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Middle of the night anxiety kind of a vent ramble

Angeleyes7715

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It's 2:38pm woke up and about to go back to sleep last, maybe even try asmr or something.

I feel super anxious right now, but I'm not in immediate danger or anything. This worrying is making me want to cry and making me upset. Suddenly started thinking about why I'm afraid and sad at the same time.

I'm afraid to live. I'm 26 and too old for good things to happen anymore. The only things that happen when you get this age is loss. And I don't want it to happen anymore. My mom is in terrible health and she will be the next one I lose. She already not the same person she was before. I can't take this anymore and I wish I wasn't here to see this happen. Everyone is getting old and sickly I barely have a family anymore. Grandma and aunt died close to the same time.... I don't know what to do with myself to feel like things are okay in this life cause they aren't. How can I go on and just pretend like things are normal and okay when things are very different. A sad different. What's the point? Held on this planet against my will while everyone around me gets old and sick and me one day too. I haven't accepted my mortality or that of others, I hate it. What's worse is we spend all our time on petty unimportant things like working for pieces of paper just to survive. This existence is a miserable and horrible one. God if you're listening to me and see this text right now I'm asking the same question a lot of people have asked you, why did you make me and let me be here to suffer. Why must I suffer. Why do I have to tolerate suffering and the human condition because of what other people did. Why am I alone in this life always, in my fears in my sadness, it's like there's a wall that prevents anyone from helping me. Where are you God where are you in all this?! Am I such a terrible person that I suffer in this life and burn for all eternity alone. I'm not doing everything perfect to be a Christian and I know there is grace etc but i feel comfortable convicted and alone even though I know God is greater than my heart's conviction. Still upset. Still wondering is this really what my life is supposed to be. I wish i didn't have to do this anymore.

Sometimes I feel all I have (ppl wise) is my bf but I'm scared of losing him too. God set it up so we lose everyone. I'm sure he has his reasons but I'm still miserable.

All this started because I awoke from a dream where I was being kidnapped and jabbed in the ribs painfully. It was frightening to be alone. When I looked up a possible dream interpretation it said feeling of loss of control over your life or some aspect. That's very what I'm feeling right now.
 

com7fy8

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So, Angle Eyes, you do understand that there is God's grace. This is good that you know this. But while we are in trouble, we are not very convinced, are we? I know the feeling; it is horrible and scary and we are not choosing to be this way.

So, we need for God to take us and be the One who is deciding how we are . . . the way His grace changes us so we are peaceful and sharing with Him.

And love "hopes all things" > in 1 Corinthians 13:7 < Jesus suffered like He did, kind of at your age, but Jesus on the cross, even, had hope for any and all people . . . even the most evil and impossible and stubborn people. So, there is all that is possible with God.

But this world has things to fool us into believing and even trusting otherwise.
All this started because I awoke from a dream where I was being kidnapped and jabbed in the ribs painfully. It was frightening to be alone. When I looked up a possible dream interpretation it said feeling of loss of control over your life or some aspect. That's very what I'm feeling right now.
I got something about this > we could take this to mean how we have been keeping God out; our ribs are hard and are blocking Him. And it seems like jabbing . . . to us . . . because of the hardness of our ribs around our hearts.

But God does want to share His love with us, right "in our hearts" >

"Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." (Romans 5:5)

May be your boyfriend can tell you what a "design play" is. In football, they have design plays > the guys with the ball pretend they are going to do something, so the defenders are trying to stop that, then suddenly the guys do what they really were going to do . . . after the defenders have moved to where they can stop what is not really going to happen.

Like this, this evil world does a lot of things to get our attention and hope away from God. So, it is wise not to go along with that, to be wise to that. And yes God's grace makes us able to get into peace and love with Him, and then we can be family with various people who are Jesus family people.

So, grace isn't just distant, but grace is personal, like this, in us.

So, God knows about us, Angel Eyes >

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

I am seventy years old, now. And I see things that become of people. My lady friend has things; she is eighty, I think; but we have love. And I keep encouraging her to not complain and to love any and all people like Jesus wants > there is no age cut-off for loving, Angel Eyes. So, it is good to love and care about your mother!

