Marriage decline blamed on lack of 'economically attractive' men

[bèlla]

First He needs to pull the miracle of sending me someone who will like me despite my poor social skills!

That isn’t hard for Him! Look at my post in the what’s on your mind thread.

They're quite few, I know! I met some already. They tend to be simple, very approachable, down-to-Earth women but I let them slip through my fingers.

Why does it happen? I was wondering the same thing recently and questioning if I missed a good opportunity. But after my classmate’s revelation I realized He can bring me to the right person no matter what and I needn’t worry.

Memory problems is probably not just my mind problem but can also be very stupid.

But that probably isn’t the way she’ll see you. We worry about our flaws and they’re rarely the things that bother others because their nuances are different.

You’re smart and your challenges may make you more personable and humble than most with similar intelligence. And maybe that’s important to her and she won’t feel bad about the things she doesn’t know.

When I shared the realities of being ill in the past and the limitations it placed on me He revealed its connection to the men I’ve dated. They’re concerned about my welfare and want me to remain healthy. Removing the burden of earning ensures I won’t push myself too much and relapse.

That was an important revelation that will help me to assure my companion and be less put off by someone who desires me to do less than I am. Things aren’t always as bad as we assume.

Even with this subject, poverty and lack can leave mental impressions. I had a neighbor who purchased excessive amounts of food. Her cupboards were full and extras were stored in boxes. When she shared her childhood experiences I understood the feeling of scarcity remained.

So maybe the best thing is to ask why the person feels money is important. They may have suffered hardships or watched their parents endure them and the fear of the same makes them scared. People don’t readily admit this and some don’t realize its influencing their choices.

 

[bèlla]

While I am away, yes. I would like to think that I'm connected to one or 2 others but the truth is that for what ever reason the communication with anybody else is sporadic at best and always only superficial.

Are you open to online bible study and fellowship along those lines?

 

[Anguspure]

That's ok, it was really stupid of me to pass on a true gem!

You don't meet everyday someone who is smart, unsophisticated and simple but confident, easy to talk to, tries to be funny even though she has terrible sense of humor, doesn't waste time on selfies and facebook, but best of all, likes me for who I am!

I overestimated my self worth. Didn't realize or don't want to find out how deeply flawed I am. I believe I deserve someone "perfect". And that is really stupid!

I'm not that stupid but maybe to stupid just to meet someone. Would just like to meet someone to hang out with, perhaps a date. It seems that is a high enough expectation as it is.

 

[Anguspure]

Are you open to online bible study and fellowship along those lines?

In principle but a problem in practice. Bandwidth and available time at sea are an issue (not a rig worker, they get the flash stuff, we are the poor cousins on our little tug boats). Not to mention time zone differences. Its probably why people don't bother in the first place. They seem to imagine us swanning around in the sunshine on our luxury yachts.

 

[bèlla]

I'm not that stupid but maybe to stupid just to meet someone. Would just like to meet someone to hang out with, perhaps a date. It seems that is a high enough expectation as it is.

You two will probably beat most of us to the altar!

 

[bèlla]

In principle but a problem in practice. Bandwidth and available time at sea are an issue (not a rig worker, they get the flash stuff, we are the poor cousins on our little tug boats). Not to mention time zone differences. Its probably why people don't bother in the first place. They seem to imagine us swanning around in the sunshine on our luxury yachts.

It could be a catalyst for an online small group of people with similar challenges. I doubt you’re the only one.

 

[Anguspure]

It could be a catalyst for an online small group of people with similar challenges. I doubt you’re the only one.

I have heard of one. Usually hear about the odd one because they break cover and get grumbled about.
I have tried to encourage the start of something like this by getting an introduction to an old sea captain who wanted to do the same thing. No intro yet and don't know where to find him.
We'll get there I guess.

 

[Anguspure]

You two will probably beat most of us to the altar!

You are a darling.

 

[bèlla]

I have heard of one. Usually hear about the odd one because they break cover and get grumbled about.
I have tried to encourage the start of something like this by getting an introduction to an old sea captain who wanted to do the same thing. No intro yet and don't know where to find him.
We'll get there I guess.

Since you’re here amongst believers, start a thread to find others like yourself.

