Marriage need help

[Vindepth]

hey guys I need some help. My wife and I have been having some some issues and the worst part is I'm feeling very emotionally detached from her. I hate that she needs me and I don't even know why but I'm I feel so distant. What is wrong with me?

 

[createdtoworship]

hey guys I need some help. My wife and I have been having some some issues and the worst part is I'm feeling very emotionally detached from her. I hate that she needs me and I don't even know why but I'm I feel so distant. What is wrong with me?

I read this on twitter today, and I thought it was perfect:

 

[createdtoworship]

I was not posting that to be over bearing, we can all learn a bit about loving our spouses more than we do. One you tube video that I absolutely love, is a long one. But you can watch it in half hour segments with your wife, (it's four hours), but it's by a comedian christian pastor, and it's great (it's a marriage seminar, but it doesn't feel like one when you are watching it)

 

[Aussie Pete]

hey guys I need some help. My wife and I have been having some some issues and the worst part is I'm feeling very emotionally detached from her. I hate that she needs me and I don't even know why but I'm I feel so distant. What is wrong with me?

Do you have a problem with unforgiveness? It's common in marriage because there are so many opportunities to be offended. That goes for both parties. Please note that real love is not an emotion, it is a decision of the will. Men are commanded to love their wives. Sometimes it means ignoring feeling and just treating her as you would yourself. I failed at marriage so I am an expert at how not to do it. If you want some real help, I would recommend Mark Gungor. He is realistic and very, very funny. You and your wife should see it together. He has a number of videos, including "Laugh your way to a better marriage." You can find it on youtube or buy it. It's worth every cent, if just to know what makes a woman tick.

 

[Dave-W]

I would suggest you find a good christian marriage counselor. Go by yourself for a couple of sessions and let the therapist figure out what is going on. It sounds way too complex to diagnose over the internet.

 

[Simancia]

hey guys I need some help. My wife and I have been having some some issues and the worst part is I'm feeling very emotionally detached from her. I hate that she needs me and I don't even know why but I'm I feel so distant. What is wrong with me?

Hey there. So, the above comments are very useful tools, and I just hope what I have to offer is equally so. At times in my marriage I've felt the same way. That being said, I love my husband, he's one of the most incredible human beings I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. But we're human. And sometimes we need space. Sometimes we also need to reconnect. You need to figure out for yourself which it is (and at which time). Often I find that when I feel distant and disconnected from him, it has either nothing to do with him (and I'm battling my own feelings about a build up of things), or it has to do with a disconnect (not understanding one another's point of view on something that slowly drives a wedge, or focusing on other people/things instead of our friendship, etc).

I'd like to know a little more context about your situation, if I'm honest, so I can get an idea of what may be causing that. That being said, you may already know in your heart what it is. I would pray about it, try to work it through in your head with God, and remember that you are completely entitled to feel what you need to feel, but you owe it to your marriage to dig down and find the root of the issue so you can help treat the problem, for yourself and her. Make sense?

 

[Vindepth]

I was not posting that to be over bearing, we can all learn a bit about loving our spouses more than we do. One you tube video that I absolutely love, is a long one. But you can watch it in half hour segments with your wife, (it's four hours), but it's by a comedian christian pastor, and it's great.

Thanks for sharing the video I'll check it out

 

[Vindepth]

I would suggest you find a good christian marriage counselor. Go by yourself for a couple of sessions and let the therapist figure out what is going on. It sounds way too complex to diagnose over the internet.

Yes the crazy part is I've been going to counseling for the past year but honestly not very consistently and haven't in about a month. I'll check in asap and make sure to dig deeper into this. I really need to figure this one out.

 

[Mydreams]

Lord we pray bless Vindepth and his wife, solve the issues between them. Bless this marriage and couple and keep away from satan's plan and attack. Bless this couple and you be glorified in their lives and marriage. In Jesus mighty name, Amen!

 

[createdtoworship]

Thanks for sharing the video I'll check it out

it does not seem like a marriage conference but it really is one, and many marriage issues need counseling. So this is one alternative to seeing a counselor. Check it out. Watch it with your wife. I watched it in half hour, or one hour segments as to not be an overload of ideas.

here is another shorter marriage video, pretty good stuff we can all listen to, to continually improve love and kindness in marriage:

 

[LoricaLady]

"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

We can never assume it isn't the evil one who is behind our problems. In fact, as the verse says, that's generally the case. I would renounce the spirit of coldness, take authority over it in the Name of Jesus (I would personally say Yahushuah, but "Jesus" works too) and command them to leave you alone. Then thank Messiah that, through His Blood, you are free from it and filled with tenderness and compassion for your wife.

