Married man but obsessed with another woman

[flipspecial]

God is the only one other than me and my co-worker who know what I'm feeling. I just have to get this out there. I'm in inner-turmoil, and feel at times like I'm at the end of my rope. Today I am very down and depressed because I have not yet received a text message from my female co-worker. If I receive a text today, it will be like a shot in the arm, and I will be on top of the world again.

I am married (for 6 years) and we have 2 young children (1 and 2 year olds). I love my wife very much.

10 months ago, a new girl started working for my company, and began working closely with my and another older woman. I felt an instant connection to her (and she later told me that she also noticed a connection the moment we met). It wasn't long before the text messaging started back and forth. I opened up, and got very personal with this girl, telling her even things that were not right with my marriage.

The texting turned into going out for drinks for a working happy hour (to work on work projects), which turned into going out for drinks to hang out and be together. We never touched each other physically. - However, I would have if given the chance. She kept the boundaries.

This girl then pressed me to leave my marriage and get serious with her. It was then that I got scared, and told her that I had to stop the texting and happy hours.

We were polite, yet didn't text or hang out outside of work after this - Until recently. We went out on another happy hour WORK date, but yet felt a connection again. We have now stepped up the texting again, and my feelings for her have increased again, and I am finding myself unable to stop thinking about her. And now starting this week, I will be working alone with her quite a bit. It is so hard, as I find myself wanting her, but cannot have her.

I hate my life right now. I hate these feelings of attraction to her. I love my wife, and wish I could give my whole self to her, and have a strong marriage. I am lost, and am finding solace only through alcohol, which helps to numb the emotions.

Please, if anyone has gone through this, please write me. And please pray for me.

Thank you.

 

[BFine]

I shared this in another thread, so I will re-post it here for you.

We all have our struggles with sin.
I struggle with an attraction to a man who isn't my husband,
this has been going on for several years.

It had a stronghold on me for quite a time and then I told my
husband about it. He listened to everything I said and then he
made the decision to pray for me and he advised me to flee
temptation.

Something I learned about fleeing temptation is this, it isn't just
staying away from what you are attracted to, it also involves renewing
your mind on the Word of God. Correcting wrong thinking. Upholding
God Word in your life each day.

Then I found out that I have to choose my friends wisely, I had to cut
out some "friends" even though they are Christians, their advice to me
wasn't based on God's Word but upon their own feelings. I was told it
was OK for me to have an affair (secretly) since my own husband is
experiencing a lot of health issues (he's 80% disabled due to a work place
accident that cost him his left leg.) He also is due to have a complete knee
replacement on the 15th of this month.

I had others who told me they wouldn't stay married if what happened to my
husband had happened to their own husbands!
I heard a lot of positive reasons why it would be OK for me to have an affair
or even to divorce my husband...mind you, this came from so called well meaning
Christians....I was shocked!

This is why I mentioned about choosing one's friends /and or advisors wisely, it
is all to easy to find folks who will encourage you to "do what feels right."
However, there's no biblical basis for such advise.

One of the first things I have learned about folks who are struggling with
a sexual sin is this, most will start making allegiances with others who
are like-minded -- in other words, making friendships with others who
will uphold them in their sin and or encourage them to follow your feelings
etc.
If you find you have done that, then cut out those allegiances and or ties.

I take life one day at a time, I find something to rejoice about each day
..I don't make a habit of living in "gloominess" because one part of my
marriage isn't as it should be. I don't sit around all depressed because
I wasn't ever able to have children of my own --nor do I feel cheated because
adopting children still isn't possible yet.
I have many crosses to bear but it is the Lord who strengthens me and keeps
me encouraged and thriving spiritually as I rely on Him for ALL that I need.

Life isn't perfect and even though there are dark times, they don't last always.
I have the Word of God to sustain me, I have prayer warriors who make
intercessory prayer on my behalf, I have a husband who is amazing, even
though he has lost so much he is very strong spiritually...I know that I am
very blessed because he loves me and he is always praying for me.
He has been supportive and even though our marriage is challenging I
choose to be in this marriage no matter what...for I have forsaken all
others and I cling unto him-- just as he has forsaken all others and clings
unto me.