Ask if anyone is struggling with a lack of fellowship due to responsibilities and work. And inquire how they dealt with it. Put it in the Christian Advice folder.

Once you find others like yourself you can work on building connections and sharing the Word.

 

[bèlla]

You are a darling.

Thank you for the compliment.

 

[blackribbon]

What if someone enjoys working fast food, and works their way up to manager later on - thus earning a decent salary. Or what if they work fast food, and have a hobby that supplements additional income. Would they be someone to consider marrying?

I don't think this article is saying that men aren't worth marrying but rather that the women who are single and want to get married are not matching to the men who are available and wanting to get married. Yes, your job does define part of who you are. And while there is nothing wrong with being a manager who worked up from an entry level job in a fast food restaurant, I sort of doubt that a woman who is a lawyer is likely to have too much in common with him to make that a likely "dating couple". The man who isn't working or is only working (especially by choice) for the minimum he can make is not likely to attract a woman who wants to be a stay-a-home Christian wife and mother. No sinister forces in this situation. Just a mismatch of people and their realities.

 

[blackribbon]

Oh, and the price of rent is going sky high, so that doesn't help matters.

I think that people's expectations are going sky high. 20 years ago, people would have laughed at the idea of paying hundreds of dollars for a phone or phone service ... and yet, even children have cell phones now. People now expect to have their own apartments or homes when before people were often roommates if not married. And no one seems to know what a "starter" home is or has any plans of living through hardships to be able to save up for better things.

 

[blackribbon]

Furthermore, many where I live are marrying foreign women because they actually know how to be wives and mothers. I'm no stranger to interracial relationships/marriage but I find this to be very interesting that over in the Old World they have a stronger sense of a family unit than many over in North America. It's like we traded meaningful relationships for wealth and status.

Isn't that what the foreign born spouses who are marrying and then leaving their families are doing? Trading the relationships they would have if they didn't immigrate to a new country for the wealth and status of coming to your country?

 

[Rigatoni]

I don't think this article is saying that men aren't worth marrying but rather that the women who are single and want to get married are not matching to the men who are available and wanting to get married. Yes, your job does define part of who you are. And while there is nothing wrong with being a manager who worked up from an entry level job in a fast food restaurant, I sort of doubt that a woman who is a lawyer is likely to have too much in common with him to make that a likely "dating couple". The man who isn't working or is only working (especially by choice) for the minimum he can make is not likely to attract a woman who wants to be a stay-a-home Christian wife and mother. No sinister forces in this situation. Just a mismatch of people and their realities.

There's a much larger issue though, which is why I brought up that hypothetical situation. The article suggests that the decline in marriage in the U.S. is due to a lack of economically attractive men, who are either unemployed or financially unstable. But, I do believe the issue is much more complex than that. Many of us who are in the dating scene know that, especially with the way the culture is today.

With the rise of pride, greed, materialism and economic instability, and with the loss of traditional values, marriage in general has become less and less desirable. One reason marriage is in decline is because many have just lot interest or no longer see the point. I think we've lost sight of what marriage is truly about.

 

[timewerx]

That isn’t hard for Him! Look at my post in the what’s on your mind thread.

Why does it happen? I was wondering the same thing recently and questioning if I missed a good opportunity. But after my classmate’s revelation I realized He can bring me to the right person no matter what and I needn’t worry.

I was a little easier for me to come across good Christian women in the past. But present situation makes a lot harder. I literally have no time to even join our Church's singles and other very interesting ministry groups.

Even with this subject, poverty and lack can leave mental impressions. I had a neighbor who purchased excessive amounts of food. Her cupboards were full and extras were stored in boxes. When she shared her childhood experiences I understood the feeling of scarcity remained.

So maybe the best thing is to ask why the person feels money is important. They may have suffered hardships or watched their parents endure them and the fear of the same makes them scared. People don’t readily admit this and some don’t realize its influencing their choices.

Yes, I understand why money is important to many and to me as well.

It can be hard to make honest income for many is one big reason I find. We live in a harsh and unforgiving environment that only caters to the strongest.

And I've experienced being down on luck for a very long time with empty bank account. It's horrible.