Maybe it would help for you to be frank with your wife and tell her how you feel and ask her to pray with you for freedom from that cold spirit, too. When two are in agreement....

This could be a laugh on the devil as it all then may work out that you and your wife get closer instead of being more distant. I pray that will be what happens.

 

[tturt]

Also, watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

There's hundreds on youtube.

Praying too

 

[Endeavourer]

How many hours do you and your wife spend each with dating, or otherwise paying undivided attention to each other?

 

[createdtoworship]

This is a good marriage movie. I love good family movies. This is a drama, maybe not suitable for younger children, but it's still PG and suitable for older kids, and adult kids.

Amazon.com: Watch Fireproof | Prime Video

here is the trailer:

 

[St. Helens]

MOD HAT ON
Thread moved to Christian Advice.
As per the Christian Advice Statement of Purpose direct your replies to the thread OP who is Vindepth. Do not use this forum to debate or discuss with other members in the thread.
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[AWorkInProgress]

hey guys I need some help. My wife and I have been having some some issues and the worst part is I'm feeling very emotionally detached from her. I hate that she needs me and I don't even know why but I'm I feel so distant. What is wrong with me?

I am really proud of you. You have to be humble to come to a point to say "What is wrong with me?" and you do care for your marriage.

Marriage is not an easy thing to be a part of. Word describes "two become one", and both the man and the woman brings all their luggage(drama, problems, and faults) into the marriage. As the marriage progress over the years, garbage or things we got upset about with our spouse about adds up. The heart becomes caluse and cold to their spouse because there are too many unresolve issues.

Personally if you are in a sound church, talk to your pastor for counselling. Learn the skills on how to identify things you not resolved and how to work it out with your wife.

My marriage I use "a cord of three is not so easily broken", there are times when we clash and the passion wants to say I am right and win. In doing so I sacrifice and damage my relationship with my wife by winning that argument. I had to learn to walk away, and get alone with God. Pray he help me to see something I might be missing or not understanding, to soften our hearts. Later my wife and I come back together and we work it out. We forgive and we become stronger for it.

Other times there are silent frustrations that never became an argument. Every other month or so I have to check myself. Get alone and write down anything that I am upset with my wife about. Most of the time it was problem with myself and the Lord and I worked it out. I forgave her.

This is a process and you don't learn it over night. It takes time and prayer. Keep being humble and let the Lord teach you how to be the man that your wife needs.

 

[createdtoworship]

I am really proud of you. You have to be humble to come to a point to say "What is wrong with me?" and you do care for your marriage.

Marriage is not an easy thing to be a part of. Word describes "two become one", and both the man and the woman brings all their luggage(drama, problems, and faults) into the marriage. As the marriage progress over the years, garbage or things we got upset about with our spouse about adds up. The heart becomes caluse and cold to their spouse because there are too many unresolve issues.

Personally if you are in a sound church, talk to your pastor for counselling. Learn the skills on how to identify things you not resolved and how to work it out with your wife.

My marriage I use "a cord of three is not so easily broken", there are times when we clash and the passion wants to say I am right and win. In doing so I sacrifice and damage my relationship with my wife by winning that argument. I had to learn to walk away, and get alone with God. Pray he help me to see something I might be missing or not understanding, to soften our hearts. Later my wife and I come back together and we work it out. We forgive and we become stronger for it.

Other times there are silent frustrations that never became an argument. Every other month or so I have to check myself. Get alone and write down anything that I am upset with my wife about. Most of the time it was problem with myself and the Lord and I worked it out. I forgave her.

This is a process and you don't learn it over night. It takes time and prayer. Keep being humble and let the Lord teach you how to be the man that your wife needs.

I agree, communication is a big hurdle to get over in any marriage. Most arguments arise from a misunderstanding of something the other partner communicated or did not communicate. I agree with this.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I would suggest you find a good christian marriage counselor.

They are working for God
and have helped many people.
But, takes (two) willing ones.
M-Bob

 

[EagleScout88]

Hello @Vindepth,
I am so sorry that your wife is going through such a difficult time right now and that you are feeling so emotionally detached. I know the "feelings" aren't there, but one thing that I have come to understand is that if we follow God's directions, even if we don't have the "feelings", He will take care of us. Love is a verb, not an adjective. If we love (action) our wives, over time the feelings will come. Another thing that I have found is that the closer my wife and I are to God, the closer we are to each other, but the further we are from God, the further we are from God. Please know that I will be praying for you.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing b her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:25-30 NIV

 

[bèlla]

Also, Marriage Today, Jimmy Evans, offers great Biblical advice https://marriagetoday.com/latest-tv-episodes/ includes "What a Man Really Wants" and "What a Woman Really Wants"

I love Jimmy and Karen. Great suggestion!