Mum overstepping boundaries before wedding

[Fivesenses]

Is it considered instrusive or overstepping boundaries when parents try to control and dictate what sort of birth control if any to use in their children's upcoming marriage?

I've told my mum several times that I would make a decision along with my husband to be and it's something I would appreciate be left to our private affair but she seems to get very angry and demands to know what we are planning to do and why I've visited Christian specialist doctor (to discuss best option for me since my wedding is a few weeks away). I consider this to be overstepping boundaries and have politely told her I wish to keep these things private and if she can not interfere but should I let her have a say and stuff?

 

[Elliewaves]

Um yeah, if you are a legal adult your mother should not be having a say in what birth control you use in your marriage. You shouldn't even be discussing it with her if you don't want to. Keep telling her that it's none of her business. It's a little weird for a mother to be angry and demand knowledge about an adult child's birth control within their marriage.

 

[Soyeong]

Is it considered instrusive or overstepping boundaries when parents try to control and dictate what sort of birth control if any to use in their children's upcoming marriage?

I've told my mum several times that I would make a decision along with my husband to be and it's something I would appreciate be left to our private affair but she seems to get very angry and demands to know what we are planning to do and why I've visited Christian specialist doctor (to discuss best option for me since my wedding is a few weeks away). I consider this to be overstepping boundaries and have politely told her I wish to keep these things private and if she can not interfere but should I let her have a say and stuff?

That seems to be a rather odd thing for someone to demand to know, try to control, and get angry about, which leads me to wonder whether there is some other issue at play here. Perhaps it would be worth asking her why she is so concerned over this issue?

 

[Humble me Lord]

Yes, sounds like way overstepping boundaries.
The bible says we leave our mother/father and become one flesh with our spouse.
No, she does not have a say in any decisions of your marriage, polite advice maybe, but no decision making of any kind.
Are you perhaps an only child, or the last child leaving your mum's house?

 

[Fivesenses]

I think she is concerned because she feels like I'm secretive about it all since I try to avoid telling her too much detail or about doctor appointments because I know she will want too much say and information which I'm uncomfortable sharing. I guess since I'm the eldest and first to get married, mum tends to be more controlling.

My guess is that she is afraid I'll make a bad choice or we will make a decision that ends up hurting my body or cause infertility (based on her misinformation and assumptions) but that also comes from a deep seated concern that my husband and I are too young, inexperienced and naive to make a good decision for our marriage (we are in late twenties early thirties by the way)! Which is why I told her I'm doing my research and visiting specialist to get professional advice on what best suits my circumstance and health wise. Then my husband and I will make a prayerful decision together but I'm uncomfortable with her trying to tell me which birth control to use or not use.

 

[Humble me Lord]

I understand that you don't want to hurt her feelings, but I think you should attempt to set down some solid boundaries as to what you feel comfortable with. I am the eldest sibling also and had to do this with my mum too. If you set the boundaries now, it will be better for you and your husband in the long run.
God bless you

 

[Long Island Pilgrim]

Hi Fivesenses,

Unfortuately a lot of Mothers have their entire identity wrapped up in being a mother so it's very threatening to them to entertain the notion that mother is not required anymore once their children become adults. Some women make a conscious choice to make the Mother role their entire reason for being and their badge of honor ...so trying to remove that badge can be very problematic ESPECIALLY if Mother is infantile in her maturity and development.

It's not a small problem to remove certain mothers from the Motherhood throne because they enjoyed quite a few good long years of being the God of their childrens lives. It's good to be the God. Lot's of delicious built in one-up-manship and ruler authority . Some even actively feed off their children in a variety of ways. And lets not forget all the sacrifices they made to make them worthy of all those hallmark cards. Your wanting to be soveriegn over your own life sort of dampens all that motherhood glory. It's the rare Mother indeed who is consious of her inner motivations and strives to live in a Godly relationship with her children. So don't take it personally .

It's also a cultuaral taboo because we tend to think that remoing the mother (and/or father) from their throne (as an Idol) is somehow dishonering them. When in reality nothing is more honoring than telling the truth. The truth is you have a God in whom you trust . The truth is that she needs to find that same God to place her insecurities and trust in.... and let go of her adult children. Because she is living in sin by attempting to prolong the Motherhood role beyond its appropriate allotted time. And that type of sin is not a small thing because whether she is consious of it or not....she wants to remain on the throne and push God off...therefore she represents an idol. And if you allow it there will be spiritual consequences.
Stand your ground as an autonomous adult. It represents the truth.