moving in together?

[LiberatedChick]

Taken from a link you posted

The vast majority of young women today want to marry and have children. And many of these women and most young men see cohabitation as a way to test marital compatibility and improve the chances of long-lasting marriage. Their reasoning is as follows: Given the high levels of divorce, why be in a hurry to marry? Why not test marital compatibility by sharing a bed and a bathroom with for a year or even longer? If it doesn't work out, one can simply move out. According to this reasoning, cohabitation weeds out unsuitable partners through a process of natural de-selection. Over time, perhaps after several living-together relationships, a person will eventually find a marriageable mate.

*snip*More in question within the research community is why the striking statistical association between cohabitation and divorce should exist. Perhaps the most obvious explanation is that those people willing to cohabit are more unconventional than others and less committed to the institution of marriage. These are the same people then, who more easily will leave a marriage if it becomes troublesome. By this explanation, cohabitation doesn't cause divorce but is merely associated with it because the same type of people is involved in both phenomena.

This talks about cohabitation as being a test for a relationship. Testing out whether it'll work and then being free to give up if it doesn't. The last paragraph shows that it's this "throw away" mentality that is the cause of the break ups NOT cohabitation. Cohabitation is merely how this train of thought can manifest itself. If you're an engaged couple, wedding planned and sorted you don't believe that if it doesn't work you'll just give up and leave and therefore don't have the "throw away" mentality that much of the world has these days (i.e. if it doesn't work, chuck it out can get a new one instead of fixing it).

 

[Cordy]

Hey Folks,
I have a few verses I would like to share

2 Timothy 2:22
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

Timothy 6:10
"Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body."

What I notice here and throughout the Word is that our focus should not be “can I justify this?”, it is “is this action the absolute best and most edifying thing I could be doing for God according to His Word?” When I ask the latter question as opposed to the first, I find can more easily know what is right and what is just plain wrong to do.

In the above mentioned scriptures, we are told not only to avoid lust, but to FLEE from it. It is not simply, “avoid situations that would cause you to be tempted” (i.e. living together), but FLEE from these situations. Avoid the temptation like the plague. I ask you, how can you follow this message from the Bible of fleeing from the potential of sin for the pursuit of righteousness when you are living together?

Snowy, you asked why it is wrong. I hope this helps you.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Thank you Starelda,

You've brought an interesting side to this argument, and I appreciate it.

So many people in here are lumping 'live together' and 'having sex' in the same sentence - and that's not always the case (I am a statistic that this assumption isn't a given, and I know plenty of others too). I'm not saying that you aren't more tempted (YOU ARE), but it does not always mean you ARE sleeping together - we've been dating for 2 months now, and living together (we lived together before we dated), and we haven't and won't be having sex until we get married.

I see both sides, but I would ask that some people would please stop making assumptions, and give the other side some respect. Ok, it's not biblical (in my mind, and in some of yours), but don't get defamatory or rude just because you think they are wrong - you can post your replies in such a way that you can question their beliefs without being rude and obnoxious.

I get upset by those statistics too - sure they're there, but it doesn't mean I have to take them onboard for me. Divorce is NOT an option for us - and as another woman said - divorce usually comes out of inappropriate actions and behaviours - NEVER because of a living arrangement before marriage. The reason living together became a factor, was probably because of the behaviours they allowed BEFORE getting married being able to continue in the marriage. Just cos I live with B does not mean inappropriate behaviour is allowed to occur - we both demand respectful, Christian, loving behaviour from each other - if that didn't happen, then a marriage wouldn't happen.



Sasch - who is moving out in under a month, still having remained chaste with her bf whilst living with him!

 

[Cordy]

Hey Sasha ,

I am addressing to this to you personally because you have been so candid about your relationship with us. I am just wondering how you think your lifestyle might affect others. Other Christians might look up to you and since you find it ok to live together, they might do so as well. Other could be following your example and easily fall into temptation. Do you personally find that edifying to the Church?

This is what I have learned from my experience: I have a few friends that are Christian and are “living together” but claim to refrain from having sex. Do people believe them? Nope. So from their side, they might think everything looks fine and that others think that they are somehow able to live together and maintain sexual purity. From the outside, however, it looks really bad. They have damaged their witness.

If you are one of the very few people who has been able to play with fire and not get burned, then good for you (though I think we should always flee from playing with fire in the first place). But remember that others who learn from your witness will also play with fire, though they will not be so fortunate.

 

[E-beth]

I would like to remind everyone here that the CF stance, as well as that of mainstream Christianity, is that pre-marital sex of any kind is sinful. To post in promotion of a co-habitating relationship in a Christian only forum is NOT allowed. These posts are warnable.

I also realize that many happy co-habitators have the argumemt that Scripture is ambiguous about co-habitating, I can assure you that this is not the position CF takes.

This thread is closed.

 

[E-beth]

flame war brewing as well as many posts promoting co-habitation by posters in a CO area.