(moved from singles)A crush on my pastor!?

[Frantziska]

I think I may have a crush on my pastor... I recently turned 18.
He is 36 and married and has children.
His wife and children are so sweet and I admire their family.

I don't even feel physically attracted to him but there's just something about him.
I know it's wrong but every time I see him or that I am near him, I just want his attention...
I would never act on my "feelings" but I just don't know what to do.

I play the piano at my church and I feel like everyone looks up to me and expects so much from me...
I've been going to the same church my whole life (18 years) and he has been the pastor at my church for only 2 years now.
We are not that close since I'm really shy and don't approach people easily but everytime we talk, I feel like it's awkward and even like he's nervous. Then again, it could be my imagination.

This crush for him is recent but won't go away and I feel like it's getting worse..!
I sometimes start having ungodly thoughts and I know it's wrong..!
I can't even make eye contact with him when he preaches.
I can't tell no one since I feel so ashamed for thinking about him that way...
Every time I go to church now (which means on Sunday morning and in the afternoon, on Wednesday night and on Friday night) it feels like I'm more excited/nervous about seeing him then going to adore God.
I'm attached to my church since I've been going there my whole life but this crush is not "healthy" and I know it.

Should I just find another church?
Should I talk to someone?
Please pray for me...

 

[JESUS=G.O.A.T]

I think I may have a crush on my pastor... I recently turned 18.
He is 36 and married and has children.
His wife and children are so sweet and I admire their family.

I don't even feel physically attracted to him but there's just something about him.
I know it's wrong but every time I see him or that I am near him, I just want his attention...
I would never act on my "feelings" but I just don't know what do to do.

I play the piano at my church and I feel like everyone looks up to me and expects so much from me...
I've been going to the same church my whole life (18 years) and he has been the pastor at my church for only 2 years now.
We are not that close since I'm really shy and don't approach people easily but everytime we talk, I feel like it's awkward and even like he's nervous. Then again, it could be my imagination.

This crush for him is recent but won't go away and I feel like it's getting worse..!
I sometimes start having ungodly thoughts and I know it's wrong..!
I can't even make eye contact with him when he preaches.
I can't tell no one since I feel so ashamed for thinking about him that way...
Every time I go to church now (which means on Sunday morning and in the afternoon, on Wednesday night and on Friday night) it feels like I'm more excited/nervous about seeing him then going to adore God.
I'm attached to my church since I've been going there my whole life but this crush is not "healthy" and I know it.

Should I just find another church?
Should I talk to someone?
Please pray for me...

as soon as I saw that title I was like man.... then I saw your a year younger then me I was like??? hold old is the pastor 23?

Then I read that he's married with kids and i'm like dang this is bad...



IN all seriousness though tbh I had a similar issue but it was with a girl my age, she liked me but I knew it was wrong cause I didn't see her as uh...long term material and my thoughts were not godly at all towards her at times and she isn't saved/devoted to God like myself and the bible says don't be unequally yolked with unbelievers. I've recently been called as a preacher and i've always been a drummer and I realize the preacher calling has added another responsibility. Your position as a pianist will cause you to examine this as well tbh and that's a good thing. TBH this video helped me a lot IK it's long but yeah could help you, I saw on the side and watched and I was blessed, he's a young person like us a young prophet for God. one of his main recommendations was to leave the area that other person is in but I would use that as a last resort. Pray about it, fast on it, etc. Also take time to lay aside weights and such and examine your walk with God, that helped me get through my situation God bless.

Another thing the bible says lust leads to sin.. and sin to death. So another thing that helps is to realize you're risking your salvation if you keep thinking about this and if you act on it. God bless though keep pushing.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I used to have a crush on my former pastor,but never acted on it.

 

[-(iconoclast)-]

I think I may have a crush on my pastor... I recently turned 18.
He is 36 and married and has children.
His wife and children are so sweet and I admire their family.

I don't even feel physically attracted to him but there's just something about him.
I know it's wrong but every time I see him or that I am near him, I just want his attention...
I would never act on my "feelings" but I just don't know what do to do.

I play the piano at my church and I feel like everyone looks up to me and expects so much from me...
I've been going to the same church my whole life (18 years) and he has been the pastor at my church for only 2 years now.
We are not that close since I'm really shy and don't approach people easily but everytime we talk, I feel like it's awkward and even like he's nervous. Then again, it could be my imagination.

This crush for him is recent but won't go away and I feel like it's getting worse..!
I sometimes start having ungodly thoughts and I know it's wrong..!
I can't even make eye contact with him when he preaches.
I can't tell no one since I feel so ashamed for thinking about him that way...
Every time I go to church now (which means on Sunday morning and in the afternoon, on Wednesday night and on Friday night) it feels like I'm more excited/nervous about seeing him then going to adore God.
I'm attached to my church since I've been going there my whole life but this crush is not "healthy" and I know it.

