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- Nov 5, 2011
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Praying for you. God will comfort you and hold you up in the meantime. He is your ever present help in time of need. I pray for peace for you and your child.
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Do not let anyone judge or put you down, no one is perfect. Put your trust in God and He would see you through.
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GirdYourLoins
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Separation is never easy to go through. The bible states that if the unbelieving wife leaves you, let them go and you are not bound by the marriage vows. Also if your wife commits adultery you are not bound by your marriage vows. I have to ask the question here, although you may not like it. Was your wife genuinely saved or just going to church with you? You stated in an earlier post that she "wasnt a Christian". If she is a Christian you should both be working with God to repair your relationship, if she is not, she may not want to and as she is a non-believer you are free to allow her to leave. If she is a Christian I believe you are bound by your marriage vows until such time as she commits adultery. Sorry to put it so bluntly, but its to keep it short.
I do always think the first goal should be to reconcile. You mentioned she got pregnant so you got married. To put it bluntly, you committed adultery with a (previously) married woman and need to repent of that. I won't get into the debate of whether she was a Christian then at this point), the fact she had been married and you got her pregnant outside of marriage is sufficient.
I'm guessing that means you have at least one child that also needs to be considered in this. I will ask the question, would the damage to a child of having parents separate be worse than the environment they were living in because of fighting/arguing all the time?
you also need t take a long hard look at yourself and see if there is anything you did that caused the separation. Are you able to change and make it a better home and marriage for your wife? Ephesians 5:25 Can you say you really live up to this verse? If the answer is that you need to and can change there is hope for your marriage, but this applies to your wife as well. It needs a desire on both sides to try to make it work.
I will pray for you and your marriage.
I do always think the first goal should be to reconcile. You mentioned she got pregnant so you got married. To put it bluntly, you committed adultery with a (previously) married woman and need to repent of that. I won't get into the debate of whether she was a Christian then at this point), the fact she had been married and you got her pregnant outside of marriage is sufficient.
I'm guessing that means you have at least one child that also needs to be considered in this. I will ask the question, would the damage to a child of having parents separate be worse than the environment they were living in because of fighting/arguing all the time?
you also need t take a long hard look at yourself and see if there is anything you did that caused the separation. Are you able to change and make it a better home and marriage for your wife? Ephesians 5:25 Can you say you really live up to this verse? If the answer is that you need to and can change there is hope for your marriage, but this applies to your wife as well. It needs a desire on both sides to try to make it work.
I will pray for you and your marriage.
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I think it's great that everyone is giving you positive incites and telling you that they will pray for you.
I think that you should understand that marriage is hard enough when both people are trying. If one of them has turned their back, for whatever reason, good, bad, right wrong..... the marriage is not going to rebound or recover.
If your wife doesn't want the marriage anymore...let go.
I know it is painful but, she is not responsible for your happiness and you are not responsible for hers.
Do you really want her to come back if she doesn't want to?
How would that work? She's there but wishes she wasn't. It's not good.
The only way this will work is if she has a change of heart. On her own will. Her own terms and for her own reasons.
Best to leave it alone. Get your life in order and stay away from serious, close, personal relationships with any women for a while. Not a couple of days or weeks.... a couple of years.
Then, once your founded, not only will you be ready for the role of a husband, in a marriage, you will be attractive to women who are looking for such a man.. .there ain't many.
I think that you should understand that marriage is hard enough when both people are trying. If one of them has turned their back, for whatever reason, good, bad, right wrong..... the marriage is not going to rebound or recover.
If your wife doesn't want the marriage anymore...let go.
I know it is painful but, she is not responsible for your happiness and you are not responsible for hers.
Do you really want her to come back if she doesn't want to?
How would that work? She's there but wishes she wasn't. It's not good.
The only way this will work is if she has a change of heart. On her own will. Her own terms and for her own reasons.
Best to leave it alone. Get your life in order and stay away from serious, close, personal relationships with any women for a while. Not a couple of days or weeks.... a couple of years.
Then, once your founded, not only will you be ready for the role of a husband, in a marriage, you will be attractive to women who are looking for such a man.. .there ain't many.
