Marriage decline blamed on lack of 'economically attractive' men

[High Fidelity]

I won’t be the bread winner or clean up the mess.

Just curious why not? A lot of women are becoming the higher earner in relationships now.

2 years ago I was making $30,000~. Now I make $230,000~ from my job before factoring in income from my business. I'm no different as a person so it's interesting to think I'd be passed over by someone 2 years ago but be eligible now.

Being financially reckless is obviously a red flag, but who earns more in today's age is a bit archaic.

 

[bèlla]

Just curious why not? A lot of women are becoming the higher earner in relationships now.

I don’t want the pressure or responsibility of carrying that weight. The demands of running a business and pursuing fashion education and training are more than enough. I can’t have everything on my shoulders.

Being financially reckless is obviously a red flag, but who earns more in today's age is a bit archaic.

I have little doubt there are qualities you find appealing and necessary for your well-being that others feel differently about. I wouldn’t deem them archaic. I’d call them what they are; preferences.

 

[High Fidelity]

I don’t want the pressure or responsibility of carrying that weight.

I don't really see what pressure there is. You earn what you earn and combined you live within those means. If one earns more than the other, it really doesn't make much difference.

 

[bèlla]

I don't really see what pressure there is. You earn what you earn and combined you live within those means. If one earns more than the other, it really doesn't make much difference.

I don’t expect you to understand. I’m desirous of a Christian marriage where headship and submission are mutually regarded and pursued. I don’t want someone who expects tradition while counting on me to Lean In at the same time. I can provide submissive service-driven companionship. Being the bread winner elicits a different spirit (in me) and it isn’t one I want to feed.

Why isn’t that enough?

 

[bèlla]

Understand what you are saying brother. I would also like a lady who can live with a minimal income.

I have never heard older men speak this way. It was their desire to treat their wives well and give them the world if they could. It was a partnership and they were a team in every way.

I had the pleasure of watching this play out for forty years with my grandparents. They were a traditional couple. Both worked and she handled the domestic chores in the house and he took care of those outside of them. Her garden and flower bed were his doing. He tended the apple tree and handled repairs and undertook his share of projects.

She meant the everything to him. He treated her like a lady and wanted to give her the spoils too. Because he loved her and she loved him back. They didn’t believe today’s challenges would last forever. They had hope and faith in themselves and one another.

Limited thinking and despondency weren’t embraced. They believed in a better tomorrow and made it happen.

 

[bèlla]

but I am losing faith in the ability to find a decent partner who is submissive, down to earth and who holds to traditional values. Many guys I know are experiencing something similar.

I have befriended and mentored women who embody those attributes. I know they exist. Expectations and an unwillingness to compromise is usually the culprit. Few will tick every box and those who do may yield surprises down the road.

I’ve learned that outside of God most of the qualifiers aren’t as fixed as most profess. The right person will inspire you to see them in a new guise or work towards a happy medium you never imagined.

Out of the four qualities you’ve mentioned; down to earth can be taught. It may never be in the manner you hoped. But when viewed in relation to the scarcity of submission and traditional values you may find its absence is easier to live with than the others. We can’t have everything.

Shanah Tovah.

 

[bèlla]

Woman quits job to become ‘50s housewife’ because she thinks ‘husbands should be spoiled’:

Completely by choice, 30-year-old Katrina Holte now lives as a ‘1950s housewife’, cooking, cleaning and looking after her husband, while making dresses from 1950s patterns in her spare time... Continued.

The price of toxic masculinity on millennial men:

I want someone to challenge my ideas and thoughts, not constantly agree with them out of fear of offending me. I want a man to be able to support my career as I could his, while also playing an equal part in our home life.

If I fail at something, I want someone to be honest about my shortcomings instead of preaching about the systemic barriers I may face as a woman, just to show how woke he is... Continued.

 

[blackribbon]

A Christian woman isn't called to be submissive. She is called to be strong and capable. A Christian woman only submits to a select few, God, her parents when she is a child, and her husband AFTER she marries him. To submit to a boyfriend (or any other man) is dangerous and not godly behavior. The Proverbs 31 Woman is very capable and independent. She is a source of pride to her husband and family.

 

[Rigatoni]

To submit to a boyfriend (or any other man) is dangerous and not godly behavior.

I highly doubt anyone in this thread believes otherwise.

 

[bèlla]

A Christian woman isn't called to be submissive. She is called to be strong and capable.

As believers, we all yield to Someone greater than ourselves. We walk out the principles of submission through our belief in God and Christ.

Children learn to respect authority through parents, teachers, and others in their lives. This prepares them to be law abiding citizens and good employees.

The biblical principles for godly character are often addressed to both. Christ’s idea of greatness wasn’t founded in strength or capacity. It was grounded in humility and servanthood.

The Proverbs 31 Woman is very capable and independent. She is a source of pride to her husband and family.

She is a wonderful example of diligence that is never mentioned in the New Testament. Sarah is noted in the heroes of faith in Hebrews, hers is the lone age recorded in the bible for a woman, and she is the example that Peter references for submission.

as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. —1 Peter 3:6

She is our matriarch. Not the Proverbs 31 woman.

 

[blackribbon]

I highly doubt anyone in this thread believes otherwise.

Well, a lot of men are looking for a submissive girlfriend...and that is the only type of godly woman in their eyes. It is a common statement on this forum.

