Monogamy/Non-Monogamy/Divorce

[Xavier Cane]

I haven't read the couple of other pages, but I can certainly tell you that your desires are not always going to go away in an instant. You need to be the one to make choices with purpose and intention. I still struggle with being lured by inappropriate contentography. It's a battle. A Christian is saved by grace through faith and has assurance of eternity, but we still live in the flesh and need to buffet our body via prayer, training in righteousness, and Godly service.

If you say you can't do it then no one else is going to convince you. That's like someone looking at a Big Mac who is obese and saying, "I can't put this burger down!" They CAN put the burger down. The question is do they want to? Do you want to stop being sexually immoral and adulterous? That's the real question. Your wife is a shining example of Christ's love for you. Look at how faithful and immovable she's been towards your marriage. If anything, let that break you. Rather than looking outside your marriage, I suggest you dive into the ocean that is your wife's heart and get lost in it.

Yeah, I've been there to the love nest of her heart lol. Does this ever get easy? Yes I want to stop. If I didn't, I wouldn't care, and just do what I do. It's because I do care that I gripe. I care enough to stop, but I cant take away those desires, and no matter how far along I get, no matter how prayed up or fasted up, no matter how much I'm doing, or no matter how much I surrender, there is a strong strong compulsion to sin, and it robes me of peace of mind. Saying yes to jesus does not take away the temptation like James says it will. Resist the Devil and He will flee, well, there is a devil in me that is still in control. I have a choice to serve God or the Flesh, but I have no power to serve God it seems. When I do, i just get depressed. God has not delivered me from the desire to sin. I wonder if God is doing anything in my life. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, but this stuff isnt adding up. I know I'm a sinner, but I sure wish God save me.

 

[Xavier Cane]

For I would not have known lust except the law had said: thou shalt not covet. But sin, taking advantage of the commandment wrought in me all manner of concupiscence
Rom7:7

Check out what the word concupiscence means in a dictionary.

It seems you are far from Alone with your problem doesn't it.

Don't take offence, but do you truly in your heart want to see victory over lust?
I will be honest with you. There are things in my life that have caused me much pain, despite that pain, I wasn't willing in my heart to cease them.
If you in your heart desperately want a way out, Pauls the one who can show you it. I doubt many responses you get here will be of much help

Thanks, and you are right. However good sir, like many of the rest, I've done this and continue to do what paul has said, yet no victory. Yes, I want to be free. It's all I think about. I think about sin, and I think about victory over sin. The two go hand in hand. I think about sin because my body want it and I cant make it stop. I think about victory because I don't want to sin. But if I don't sin the sin, I will have no rest. And when I O obey God and Say Ues to Jesus and Deny myself, still, there is no rest. Maybe I should just expect the fact, that I just cant be saved. There are no more sacrifices for sin for me.

 

[Xavier Cane]

You've no cluse what it means to "turn something over", Turning it over does not mean saying "here God, You take it" and waiting. Repentance is not "well, I'm in such a pickle over this, God why don't you take this from me". If you don't act on the issue, it's not going to budge. Some of the best healing ministries in existence today place all the emphasis on self-examination. You've done a fine job so far examining God and His failure to do anything, and examining us after four pages of reasonable responses to your issue. I'm going to suggest an excellent book to you from Psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb. His credentials are very good - examine them for yourself.

Inside Out - Kindle edition by Larry Crabb. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

You'll be reading a lot, you'll be writing a lot, you'll be studying a lot. As long as your eyes are outward (which has caused you enough trouble) you'll be pretty miserable. NOT ONCE in your responses have I seen you appreciate anything that anyone has shared with you about their struggles, successes, failures, perseverance, anything else.



Give the book a read. It may or may not help. It's ten bucks on Amazon. What's ten bucks in the grand scheme of your life?