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In my view, seeing as "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." Mk 10:11,12, I take it that your marriage to that woman may not legitimate, unless of course her former husband had died, freeing her up to remarry (Rom 7:2,3 "by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man."). And if that's the case, if it is illegitimate by Jesus' standards, then I would have no problem with you divorcing her and marry another woman who was legitimately free to marry, as that would be your first legitimate marriage as opposed to the one your in presently.
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I believe I am reading that you are married to a woman who has been married before and now you are both seperated. Have you ever read the book or seen the movie called Fireproof? It is a Christian production about a couple who are having difficulties. This book helped me in my marriage of 40 + years.
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Goodbook
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Sounds complicated but would advise you to be close to God first. If your wife is separating from you and has a son? daughter? who's only 3 and a half years old, you do need to make sure you providing for this child who is also yours. One day this child will need to choose, we really have only one choice for eternal life and if their daddy has chosen Jesus way it will make all the difference.
You need to accept and deal with the consequences of your sin and it won't be easy. Your child may rebel. There will be heartache. Whatever happens stay close to God.
David who committed adultery with Bathesheba did not get off easy, he paid an enormous price. Yet God was still merciful.
You need to accept and deal with the consequences of your sin and it won't be easy. Your child may rebel. There will be heartache. Whatever happens stay close to God.
David who committed adultery with Bathesheba did not get off easy, he paid an enormous price. Yet God was still merciful.
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Your post has been on my mind so I would like for you to please hear me out as a woman who was married for a long time and now is a widow.
Marriage is hard work! It takes God as the center and also communication. Have you two thought of marriage counseling?
Have you talked with the religious leaders in your church? In our church we have a divorce group where people who are thinking of divorce attend also. In one case I know a couple who got back together however many continue in the divorce process. There are resources in your area, if you want help. Google for them. At least then you tried before throwing in the towel.
My prayer is that you both look at all options before making a decision.
May the peace of God be with you and your family as you move on.
Marriage is hard work! It takes God as the center and also communication. Have you two thought of marriage counseling?
Have you talked with the religious leaders in your church? In our church we have a divorce group where people who are thinking of divorce attend also. In one case I know a couple who got back together however many continue in the divorce process. There are resources in your area, if you want help. Google for them. At least then you tried before throwing in the towel.
My prayer is that you both look at all options before making a decision.
May the peace of God be with you and your family as you move on.
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GusKlenke
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Hi Bryan. I am saddened at your situation, and, unfortunately, it is a common problem in the world today. But I'm also saddened by the short sighted answers you've received so far. Let me explain.
Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do and God does not take it, or your vows, lightly. I believe God thinks your marriage is worth saving. You are now "one flesh". Whether or not your wedding included the scripture, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate," it is still a warning to heed.
Remember, Satan wants to see you separated. It dilutes your witness and distracts you from your life's purpose, i.e. to glorify God. I've been married forty years and my wife and I have undergone TREMENDOUS difficulties that shook our faith and tore our relationship apart. This is what marriage often is. But all this had a purpose. After decades where she and I fought (sometimes together, and sometimes against each other) trying to fix the issues in our life did we finally understand God's lesson. Only when we gave it over to God and trusted that He will make it right did resolution finally come. Your marriage is worth the battle. Your wife needs to come to Jesus. This may be the road the Lord is using.
After reading the advice above I was shocked that no one mentioned prayer.
My advice to you would be to start by renting the movie The War Room and watch it for the first (or maybe the fifth) time. The message of the movie is clear: Your wife is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Prayer doesn't help win the battle--prayer IS the battle. To win this one you will need: 1) A strong and loving church family 2) A dedicated group who will pray daily for your relationship and her salvation 3) The will to pray, pray, pray for God's intervention. (It might be years or decades before God gives the victory.) You also need a plan, i.e. a permanently dedicated time and place for prayer and an organized methodology for praying, i.e. a prayer journal where you keep track of what requests you've made, how long you've made them, what God has taught you through your prayer time, the answers you've seen, etc. 4) FAITH.