Should I just find another church?
Should I talk to someone?
Please pray for me...

Matthew 5:30

And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell

Hello

I think its better for you to leave that church. There are many churches out there.

This man is a pastor and married. Even if this man was to divorce that would still be adultery.

For your sake and his ont fuel the fire. This is not a good situation. Please do the right thing.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think some of these posts about leaving your church are an overreaction. Its an option sure but no need to leave when you don't plan on doing anything but being yourself and the pastor has given no indication of inappropriate behavior. Use this experience as something to learn from. We all experience lust from time to time but the key is to learn self control. I'd put this behind me and focus on why I'm going to church in the first place and move on from the feelings you have. Feelings are normal and not sin since we don't control them, whats important is controlling thyself to act in a Christ like manner.

 

[_-iconoclast-_]

Hello
I dont think leaving your church is an over reaction, unless you know God wants you there.

I have been attending a new church for 2years now and like my new congregation.

There is a child involved. If you cant resist your self, leave.
If you can control yourself stay.

Ill pray for you to make the right decision that concerns you and God. Thank you

 

[timewerx]

It's okay to have a crush on the pastor I think lots of women have crushes on pastor.

Just don't act on it, don't think dirty thoughts.

Don't be the reason why many pastors commit adultery because temptations can be so high as a pastor with many women having a crush on him.

 

[High Fidelity]

I moved your thread to the advice forum

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello Frantziska, and welcome to CF. We are glad that you've joined us.

This is a difficult situation to be in.

I will say that there is something somewhat normal about a hint of attraction creeping in if you spiritually admire him, especially as young as you are.

But of course, not only must you NOT act on it in any way, even in your thoughts, but it also can be unhealthy for you spiritually if you can't curb it.

First, this is something to pray about. Ask God to take those thoughts from you, and make every effort to block them when they begin to enter your mind, without thinking about then at all. If you've left them rest in your mind a bit, even without actively fantasizing, this is going to be harder.

In our Tradition, we would pray a short prayer when thoughts begin to come, because if you focus on them to block them, it will be even worse. Rather, we focus on Christ. Often we pray "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me, a sinner" and focus intently on the prayer to help block the temptation/thoughts.

Those steps might be enough, if you are very diligent.

If they are not, within maybe a few weeks, then if there is someone you trust to talk to, that might be helpful.

If that doesn't work, you might need to consider and pray about whether you need to find another place to go.

We are presented with temptations throughout life. It is healthier to learn to deal with them. BUT, if it is so bad that seeing him is making it worse, if it's spiritually destructive for you, or if there is any chance of your acting on these temptations in any way, including mentally, then maybe it is better to learn to resist some easier challenge and for your spiritual safety, remove yourself from this situation, if it is too difficult.

 

[Goodbook]

Flee youthful lusts...

Is he giving you the eye at all or is it on your part?

Also how is your relationship with
1) God
2) your own earthly dad
3) do you have any brothers

Jesus has set the bar high. he says if a man lusts in his heart he has already commited adultery so I wouldn t go with the unbiblical advice on here that says oh its ok to lust just dont act on it.

You recognise its not normal. There is an issue with your heart that needs cleansing and the way to do that is ask God for a new one.

 

[Poppyseed78]

It's common to develop a crush on someone you admire/respect, but like the others said, you need to push those thoughts away. It's destructive for you to dwell on them. Pray that God removes these thoughts from your mind.

Also, I caution you against reading into this pastor's behavior things that aren't there. Don't fantasize about him. Fill your mind with healthier thoughts, focus on Christ.

 

[Frantziska]

I think I may have a crush on my pastor... I recently turned 18.
He is 36 and married and has children.
His wife and children are so sweet and I admire their family.

I don't even feel physically attracted to him but there's just something about him.
I know it's wrong but every time I see him or that I am near him, I just want his attention...
I would never act on my "feelings" but I just don't know what to do.

I play the piano at my church and I feel like everyone looks up to me and expects so much from me...
I've been going to the same church my whole life (18 years) and he has been the pastor at my church for only 2 years now.
We are not that close since I'm really shy and don't approach people easily but everytime we talk, I feel like it's awkward and even like he's nervous. Then again, it could be my imagination.

This crush for him is recent but won't go away and I feel like it's getting worse..!
I sometimes start having ungodly thoughts and I know it's wrong..!
I can't even make eye contact with him when he preaches.
I can't tell no one since I feel so ashamed for thinking about him that way...
Every time I go to church now (which means on Sunday morning and in the afternoon, on Wednesday night and on Friday night) it feels like I'm more excited/nervous about seeing him then going to adore God.
I'm attached to my church since I've been going there my whole life but this crush is not "healthy" and I know it.

Should I just find another church?
Should I talk to someone?
Please pray for me...