When I say turn something over, I mean, I give it to God. But how can I give him something that is a part of me? YOu have no clue what I'm dealing with. I have acted. I have fasted at least 200 days my entire Christian life and I'm not exaggerating. I've spent countless hours in prayer, just to leave prayer and to have this thing inside of me like a drug, if you dont take it it will kill you. There is no peace when there is an urge...either you give in to the urge, or it doesn't go away. period. That's my life.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Do you pray for strength when you get temptations?

All the time. Yet the temptation remains. It lives inside of me.

 

[Xavier Cane]

The power of sin is the law( of righteousness) 1cor5:56

The Bible plainly states that is where the power of sin lies.
So can I challenge you to do something?
Believe you are saved simply because Jesus died for you. He is your rightstanding before the Father. Not your ability to obey the law( in this case not commit adultery) Then the power of sin has been removed from you.
If you in your heart want to see victory over the flesh in this matter, only two things are then possible. Either you stop believing Jesus is your righteousness, or the affairs stop.

Thanks. You got the right idea. Based on your comments, I'm lost and can never be saved. I cant stop the affairs that go on in my heart, I just cant. They happen automatically. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he...Right? I do want to see victory. I have trusted Jesus as my righteousness, but there was no change in my life. So what am I doing wrong? I have surrendered everything, even my lust. I just cant take it away. I gave it to him, but He wont take it. I gave him the cheating mindset, yet it remains.

So if there is no change, then there is no salvation. Gee, thanks for the motivation.

The power to not sin is not real. I have the desire, and I trust God, I truly do, but my faith is leaving. It was once strong, but at some point, doesnt Gods word have to come to pass in this life? I can deliver myself, and when I do all I know to do for deliverance, and that includes trust God, deliverance does not come. No body knows. people say they know, but they dont.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Seriously.

My advice is to take it one day at a time. Each day, focus on your wife. Don't keep doing the same things you've been doing and expect a different outcome. Make a conscious effort each day to distract yourself from temptation. Cut off contact with any affair partners. It is a choice, and it is in your power. If people can quit a drug or alcohol addiction, you can quit this addiction as well.

How can I seperate myself from something thats inside of me? It's not an addiction. It's not. It's something inside that I cannot get out. I just cant. It is stronger than God. God has not proven it otherwise. He can raise the dead, but not deliver me when I beg and cry and pray and fast and do all the other good stuff I'm supposed to do. No its not as eay as just give up the addiction. I can remember every person I ever had sex with, and it is stained on my brain, and has been and wont go away, no matter what. You have no idea of my struggle. When I see my cowrkers I see them naked. Its just something my mind automatically does. I'm a hopeless case. we all cant be saved.

 

[JRichard68]

If you decided not to act the next time these affairs of the heart come, what's the worst thing that can happen?

 

[Xavier Cane]

I was in your state sometime back, but not any longer. thank you for your honesty. let me give you a very weird advice based on JAMES:4:7- that says resist the devil and he shall flee from you. the devil is that desire of immorality in us in the circumstances of temptations. go into a battle field with him and resist him in the battle field which is the very circumstance of temptation. in short, just be with a woman in a very tempting circumstance and resist the devil in that heat of temptation and don't sin. it is very easy not to sin when you know what you really want do. after about the seventh minute of resisting the devil who would wish to push you to commit the sin, the pressure of the temptation will begin dying down in your heart. that is the devil fleeing from you as the word of God promises. and write back your experience to help others.

just 7 minutes haha. Yeah, he has yet to flee from me. Hours upon hours of heavy temptation. that part of the bible must have been added by man. Cause its not true, at least not for me.

 

[Xavier Cane]

If you decided not to act the next time these affairs of the heart come, what's the worst thing that can happen?

I go insane. Have you ever met a drug addict who couldn't get his drug? I have, they will do anything to get it. It's not as simple as people make this thing seem.

 

[JRichard68]

Okay, so you don't get your 'drug'. What's the worst that can happen then?

 

[Xavier Cane]

Who do you think tells you to cheat on your wife? God or the Devil? Of course you know the answer.

Who do you think tells you that you can't control It? God or the Devil? Again you know the answer.

The same goes with killing yourself.... Your babies need a father!!

