Married woman asked me if I loved her. I said yes, but..

[Neogaia777]

This is what I had considered. But the church has an urgent shortage of pianists and needs me playing.

If your not planning on pursuing this, then have very limited dealings and/or contact with her if you can't break it off altogether, emotional distance and limited interactions and contact is a must...

SHE'S MARRIED... Don't toy with that...

God Bless!

 

[Silverback]

Long story short: a married Christian woman has had a crush on me for a long time. Although I like her too, I have told her many times that we can't be together.

She asked me again, today, if I still liked her. I replied, "Yes, but we can't be together."

But, although that was the truthful answer - indeed, I think the most truthful answer I could have given - part of me wonders if I sinned by saying so. Should I have lied instead and said, "No I don't like you?" Should I have replied, "I'm not answering that?"

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

You told her the truth...I would test easy, it's her problem to deal with.

 

[Neogaia777]

You need time and the opportunity to meet another who fills that space.

I agree @LaBèlla...

@MercyandFaith, if you cannot control yourself then marry, but marry/pursue another...

 

[bèlla]

With any already married woman, he should either be strong enough not to have or develop those kinds of feelings for her, or if he does, at least not be around them or associate with them if he cannot control himself, or have very limited dealings with them at the very least...

He explained his situation. Feelings don’t adhere to should’s. They have history.

 

[ChicanaRose]

This is what I had considered. But the church has an urgent shortage of pianists and needs me playing.

You could always give them a two week notice so they have time to look for a new one.

 

[Neogaia777]

He explained his situation. Feelings don’t adhere to should’s. They have history.

Well, I guess he has to decide then, but I've already said what I think, history or not...

One can learn to control their feelings though, and not let them rule them...

In the Bible it's called "self-control"...

And, again, "SHE"S MARRIED", and that should be the end of it...

God Bless!

 

[bèlla]

I agree @LaBèlla...

It takes time to meet the right person. I understand his plight because I’ve lived it. And I have yet to find what I seek.

 

[bèlla]

Well, I guess he has to decide then, but I've already said what I think, history or not...

You are free to express your opinion as every one is.

 

[lismore]

I am somewhat tormented inside now.

Hello MercyandFaith. I would advise that you are never on your own with this lady, indeed I would advise that you keep away from her in general. Read the book of proverbs and all it says about the perils and pitfalls of adultery and potential adultery- you don't know how this situation could blow up in your face, whether you take it further or not. God Bless

 

[Neogaia777]

You are free to express your opinion as every one is.

Are you saying he should pursue it/this...?

 

[ajcarey]

If she is a member of your church you ought to inform the leadership that she is pursuing you and they ought to deal with that by reproving her and warning her of excommunication if it continues, as well as arranging circumstances to keep the two of you apart. If they won't do something along those lines, then they surely aren't faithful leaders and you need to find a new church.

You've got to tell her from as much a distant as possible that you have no interest in her and that you need to stay away from her. If you are truly against adultery then telling her that you don't like her in that way is not a lie. And if you can't honestly say that, then don't make things worse by telling her you like her and/or being around her, but rather get on your face before God and repent and beg Him to deliver you from all attraction to her. You're playing with fire and you're going to get burned bad if you don't stomp it out quickly.

 

[salt-n-light]

While I like that answer, the problem is... she might answer "yes." And that would leave our friend here in the same spot, maybe even a more difficult spot. I would just say NO... as soon as he sees her again, go back and say, "I am sorry... I spoke without thinking... I don't like you the way you like me."

Nah just ask for her to call her husband up. I would imagine if you are a married woman pursuing someone repeatedly, then a "no" is not enough, and I DOUBT the husband knows. If she still doing it, I would tell an elder of the church.

 

[bèlla]

Are you saying he should pursue it/this...?

No I don’t. I think that’s clear.

 

[Neogaia777]

No I don’t. I think that’s clear.

Well then, no offense @LaBèlla but, then "what" then...?

I think he needs to at least create some emotional distance between him and her at the very least, and however he has to do that, if he's not going to pursue it, which we both agree he shouldn't, correct...?

 

[mothcorrupteth]

Did you do a morally wrong thing? No. You told the truth.

Did you do a foolish thing? Yes. You should have just told her, "No. You're just a friend to me. I only said you meant more before because you sounded like you needed someone on your side. Please don't talk to me again." Even if it's not the truth, it would have saved you a lot of trouble. Like another poster said, would God fault a Dutchman for telling a Nazi he wasn't hiding Jews? God didn't fault the Hebrew women for lying about how they were saving the male infants. He didn't fault Rahab for lying to Jericho city authorities concerning the whereabouts of Joshua's spies.

Does it matter now? No. What's did is did, as I think you recognize. Don't torment yourself over bygones. You have to figure out what the right thing is now. And I don't know enough about the situation to give you an exact play-by-play, but I'd start with what I wrote in the paragraph above, if you think you can make it sound convincing. But whatever you do, don't make it more negative than it has to be. You don't need her taking revenge on you by making up stories about the two of you together. (And if she's low enough to think about cheating on her husband, she's low enough for that.) Cut your losses while you still can.

 

[Neogaia777]

Nah just ask for her to call her husband up. I would imagine if you are a married woman pursuing someone repeatedly, then a "no" is not enough, and I DOUBT the husband knows. If she still doing it, I would tell an elder of the church.

It sounds as if he is not quite sure his answer is 100% "No" yet...

 

[bèlla]

Well then, no offense @LaBèlla but, then "what" then...?

That’s for him to decide. And I’m sure he’ll come to the right choice in time. What I think is immaterial.

 

[Neogaia777]

That’s for him to decide. And I’m sure he’ll come to the right choice in time. What I think is immaterial.

Yes, but he came on here for "advice" right...?

And I feel pretty confident on or about what God would have to say about the whole matter or subject, so...

Aren't you...?

 

[bèlla]

Yes, but he came on here for "advice" right...?

He posed a question. Whether he adheres to what has been said is his choice. We’re strangers. Our ability to influence others is limited at best.

 

[mothcorrupteth]

You could always give them a two week notice so they have time to look for a new one.

For a second there, I thought you were talking about girlfriends.