And as we get older, we can be maturing more and more in how to love. So, older age can be the most gracious time. And so, yes Satan has design plays to keep us and our attention elsewhere. Evil is meant to make us feel there is no hope; so do not let evil decide how you are and what you do!

"Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21)

Every one of us needs to discover, more and more, how to not let evil overcome us. We all need to not allow evil to decide how we see things. Instead, discover how to love, how to live in God's grace.
 
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Basil the Great

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It's 2:38pm woke up and about to go back to sleep last, maybe even try asmr or something.

I feel super anxious right now, but I'm not in immediate danger or anything. This worrying is making me want to cry and making me upset. Suddenly started thinking about why I'm afraid and sad at the same time.

I'm afraid to live. I'm 26 and too old for good things to happen anymore. The only things that happen when you get this age is loss. And I don't want it to happen anymore. My mom is in terrible health and she will be the next one I lose. She already not the same person she was before. I can't take this anymore and I wish I wasn't here to see this happen. Everyone is getting old and sickly I barely have a family anymore. Grandma and aunt died close to the same time.... I don't know what to do with myself to feel like things are okay in this life cause they aren't. How can I go on and just pretend like things are normal and okay when things are very different. A sad different. What's the point? Held on this planet against my will while everyone around me gets old and sick and me one day too. I haven't accepted my mortality or that of others, I hate it. What's worse is we spend all our time on petty unimportant things like working for pieces of paper just to survive. This existence is a miserable and horrible one. God if you're listening to me and see this text right now I'm asking the same question a lot of people have asked you, why did you make me and let me be here to suffer. Why must I suffer. Why do I have to tolerate suffering and the human condition because of what other people did. Why am I alone in this life always, in my fears in my sadness, it's like there's a wall that prevents anyone from helping me. Where are you God where are you in all this?! Am I such a terrible person that I suffer in this life and burn for all eternity alone. I'm not doing everything perfect to be a Christian and I know there is grace etc but i feel comfortable convicted and alone even though I know God is greater than my heart's conviction. Still upset. Still wondering is this really what my life is supposed to be. I wish i didn't have to do this anymore.

Sometimes I feel all I have (ppl wise) is my bf but I'm scared of losing him too. God set it up so we lose everyone. I'm sure he has his reasons but I'm still miserable.

All this started because I awoke from a dream where I was being kidnapped and jabbed in the ribs painfully. It was frightening to be alone. When I looked up a possible dream interpretation it said feeling of loss of control over your life or some aspect. That's very what I'm feeling right now.
I feel for you, Angeleyes7715. My grandmother lost her mother one April and her father five months later in September, after having lost her husband the previous February or all three with 19 and 1/2 months. Sometimes life's blows are most difficult to bear. But I have heard of even worse than this. On rare occasions, you hear news reports of a car accident or a tornado or a terrible crime, where an entire family is wiped out at once, except one surviving member. Still, it is important to realize that just because God allows terrible events to happen, this does not mean that God hates us or is punishing us.

Why? This is a question that men and women have asked for thousands of years, but sometimes there just is no good answer. Sometimes we just have to trust God and remember that this life is not all there is and that we do have the hope of seeing our loved ones in the next life. God bless you.
 
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Dave G.

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Jesus is calling you to draw nearer to Him, He is the eternal peace. When we put our value in the temporal it gets difficult when it is taken away. Our treasure is stored in heavenly places with spirits who value God more than the temporary things of this world, not in the temporary things of this world. So there is an order to things important to us, with God at the top of the list in our daily walk. God in three persons to draw peace and security from. Meanwhile being thankful for the time we had with those we also love/loved and have lost. Everything about this world is temporary, it's all going away in it's due time. The next life is the permanent one. We use this life to establish our positional places in the next life.

26 is very young, you have a lot of time to establish new truths that you need in your life. And a lot of time to live in the peace and security of Jesus Christ. Start with drawing nearer to Jesus Christ in a very personal way. I submit to you that as you are you are living with God as a secondary figure in your life and this can never bring you the internal peace and security you seek. It's still difficult to lose someone but you never lose Jesus, He never leaves us nor forsakes us. We draw our strength by being in Him and Him in us. He becomes the anchor we need to get through this trying life. And we begin to understand the purpose of it was never us or our relatives anyway.
 