So, you can either tell the devil no...or continue with it. You ALWAYS have a choice.

"Resist the devil and he shall flee from you. " James 4:7
When the impure thoughts about cheating come up, shoot them down with scripture the way Jesus did. If you keep giving in to them then it's not going to get easier. What you are doing (cheating) is actually unnatural...so it's making you miserable.

However, if you really don't want to change please, please, please let your wife go. It's so unfair to her and maybe she can find happiness with another man then.

I understand your point, but its not real and doesn't work. I dont have a choice, I have to do what my body wants or I will die. I have to give in. I have to. If I dont there will b no peace. This is not something the devil says, its something I experience. I say yes to Jesus, and all of a sudden, I am sad, and empty, and still very very in need of the craving. And the urge only gets stronger the more I deny myself and say Yes to Jesus. It gets no easier. Being faithful is miserable, but cheating is more miserable. I cant have anything I want in this life. Not victory over sin that live in me, its like a drug that makes me do it, and if I dont, then there will be emotional pain and mental pain, and then I can't even get along with my wife because I will then resent her. These are things I know because I have been experiencing them my entire Christian life. so called.

I want to live for God, but its so joyless. Even when I do right, there is no pleasure in living. None at all.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Okay, so you don't get your 'drug'. What's the worst that can happen then?

I'd kill myself. It's not worth living without, but it makes life terrible to live with. The thought of giving it up is painful, and the act itself it worse. I'm giving it up now. and the more I give it up, the more I hate God for making me give it up. I just wish God take it. How can I give God the glory when all I see him doing is nothing. This is my effort, and my efforts always fail. But when I just trust God, its even worse. Life sucks to live.

 

[stuart lawrence]

Thanks. You got the right idea. Based on your comments, I'm lost and can never be saved. I cant stop the affairs that go on in my heart, I just cant. They happen automatically. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he...Right? I do want to see victory. I have trusted Jesus as my righteousness, but there was no change in my life. So what am I doing wrong? I have surrendered everything, even my lust. I just cant take it away. I gave it to him, but He wont take it. I gave him the cheating mindset, yet it remains.

So if there is no change, then there is no salvation. Gee, thanks for the motivation.

The power to not sin is not real. I have the desire, and I trust God, I truly do, but my faith is leaving. It was once strong, but at some point, doesnt Gods word have to come to pass in this life? I can deliver myself, and when I do all I know to do for deliverance, and that includes trust God, deliverance does not come. No body knows. people say they know, but they dont.

I mean this sincerely. I truly am sorry if my comments help to convince you, you are lost.
I'm not a minister, so i wouldn't hinge your belief in being lost or not in anything I write. I'm sorry my comments were not helpful to you.
If it's any consolation. You couldn't feel wretched about your sin if you were not born again, in my view.

 

[Yarddog]

YOu are wrong. Yu judge incorrectly. I can't surrender anymore than I have. The will of God is so lame. Its boring and never gives joy and peace.

Sorry X, you just prove that you have never surrender to God but have given in to the world.

QUOTE="Xavier Cane, post: 71644102, member: 394741"]
You sound like you are satisfied with all the work you do, and not just being happy with Who God is, [/Quote]
No I am quite happy with who God is. I am happy to have the most loving God and Father who loves me as I am.

If so, I would love for God to show me I'm wrong.

I hope that he does show you how wrong you are, so then, you can find what true happiness is. I'm praying for us.

 

[Xavier Cane]

Sorry X, you just prove that you have never surrender to God but have given in to the world.

QUOTE="Xavier Cane, post: 71644102, member: 394741"]
You sound like you are satisfied with all the work you do, and not just being happy with Who God is,

No I am quite happy with who God is. I am happy to have the most loving God and Father who loves me as I am.

I hope that he does show you how wrong you are, so then, you can find what true happiness is. I'm praying for us.[/QUOTE]


I have surrendered to God, that’s how I know his will is lame. At least thus far in my life. Obeying Gods word brings nothing but torment in my life. I thought I was supposed to love Gods work. I hate it. With a growing passion. I’m tired of doing Gods work with no saving grace in my own life.

