Marriage decline blamed on lack of 'economically attractive' men

[Anguspure]

That's true.

I've been to NZ before. It's true in that country, you don't have to hold a job to be financially stable, you only need to stay away from booze, drugs, and overeating to be financially stable, lol!

Generous government styphen, free health care, and cheap education.

Ironically, I did get a GF while in NZ, and a couple of dates.

Wouldn't been that successful with women in other countries! I'm broke and they don't care! I even have terrible social skills!

While in some parts of USA, I am like invisible man. I'm simple and fairly "laid back" in style. Not every place appreciates it.

I am the same with the girls in NZ, funny that, something about the exotic...must travel.

 

[timewerx]

I am the same with the girls in NZ, funny that, something about the exotic...must travel.

Yes, travel helps a lot establishing a connection. But the LDR that follows can be problematic, very problematic.

Unless you're rich which makes the process a lot easier. The world only cares about people with lots of money. I'm glad the Lord's Kingdom does not work like that, tired of this world!

 

[Anguspure]

Yes, travel helps a lot establishing a connection. But the LDR that follows can be problematic, very problematic.

Unless you're rich which makes the process a lot easier. The world only cares about people with lots of money. I'm glad the Lord's Kingdom does not work like that, tired of this world!

My experience with the Kingdom, thus far, is that it isn't a whole lot different and in fact the obstacles to forming a relationship are much higher.
Funny that, a religion that is all about Loving relationships is more difficult to find close loving relationship in than going down to the local pub.
I realise that this should not be so and have very briefly under certain circumstances experienced something different, but 3 or 4 months of Kingdom in 45 years is a bit discouraging.

 

[timewerx]

My experience with the Kingdom, thus far, is that it isn't a whole lot different and in fact the obstacles to forming a relationship are much higher.
Funny that, a religion that is all about Loving relationships is more difficult to find close loving relationship in than going down to the local pub.
I realise that this should not be so and have very briefly under certain circumstances experienced something different, but 3 or 4 months of Kingdom in 45 years is a bit discouraging.

It's probably not the Kingdom. Just worldly people trying to get the salvation ticket for the afterlife.

People doing things they otherwise wouldn't do if not for money/prosperity or salvation doesn't really love what they're doing.

Jesus doesn't know them.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Job stability as a non-negotiable is fairly meaningless. I'm a post-doc so fixed term contracts are the norm. And before that I worked in projects engineering where there are cycles of hiring and redundancies as the work ebbs and flows. God gives, and God takes, so those lucky enough to be in well paid stable jobs could lose it all in a moment.

It also makes a mockery of the wedding vow 'for better or worse'. There aren't many behaviours and values on the dating scene that make me lose interest quicker than someone who is seemingly weighing up the finances of a potential partner that they barely know. My immediate thought is 'they're gonna pack their bags at the first hurdle', and 'they're a quitter not a sticker'.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

 

[bèlla]

My experience with the Kingdom, thus far, is that it isn't a whole lot different and in fact the obstacles to forming a relationship are much higher.

I used to feel the same but I realize I was wrong. I simply loved my unsaved friends profoundly more than the people I’ve encountered. And I administered grace and abundant forgiveness in those connections.

They weren’t perfect. There were mistakes and hurts on both sides. But we loved each other fiercely. That doesn’t happen overnight. It was a leap of faith for both.

I think our expectations are the culprit. We expect better treatment from believers and when they fail we’re disheartened. But if we saw them as works-in-progress (like we are) maybe we’d have more patience and less offense.

At some point you must cease to point the finger away from yourself and bemoan what everyone has done. You have to ask the Lord to change you instead. And as He does you begin to see people and circumstances in a different light.

When you want to share your life with someone you put up with a lot of crap. But there’s a heap of good intermingled. And you’ll miss it when you’re fixated on mistakes, disappointments and slights.

When we put away stinking thinking and set our minds on things that edify; life looks better and our hearts breathe a sigh of relief. That’s the path I’m taking and I feel lighter with every step.

 

[timewerx]

It also makes a mockery of the wedding vow 'for better or worse'.

Good point!

I guess we should be looking for "marriage security" instead of "financial security". Someone who will put up with you for better or for worse.

Women won't always be pretty and we all get sick at some point... This is why marriage security is more important. You also want a guy who will stick with you even if you are no longer pretty due to older age, menopause, illness.

Women should also make higher priority with someone who will stick even if they're no longer pretty or sick.

Than make higher priority of Financial security.

 

[JustSomeBloke]

Now it's all about keeping up with the Joneses.

Pretty much. Consumerism and materialism are now a religion for many people. And social media just made everything worse by allowing everyone to see what everyone else has got. Whereas years ago people generally only saw what their small circle of closest friends have got.

My car is undoubtedly the oldest and tattiest on the street where I live, but it goes well, is very fuel efficient, and has yet to let me down. And I know how it goes together, so I can maintain and repair it myself. But I'm probably one of the few, if not the only one, that owns my car outright.

And isn't it weird how debt is described and marketed as 'credit'!

Before, everyone is content with little things but now, everyone wants to live like Middle class Americans.

A "need" that didn't exist before until seeing more of the things richer people do.

If nothing else, it's a useful filter for who to consider marrying, and who to avoid. I'd rather be poor and single, than be a millionaire, and trying to work out which of my suitors likes me, and which ones only like my money.

 

[bèlla]

Women won't always be pretty and we all get sick at some point... This is why marriage security is more important. You also want a guy who will stick with you even if you are no longer pretty due to older age, menopause, illness.