I certainly understand a woman who desires financial security to sustain basic needs, safety, shelter, food, and tools needed to do our jobs for the whole family.

But financial security to sustain vanity, luxuries, expensive activities is someone I should probably avoid.

 

[Anguspure]

I was a little easier for me to come across good Christian women in the past. But present situation makes a lot harder. I literally have no time to even join our Church's singles and other very interesting ministry groups.



Yes, I understand why money is important to many and to me as well.

It can be hard to make honest income for many is one big reason I find. We live in a harsh and unforgiving environment that only caters to the strongest.

And I've experienced being down on luck for a very long time with empty bank account. It's horrible.

I certainly understand a woman who desires financial security to sustain basic needs, safety, shelter, food, and tools needed to do our jobs for the whole family.

But financial security to sustain vanity, luxuries, expensive activities is someone I should probably avoid.

Understand what you are saying brother. I would also like a lady who can live with a minimal income.

But I would also like a lady who likes to be a lady, this is perhaps a more difficult thing to find.

This sounds like something to work towards to me:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body." Ephesians 5

This man lays down His life for Her, to give Her everything She needs, and She in turn presents herself to Him as somebody incredibly beautiful.

 

[timewerx]

Why does it happen? I was wondering the same thing recently and questioning if I missed a good opportunity.

It can look that way.

But there are many Christians who seemed to have married a perfect Christian person but things didn't go well in the end so why didn't God prevent this?

 

[bèlla]

I was a little easier for me to come across good Christian women in the past. But present situation makes a lot harder. I literally have no time to even join our Church's singles and other very interesting ministry groups.

That is challenging. Are your fellowshipping needs being met or are you desiring more?

And I've experienced being down on luck for a very long time with empty bank account. It's horrible.

Do you think its harder for you because you’ve had greater resources in the past? How do others in your country manage in similar conditions?

But financial security to sustain vanity, luxuries, expensive activities is someone I should probably avoid.

I think God writes our story if we let Him. I’m trying to be more open-minded on what that entails partner wise. What I believe is best may not be edifying for my spirit.

I’m reminded of something I read:

Treat a man as he appears to be, and you make him worse. But treat a man as if he were what he potentially could be, and you make him what he should be. —Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you’re low you need someone with vision and wisdom by your side who sees the larger picture. Their belief and encouragement can be the difference between apathy and success.

That doesn’t usually hail from people in the same position. If you’re in a rut you’re busy trying to free yourself. But the person on the other side of your circumstances sees the way and can lend a hand.

I don’t know what the future holds for you. But I know the power of belief and how it ministers to the mind, heart and spirit. The way forward may not include the person of low estimation you’re imagining.

God may have a ram in the bush who speaks life-giving words who isn’t in the guise you’d expect. I would hope that whomever He sends to be your beloved you will welcome her with open arms.

You don’t need someone who commiserates. You need hope and faith reinforced on a daily basis. That’s how breakthroughs occur.

 

[blackribbon]

There's a much larger issue though, which is why I brought up that hypothetical situation. The article suggests that the decline in marriage in the U.S. is due to a lack of economically attractive men, who are either unemployed or financially unstable. But, I do believe the issue is much more complex than that. Many of us who are in the dating scene know that, especially with the way the culture is today.

With the rise of pride, greed, materialism and economic instability, and with the loss of traditional values, marriage in general has become less and less desirable. One reason marriage is in decline is because many have just lot interest or no longer see the point. I think we've lost sight of what marriage is truly about.

Most the people I know are married, have been married, or are wanting to be married. I don't really see the lack of interest in marriage.

 

[Rigatoni]

Most the people I know are married, have been married, or are wanting to be married. I don't really see the lack of interest in marriage.

While many do still desire to be married, a growing number are losing interest in marriage with this generation:
15 Reasons Why Millennials Don’t Want to Get Married - invibed

I haven't completely lost interest in it myself, but I am losing faith in the ability to find a decent partner who is submissive, down to earth and who holds to traditional values. Many guys I know are experiencing something similar.

Interestingly enough, God did bring someone into my life recently who is submissive, family-oriented and traditional, but we have different views in terms of faith and she's from another country. It is an encouragement, but finding someone like that nowadays is rare.