Thank you, I'll definitely watch the video!

 

[Frantziska]

I used to have a crush on my former pastor,but never acted on it.

& did the crush fade away by itself? Did it take time?

 

[Frantziska]

I think some of these posts about leaving your church are an overreaction. Its an option sure but no need to leave when you don't plan on doing anything but being yourself and the pastor has given no indication of inappropriate behavior. Use this experience as something to learn from. We all experience lust from time to time but the key is to learn self control. I'd put this behind me and focus on why I'm going to church in the first place and move on from the feelings you have. Feelings are normal and not sin since we don't control them, whats important is controlling thyself to act in a Christ like manner.

Thank you, I'll keep your words in mind!

 

[Frantziska]

Hello
I dont think leaving your church is an over reaction, unless you know God wants you there.

I have been attending a new church for 2years now and like my new congregation.

There is a child involved. If you cant resist your self, leave.
If you can control yourself stay.

Ill pray for you to make the right decision that concerns you and God. Thank you

Knowing myself, starting over in a new church would be hard since I've been in the same church my whole life and feel comfortable there. But then again, I know this crush is not healthy..!
Thank you for your advice and prayers and & God bless you!

 

[Frantziska]

Hello Frantziska, and welcome to CF. We are glad that you've joined us.

This is a difficult situation to be in.

I will say that there is something somewhat normal about a hint of attraction creeping in if you spiritually admire him, especially as young as you are.

But of course, not only must you NOT act on it in any way, even in your thoughts, but it also can be unhealthy for you spiritually if you can't curb it.

First, this is something to pray about. Ask God to take those thoughts from you, and make every effort to block them when they begin to enter your mind, without thinking about then at all. If you've left them rest in your mind a bit, even without actively fantasizing, this is going to be harder.

In our Tradition, we would pray a short prayer when thoughts begin to come, because if you focus on them to block them, it will be even worse. Rather, we focus on Christ. Often we pray "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, Have mercy on me, a sinner" and focus intently on the prayer to help block the temptation/thoughts.

Those steps might be enough, if you are very diligent.

If they are not, within maybe a few weeks, then if there is someone you trust to talk to, that might be helpful.

If that doesn't work, you might need to consider and pray about whether you need to find another place to go.

We are presented with temptations throughout life. It is healthier to learn to deal with them. BUT, if it is so bad that seeing him is making it worse, if it's spiritually destructive for you, or if there is any chance of your acting on these temptations in any way, including mentally, then maybe it is better to learn to resist some easier challenge and for your spiritual safety, remove yourself from this situation, if it is too difficult.

Thank you, I'll keep everything you said in mind..
I'm now seriously considering changing church for my spiritual safety. It's probably for the best..!

 

[com7fy8]

If his ministry is not effecting you to become strong in Jesus, this could be because he himself is not really spiritual the way he needs to be. So, be careful.

Do you have people who are obviously effecting you with God's grace so you are becoming more and more for real in Jesus? If you have people like this and you therefore trust them, they can help you do better and grow more

If you were to go to another church, it is possible that your own weakness could get you into a problem about a man somewhere else. And it could be an available man who you fall for but you do not belong with him. So, trust God to make you more sensible and strong so you can tell the difference about who you belong with, and if and how to trust each person you are sharing with.

 

[~Anastasia~]

Thank you, I'll keep everything you said in mind..
I'm now seriously considering changing church for my spiritual safety. It's probably for the best..!

If that turns out to be what you think you should do ...

You have my prayers, either way. Really, most important of everything I said is that various temptations tend to come upon us all through our lives. We need to learn to deal with them ... whatever that looks like in each situation.

God be with you.

 

[Frantziska]

If his ministry is not effecting you to become strong in Jesus, this could be because he himself is not really spiritual the way he needs to be. So, be careful.

Do you have people who are obviously effecting you with God's grace so you are becoming more and more for real in Jesus? If you have people like this and you therefore trust them, they can help you do better and grow more

If you were to go to another church, it is possible that your own weakness could get you into a problem about a man somewhere else. And it could be an available man who you fall for but you do not belong with him. So, trust God to make you more sensible and strong so you can tell the difference about who you belong with, and if and how to trust each person you are sharing with.

Thank you,
I will remember and think about everything you said!
God bless you

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

One thing I just want to say is if you run away every time you get feelings for someone where its inappropriate then you could find yourself in an endless loop of having to keep running. That doesn't mean you shouldn't leave here it's just something to consider when dealing with feelings emotions etc. I think you would be much prouder of yourself if you stuck it through than running from the situation. Especially since the pastor has done nothing wrong and you have done nothing wrong. The only time I would walk away in a situation like this is if I knew I couldn't control myself and I hope that's not the case but a wise person knows when to walk away so use your best judgment. I'm sure it will work out for you whatever you decide.