So hello internet. I'm lost. How to begin:
Married 15 years and have 4 wonderful children. My wife is borderline personality disorder. She rejects that diagnosis, but its what every one of our counselors and her psychiatrist has diagnosed. I could go through a litany of stories, but that helps no one. Suffice it to say that if you've read anything about BPD, that's the situation - lies, anger management issues, spending sprees, suicidal threats, regularly spreading lies about me to family, friends, and church members, etc. I am the one that requested we go to counseling, and we've been at it for 18 months with almost no improvement.
I know that being borderline is not a biblical reason for divorce, regardless of whether a spouse rejects their diagnosis (and if they can't accept it, they won't start the process of getting better).
Now here's the real issue - I cheated recently. Not an affair, but it did happen a few times. There's no excuse. Its sin, plain and simple. I think deep down it was retaliation in my mind. I think I've been pushing down my anger at her for her behavior for so long, and playing the good Christian spouse, that I just wanted to get back at her. But it doesn't really matter. Its sin. Its adultery.
So here's the question: Do I confess to her? No, she won't find out otherwise. Believe me, as with most BPD people, she's too self-absorbed. It's not a dig, its just the truth and it has to be taken into account.
But here's the thing - if I tell her, she will divorce me, freeing me from being with someone with BPD. Part of me wonders if subconsciously that's why I did it. Yes, she will probably tell everyone I know, I'll lose some friends, she'll do her best to destroy my relationship with my kids, and court will be rough. But in 3 - 6 months, I'll be free.
Door number #2 - I continue to pray for strength to stay in our marriage, thanking God for the forgiveness He gives through the blood of Jesus, and just continue to focus on being the rock in the family that supports my wife. But I'll be honest, the idea of another 30-40 years of our marriage is enough to make me want to get on medication to just be numb to it all.
I suppose there's the theoretical possibility that my wife chooses to stay with with me after I confess but, knowing my wife as I do, I put that at a 1% to 2% chance at max.
So do I confess my sin, and (other than the injury to my pride, which is already sin of itself) get rewarded? Or keep it inside and (justly) continue to suffer. Option #1 gives me what I know that my heart wants long term, but the thing that my heart wants right now is a divorce for unbiblical reasons. That's sin and needs to be fought against. Option #2 seems like the right thing to do, but keeping a sin hidden (even if confessed to God) seems too easy on me (except for the staying with someone with BPD for the rest of my life). Neither seems right or just based on the betrayal.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Married 15 years and have 4 wonderful children. My wife is borderline personality disorder. She rejects that diagnosis, but its what every one of our counselors and her psychiatrist has diagnosed. I could go through a litany of stories, but that helps no one. Suffice it to say that if you've read anything about BPD, that's the situation - lies, anger management issues, spending sprees, suicidal threats, regularly spreading lies about me to family, friends, and church members, etc. I am the one that requested we go to counseling, and we've been at it for 18 months with almost no improvement.
I know that being borderline is not a biblical reason for divorce, regardless of whether a spouse rejects their diagnosis (and if they can't accept it, they won't start the process of getting better).
Now here's the real issue - I cheated recently. Not an affair, but it did happen a few times. There's no excuse. Its sin, plain and simple. I think deep down it was retaliation in my mind. I think I've been pushing down my anger at her for her behavior for so long, and playing the good Christian spouse, that I just wanted to get back at her. But it doesn't really matter. Its sin. Its adultery.
So here's the question: Do I confess to her? No, she won't find out otherwise. Believe me, as with most BPD people, she's too self-absorbed. It's not a dig, its just the truth and it has to be taken into account.
But here's the thing - if I tell her, she will divorce me, freeing me from being with someone with BPD. Part of me wonders if subconsciously that's why I did it. Yes, she will probably tell everyone I know, I'll lose some friends, she'll do her best to destroy my relationship with my kids, and court will be rough. But in 3 - 6 months, I'll be free.
Door number #2 - I continue to pray for strength to stay in our marriage, thanking God for the forgiveness He gives through the blood of Jesus, and just continue to focus on being the rock in the family that supports my wife. But I'll be honest, the idea of another 30-40 years of our marriage is enough to make me want to get on medication to just be numb to it all.
I suppose there's the theoretical possibility that my wife chooses to stay with with me after I confess but, knowing my wife as I do, I put that at a 1% to 2% chance at max.
So do I confess my sin, and (other than the injury to my pride, which is already sin of itself) get rewarded? Or keep it inside and (justly) continue to suffer. Option #1 gives me what I know that my heart wants long term, but the thing that my heart wants right now is a divorce for unbiblical reasons. That's sin and needs to be fought against. Option #2 seems like the right thing to do, but keeping a sin hidden (even if confessed to God) seems too easy on me (except for the staying with someone with BPD for the rest of my life). Neither seems right or just based on the betrayal.
Any advice would be appreciated.