More than I can handle

perrfekt

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maybe you could spend some time, take a few hours, sit down, and write out a short letter. if i were in your shoes, i would state these things: i love you, i forgive you, and you are welcome home if and/or when you want to come back. if she didn't have a key, i would send one with it.

your situation is up to you. do what you feel led to do. just because the pastor says you should wait, doesn't mean you have to. with my parents my mother listened to the pastor and it caused a lot of heartache, and in other situations with other people i know the pastor gave strong solid advice that helped. pastors are people, and if its a matter of opinion and not doctrine, take it as council and make your own decision with that council in mind. but i would let her know you are there, and she can come home, and leave it at that.

the prodigal son came home when he had nothing left. the father didn't chase him down, but when he saw his err and went home, his father was there with an open door and the best of everything he had.
 
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HoseaMan

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Thankyou for your advice. This is so emotionall excruciating. I was suprised to see her in church yesterday as she said she would never come back to our church. It was so hard to be there and not sitting with her. I do not know where this is going. I have made no secret that I love her and would forgive her. I know it is not that simple but my love for her would give me the desire to do it. From what I hear she is not repentant about the affair. I have not talked to her myself but those who have said she is going through a hard time because of the rejection. My son spoke to her last night and she told him not to get his hopes upo. She cares about me but does not love. I have to say it hurt real bad when I heard that. She is showing no remorse for the affair. What I do not understand is she told our son she is doing better God is getting her through this. I may be wrong but if God is getting her through this I would have thought that meant she would want to retore our marriage. My son said not to worry that repentance is a p[rocess and he expected a counter punch by the enemy. I have to say this is emotionally draining. I am to the stage of giving up and wondering if I am just in denial. I was shocked when my bil admitted to the affair and wants to get his family back and is trying all the right things to do that. I had hoped my wife would to. I am seeing th " free will " is a powerfull thing. I do not know what thw right thing to do is. My minister said that she is going through the loss of the relationship and to give her a couple of weeks to try and work things out. She had told him that she does not want to be alone. This is so hard. We had a great marriage until a year qgo, she would say the same. Now I do not know where this will go. I am sorry if I am ramblin but this is so hard. I wish I did not love her so much. I do not know if I will ever get over her if it does not work out. I never thought I would forgive her for cheating on me and even tho I would be willing it appears she may have turned the page. Thankyou for all your prayers. I am sorry if I have said or done anything to offend anyone her. I do not mean to. I am trying to get through the worst time in my life.
 
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perrfekt

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i don't think you have offended anyone here. this is a heartwrenching time in your life, and my heart breaks for you.

i mentioned the prodigal son earlier. an important part of that parable is that the father not only welcomed his son home, but when he saw him coming he RAN to meet him. Gods love for us extends beyond the boundaries of our relationships. your wife may never want to reconcile with you, but God loves her as much as he did that day when His Son died on a cross and bore her shame. and that goes the same for you.

His heart breaks to see us cause hurt to each other, but he loves you as much as he loves her. its hard to see that in the midst of pain, but He is above us. the love you have for your wife is amazing. from a personal prospective, i struggle with an addiction to inappropriate contentography. it has wreaked havock on my marriage at different times, but even during those times when i fall down and dont want to get back up, He is there for me, just as much as he is there for my wife.

not long ago i was listening to a sermon, and the pastor spoke about Gods will. it offered some insight into His ways. to be to the point, God has a perfect will, which is how he created this world. sinless, and glorifying Himself. but he created us as free agents, with the ability to choose to do that which is outside of his will. in light of mans free will he has an expressed will, that he desires all to be saved, but allows man that free agency. we cannot abide in Gods perfect will till we shed these temporary mortal shells, and are given new immortal and perfected vessels to live in for eternity. His expressed will is that which he desires that we do, but that same expressed will allows for us to choose otherwise.

at the end though, Gods perfect will demands righteousness and holiness. so on the day when he brings the world into judgement, that perfect will will be expressed, and He will accept nothing less than perfect holiness, which comes through the blood of Jesus Christ.

brother i'm praying for you and your wife. if you have a strong support where you are, lean on them as much as you need. if you feel like i'm giving too much advice and not enough support let me know, so i can help hold you up through this however i can. if there is nobody you can talk to, you can pm me and i'll shoot you my # if you need to actually talk to someone.

with Love in Christ,
KC
 
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Catherineanne

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do you have fault hosea? no.

We have only heard one side of this story. I very much doubt if H would claim to be perfect, and doubt still more that he is.

Certainly it takes two to break any marriage. And it takes the spirit of Christ to mend one, and that is the spirit which does not seek revenge, repentance or retribution.

your desire to see her pride broken the way that you do is NOT an evil desire. it is one thing to see someone break to bend to your will, but to see someone break to be bent by Gods will is always a good thing.

It is indeed evil, imo. What did Our Lord teach us to pray for ourselves? 'Deliver us from the time of trial.' Why, if we are to beg God not to put us to the test, would we pray him to dump it onto someone else's head instead?

The pattern is clear; 'Lord, deliver me from the time of trial, and deliver also those who I love.' Therefore, pray for this lady to be delivered from the time of trial, not given more and more until she is crushed under the weight. I think everyone concerned has had more than enough crushing.

Nobody is innocent, all have some responsibility. The pattern is to seek forgiveness for oneself, not to seek repentance or retribution from 'the others'.
 
