• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.

Memorial Day they come out of the woodwork

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by ThisIsMe123, May 25, 2019.

  1. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I'm not sure if any of you have any local Christian singles Meetups (viia Meetups site). Im sure you have your share of them.

    In my area, it's not that busy of a group. Mostly dancing lessons and call in Bible studies with the occasional dinner meetup.

    Now, their annual Memorial Day Picnic has arrived...and 50+ people RSVP'ed. It's amazing how people will come out of the wood work to meet their special someone. Some people join the Meetup the day of the event...or just couple days prior.

    Then, after that day, people disappear into their holes and it's back to a small trickle of member attendance.

    I often wonder if I should bother though with that day specifically, for the purpose of meeting someone and get a phone # by the end of the day, like everyone else is. Some could be people who haven't ever seen the in side of a church that are just swinging by.

    You see, it's not an actual church event, ie Bible Study (people can do that any time).

    I can't help bug to think there a viel shallowness to this?
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. devin553344

    devin553344 Enlighten our lives dear Lord

    +1,084
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Republican
    Not everyone has time for the Lord. Just the blessed?
     
  3. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    This is a SOCIAL group, isn't it? How can not having time to socialize with a single's group be considered shallow? The meetup groups are to enrich people's lives and match people with some commonality. Obviously, the largest commonality beyond being single and Christian is limited time to socialize. How are they hurting anyone by only coming to an occasional meeting? Is the stated purpose of this group to find a significant other? Most people don't consider finding someone to date a priority activity in their lives. As much as I would like to find the right person to marry again, I don't have much time to spend even thinking about it. I would think that you would be excited that there will be more people to meet. However, not everyone who attends a singles event is looking for a date or a mate. Many are just looking for people to spend their precious spare time with.

    I have never considered a meet up group to be a commitment unless I actually said i would be coming to an event. The fact that it isn't a commitment is what makes them attractive to many. Does your group actually have an attendance requirement or stated expectation of regular attendance?
     
  4. Elliewaves

    Elliewaves Untouchable internet saint

    +842
    Non-Denom
    Engaged
    More people probably have the day off work on a holiday and are able to attend .
     
  5. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    I am trying to figure out where you are coming up up with this "precious" spare time that you speak of? Define "precious".

    It's part of what it says, so yes.

    True, however, a good chunk of them aren't repeat returnees. Typically, some people tend to hope the same people come in hopes they'll see them again. Even in friendship, but Meetup has become so saturated with functions and activities is that people just shot gun their RSVP's...sometimes double booking. Some flake, some are no-shows. Some join more than a 100 Meetups just so they can figure out at the last min. on a Saturday night what's going on that night.

    There used to be a time where you could look forward to seeing the same chums week after week.
     
  6. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    Many singles I know do not sit at home being bored. Many are working fulltime, going to school at the same time, managing a household, helping with parents, working more than one job, serving in a regular volunteer position, or have kid obligations. This is not just busy stuff but stuff they are oblicated to do... I am actually looking forward to getting total hip surgery because it will be the closest thing I have had to having "free time" in literally years. And even, then I hope to be able to study to take a certification test for work.
     
  7. FaithLife1

    FaithLife1 Member

    120
    +55
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    There aren't Meetup groups anywhere near where I live.
     
  8. JAM2b

    JAM2b Newbie

    +1,495
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Divorced
    I also think it is because they had time off work.

    Single people are often very busy because a lot of the time they are the only adult in their life who meets responsibilities. When they are not busy, they are tired during a normal work week. So, with an extra day off, knowing that they will have some time to rest, or that businesses will be closed so some errands can't be taken care of, they have time and energy to get out there and socialize.

    After the holiday it's back to life as usual, the daily grind, errands, cleaning, bill paying, passing out from exhaustion when you get a moment to stop...
     
  9. Fenwick

    Fenwick I literally don't care

    +6,458
    United States
    Catholic
    Single
    US-Republican
    How embarrassing for the OP that he doesn't get that.

