Marriage outside of faith

[Gerry]

When two people of different faiths marry, how should it be deterrmined, in what faith the child should be raised if there was no pre-marriage agreement concerning this?

Even if you believe your faith is the right one, should there be a point at which you give in, for the sake of saving the marriage?

 

[smurfy2day]

I think this is what the Bible meant when it was talking about being "unequally yolked."

My husband and I have the same faith, thank God!

 

[Gerry]

Yes, I agree. It seems to fit the idea of being unequally yoked to me. However thier are Christians that somehow get into this bad situation every day. It does seem to present a myriad of problems, and a counseling crisis.

I( appreciate your response and I join with you in praising God for your marriage of the same faith!

 

[GraftMeIn]

To any unmarried Christians I pray they'll see this as a warning about things they need to think about before getting married and having children.

Other times people can become christians after they have married. Not an easy question to answer. If both however believe in Jesus, I would hope they could both come to an agrement that that's what is important for the child to learn about, and not so much being raised in a specific church.

 

[mel3]

It should be mentioned this also applies to the people you date. When my sons become of age to begin dating I want them to date a christian girl. Teaching them what God expects our relationships to be starts early on.

 

[Mid]

My wife and I are, as you would refer it "unequally" yoked. She is a christian, and I am a pagan. We have not had children yet, but we HAVE discussed it. She wanted to get the children baptised, I said, "NO WAY". Don't get me wrong though, I am not 'baptising' them as pagans either. I believe that children, as they ARE very impressionable (tell them that a giant hairy four eyed beast occasionally resides in their closet and they WILL believe it), Children cannot look into things and seek informations to make a rational choice like an adult can. Therefor my children will be taught the ways of many religions. Christian, Pagan, Islam, Judaeism, etc. When they turn 18 they can pick the religion that is the right one for them.

 

[lucypevensie]

Originally posted by Gerry
When two people of different faiths marry, how should it be deterrmined, in what faith the child should be raised if there was no pre-marriage agreement concerning this?

Even if you believe your faith is the right one, should there be a point at which you give in, for the sake of saving the marriage?

The only thing I could think of to say in this situation is "well, you should've thought of that before you got married!" It kind of goes without saying though, doesn't it?

Prevention is the best cure obviously. Once a couple is already in the sticky situation though it is indeed sticky! The more similarities there are in the two people's religions it should in theory be easier to resolve. If they are both true Christians they should focus on what God asks of them regarding the rearing of their children rather than on what particular church they send the kid to. God's will should humbly be sought--leave the ego and the pride at the door.

 

[JohnR7]

Paul deals with this situation in 1 cor 7. It is a little difficult to understand because he says: "I not the lord say". In otherwords, Paul is trying to help people to know what to do, when they find themselves in a situation that is outside of God's will for them. It is not God's will for a unbeliever to be married to a believer. But this is what Paul says to do:

1 Cor. 7:10-16
    Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. [11] But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. [12] But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. [13] And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. [14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. [15] But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. [16] For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Notice Paul says, for the sake of the children, they should stay married. But if they want to depart, then let them depart. We must always put God first and should not let a unbeliever hinder us in any way, even if it means they will depart from us.

Sense one is going to heaven and the other is not (if the unbeliever does not get saved) then they are going to seperate from one another anyways, it is only a question of when. But sense we do not know if the unbeliever will get saved, then Paul leaves it up to the unbeliver if they are going to depart.  Thanks, JohnR7

 

[JohnR7]

Originally posted by Gerry
Even if you believe your faith is the right one, should there be a point at which you give in, for the sake of saving the marriage?

The Bible is abundantly clear that you do not "give in" to save the marriage. You have to serve God, and live to please God. You can not let anyone or anything hinder us from that.

There are lots of distractions that can keep us from doing and being all God wants for us. We can not let anything or anyone hinder us. We must love Jesus more than husband, wife, mother, father, son or daughter. We must put Him first in our life.

Matthew 10:36-37
    And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. [37] He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.


 

 

[Gerry]

Yeah, wow! I wasn't even thinking about that other group when I started this. But that too is a very difficult one. Two non-Christians marry and one later is saved. Yeah, there can be real problems ther also. That may be a whole new study. Thanks for reminding me of them.

Originally posted by GraftMeIn
To any unmarried Christians I pray they'll see this as a warning about things they need to think about before getting married and having children.

Other times people can become christians after they have married. Not an easy question to answer. If both however believe in Jesus, I would hope they could both come to an agrement that that's what is important for the child to learn about, and not so much being raised in a specific church.

 

[Gerry]

JohnR7, I appreciate your usual thoughtful responses as always backed up with scripture. I do love that.