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perrfekt

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i don't think you understand the spirit of what i'm saying catherineanne. breaking ones spirit to be bent by your will is an external force. breaking of the spirit to Gods will is not a forceful external breaking, but an internal one. it involves conviction through the Holy Spirit, and humbling ones self and seeking God and his will. to be broken before God means to show up with your peices, and ask him to fix them. those peices usually come from us as humans causing the damage in the first place.

i'm not a fan of your logic for one major reason. if i apply that logic to my own life, then it puts my wife at fault for my use of inappropriate contentography in the past. both are adultery. at the time my sex life was at times non existant when i started with inappropriate content, and albeit that didn't help the situation, it was my own sin and choices, seperate from my wifes actions. the environment may have made the decisions i made easier on my conscience, but she has no fault in my wrongs.

and yes, MOST of the time it is both people who break the marriage, but there are also times where its a single persons wishes that break it. my wife has been talking with a woman who thinks she has a wonderful husband and he is an awesome father, but she doesn't feel a spark and is thinking of leaving to find a new spark.

i'm not trying to hijack the thread here just want to make sure my intentions are clear in what i've said.
 
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HoseaMan

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Thankyou again for all the thoughts. I know I am not perfect. Yes you are only hearing one side of the story. Ift the cause of the break-up I was comfortable telling all you would see that in this case the cause of the break-up is one sided. What perrfekt was saying sounds like my situation. My wife has told everyone I am a goodman and a good provider the problem is she has lost the spark, she told me she loves me she but she is not in love with me. She only has ten good years left and she wants to get out and enjoy them. I became disabled on the job and cannot do all the things we use to.We were quite active before the injury and because I no longer am able to do all the thing anymore she wants a new model. AT the moment she is still in denial about the physical affair. She is not remorseful. I just do not understand it. Her first husband did the same thing to her and she knows how much it hurts.He even told her he wanted to trade her in on a new model. I am still in shock that she would do it to me.There is a bunch of people at my church who have been fasting and praying. I think that is what brought the break through with my bil. They are going to continue to fast and pray for my wife. She has to first turn to God and then maybe we can see about recocilliation. This is such a hard time in my life. I am very hurt for what has happened but I love her so much. She was such a great wife. I know I have said that before. I know it is going to take work if we reconcile, but the girl I married is worth it. I know she has changed but with Gods help we could make it. But I am not telliung GOD WHAT TO DO. he knows what is best and that is what I want.
 
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Ah, what terrible things we do to one another.

Many of us, including JESUS Himself, who have felt the stabbing edge of betrayal.

Can I make 1 point, perhaps it will help us when we go through these dark times.
I know that it helps me.

Paul speaking:

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.

Paul goes on and says: "Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death."

I think you feel like, everything is dead, and death is close to you. (perhaps not physical death, but death to marriage, death to friends, death to what is decent and normal).

GOD never promises that we wont be put in positions more than we can endure or handle or cope with.

JESUS even promised that we would have trouble. John 16:33

But there are some larger promises that we do lean on...

We are promised not to be 'tempted' beyond what we can handle or bear. 1 Corinthians 10:13

So, why would HE (GOD) allow us to be under great pressure, but not under great temptation?

You, my brother (and all of us here, if we believe) have a HUGE upside!

These are the next verses.

But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead!

Wow, it brings us to place, where only GOD can come through and HE does with power.

Last verse.

He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us

Read the entire section in 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 if you want.

My friend, get ready and hold on to 'resurrection power'.
Keep your trust in JESUS, and allow HIS LOVE and forgiveness to continually flow through you (as you can't do this on your own).

JESUS will deliver you, and that will build your faith.
GOD using the evil to make good out of as only HE can!

FATHER I thank you for this brother HoseaMan, thank you that you are his strength, his very life. Show them, through the way of LOVE, your power to heal, to forgive, to make new.

Amen

-eric

Great stuff, Eric. Amen and well said.
 
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HoseaMan

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Thankyou for your thoughts and prayers. I rely on my Lord and Savior for everything in mylife. He has saved me over and over from hard times. Why would I not trust him now. I am going to meet with my wife tomorrow. We have not spoken face to face since the start of November. I pray for Gods words to flow from me. Thankyou all for your prayers. I am not giving up on this marriage.
 
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HoseaMan

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It has been a while since I posted. Lfe has been very hectic. I want to thank everyone who has prayed for my family. My sister and her husband are attempting to reconcile. They are working with the pastor. My wife is working things out with herself. There is a tremendous amount of guilt. I think one of the hardest things to do is forgive yourself. At first she would not talk reconciliation.She is now praying about it and asking GOD for direction. Now she is even talking about slowing down the divorce process. All that is a miracle.It is so hard to see what this has done to her,mentally and emotionally. Please continue to hold us in your prayersThankyou again for being there for me. I had no where else to turn when I found this forum. I am sure it is all the prayers that has changed hearts. God is working.
 
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Kaitlin08

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HoseaMan, it might comfort you to know that Paul went through more than he could handle, and he felt that it wasn't an evil thing to say so:

2 Corinthians 1:8 ESV For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.

Jesus was the same way. He didn't think it was an evil thing to ask his Father why he had forsaken him. The lesson to take from this is that, unfortunately, God does give us more than we can handle. Many people in life endure intense suffering, and sometimes the only immediate relief from the suffering is admitting to ourselves how difficult it is.
 
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