    I'm single without kids and I still have just about no free time. I'm an editor for the morning news so I have to go to work at 3am to help prep for the 5am show. I'm off at noon and in bed by 4:30, when most people aren't even off work yet. I might get to hang out with folks on weekends but I still have to stretch myself just to have some semblance of a social life.
     
  10. MarkSB

    MarkSB Member

    664
    +525
    United States
    Christian
    Engaged
    Yeah, I agree. Spare time is precious. It was that way even when I was single.
     
  11. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    Part of the problem with dating at this stage in life is finding time to do so. People's off times just don't match and it gets frustrating even when you are very interested. When you first meet someone, it is that much worse. Insecurities then invade in the relationship because you start worrying that they really aren't that interested or they think you feel that way. I don't actively look for relationships when I know that I am in a busy time of life ... but that doesn't mean I don't want to have some social interaction and that would be the time I might be more likely to go to a meetup on a holiday.
     
  12. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    My motto is, interested people act interested. People will move mountains to make time for someone to date.

    Ever read the book or see the movie "He's just not that into you?" It's a good indicator of this. Although it's fictional, it's written as being representative of real time.

    I see it in dating profiles all the time. They express, "I have a busy life, but...I'd be willing to make time for the right guy".

    I could go on and on with the cliche's about making time for someone as expressed by people who DO have , say...the weekends or holidays off.

    Good thing you don't, so this doesn't apply to you. However, you'd be surprised how "busy" some people claim to be, but still ARE looking for a relationship. Thus my "move mountains" analogy.

    Wow, still surprised this thread is going on. lol
     
  13. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Well, you're kind of an outlier situation. A unique career that most people don't have.

    But this made me think of the local meteorologist with her face on a billboard that's a loving wife with 3 kids. So obviously, she was able to find time to couple up with a hubby. Of course, who knows how her "how we met" situation went with him.

    But again, outlier situation.

    But the jist of my post is, people will come when they see....NUMBERS.

    Quantity equals a better chance at finding someone to couple up with. If they see 5 or 8 RSVP's on the list, the rest wont' come.
     
  14. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    There is a difference between interested and a priority. You make time for what is a priority in your life. I consider actual existing relationships and my job (a way to pay the bills) priorities. A person I have just met, no matter how interesting, isn't a priority over getting my bills paid or a friend or family member who needs my presence. For you, finding a significant other appears to be a priority. I find that although many older/mature women and women would like a significant other and would make a spouse a priority if they had one, starting a new relationship isn't the end all of all ends when measured against the things they already have in their lives. As we get older, the differences gets bigger between people. Some people have a priority on having a date for the nights they have available which is different than making having a long term relationship with a single person a priority...which may mean having a lot of available nights alone when your available nights don't match.
    There are also other priorities such as wanting to be in a stable financial situation before entering into a dating relationship which would mean a person would make working extra shifts or getting a raise or completing schooling a priority before you seriously consider starting a new relationship. For me, getting my health issues under control became a priority because I didn't want to start a relationship and then ask a new person to fall in a caregiver position early in a relationship...or have to miss out on things he would consider important because I was physically unable to participate.

    In the end, as much as I would like to someday like to be married again in a good relationship, I would be a bit put off by someone who seemed to make it a priority over the other areas of his life. I'd be worried that he didn't really have a satisfactory life on his own or that he would be too dependent on me for his happiness. Entering a relationship later in life is very different than doing it when you are still discovering who you are. Dating after 40 is completely a different animal because we are at a different place in life.

    And besides, social meetup groups are for socializing...not necessarily dating.
     
  15. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    We could say that about anywhere you go really. "Going to the gym is for working out, not dating" or "Going to the beach is for swimming and building sand castles, not for dating" or "going to the grocery store is to buy groceries, not dating"

    But yet, people have met in the darndest of places, including the commonly mentioned ones above.