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eleos1954

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It's 2:38pm woke up and about to go back to sleep last, maybe even try asmr or something.

I feel super anxious right now, but I'm not in immediate danger or anything. This worrying is making me want to cry and making me upset. Suddenly started thinking about why I'm afraid and sad at the same time.

I'm afraid to live. I'm 26 and too old for good things to happen anymore. The only things that happen when you get this age is loss. And I don't want it to happen anymore. My mom is in terrible health and she will be the next one I lose. She already not the same person she was before. I can't take this anymore and I wish I wasn't here to see this happen. Everyone is getting old and sickly I barely have a family anymore. Grandma and aunt died close to the same time.... I don't know what to do with myself to feel like things are okay in this life cause they aren't. How can I go on and just pretend like things are normal and okay when things are very different. A sad different. What's the point? Held on this planet against my will while everyone around me gets old and sick and me one day too. I haven't accepted my mortality or that of others, I hate it. What's worse is we spend all our time on petty unimportant things like working for pieces of paper just to survive. This existence is a miserable and horrible one. God if you're listening to me and see this text right now I'm asking the same question a lot of people have asked you, why did you make me and let me be here to suffer. Why must I suffer. Why do I have to tolerate suffering and the human condition because of what other people did. Why am I alone in this life always, in my fears in my sadness, it's like there's a wall that prevents anyone from helping me. Where are you God where are you in all this?! Am I such a terrible person that I suffer in this life and burn for all eternity alone. I'm not doing everything perfect to be a Christian and I know there is grace etc but i feel comfortable convicted and alone even though I know God is greater than my heart's conviction. Still upset. Still wondering is this really what my life is supposed to be. I wish i didn't have to do this anymore.

Sometimes I feel all I have (ppl wise) is my bf but I'm scared of losing him too. God set it up so we lose everyone. I'm sure he has his reasons but I'm still miserable.

All this started because I awoke from a dream where I was being kidnapped and jabbed in the ribs painfully. It was frightening to be alone. When I looked up a possible dream interpretation it said feeling of loss of control over your life or some aspect. That's very what I'm feeling right now.

I am sorry you are experiencing such desperation.

Why are awful things happening? Why does God allow them to happen?

It is about love. True, pure love can not happen without freewill. No one and I mean no one can force one to love another. That is the way God creates His beings. Even the angles in heaven have/had freewill, otherwise Lucifer and his angels would not have been able to rebel. At the fall of Adam and Eve by the deception of Satan/Lucifer brought sin into the world.

What is sin? Transgression of God's Holy eternal Law. The 10 commandments. It defines Gods Holy character. Our, loving awesome God provided a way through His son Jesus Christ to reconcile mankind with God.

Now, God could have just destroyed Adam and Eve and that would have been the end of it, however then you and I and many many many others would have never existed. God loves His creations and in regard to man, He created a being with freewill to have a loving relationship with Him by way of free will, eternally.

The thing to remember is that it is not God causing all the terrible things in this world but it is a consequence of sin in the world. People mistakenly blame God for the terrible things in this world. Sometimes he intervenes, sometimes not. Who can know the mind of God? Impossible for us to comprehend.

Isaiah 55

8For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
9For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

He gave us His son Jesus and through Him and our faith in Him we can know we are reconciled before God Almighty. With our faith in Him, he goes through all the terrible things with us and ultimately we will have eternal life with Him in a perfect world forever. You will see your loved ones again in His perfect world and spend eternity with them. Do not lose heart.

1 Corinthians 10

13No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Ephesians 6

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.

Keep your focus on Jesus and the world to come, not the one we currently live in.

Keep your focus on and in Jesus.

John 16

33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Read His word daily and keep His words in your heart and in your mind.

Prayer:

Merciful God in Heaven. Please send your Holy Spirit unto your child and bring her peace. Please comfort her and fill her with the abundance of your love. Increase her strength to endure. Increase her faith in your word. Amen

Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

and Amen

God Bless you.
 
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