Married woman asked me if I loved her. I said yes, but..

[Hannah66]

What Does God say in His Word?

 

[Espy]

Ok, thanks. So......what should I do now? It's already happened.

Pray for her and do not mention again that you like her. Give her time away from you and if possible tell her to fix what issues she may have with her spouse. For her marriage to end would be a terrible thing and you would hate to be part of the destruction

 

[Divinetadz]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

As i opened to read this forum i stumble on this story...wayback I saw a certain video on youtube relating to this am I might as well share this link which relates to this topic

Smoner
Hope this one helps.

 

[Anguspure]

This is what I had considered. But the church has an urgent shortage of pianists and needs me playing.

The Church will have a shortage of much more than a pianist if this goes much further.

 

[Strong in Him]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

There's a big difference between "love", (the title of your thread) and "like".
You could easily say "yes I like you as a friend", or "yes I like you; I like your husband too." Liking someone does not mean you have to be together as a couple, or romantically.

You can even love someone, non romantically. Love = wanting the best for them, which, presumably in this case, is not a future with you.

 

[DamianWarS]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

sometimes there are more to questions than just their surface meanings. Although her intentions may not be fully articulated, or arguable still innocent, she is essentially asking to engage in the beginning of an affair. if the question was "do you want to have a date with me", "do you want to kiss me" or "do you want to have sex with me" the answer would be no (I hope) so answer to what the questions lead to not to its immediate isolated meaning may be.

entertaining these questions leads down this path, one may be the entrance another could be further down but it is the path you are trying to identify and stay away from so saying what it takes to keep away from that path is the answer you're looking for.

when you enter the path your emotions and feelings develop with it. when you affirm with each other one, it develops to the next and the questions that were a for sure no at the start enter into this conflicting space further along and either it progresses or it is a no, no to the sex, no to kiss, no to the date no to the "I like you" because they all need to be treated the same, and are aspects of an affair even if some with very little consequences.

So look where the questions lead to and answer base on that path with the question "Do you want to enter?" and this is why the answer at the start should be no and if asked again it should be changed to no.

 

[Strong in Him]

This is what I had considered. But the church has an urgent shortage of pianists and needs me playing.

Well, no, actually.
I'm sure the church would rather she honoured her marriage vows, made before God, and they didn't have to deal with a scandal and the pain of adultery.

You know when Jesus said, "if your hand causes you to sin, cut it off"? That means that it's better to remove the source of sin/temptation that to give in and sin. So, however painful, it's best to remove yourself from the situation. The church will survive if they lose a pianist; if you died tomorrow, they'd HAVE to find someone else.
If anyone asked you you could say it's because someone has a crush on you and you don't want to cause them to sin - which is the truth, and it also means she/they might get help in their marriage. It wouldn't be fair to stay around temptation and then blame the church for making you do so.

Apart from which, you have your own life and God might want other things for you.

 

[miggles]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

office romance. ugh. tricky situation. it's hard to break unless you quit. ask the Lord to help you.

 

[Hannah66]

You answered "yes" when you should not have given her an answer at all. You shouldn't be alone talking with a married woman. You shouldn't even be friends with a married woman. The bible says you need to "flee". Be a Joseph - Run!!! How would her husband feel about you saying "yes" or how would your wife (if you are married ) appreciate you saying "yes". New International Version
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 1 Cor 6:18. Read Genesis 39. And why would you like a woman is a possibly an "adulterer" Praise God you never married her! She would have cheated on you any chance you got.

 

[Strong in Him]

You shouldn't be alone talking with a married woman. You shouldn't even be friends with a married woman.

Why ever not??
I was friends with plenty of married men before I married; I still am.

