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Featured Monogamy/Non-Monogamy/Divorce

Discussion in 'Christian Philosophy & Ethics' started by Xavier Cane, Jul 12, 2017.

  1. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    My issues started before porn ever came into the picture. Thank you. And yes, I have given it up many times. Porn is easy to not look at. Trust me, porn is not at all my problem. Porn does not even tempt me. But thanks for trying to understand.
     
  2. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    Perhaps you guys missed it. I do not have a porn problem. I have not craved porn in a long time. This is why I have an issue with religious people...They claim they know what your problem is, but don't. Almost more than half of you think I have a porn problem. Lust is much bigger than porn addiction. wow. I don't know why I even waste my time on these forums.
     
  3. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    I've already said what I want. It's simple. Victory over the sin nature. Period.
     
  4. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    Not that simple. Not at all.
     
  5. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    This is the stuff I truly dislike. How do you know I have not surrendered? You guys make it sound so simple. I don know how many times I have given things over to God, just for the thing to remain in my face. Geeze
     
  6. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    I whole heartedly agree.
     
  7. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    I have done that. I focus totally on her and what she wants and desires. The problem is that I can only be but so selfless. Doing all of those things is okay, but they bring no true satisfaction to my life. My focus is not so much on me as it is God. That's why I am having such an issue. I put so much energy into my relationship with God that it is made me very tired because all I do is fight, but I don't ever win. You think my focus is on me because I am complaining, but it is not on me. I'm upset because I have built my entire life around Faith in Christ, but I have no Jesus inside of me to overcome the sin. I want what God wants, I just dont have the power to perform it. And I'm not going back to where I came from. Oh no. No more church for me. Its like being killed over and over again.
     
  8. Evan Briggs

    Evan Briggs Member

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    God cant take this from you until you let go from your addictions.

    I was addicted to porn for many years that lead to infidelity in my marriage, how ever God took my addictions.

    He could ONLY take it from me until after I surrendered it to him...

    Have you tried fasting and completely separating yourself from everything worldly? And just stay in prayer and reading the Word?
     
  9. Evan Briggs

    Evan Briggs Member

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    Do you pray for strength when you get temptations?
     
  10. Yarddog

    Yarddog Senior Contributor Supporter

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    Your words provide all the info needed to see that.

    No, it's not simple. The hardest thing that a Christian does is let go of this world. You haven't and cling onto your personal desires to please your flesh through illicit sex which shows incredible disrespect for your wife and family.
    Why do you sound exasperated at me. I am not having sex with strangers, you are. I also admitted in the post which you quoted "God can, and will change you when you truly surrender to him, but you may have to lose everything, as I did, in order to achieve that."

    I lost my wife and practically my sanity and was to kill myself because I screwed up and didn't surrender. I wanted control. It wasn't until I hit rock bottom and was ready to kill myself before I finally let go and surrendered.

    It was at that point that God could change me because I stopped fighting him.

    I lost everything important to me, including my wife, but I found something greater. The love of our Father in heaven. He rebuilt me and called me into faith. No longer in charge but a slave to his will.

    I pray that you truly let go before you lose your wife.

    God bless
     
  11. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    Daughters son is ok then? Or the sons kids?
    What about adopted kids. Who is looking out for them?
    Not scripture? What about slaves and the kids of slaves?
     
  12. JRichard68

    JRichard68 There is too much butter on those trays

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    You've no cluse what it means to "turn something over", Turning it over does not mean saying "here God, You take it" and waiting. Repentance is not "well, I'm in such a pickle over this, God why don't you take this from me". If you don't act on the issue, it's not going to budge. Some of the best healing ministries in existence today place all the emphasis on self-examination. You've done a fine job so far examining God and His failure to do anything, and examining us after four pages of reasonable responses to your issue. I'm going to suggest an excellent book to you from Psychologist Dr. Larry Crabb. His credentials are very good - examine them for yourself.

    Inside Out - Kindle edition by Larry Crabb. Religion & Spirituality Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.

    You'll be reading a lot, you'll be writing a lot, you'll be studying a lot. As long as your eyes are outward (which has caused you enough trouble) you'll be pretty miserable. NOT ONCE in your responses have I seen you appreciate anything that anyone has shared with you about their struggles, successes, failures, perseverance, anything else.

    :sigh:

    Give the book a read. It may or may not help. It's ten bucks on Amazon. What's ten bucks in the grand scheme of your life?
     
