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Methodist Jokes

Discussion in 'Wesley's Parish - Methodist/ Nazarene' started by Chris81, Apr 13, 2011.

  1. Chris81

    Chris81 Servant to Christ

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    Hey Everybody,

    I think the Wesley's Parish could use some light hearted conversation and a good laugh. I intend to use this thread to share jokes that involve Methodists and invite y'all to do the same.

    I will start the thread off with some jokes I found on the internet.

    Several churches in the South decided to hold union services. The leader was a Baptist and proud of his denomination.
    "How many Baptists are here?" he asked on the first night of the revival?
    All except one little old lady raised their hands.
    "Lady, what are you?" asked the leader.
    "I'm a Methodist," meekly replied the lady.
    "Why are you a Methodist?" queried the leader?
    "Well," replied the little old lady, "my grandparents were Methodists, my mother was a Methodist, and my late husband was a Methodist."
    "Well," retorted the leader, "just supposing all your relatives had been morons, what would that have made you?"
    "Oh, I see. A Baptist, I suppose," the lady replied meekly.


    [​IMG]
     
  2. Chris81

    Chris81 Servant to Christ

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    Here is a joke that I have posted before on Christian Forums.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. Mr Dave

    Mr Dave God Save The Queen!

    +609
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    There's a large ecumenical do, but so far only the Methodist minister, the Roman Catholic Priest and the Anglican vicar have turned up. Whilst they wait for the others to arrive, the priest strikes up a conversation to pass the time.

    "How are your congregations looking these days, any good news at all?"

    to which the vicar replies,

    "Well yes as it happens, recently things have been slow but this week we had 4 new members join our congregation. It's excellent, we really think God's doing something great for our church. How our things with you back over at your church?"

    "That's great to hear that you have four new members," replied the RC priest, "although I hate to say this now, but we're doing better than you, as like you we had several quiet months, but this last week have got 6 new members."

    "6, wow that's excellent, and we thought we were doing well with four new members."

    Both the priest and the vicar turn to the Methodist Minister who has kept fairly quiet,

    "Sounds like God's really doing good things in both our churches, but you can't have had a better week than that, can you?"

    "Well, as great as your news is, I'm afraid God seems to be working the most over in my church, this last week, I lost my 10 worst trouble makers"
     
  4. Maid Marie

    Maid Marie Zechariah 4:6

    +299
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    Ooooooooooooooo
     
  5. Chris81

    Chris81 Servant to Christ

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    What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodist will tell you "howdy" when he sees you in the liquor store.
     
  6. Chris81

    Chris81 Servant to Christ

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    How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

    Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

    Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

    Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

    Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

    Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

    Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

    Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

    Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

    Jehovah's Witnesses: Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

    Mormons: Just one, after his wives have gotten on the school bus.

    Amish: What's a light bulb?
     
  7. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 In a Kingdom by the Sea Staff Member Administrator Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

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    ^_^ I think this is my favorite of the group so far
     
  8. Dave-W

    Dave-W Our six grandchildren Supporter

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    There was a suburban corner with 3 of the 4 properties holding houses of worship. There was a Catholic church, a Pentecostal church and a Conservative Synagogue. The priest, pastor and rabbi all knew each other and were (somewhat) friendly, although a certain competitiveness existed between them.

    One day all 3 came to their homes with brand new cars. They were roughly equal value mid range SUVs.

    Early the next morning the priest and rabbi were awakened to the sound of someone screaming. They went outside and saw the Pentecostal pastor laying hands on his new vehicle and praying in tongues at the top of his voice.

    The priest was not to be outdone so he went into the church and brought out the shaker with Holy Water and proceeded to sprinkle his new car.

    The rabbi looked at both of them, went into his garage and brought out a hack saw; and then cut 2 inches off of the tail pipe.
     
  9. Nik Onder

    Nik Onder New Member

    18
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    Knee jerk mental response while watching Star Wars:

    "The Force be with you..."

    "And also with you."
     
  10. JCFantasy23

    JCFantasy23 In a Kingdom by the Sea Staff Member Administrator Supporter CF Senior Ambassador Angels Team

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    Glad to see this one bumped up!
     
  11. Daniel Marsh

    Daniel Marsh Well-Known Member

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    My Mother told me that the strips on the bottom of the pool smells like cherry. All I got was a burning in my nose.
     
  12. seeking.IAM

    seeking.IAM Episcopalian Supporter

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    From my days as a Methodist as told by a UMC pastor who later became Bishop:

    A Methodist is a Presbyterian without money and a Baptist without religion.