I know that by abiding in the Lord and following His examples/standards
we can make it in this life no matter what troubles or temptations befall us.

My happiness isn't dependent upon being with whoever I'm attracted to, or having
what other folks have-- my happiness comes from living a life that is pleasing
to my Lord and Savior. I find happiness/joy in what God has made and the wonderful
people He has sent to us to bless and or encourage us.
I value my relationship with God above all else.

Meditate upon this...
The Lord said in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,"
declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future."

Believe it, for our God can not lie.

 

[Spunkn]

If you love your wife stop now and go get some help from marriage counseling. A need isn't being met in your marriage, and you are seeking to get it fulfilled from somewhere else.

You need to cut off communication with this other woman and fast. The more you are tempted, the more you are going to give in to it, and it's just going to get worse. Is this something you want for your kids? To go through a divorce and the pain that comes with that?

Everyone is tempted, and sometimes we don't have a choice about if we are tempted. However we -do- have a choice not to give into that temptation.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

I would seek out marriage counseling quickly, or even a pastor.

 

[manitouscott]

Do you think that a woman who would break up a marriage would be faithful to you?

You kept saying that you love your wife. Would you feel that she loves you if you found out she was sneaking around behind your back flirting with adultery and talking about your marriage to another man?

Please, honor her and honor God. Go to counseling with her and work out these problems with someone who will be able to help.

Lose that other woman's phone number, delete her from your phone, and put a stop to this disaster before it hurts you and your family permanently.

 

[tturt]

You've idolized this woman. She definitely has her weaknesses too. So instead of reaching for the bottle or your imagination about her - Reach, grasp for the Lord. Pray and ask Yahweh to totally remove all feelings and fantasy thoughts that you have towards her. Then if you begin to think about her, immediately think on Scripture.

Scripture says you and your wife are as Adam said in Gen 2:23 "...bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh!" and change Eph 5:33 to fit you - I love my wife as my own self! Also, you may want to read this book based on Scripture Love and Respect by Emerson.

 

[aiki]

Bfine has given you very excellent advice. If you are wise, you will follow it.

What you are doing with this woman is wrong. In fact, it is sin. While you have not yet had opportunity to act on them, your thoughts are plainly adulterous. If you continue along the evil, selfish line you're on with this equally adulterous woman, you will run headlong into the death God promises always results from sin. It may not be physical death that you will suffer, but death of some kind will surely come. Death of joy, of peace, of your marriage, of your wife's trust (which you have profoundly betrayed already), of fellowship with God. All these casualties of your wicked choice to betray your wife will be yours and perhaps others besides. Sin always takes us farther than we wanted to go, and costs more than we ever wanted to pay. You have already suffered the death of your integrity. Every time you muck about with this wicked woman you reaffirm how little personal integrity you possess. Is this really the sort of person you want to be?

Drink is not the answer to this situation. Getting right with God is. You need to be walking in humble and loving submission with Him. Until you are, you will continue to be at the mercy of your selfish, sin-prone nature.

Galatians 6:7-8
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.
8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.

Proverbs 6:32-33
32 Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul.
33 Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away.

Selah.

 

[Pal Handy]

God is the only one other than me and my co-worker who know what I'm feeling. I just have to get this out there. I'm in inner-turmoil, and feel at times like I'm at the end of my rope. Today I am very down and depressed because I have not yet received a text message from my female co-worker. If I receive a text today, it will be like a shot in the arm, and I will be on top of the world again.

I am married (for 6 years) and we have 2 young children (1 and 2 year olds). I love my wife very much.

10 months ago, a new girl started working for my company, and began working closely with my and another older woman. I felt an instant connection to her (and she later told me that she also noticed a connection the moment we met). It wasn't long before the text messaging started back and forth. I opened up, and got very personal with this girl, telling her even things that were not right with my marriage.

The texting turned into going out for drinks for a working happy hour (to work on work projects), which turned into going out for drinks to hang out and be together. We never touched each other physically. - However, I would have if given the chance. She kept the boundaries.

This girl then pressed me to leave my marriage and get serious with her. It was then that I got scared, and told her that I had to stop the texting and happy hours.