I don’t think you understand that Jesus never changed my heart and mind. Jesus never saved me. The holy Spirit never came into my heart and changed the way I live. Yet every day I live in guilt of my sin, yet no answer for my sin. All this faith stuff is for the birds. I had faith, and Jesus didn’t show up. Plane and simple. I gave my life and my all to him and have so for more than half of my life. And what do I have to show for it? Regret. Regret that God exist. Regret that I exist. Just hate life because God won’t deliver me from sin, neither doth my efforts set me free. I give him my life and sin gets worse. What type of stuff is that. I thought putting the word of God into practice transforms a person’s life.

I’m not gone sit up here and lie about having all of God’s grace and mercy and joy and peace. No, I have none. I don’t know why not though, because I did do anything besides be born, and I didn’t ask for that.

I reach out to him, and I get no response. I pray for salvation, and he tells me to get clean first. I ask him to clean me, he says ai have to get saved first. I ask to save me, he tells me to get clean. But I don’t know how God, show me. God says just do it. SMH ugh

 

[Yarddog]

I have surrendered to God, that’s how I know his will is lame. At least thus far in my life. Obeying Gods word brings nothing but torment in my life.

You can say that all you want but it only shows that you never surrendered to anything other than your own desires.

I don’t think you understand that Jesus never changed my heart and mind.

Oh, I understand. You have to want Jesus to change your heart for him to do it.

You are much like me before I fell. Full of self pride. You will probably have to lose all before you finally let go of this world.

Praying that it happens soon.

God bless

 

[Cassidy Bennett]

I understand your point, but its not real and doesn't work. I dont have a choice, I have to do what my body wants or I will die. I have to give in. I have to. If I dont there will b no peace. This is not something the devil says, its something I experience. I say yes to Jesus, and all of a sudden, I am sad, and empty, and still very very in need of the craving. And the urge only gets stronger the more I deny myself and say Yes to Jesus. It gets no easier. Being faithful is miserable, but cheating is more miserable. I cant have anything I want in this life. Not victory over sin that live in me, its like a drug that makes me do it, and if I dont, then there will be emotional pain and mental pain, and then I can't even get along with my wife because I will then resent her. These are things I know because I have been experiencing them my entire Christian life. so called.

I want to live for God, but its so joyless. Even when I do right, there is no pleasure in living. None at all.

What your looking for isn't "real." It's just an illusion that you think you need. It actually has nothing to do with cheating, that's just the appearance of it.

In a sense we all feel the same way at times as far as wanting something more, but you have to learn to live in the moment. Even having what you love can get boring quickly....You get a great job, you get married, get a house, have kids, etc. All of these things were exciting at the time, but lost their value to you. However, if you lost 1 of these you would again see their value. So it's not that they are valueless, rather it's that you've just grown use to having it. There are people who would give anything to have what you have. If you don't change your perception nothing will ever make you happy. Even amazing things will become boring.

 

[FireDragon76]

Even Jesus had joy doing Gods will, but I find none.

Not true. Go look at him in the Garden of Gethsemane, please.

Anyways, if you are truly repentant, God forgives you 70x7, no matter what you have done. That doesn't mean you will never sin again ,but that God forgives you.

Your wife sounds very tolerant and you should be thankful for that. Maybe you shouldn't be pushing her away. Perhaps you are merely trying to delude yourself into thinking you love her. Only you can answer that. Just be real with yourself, and with God. Being a Christian does not mean living a sinless life, it means being forgiven by God and living a good life for the sake of your family and neighbors.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I think ethical non-monogamy will work best for you Xavier.

 

[lismore]

I need some advice.

Hello there. Could there be a medical solution to your dilema? I am far from a medical expert but I know that some people have different chemical balances from others. People with a higher level of testosterone than others for example would experience some physical manifestations from this. Apologies for my poor explanation of this, but maybe another forum member who is more articulate would explain it to you better. God Bless