 

[bèlla]

Well, a lot of men are looking for a submissive girlfriend...and that is the only type of godly woman in their eyes. It is a common statement on this forum.

I don’t think they expect a partner to behave like a wife or as you’ve done in your marriage.

I believe they desire someone who’ll respect them and their leadership. A companion who won’t subject them to power struggles or wish to wear the pants in the relationship.

They want someone who’ll receive them—all of them—and love them the way they are.

 

[blackribbon]

As believers, we all yield to Someone greater than ourselves. We walk out the principles of submission through our belief in God and Christ.

Children learn to respect authority through parents, teachers, and others in their lives. This prepares them to be law abiding citizens and good employees.

The biblical principles for godly character are often addressed to both. Christ’s idea of greatness wasn’t founded in strength or capacity. It was grounded in humility and servanthood.



She is a wonderful example of diligence that is never mentioned in the New Testament. Sarah is noted in the heroes of faith in Hebrews, hers is the lone age recorded in the bible for a woman, and she is the example that Peter references for submission.

as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. —1 Peter 3:6

She is our matriarch. Not the Proverbs 31 woman.

Sarah? The woman that laughed at God's word that she would have a son? The woman who offered up her handmaiden to her husband because she didn't believe God could provide a baby to Abram through her body? The woman that kicked that same woman out of their home along with a child after the servant (and her husband) did as she requested? I don't even see a lot of examples of her submitting...I mean she certainly took control of Hagar's life and made it hell. I don't see great examples of faith in God. I simply see a woman who was acting like a wife in the culture of the times.

Not exactly a great role model in my eyes.

 

[blackribbon]

]

They want someone who’ll receive them—all of them—and love them the way they are.

That isn't the definition of "submissive woman". Many men have posted that they want a "submissive woman" to marry because they believe that this is the definition of a godly Christian woman.

 

[Rigatoni]

Well, a lot of men are looking for a submissive girlfriend...and that is the only type of godly woman in their eyes. It is a common statement on this forum.

Can you prove that? Are there posts you can quote? Because I don't think that's even the slightest bit true.

 

[bèlla]

I don't even see a lot of examples of her submitting...

Sarah, the woman who left her father’s house without complaint.

Sarah, the woman who went down to Egypt and pretended to be Abraham’s sister and was taken into Pharaoh’s house and never blamed him.

Sarah, who came home with Hagar in tow due to her husband’s decision to go to Egypt.

Sarah, whose desire to fulfill the longings of Abraham’s heart led her to offer her servant to him

That imperfect woman is the one the Lord proclaimed as exemplary and worthy of emulating. How many women would have stayed the course and never complained or belittled their husband’s decisions?

Not exactly a great role model in my eyes.

What challenges did the Proverbs 31 woman face? How was her faith tested? That remains unsaid.

Greatness in God’s eyes isn’t perfection or accolades. If it was most would fall short.

 

[bèlla]

That isn't the definition of "submissive woman". Many men have posted that they want a "submissive woman" to marry because they believe that this is the definition of a godly Christian woman.

How does your definition of submission factor into their choice for a companion? And why would it matter?

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I don't really see what pressure there is. You earn what you earn and combined you live within those means. If one earns more than the other, it really doesn't make much difference.

Good point. It would seem to be more of a question of the concern for social status.
I know of a wonan US postal worker, a mere mail sorter, that makes about 80k a year....a mail sorter.

She has this irrational fear that if she dates a guy who makes less....a schoolteacher, that she'll somehow find him a burden she'll have to carry.

 

[bèlla]

Good point. It would seem to be more of a question of the concern for social status.

A breadwinner provides the primary financial support. The household’s livelihood is dependent on their earnings. It has nothing to do with social status or putting your money together.

An individual focusing on social status is more likely to discriminate on the type of work the person does since prestige is the aim. This was frequently seen in white versus blue collar employment.

I know of a wonan US postal worker, a mere mail sorter, that makes about 80k a year....a mail sorter.

She has this irrational fear that if she dates a guy who makes less....a schoolteacher, that she'll somehow find him a burden she'll have to carry.

Postal jobs are very secure and the wages are determined by pay grade. They have good benefits and a guaranteed pension. She’d have to do something far fetched to lose her job.

Maybe her fear isn’t irrational. When people worry about being taken advantage of there’s usually a reason. Something they’ve experienced firsthand or seen another go through.

Things aren’t always as they appear. Your assumptions could be wrong. For what its worth, this is the perspective on money I have and was reared with.

 

[bèlla]

This is an example of submission and service.

Sophia used her words to elevate and motivate her husband. He came home very discouraged and defeated. He had just lost his job and dreaded telling his wife the bad news. However, after explaining his plight, he was met with an unexpected response.

“Now,” she said triumphantly as she clapped her hands in delight, “you can write your book!”

“Yes,” replied the man, with sagging confidence. “And what shall we live on while I am writing it?”

To his amazement, she opened a drawer and pulled out a substantial amount of money.

“Where on earth did you get that?” he exclaimed.

“I have always known you were a man of genius,” she told him. “I knew that someday you would write a masterpiece. So every week, out of the money you gave me for housekeeping, I saved a little bit. Here is enough to last us for one whole year.”

From her trust, confidence, and encouraging words came one of the greatest novels of American literature. That was the year Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote The Scarlet Letter.