  13. stuart lawrence

    stuart lawrence Well-Known Member

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    And you think people responding to you don't have issues with lust?
    I imagine the difference is, many of them lust, but may not act out their lust with the opposite sex. They still lust though
     
  14. stuart lawrence

    stuart lawrence Well-Known Member

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    For I would not have known lust except the law had said: thou shalt not covet. But sin, taking advantage of the commandment wrought in me all manner of concupiscence
    Rom7:7

    Check out what the word concupiscence means in a dictionary.

    It seems you are far from Alone with your problem doesn't it.

    Don't take offence, but do you truly in your heart want to see victory over lust?
    I will be honest with you. There are things in my life that have caused me much pain, despite that pain, I wasn't willing in my heart to cease them.
    If you in your heart desperately want a way out, Pauls the one who can show you it. I doubt many responses you get here will be of much help
     
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2017
  15. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    Again I can relate to how you feel Xavier. I went thru all the same feelings you have had and had the same things said to me. I had to re-evaluate everything I had been taught about God and really let the Bible speak to me without all the limitations most current Bible teachers put on God. Lucky I found some that showed me holes that had been ignored by most. As your title to this thread indicates is was in the area of non-monogamy.
     
  16. ChristopherK

    ChristopherK Member

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    I haven't read the couple of other pages, but I can certainly tell you that your desires are not always going to go away in an instant. You need to be the one to make choices with purpose and intention. I still struggle with being lured by pornography. It's a battle. A Christian is saved by grace through faith and has assurance of eternity, but we still live in the flesh and need to buffet our body via prayer, training in righteousness, and Godly service.

    If you say you can't do it then no one else is going to convince you. That's like someone looking at a Big Mac who is obese and saying, "I can't put this burger down!" They CAN put the burger down. The question is do they want to? Do you want to stop being sexually immoral and adulterous? That's the real question. Your wife is a shining example of Christ's love for you. Look at how faithful and immovable she's been towards your marriage. If anything, let that break you. Rather than looking outside your marriage, I suggest you dive into the ocean that is your wife's heart and get lost in it.
     
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  17. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    So I hear Xavier say that he has tried all the advice that we as Christians give one another to stop sin over and over again and they didn't help him. Including the one that are being repeated again to him in the above 5 pages.
    At some point a person has to say that failed teachings are not working and repeating them again will not work for me. How many times does one repeat a failed experiment over and over then expect the 100th time to get a different result! The human psyche just can't go on repeating failures over and over. Now if a new suggestion was give Xavier could try it and to see if that would work.
    I personally wouldn't advise Xavier to try and repeat one of those failed spiritual disciplines again. I'd say continue to love God and say when you give me something new to try I'll try it, till then I'm not going to waste my time because it will undermine my faith and relationship with God.
     
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  18. JRichard68

    JRichard68 There is too much butter on those trays

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    Counterpoint - Xavier hasn't tried a thing. All of the suggestions are spiritual disciplines that take time, patience, determination, and an examination of oneself. Presently I'm separated and will be divorcing. I've had all kinds of time to be mad at God and others. Because of the nature of the site, I can't use the language to describe how I feel about it all. But, you know what? The more responsibility I place at the feet of God for everything, the more I get wrapped up in a hole of self pity and resentment, wishing God and all of you would just go away.

    But when I have my rant, it's time to get up, dust off, and keep going. The reality is I can't change my circumstances, but I can try to find a way to make amends to people I've hurt. That's the best cure for self-pity and resentment. But it does take those disciplines - self-examination, turning outward toward others, being the best person I can for the people I care about.

    So, Xavier, get up, dust off, keep going. Hug your wife and kids.
     
  19. HighCherub

    HighCherub Active Member

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    Adultery is one of the worst sins in the Bible, and for good reason.

    My advice here is not soft:
    You need to stop doing what you are doing and realize that God will condemn you for your actions- you have a wife and kids, whom you are hurting, and need to man up and take some accountability; don't blame God for your carnal desires.
     
  20. Xavier Cane

    Xavier Cane Active Member

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    YOu are wrong. Yu judge incorrectly. I can't surrender anymore than I have. The will of God is so lame. Its boring and never gives joy and peace. You sound like you are satisfied with all the work you do, and not just being happy with Who God is, another thing I have not seen in the church. Not just in my life. If people arent working then they arent happy. Its the work, not God. If so, I would love for God to show me I'm wrong.
     
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