Also, copy out Ephesians 3:20 and place it in a very prominent position. Read it and meditate on it. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." God will honor your requests. I know it. And also realize that this battle will glorify God.
Marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do and God does not take it, or your vows, lightly. I believe God thinks your marriage is worth saving. You are now "one flesh". Whether or not your wedding included the scripture, "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate," it is still a warning to heed.
Remember, Satan wants to see you separated. It dilutes your witness and distracts you from your life's purpose, i.e. to glorify God. I've been married forty years and my wife and I have undergone TREMENDOUS difficulties that shook our faith and tore our relationship apart. This is what marriage often is. But all this had a purpose. After decades where she and I fought (sometimes together, and sometimes against each other) trying to fix the issues in our life did we finally understand God's lesson. Only when we gave it over to God and trusted that He will make it right did resolution finally come. Your marriage is worth the battle. Your wife needs to come to Jesus. This may be the road the Lord is using.
After reading the advice above I was shocked that no one mentioned prayer.
My advice to you would be to start by renting the movie The War Room and watch it for the first (or maybe the fifth) time. The message of the movie is clear: Your wife is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy. Prayer doesn't help win the battle--prayer IS the battle. To win this one you will need: 1) A strong and loving church family 2) A dedicated group who will pray daily for your relationship and her salvation 3) The will to pray, pray, pray for God's intervention. (It might be years or decades before God gives the victory.) You also need a plan, i.e. a permanently dedicated time and place for prayer and an organized methodology for praying, i.e. a prayer journal where you keep track of what requests you've made, how long you've made them, what God has taught you through your prayer time, the answers you've seen, etc. 4) FAITH.
Also, copy out Ephesians 3:20 and place it in a very prominent position. Read it and meditate on it. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." God will honor your requests. I know it. And also realize that this battle will glorify God.
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Well GOD takes marriage to heart. Divorce is never what God wanted. Its one thing when the other wants to leave...yet again it is not his desire. JESUS is real. Talk to Him.. no.. TALK to Him. There is NOTHING HE can do. He KNOWS the heart. He KNOWS what to whisper. Forgiveness is what HE IS!
But.. He does not play games. Meaning.. we HAVE to mean it. Ask with your HEART! His will IS for the two that came together to stay together. Its what HE says that is our help our strength. Asking man.. sometimes is wise but.. to many times you get what that person personally thinks and its not His will. You BOTH are loved so much. We are all human and miss it. Just run to Him. God is for the both of you. No matter what ..always LOVE show GRACE and always forgive.
But.. He does not play games. Meaning.. we HAVE to mean it. Ask with your HEART! His will IS for the two that came together to stay together. Its what HE says that is our help our strength. Asking man.. sometimes is wise but.. to many times you get what that person personally thinks and its not His will. You BOTH are loved so much. We are all human and miss it. Just run to Him. God is for the both of you. No matter what ..always LOVE show GRACE and always forgive.
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Open Heart
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I'm convinced that any couple which learns conflict resolution skills can make a marriage work.
BUT they have to both want the marriage to work. If she wants to leave, you can't make her stay.
Try this: get some counseling for yourself. Become the best husband you can be. Take responsibility for you part in the problems. Whether you ultimately stay together or divorce, this is the best thing for you. There is a chance that if she sees a change in you, she may have a change in heart. But there is no guarantee.
You have to give the whole thing over to God. If this is her second marriage, it doesn't sound like she had good marriage skills to begin with.
Why as a Christian did you marry a divorcee? It's possible you may not have a valid marriage in God's eyes, as God may see her as still being married to her first husband.
BUT they have to both want the marriage to work. If she wants to leave, you can't make her stay.
Try this: get some counseling for yourself. Become the best husband you can be. Take responsibility for you part in the problems. Whether you ultimately stay together or divorce, this is the best thing for you. There is a chance that if she sees a change in you, she may have a change in heart. But there is no guarantee.
You have to give the whole thing over to God. If this is her second marriage, it doesn't sound like she had good marriage skills to begin with.
Why as a Christian did you marry a divorcee? It's possible you may not have a valid marriage in God's eyes, as God may see her as still being married to her first husband.
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