especially the girls, just be kind and slowly it will catch on and they will eventually talk you up to one another and it will travel from the bottom up, be patient and pray for what you want to see and wait .. To be determined to hold to his Christian principles and convinced they are the true proper way , it is a working conscious plan and a plan in life too, to do well at all things without too much complaining, you've got to do it anyway so do it with good attitude, no need to ruin your day .. Work on it and let him be involved as possible .. The biggest fear for parents today imo is that the kids don't take on contrary spirits of opposition to the parent which could be any type, we have to win our kids too even if they have a strong foundation if resentment creeps in that's where we include that in our prayers for them and keep watch .. I pray your son can become like a mighty man of King David willing to stand for what's right and who's right to be a warrior for Jesus , that the Lord begin to give him the vision with growing strength and the comfort of purpose which is peace even in persecution .. A three or more day secret fast with prayer on your part will help you be convinced, God has the answers before he created the mountains , they are beautiful, especially from the top .. Sorry if I get carried away .
:amen:
And if it comes to a fight, tell him to pick the biggest nastiest one and hit him in the stomach as hard as he can, when they don't expect it, the head only hurts your hand, I'm talking about reach up under that rib cage and as hard and deep as he can get .. Chances are he won't do it if he's a good kid but he can think about it and know the last resort .. Ha, let him practice on you a couple times but cover up if you know what I mean .. Almost forgot then tell him to go to the authority himself and confess, and why he did it and how it's going to stop with or without anybodies help, tell the trouble maker first where he's going, to report it .. And don't forget ''call my dad now''
:amen:
 
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Mozarella

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Thanks for your post. I appreciate your suggestion of a 3 day fast and prayer because sometimes it's my faith that's tested and I don't want to project my insecurities onto my son. Although I've never given up, I've struggled with my own faith. My husband is 100 % committed to his faith but I waver and doubt terribly. I am full of fear and long for a personal transaction/re-assurance that God is with me because I feel very alone. I have never tried fasting before, although I've thought about it
 
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mama2one

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hi again!
talked with my mom tonight and also mentioned my kid's concern as a "friend" pointed out a physical trait about our child and now she is upset
(with friend, who needs enemies, right?)

My mom's said distract her, get her to read some good books etc and she'll forget about it

well you and I know that our kids will not easily forget what happens at school

I do think we need to build them up as much as possible at home but we still can't be with them at school
often, I ask who did you play with at recess today and some days it's someone and other days it's "I played by myself"

that does make me sad, too
especially when one has a sensitive child

this school year is almost over thankfully,
Mozzarella, does your child have neighbors to play with in the summer?
heard on our Christian radio station that it's a good idea to have child and parent write a goal list for the summer so I asked our child to do that (she thought it was a good idea) so we both made lists
some of our goals are actually similar (like learning chess)

I think if we work a lot with our child during the summer, have goals to accomplish, that can increase self-confidence some,too

children who make accomplishments and reach goals they've set can increase self-confidence and that can certainly help at this age

what do you think?
 
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Mozarella

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Thanks for your post. I appreciate your suggestion of a 3 day fast and prayer because sometimes it's my faith that's tested and I don't want to project my insecurities onto my son. Although I've never given up, I've struggled with my own faith. My husband is 100 % committed to his faith but I waver and doubt terribly. I am full of fear and long for a personal transaction/re-assurance that God is with me because I feel very alone. I have never tried fasting before, although I've thought about it
hi again!
talked with my mom tonight and also mentioned my kid's concern as a "friend" pointed out a physical trait about our child and now she is upset
(with friend, who needs enemies, right?)

My mom's said distract her, get her to read some good books etc and she'll forget about it

well you and I know that our kids will not easily forget what happens at school

I do think we need to build them up as much as possible at home but we still can't be with them at school
often, I ask who did you play with at recess today and some days it's someone and other days it's "I played by myself"

that does make me sad, too
especially when one has a sensitive child

this school year is almost over thankfully,
Mozzarella, does your child have neighbors to play with in the summer?
heard on our Christian radio station that it's a good idea to have child and parent write a goal list for the summer so I asked our child to do that (she thought it was a good idea) so we both made lists
some of our goals are actually similar (like learning chess)

I think if we work a lot with our child during the summer, have goals to accomplish, that can increase self-confidence some,too

children who make accomplishments and reach goals they've set can increase self-confidence and that can certainly help at this age

what do you think?