 

[Katz68]

I was not walking as closely with God when I met my now husband. I knew that marrying an unbeliever would cause a problem in our lives but I chose to ignore that. I had been married before and have two children. (teenagers) My children are active in the church and my husband is of course not. They look at him with pity and pray for him. The biggest problem with regard to parenting is that he cusses and smokes and drinks in front of my kids. Well we fought long and hard about the smoking and he has finally stopped that in front of them but the rest is an ongoing fight. I have told them that this fighting is what they have to look forward to if they marry an unbeliever. I was also a foster mother to teenage unwed mothers and I still counsel these women even though they are grown up and living on their own now. The biggest problem they bring me is finding a Christian man. I have told them over and over that dating a non Christian and hoping to change them is not going to work. They still do it and come crying to me when they end up in "love" with these unsaved men. Any suggestions for me to give to them would be appreciated.

 

[ancientofdays33]

Gerry,

I have the answer for Christian's only pagans and all others sorry :-(
Only read the WORDS of Christ to your child. Do not let them stray from the word of GOD and the blessing upor your family will be greater than you could imagine
"Read the red words until they are etched in your heart"
I am divorced my ex-wife was baptist and turned buddist. She kept my children for many years from me about 5yrs stating that I would ruin them... Last year however something changed and I am now allowed to see them and this year my 13 year old son has now confessed to me that he knows how the world works scientifically and that there is no God.

PLEASE BE CAREFUL!

 

[Rhysvyan]

When you guys say 'Christian' do you mean all denominations?  Being from a Catholic and Protestant union, I know that there can be many problems between Christian denominations.  How do you guys feel about a interdenominational marriages?

 

 

[JillLars]

I think that every couple who is planning on getting married and having children should talk about how they want to raise the kids. My boyfriend and I will not be having kids or a long time, but we have already talked some things through....my mother always forced us to go to church (or we'd be grounded for the whole week) We decided we don't want to do that to our kids....when you start talking about it you can really learn a lot about your partner that you may not have known before.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Don't want to "do that to your kids..." Do what, exactly? Make them respect and honor your authority as a parent? Heaven forbid.

As far as inter-denominational marriages go, personally, I think it's a bad idea. You'll want to raise your kids so differently, it will be like night and day, and your kids could potentially suffer from that. Not to mention, you won't be on the same wavelength when it comes to God, and that could just be scary...JMO though. Take it for what it's worth.

 

[DeputyDan]

Marriage outside of your faith is one of the dumbest things a person could ever do.

I think the Bible is pretty clear on this as previously mentioned.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

When two people of different faiths marry, how should it be deterrmined, in what faith the child should be raised if there was no pre-marriage agreement concerning this?

Even if you believe your faith is the right one, should there be a point at which you give in, for the sake of saving the marriage?

I think as others have said if you're strong in your faith then it's a bad idea to marry someone who isn't a Christian. But then again, if you're strong in your faith then I assume you would be aware of all the pitfalls of such a union and not go there.

If you're a Christian male you may end up with someone who is not willing to 'submit' to your God-given right to have the final say for the benefit of the family and children. If you're a Christian female you may end up with someone who may prevent you from expressing your faith to your children. You'd then be faced with this problem - You can't give in to your partner and yet God hates divorce. It really highlights the meaning of being unevenly yoked. 

My husband and I were both atheists and I got saved about the same time he converted to Islam in our marriage. In my case being unevenly yoked for a female Christian is the fact that if one has kids then you have to take into account of the husband's wishes (1 Peter 3:1&2). If the husband explicitly does not want the child to be taught about Christianity then the yoke is definately heavy. You're faced with the dilema of either sinning by deceiving your husband and teaching your kids about your faith behind his back (thus not submitting to him) OR sinning by disobeying the Word and supporting falsehood (lying to your kids by saying another way is okay).

Without a doubt it's not a place that God intended for us to be. 

 

[vibrant]

You're faced with the dilema of either sinning by deceiving your husband and teaching your kids about your faith behind his back (thus not submitting to him) OR sinning by disobeying the Word and supporting falsehood (lying to your kids by saying another way is okay

wives are asked to submit to their husbands, but the catch is their husbands are being submissive to God. So, above all, your responsibility is to follow the God, end of story.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Wives are asked to submit to their husbands, but the catch is their husbands are being submissive to God. So, above all, your responsibility is to follow the God, end of story.

To elaborate on the paragraph you highlighted - In relationships where one partner is not a Christian but especially where a husband is not a Christian, there is no guarantee that the husband understands the concept of submitting to God (i.e. Eph 5:25 in the case of how a husband should treat his wife). Thus a Christian wife may unwittingly place herself in a situation where, on getting married she has to submit to the non-believer (1 Peter 3:1&2).

IMO this ultimately would be the biggest reason why I would advise against a Christian entering into a marriage with a non Christian.