Hi,
I found out several years ago that my mom was Borderline. My dad, who has been divorced from my mother since I was 6, informed me of my mom's illness when I moved in with him after enduring countless traumatic experiences with my mom and my stepfather. He told me that he had tried to get her to seek therapy, but she refused and he explained to me how her behavior marked symptoms of BPD. He gave me the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells", which I read, and I now agree with him about my mom.
I moved in with my dad when I was 16 and I went about a year with no contact before I tried to reestablish a relationship. When I did, things were working out with us, but she lashed out at my dad and turned my brother and sister against us. So once again, I cut off contact. Another year or two passed and I tried again to work on a relationship, ending with the same result. It has now been about 2 years and we went from no contact, to about 2 conversations via text message a week and I am finally starting to work on my relationship with my brother and sister. I am now recently engaged and my mom is contacting me more and more, and she has expressed that she wants to start communicating via phone calls.
The reason I am posting on here is that I am having trouble deciding whether to further contact or not. I will always have that desire to have a close relationship with my mom, as she IS my mother. But I am constantly afraid that if I let her too close, she will lash out again. It tears me apart everytime it happens. And as a Christian, I know it's my job to forgive her no matter what. And I do. And I pray every day for God to work in her and in myself as well so that we can have the relationship that I want so much. But after reading about BPD, it seems that the only option is to cut contact for good. Being that I am getting married, I was hoping that this could be what brings us together and that this time she would be changed. I just don't know what to do or how to proceed.
Am I being overly optimistic thinking that things could one day be ok? Am I being ridiculous for going back again and again, knowing that her behavior probably hasn't changed?
My fiance knows the trauma that my mom has put me through, but he doesn't understand BPD and he doesn't want me to get hurt if I choose to get closer to her. He says that he will pray for me but beyond that, I don't have much support coming from his direction. Does anyone have any advice?
I found out several years ago that my mom was Borderline. My dad, who has been divorced from my mother since I was 6, informed me of my mom's illness when I moved in with him after enduring countless traumatic experiences with my mom and my stepfather. He told me that he had tried to get her to seek therapy, but she refused and he explained to me how her behavior marked symptoms of BPD. He gave me the book "Stop Walking on Eggshells", which I read, and I now agree with him about my mom.
I moved in with my dad when I was 16 and I went about a year with no contact before I tried to reestablish a relationship. When I did, things were working out with us, but she lashed out at my dad and turned my brother and sister against us. So once again, I cut off contact. Another year or two passed and I tried again to work on a relationship, ending with the same result. It has now been about 2 years and we went from no contact, to about 2 conversations via text message a week and I am finally starting to work on my relationship with my brother and sister. I am now recently engaged and my mom is contacting me more and more, and she has expressed that she wants to start communicating via phone calls.
The reason I am posting on here is that I am having trouble deciding whether to further contact or not. I will always have that desire to have a close relationship with my mom, as she IS my mother. But I am constantly afraid that if I let her too close, she will lash out again. It tears me apart everytime it happens. And as a Christian, I know it's my job to forgive her no matter what. And I do. And I pray every day for God to work in her and in myself as well so that we can have the relationship that I want so much. But after reading about BPD, it seems that the only option is to cut contact for good. Being that I am getting married, I was hoping that this could be what brings us together and that this time she would be changed. I just don't know what to do or how to proceed.
Am I being overly optimistic thinking that things could one day be ok? Am I being ridiculous for going back again and again, knowing that her behavior probably hasn't changed?
My fiance knows the trauma that my mom has put me through, but he doesn't understand BPD and he doesn't want me to get hurt if I choose to get closer to her. He says that he will pray for me but beyond that, I don't have much support coming from his direction. Does anyone have any advice?