My boy sometimes says he played with no-one too and I hate it. Yes, goals for the summer are a good idea, I'll have a wee think about this. Thanks
 
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4x4toy

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Thanks for your post. I appreciate your suggestion of a 3 day fast and prayer because sometimes it's my faith that's tested and I don't want to project my insecurities onto my son. Although I've never given up, I've struggled with my own faith. My husband is 100 % committed to his faith but I waver and doubt terribly. I am full of fear and long for a personal transaction/re-assurance that God is with me because I feel very alone. I have never tried fasting before, although I've thought about it
Hi sis , For some reason I assumed you were a man, my advise for a mother would have been a little different in prospective , sorry .. I would advise a mother to pray more for discernment and make sure my maternal instinct was not interfering with my point of view of the situation, but still if you can pray with fasting it separates simple wishes from serious needs in regard to God . My advise would be even different for single mothers as they have to assume both roles in the home .. Either way if you learn to fast with prayer and fast enough to become weak then God becomes stronger and easier to hear with clarity and focus from our perspective, he hears all prayer .. .. It is hard to explain until you do it and you don't have to, it is not a command but a simple humbling before the Lord to another degree, when the clutter of the world quiets down in your mind and you access Jesus even receive the anointing of the Holy Spirit that others can witness on you .. God bless .. It is a blessing and you are a blessing and may your zeal be matched with performance .. A Godly wife is a crown to her husband .. Proverbs 12:4
:amen:
 
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4x4toy

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hi again!
talked with my mom tonight and also mentioned my kid's concern as a "friend" pointed out a physical trait about our child and now she is upset
(with friend, who needs enemies, right?)

My mom's said distract her, get her to read some good books etc and she'll forget about it

well you and I know that our kids will not easily forget what happens at school

I do think we need to build them up as much as possible at home but we still can't be with them at school
often, I ask who did you play with at recess today and some days it's someone and other days it's "I played by myself"

that does make me sad, too
especially when one has a sensitive child

this school year is almost over thankfully,
Mozzarella, does your child have neighbors to play with in the summer?
heard on our Christian radio station that it's a good idea to have child and parent write a goal list for the summer so I asked our child to do that (she thought it was a good idea) so we both made lists
some of our goals are actually similar (like learning chess)

I think if we work a lot with our child during the summer, have goals to accomplish, that can increase self-confidence some,too

children who make accomplishments and reach goals they've set can increase self-confidence and that can certainly help at this age

what do you think?
This really chaps my butt that we love our children and suffer to teach them right then they're thrown into school with a bunch of brats, raised by brats who never had a clue how to act, like being thrown into ice cold water not knowing what to expect .. That hurts .. But I suppose it's went on forever . I thank God in our schools they separated into three groups and my oldest was placed in the highest because he was a target too at first just being a caring and good kid but also one of the youngest . Being involved in youth sports or other activities is always good especially at church is always good .. It is a big problem imo .. I started young and was lost in school from day one . I always tried to prepare my kids for what they would encounter even found out from the start what procedures were for each grade for the first day what they would do and where to go and reasonably expect . Remind them of my problems I encountered and try to stay on to of things . But there are plenty good kids out there too but fear naturally steals our joy until we learn .. So it's important to thank God for the good and the bad and maybe the goods things will overshadow the bad .. I look back now and can see where the bad times tempered me and although unpleasant at the time , God used them to make me a better person today .. I can truly thank God for all the good and bad times now ..
:amen:
 
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Halbhh

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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely. I vividly remember feeling this at school and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset. I don't feel my faith is strong enough for this and just don't feel I am armed with any of the right, re-assuring answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

It's very important your son be allowed to do activities with other people --

"Love your neighbor as yourself"

Make it happen, or allow it to happen, or both.

If you want to ask about specific activities I'd be glad to offer feedback, as would many, because like many we have a kid in public school, and already have experience to draw on.
 