I think a lot of this is subjective. Beauty is a factor of genetics, diet and lifestyle. Menopause has nothing to do with unattractiveness. And many women age well. Especially those who’ve taken care of themselves.

The older women in my family range from mid-sixties to late eighties. The oldest has health challenges. She’s nearing 90. The rest are in good health with active lives and look well. They didn’t lead tawdry lifestyles and keep themselves up. Aging hasn’t changed that.

I’m not certain what its like where you are. But in America getting older is not a sentence for a loss of beauty, dowdiness, or anything along those lines. There are attractive women of different ages who delight in their upkeep and a pleasing presentation.

And in America, men are statistically more overweight/obese and often die sooner.

 

[Anguspure]

I used to feel the same but I realize I was wrong. I simply loved my unsaved friends profoundly more than the people I’ve encountered. And I administered grace and abundant forgiveness in those connections.

They weren’t perfect. There were mistakes and hurts on both sides. But we loved each other fiercely. That doesn’t happen overnight. It was a leap of faith for both.

I think our expectations are the culprit. We expect better treatment from believers and when they fail we’re disheartened. But if we saw them as works-in-progress (like we are) maybe we’d have more patience and less offense.

At some point you must cease to point the finger away from yourself and bemoan what everyone has done. You have to ask the Lord to change you instead. And as He does you begin to see people and circumstances in a different light.

When you want to share your life with someone you put up with a lot of crap. But there’s a heap of good intermingled. And you’ll miss it when you’re fixated on mistakes, disappointments and slights.

When we put away stinking thinking and set our minds on things that edify; life looks better and our hearts breathe a sigh of relief. That’s the path I’m taking and I feel lighter with every step.

I hear you, but just to put things in perspective, my life is lived thousands of miles away from normal human contact and as a Christian in isolation. Not much can be done about, its how I support my family and the alternative is that my family doesn't get supported.
So your conversation here is the only contact I have with Christian people in spite of my best efforts. I have tried to remain optimistic but my observation follows many years of head banging and was not my start point.
I also Love the nonbeleivers I live with, understand how much Yeshua Loves them. But one thing they all have in common is that they don't want Christianity in their lives.
A friendship there is just not the same.

 

[timewerx]

Beauty is a factor of genetics, diet and lifestyle.

Unfortunately, not everyone will have good genes to be good looking, age well, and a good mind to succeed in this world.

I was only blessed with "age well". But my mind isn't very good. I have serious memory retention problems which I inherited from my mother's side. I use lots of aids just to do my work and record extensively (written, apps, computer aids, audio, even video)

I can do my work well enough but not enough to be competitive. But the worst effect of having poor memory is also poor social skills when it's quite difficult to be spontaneous and remember the right things to say. And I find it's really hard to succeed in life if unable to make strong connections with people.

It's ironic. All successful people I know personally, got to where they are through friends and through their good socials skills. I take good care of my body though, keep fit and the right weight, healthy diet, etc. But seems not enough.

I may seem good at writing but because it gives me lots of time to compose the words and recall the things to say.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

marriage being in decline is a combination of disinterest and lack of necessity.

do you know what the most expensive piece of toilet paper is?

a liberal arts degree

 

[bèlla]

I hear you, but just to put things in perspective, my life is lived thousands of miles away from normal human contact and as a Christian in isolation.

I used to someone years ago who worked on an oil rig. I know what you mean.

So your conversation here is the only contact I have with Christian people in spite of my best efforts.

Is this the only community you’re connected with?

 

[bèlla]

It's ironic. All successful people I know personally, got to where they are through friends and through their good socials skills. I take good care of my body though, keep fit and the right weight, healthy diet, etc. But seems not enough.

That’s interesting. Its popularly believed that money and connections make the greatest difference. In our culture that holds true. I think good social skills are useful. But God can work beyond your limitations. He may pair you with someone who excels in that area.

I may seem good at writing but because it gives me lots of time to compose the words and recall the things to say.

You do. I would have never guessed unless you said so. You communicate well and there is a need for more of that in this space.

 

[timewerx]

He may pair you with someone who excels in that area.

First He needs to pull the miracle of sending me someone who will like me despite my poor social skills!

They're quite few, I know! I met some already. They tend to be simple, very approachable, down-to-Earth women but I let them slip through my fingers.

Memory problems is probably not just my mind problem but can also be very stupid.

 

[Anguspure]

I used to someone years ago who worked on an oil rig. I know what you mean.
Is this the only community you’re connected with?

While I am away, yes. I would like to think that I'm connected to one or 2 others but the truth is that for what ever reason the communication with anybody else is sporadic at best and always only superficial.

 

[Anguspure]

First He needs to pull the miracle of sending me someone who will like me despite my poor social skills!

They're quite few, I know! I met some already. They tend to be simple, very approachable, down-to-Earth women but I let them slip through my fingers.

Memory problems is probably not just my mind problem but can also be very stupid.

Was going to tap "agree" but realised that it might mean I agree that you are stupid. I do not. But it seems we are in a similar boat...

 

[timewerx]

Was going to tap "agree" but realised that it might mean I agree that you are stupid. I do not. But it seems we are in a similar boat...

That's ok, it was really stupid of me to pass on a true gem!

You don't meet everyday someone who is smart, unsophisticated and simple but confident, easy to talk to, tries to be funny even though she has terrible sense of humor, doesn't waste time on selfies and facebook, but best of all, likes me for who I am!

I overestimated my self worth. Didn't realize or don't want to find out how deeply flawed I am. I believe I deserve someone "perfect". And that is really stupid!

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

In other news: Divorces are up due to money grubbing leech w****