We were polite, yet didn't text or hang out outside of work after this - Until recently. We went out on another happy hour WORK date, but yet felt a connection again. We have now stepped up the texting again, and my feelings for her have increased again, and I am finding myself unable to stop thinking about her. And now starting this week, I will be working alone with her quite a bit. It is so hard, as I find myself wanting her, but cannot have her.

I hate my life right now. I hate these feelings of attraction to her. I love my wife, and wish I could give my whole self to her, and have a strong marriage. I am lost, and am finding solace only through alcohol, which helps to numb the emotions.

Please, if anyone has gone through this, please write me. And please pray for me.

Thank you.

If you cannot be content with your wife that you
love very much, you will not find fulfillment in a relationship
that encourages you to betray your wife and place your own self
ahead of God's will, plans and purposes for your life.

If you do not wake up and see that the devil is playing you for a fool,
you will end up being a partaker of the foolish follies that the devil
is leading you into and you will suffer the consequences of your sins.

God's way leads to life and fulfillment while the devils way
leads you into sin and bondage.

God gave you your wife and children and you are willing
to allow the devil to pervert your marriage and break up
your role as loving husband and faithful father so you can fulfill
your own ego and need to be first while receiving all that you think you
deserve as you give nothing in return to your faithful wife and own children
but betrayal and broken promises.

Such selfishness will only lead you to ruin.

I know of plenty of divorced men who are bitter and broken because
they chased after lust while abandoning selfless love.

You made a vow before God and man to honor and be faithful to your wife
and now the devil holds up a woman who would encourage you to break
your vows and destroy your life and your ego is too mammoth to see you
are being taken for a ride and the end of the ride leads to your ruin.

If this woman tells you to cheat and ruin the life of your wife and children
just to meet her own selfish needs, then what will stop her from dumping you
after you have been played for a fool and someone better comes along?

How can a faithless person who encourages others to be faithless, become faithful?

God's way is best so if you want to be blessed, repent, turn away from
your ego and the woman who falsely feeds it and ask God to restore
your marriage as you give Him permission to do whatever it takes
to take this woman out of your heart and life.

Run...run away...warning, warning, you are being duped by the devil as God
is not in your desire to place yourself above His will and all He has given
you so that you can pervert your marriage and fulfill the lusts of your flesh....

 

[paul1149]

Run...run away.

Think deep and long about the cost of continuing this relationship. Think about what it will do to your wife and your children; about what it will do to your children's feelings toward you. You would be wounding them deeply and for life.

Think about that when you think about this woman. She may be a wonderful person, but there is no way to do this without bringing some very profound and permanent pain down on yourself and those you love the most.

Study David's live as well, and see what his failings cost him. He didn't escape massive consequences, and neither will you.

 

[iambren]

I AM ashamed to say it but I've been there/done that. Think pulling the pin of a grenade and holding it in your hand, soon you will definitely die in a mess. The mess--losing a marriage with all it's memories, loss of financial footing, the emotional hurt in your children, who visits who on the holidays...the ripples go on and on. People will pay big-time for your unfaithfulness. And don't overestimate your self--both of you will one day be weak on the same day and end up in bed. These affairs are plentiful and predictable.

1 Politely get rid of her. She's the grenade. But that won't take care of it because it's likely anothe grenade will come along. Why???....

2 You need to find what is pushing you. You may be loving your wife somehow but she's not a saint. What does she lack that tempts you to look elsewhere? Or are you just bored and want some strange? Or feel old and want some new zest to feel young again, still desirable? Are sex activities your main stress reliever? Try to get at deep-down what ails you. Is there a Christian man that you respect that can talk you through this or hold you accountable? I feel for you; you are on a cliff.

 

[Urbanredneck]

Look, Your a man. It's something natural with men we want to have several women. Plus its only biology that the more time you spend alone with a woman the more her natural pheromones will act on you.

It's why in the Bible the men had so many wives and concubines. But we've grown up now and Jesus taught us to have only one wife.

Drop her right now and figure out a way not have to work alone with her or any other female. Granted that can be tough in a work environment where people have to work closely together and even travel together.

Your going to be tempted by females your entire life. Its important you learn now how to avoid getting into trouble. Set boundaries. You can start by making sure your wife and kids picture is prominently displayed around you.