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understand the feeling of not being able to protect them from life's sadness, trials, etc
our 10 yr old told me some stuff today, too that happened at school and we're trying to work on a solution

we recently attended a community event for kids about dealing with stress (held at a church)
the person putting it on gave strategies for dealing with stress
however, parents were also told we can't "protect' kids from everything because if we do, they don't learn to deal with anything and it is now a Big problem for kids who had overprotective parents and college age and 20 something kids are at a complete loss how to deal with anything

it's so tough!
today, I was thinking if we should switch our child out of public school into a private Christian school as the kids would probably be kinder plus the focus on Christianity but is my wish to shelter my child from harm ..........etc

prayers and thoughts to you

Maybe we are lucky here where I live, but the public school has a mix of teachers and children that are very much like America in general -- some believers and some not. Also, there are a lot of good influences there at the public school, even while just like there will always be in life, also some bad influences. But that's normal life, everywhere, always.

The way we keep our kids best towards the faith will not be forcing, but example and prayer. Because we love, they want to remain. "Love one another, as I have loved you" He says to us. If we do this, we are following Him, and then we can be a helpful person for others, like our family. They learn at church, and by our example, and school hasn't much power vs those either way, neither to much improve, nor to much harm, neither.
 
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But that's normal life, everywhere, always.

The way we keep our kids best towards the faith will not be forcing, but example and prayer. Because we love, they want to remain. "Love one another, as I have loved you" He says to us. If we do this, we are following Him, and then we can be a helpful person for others, like our family. They learn at church, and by our example, and school hasn't much power vs those either way, neither to much improve, nor to much harm, neither.

the OP as well as I are raising Christian children who are still very young (10) and at that age where they want friends, want to fit in, and are perhaps sensitive children by their nature
good kids who may easily get hurt by being excluded, hurt by things said to them, etc

everything is great at home, well I can't speak for the OP
but at home, you're surrounded by the love of your parents, and those you choose to be around......it's not so easy for the kids when they're at school
kids talking about scary movies their parents let them see, telling your kid they are going to die on Friday the 13th and other NONSENSE......kids who have a parent in jail, kids with parents divorced, and the tales of their home lives.......
 
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Halbhh

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the OP as well as I are raising Christian children who are still very young (10) and at that age where they want friends, want to fit in, and are perhaps sensitive children by their nature
good kids who may easily get hurt by being excluded, hurt by things said to them, etc

everything is great at home, well I can't speak for the OP
but at home, you're surrounded by the love of your parents, and those you choose to be around......it's not so easy for the kids when they're at school
kids talking about scary movies their parents let them see, telling your kid they are going to die on Friday the 13th and other NONSENSE......kids who have a parent in jail, kids with parents divorced, and the tales of their home lives.......

Yeah, I hear you. There's plenty of negative influences at any school (including of course also religious ones at times). It could be that a particular school could be worse than normal. My wife said on a few occasions "if ____(condition) happens, then we will home school". As it turned out, those didn't happen significantly (and some never), so we kept her in the public school, as I was saying above is a fair one, with a mix of influences. But I detest horror movies too! One thing that went around the school back in 2 or 3rd grade as I remember was that kids would bring up a scary idea they liked to tell each other to watch out for "bloody Mary" which was some kind of spook they had imagined or heard of, and that was a problem for a while (maybe almost a year), then went away. I sort of remember a somewhat similar thing when we were young (long ago), where we'd scare each other at that age with ghost stories. See? It's an age thing. So, quite a mix, and I'd guess there is no general rule about whether a school is good or bad on the whole, but each individually different.
 
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Halbhh

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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely. I vividly remember feeling this at school and it's breaking my heart to see him so upset. I don't feel my faith is strong enough for this and just don't feel I am armed with any of the right, re-assuring answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

You may be able to set up play dates with kids from your church. We have done that some. Additionally many of our actual neighbors are also Christians (Catholic actually many of them), and their kids are generally perfectly fine playmates also. Kids at this age (6-12 yrs) can get out there on their bike or scooter and meet other neighbor kids without a lot of help, if the kids are out playing. Of course, they have to learn basic safety rules first. Often if a kid just goes around on their bike or scooter near the house (or plays with a ball or frisbee, etc.,etc.) outside, that's enough after a while to draw other kids out, and they can say hello and invite to play, etc.
 
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My 10 year old son was really upset today and admitted to me it's because we don't let him do certain things at school because of our faith and he feels like he is the only christian and he doesnt fit in and feels lonely..
What exactly is it that he is not allowed to do at school because of your faith?
 
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