And we are only told that this woman has a crush on this forummer - not that she has slept with him, or anyone else, or wants to.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Thanks. I guess I should just say no next time. It hurts, though - loving someone and then having to force out the lie, "No I don't like you," through gritted teeth.

you don't need to tell her that you don't like her.

you need to tell her that both of you are heading down the steep slope of adultery by continuing in this way. the man she chose is the man she chose. you've said she didn't really want to be with this guy. oh well, she's with him and is biblically obligated to honor her vows to him, and you are to do so as well by leaving this woman alone.

simply don't interact with her anymore. if she tries to talk to you, then you sit her down and explain to her that your interactions with her are sinful and that she needs to honor her marriage and that you and her can no longer speak.

and no it's not harsh. if you can't interact with her without encouraging feelings of adultery in the both of you, she's needs to be gone from your life.

 

[AlexDTX]

But she was pressured by circumstances into marrying someone else, a man she didn't want to marry.

A pastor once said, "A person may not be God's will for you to marry, but if you still marry that person, he or she becomes God's will for you."

 

[Christ is Lord]

I don't think it would have been wrong tell her no, (the ninth commandment) is about bearing false witness in a legal setting it's not about misdirection. However, as @LaBèlla said you need to put out that fire as soon as possible. Sin can sometimes seem very innocent at the beginning. "Oh I'll let her know that I love her" and then it can move to you spending more time with her, calling her on the phone and before you know it, if you aren't careful you end up having an affair.

Some of the sins I struggle with personally almost always start with a simple thought that I nurtured too much instead of saying no firmly right away.

 

[Christ is Lord]

But she was pressured by circumstances into marrying someone else, a man she didn't want to marry. And we've still not stopped liking each other.

This is why saying yes is very dangerous do not nurture this as I said in my previous post.

 

[Christ is Lord]

You shouldn't even be friends with a married woman.

I am not sure how this works. Say I am friends with my sister or I have a friend lady friend, when she gets married I should stop being friends with her? I understand our relationship will have a different dynamic but to stop being friends with her I don't see a basis for that.

 

[Petunia]

Also remember that God sees all that is hidden. Don't think for a moment that He doesn't love her husband as much as He does you and she. And that He doesn't correct His Children. Or that He doesn't see what you're doing to this woman's husband in secret. Wishing his marriage would fail. Fanning the flames. Encouraging his wife. I refer you to Malachi 2:13-16... Where God says He hates divorce. You've already been convicted, or you wouldn't be in this thread. Listen to your convictions. Be the man God has charged you to be, and leave this woman alone.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

Experience has told me you gave the answer you wanted to give with the justification that it was “the truth,” when the reality is that you gave an answer to further bind your feelings for each other and leave the door open to something down the line. You’re kind of grooming each other for being ok to have a relationship regardless of her or your relationship status. You’re putting the ball in her court to work out how to get out of her situation, or expressing “if only” interest that implies a problem needs to be solved, not mutual attachment ended.

In short: there were way better ways to answer if you want her to stop pursuing you and you want to stop pursuing her.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

It is not what you say to her that matters as much as how you truly feel about her. As we know, God knows our heart. You are not the first to lust over a married woman. And yes, I use the word lust because this is how scripture describes it. If I were you, as a tormented Christian, I would put much distance between the two of you. IMO, she is tempting you as well as satisfying her need for attention. You have also aided in this by exposing your true feelings. This is the normal pattern for a potential adulteress relationship, so cut off all communication asap. I speak from experience.
Blessings

 

[miggles]

if you give another woman at work all your attention, preferably a pretty, unmarried one, it will get the message across to her. she might even be so mad she'd quit. problem solved.

like someone else said, i speak from experience.

 

[Greengardener]

You've gotten a lot of good advice here and stimulated a good conversation, MercyandFaith. Sounds like several here, self included, have experienced what might be similar situations and have offered counsel to be cautious. Keeping clear boundaries about what is appropriate interactions between the friend/sibling role we have in the family of God versus the special relationship we have with the spouse in a God-honoring marriage - that is a challenge in a country whose morals have grown lax. The Scriptures do point to what will keep your path straight. Solomon with his several hundred women was also probably speaking from experience with the wisdom presented in Proverbs referenced by others in the thread. And some of us have encouraged you to seek what's in your own heart so that this situation can deepen your awareness. I can imagine too that every one of us is cheering for your success in letting this situation create in you a deeper heart for the pureness God desires in your life. I hope it goes well for you, Friend.