    The latter of which I hear women complain about having been approached, when they really want to get their shopping done...however, if they were cute enough, they'd make an exception.

    My parents met on the beach, so there's that. Hmmm... what else are inappropriate venues to find a partner or date?

    So a person you just met, how do expect to get the ball rolling into actual relationship territory if you don't even have time to meet...the first time... for lunch?

    Now I'm not expecting such things, but there is being reasonable. If I get a woman's phone #, and I'm having to call her and find out she's always "busy" with something, I'll eventually give her the ol' heave hoe...obviously. If they were so busy, kind of makes me wonder why they gave me their # in the first place.

    Usually, I put the ball in THEIR court and say as my final statement to them, "Just give me a call whenever you have the time" and leave it at that...and move on to someone that's not so busy.

    Ever hear of the phrase, "Never make someone your priority if you are only their option"? Of course, this statement may or may not apply when it comes to meeting someone NEW though.
     
  16. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    For the record, I'm speaking about women who are actually currently open to finding someone, if you're not then whatever I've written up is rather moot.

    So would you say someone on a dating site is making finding someone "a priority"?

    FYI,l don't have problem paying my bills...so...again...maybe that's why I don't understand. I'm not in heavy debt like most people in this country are...no offense.
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019 at 8:20 AM
  17. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    I suspect that you are not paying college tuition for multiple people (mine tuition is on hold), paying to maintain multiple cars and insurances for young people, or paying for necessary surgery which means you don't have regular income when you are off for 3 months recovering. Not everyone who has financial issues is in "heavy debt" or lives irresponsibly....and I did take that as an offensive remark against people who do have a lot of financial responsibilities. Not all expenses are the result of poor decisions or irresponsible habits.

    And I don't consider the grocery store, a gym, or the beach as "dating sites". Anywhere two people are could be a potential place to meet a significant other but that does not make those dating sites. And no, my priorities don't change based on another person's appearance. A lot of women just give out their phone numbers to make a man stop pursuing them at the moment...though I wouldn't do that. However, "no thanks" should be all they have to say in the first place. They are more likely to get a number for a business that I have happened to memorize the number for so they realize that I have no intention on wasting their time.
     
  18. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    And a lot more people than you realize do have the kind of hours this "outlier" has. My father in left for work at the light company at 4am each day. A huge portion of the medical profession is in the hospital ready to go before 6am. My husband's had multiple shifts that started at 3am when working for UPS. There are plenty of other jobs that start long before the sun rises and these people go to sleep early.
     
  19. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +294
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Well, I do understand what your'e getting at. I do understand and don't negate the fact that we make time of what is priority to each of us. But I think you're wrong to imply no woman (or no older woman, or no over 40 woman) would like to be in a relationship enough that it's on their radar as a priority.

    Like I said, if a woman is into a man enough, she'll make him a priority, even if she's over 40. You're only speaking for yourself.

    But most are capable of dating and doing this stuff (doing both). You're more or less speaking anecdotally and there's plenty out there that DO have time for a social life. Yes, even after 40. I go to Meetups all the time, whenever they have days off, they can hang with other 40-somethings.

    Not sure how this really correlates to the "coming out the woodwork' as what I was talking about was completely unrelated. People usually are attracted to events if they know there's a good chunk of the population attending. I've been with the groups for years, and I am familiar with the nature of the beast that is Meetup.

    They see 50 people have RSVP'ed, and go "Wow, look at all those people" in fact, some people just see the event and not the Meetup and realize they have to JOIN that meetup to attend the event.

    Then, you never see some of them again.
     
  20. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

    +5,812
    Christian
    I never said that single women don't have spare time or won't make dating a priority. And yes, I am talking about my view and that of a lot of my female friends. What I am saying is why people come to holiday meetups and not attend regular monthly ones. It isn't just because a lot of people are going...but rather these are days when a lot more people have time to come. From those that do come, maybe a few will find the group a match enough to make it a priority and come again. Others will move on and try another group.
     
Loading...