Ladies, let this also be a warning to you to keep an eye on your husband's private life and to not let other women get close to your man. I know a pastors wife who made it a point to get a job working in the church because she had a good looking husband whom the women were always after and her being there told them "hands off!".

 

[ChristianLife08]

Flipspecial, I have been in your exact situation my friend. I'll give an easy answer though it's so difficult to fille through on. If you are a follower if Christ then the avert is we are to do His will. Being yo are married with children His will is easy to discern here, though not easy sure to the situation you've built. But simply put, with all grace and honesty, you ought to separate any thing to do with this co worker. Especially outside of the office. The picture of marriage is to show Christs faithfulness to His Bride, the Church. Remain faithful my friend. Send me a private message if your wish to discuss more.

ChristianLife08 Christian Life08

 

[Life2Christ]

This girl then pressed me to leave my marriage and get serious with her. .

That's the devil right there. I too have been in this exact situation except with a man. You are not alone.

 

[DorkiusMaximus]

First off, this woman knows you're married and wants you to even end said marriage?

This is not a woman you want in your life at all.

Cut all means of contact. Block her phone number, change shifts, etc. You have to stop this, now.

For the sake of your marriage, your kids, and everything - please, get professional marriage help, as suggested.

Alcohol is going to make you even more tempted, and could lead you into more sin, it's why being drunk is forbidden in the scripture! One sin, leads to another... and before you know it, you're drowning in them.

You are struggling, and you're on the right path by seeking advice and help - but if your wife finds out before you seek help, the results could be catastrophic.

Praying for you.

 

[Angelfrog]

I can only echo what everyone else has said- cut this off- FAST!

Do you really think this woman is going to be happy playing mummy to your children at weekends and holidays for the rest of your lives- because that's the reality. She may want you to leave but has she considered that you can't simply leave being a father. She may not be so happy when child support has to be paid and your children need to be put first (which, if you're doing properly, means that you shouldn't be dabbling with having an affair in the first place, of course!).

You need to find some help pronto- MALE help. Maybe someone you can text instead of this woman when you're feeling tempted- someone who can pray for/ with you.

Please don't hurt your family, who you say you love, for something that you know is wrong, is unhealthy and will have consequences for the rest of your lives (that includes your wife and your children.) think about how it will impact your relationship with other family members. Will your parents/ siblings, if you have them, welcome a woman with open arms who has bluntly stated a desire to break up a family and hurt your children?

End it- not tomorrow- right this minute!

 

[SharonL]

I raised 2 children from a mother that deserted them and ran around on their dad. (they were ages 4 & 6 when I got them) They received a good home, lots of love and all the bells and whistles of personal belongings. They are both grown adults and very messed up - the desertion of a mother or father cannot be erased.

Look in the mirror and see if you want that looking back at you every day.

 

[KayScarpettaFan]

"Instant connection"? "Obsessed"?

Try to google "instant connection".
I am afraid you are being deceived. For God's sake go to your pastor and do whatever is needed to restore your marriage.
You will pay a very high price for this "obsession". Please, love yourself.

 

[REPHAIAHPEDAHEL]

Heavenly Father make this guy so intoxicated by his wife that He will forget everything else in Jesus' Name Amen.

 

[mytel]

Turn toward God with all your heart, he will set your path straight. Pray to God for strength to help you turn away from the other woman and focus on your family. Its serious now. We all face trials, and its situations like this we need God to deliver us from, but we have to give it all to Him and trust Him. Also id say stop the drinking, its not going to help u think clearly at this point.

 

[flipspecial]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I truly appreciate you taking the time to write. I have read every comment several times. -- I can't stop thinking about this woman, and working with her every day at work only fuels my passion for her. I have put in a request for a transfer within the company, but no move is on the horizon. -- I know this is wrong, but can't stop my thoughts and the yearnings of my heart.

Thank you again, so much.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Um, yes you can. Get a grip. This isn't thoughts and yearnings of your heart; this is thoughts and yearnings of your testicles. You're going to mess up your life if you don't either get a grip and get some self control or make some drastic changes real quick (like changing your number and job). Changing the job would be worth the risk. A lost job is better than losing your family and home and willfully sinning, which will certainly cause a plethora of problems in your faith life.