marriage and income

[mama2one]

don't remember if we discussed money before marriage as we got engaged and married so quickly
however, we did the church pre-marriage counselling so it might have been one of the topics gone over

 

[bèlla]

If the discussion (pre-marriage) ever was about sex, the church leadership would (and did a couple of times) dissolve the engagement and move one of the parties to another city or state.

There is too much abuse and dysfunction to forgo discussions on sex. That includes experiences in their youth, teens, and adult years. You can’t make an informed decision when details are lacking.

 

[Tolworth John]

Does that also account for people that are married in "name only"?

No, married means having gone through a ceremony.

 

[Dave-W]

There is too much abuse and dysfunction to forgo discussions on sex. That includes experiences in their youth, teens, and adult years. You can’t make an informed decision when details are lacking.

I totally agree. When Sharon and I got engaged, our home group leader (who was a full time pastoral employee of the congregation) gave us the book "Act of Marriage" by Tim Lehay. He warned me to not let anyone know we had it as it could have cost him his job.

They wanted EVERYONE to come to the marriage altar completely ignorant, even of what desire felt like.

 

[Loversofjesus_2018]

Since money is the leading cause of divorce and 50% of Christian marriages fail it seems foolish to ignore the issue.

Financial discipline is a must for me. I’m debt free and unlikely to consider someone financially encumbered. The same is true for my daughter and I wouldn’t sanction that union.

I pay attention to familial attitudes regarding money and discuss parental influences. I’m mindful if he’s frequently giving resources to loved ones in need and if they’ve grown dependent on that practice. Many do.

We are told the borrower is the slave of the lender. I make small allowances for business debt. But anything else requires prayer and consideration.

I was curious about the part you said you wouldn’t sanction that union. Do you believe adults need the approval of their parents to if they wanna marry someone?

 

[bèlla]

I was curious about the part you said you wouldn’t sanction that union. Do you believe adults need the approval of their parents to if they wanna marry someone?

I think the context is clear. I’m referencing my daughter. How others conduct their affairs is not my business.

My daughter is operating from a place of respect and humility. She’s led a sheltered life and desires my input on her prospects.

She is debt averse and was privy to financial instruction in her youth. And spent time reading financial publications and viewing programs. It is unlikely she’ll present someone heavy laden since it transgresses her principles.

We must choose the things we can live with consciously without complaint or regret. Wise counsel enables us to see truths we may forgo in deference to our heart.

 

[Loversofjesus_2018]

I think the context is clear. I’m referencing my daughter. How others conduct their affairs is not my business.

My daughter is operating from a place of respect and humility. She’s led a sheltered life and desires my input on her prospects.

She is debt averse and was privy to financial instruction in her youth. And spent time reading financial publications and viewing programs. It is unlikely she’ll present someone heavy laden since it transgresses her principles.

We must choose the things we can live with consciously without complaint or regret. Wise counsel enables us to see truths we may forgo in deference to our heart.

Yes it was clear I just didn’t know how you would feel about me asking so plainly. Sorry about that.... so I guess my curiosity is along the lines of if your daughter decided to go ahead and marry anyway even though you didn’t agree does that mean she is being disrespectful in your opinion? The only reason I ask is because I had a similar conversation with a friend and I was having a hard time understanding. You seem to communicate very well so you I’d love to hear your take on it. Thanks.

 

[bèlla]

Yes it was clear I just didn’t know how you would feel about me asking so plainly. Sorry about that.

No worries.

Marrying someone lacking financial discipline would compromise her resources and require my assistance. A man must manage his household. My benevolence is a gift. I’d have too much influence if they’re dependent.

And that shouldn’t be the case if he’s lived responsibly and within his means. A reckless person will continue their folly if they feel someone will bail them out. I’m not a bank.

 

[Loversofjesus_2018]

No worries.

Marrying someone lacking financial discipline would compromise her resources and require my assistance. A man must manage his household. My benevolence is a gift. I’d have too much influence if they’re dependent.

And that shouldn’t be the case if he’s lived responsibly and within his means. A reckless person will continue their folly if they feel someone will bail them out. I’m not a bank.

Makes sense, thank you. I enjoy reading your posts!

 

[bèlla]

Makes sense, thank you. I enjoy reading your posts!

Thank you.

 

[Paidiske]

My assumption going into marriage - based on having watched my parents' lives together - was that finances were not a fixed state thing. That through life there would be ups and downs, seasons with good income and seasons without good income, and that the important thing in the marriage was that husband and wife be willing to work together and support one another through those ups and downs.

I don't remember that I discussed it with my now-husband in quite those terms, but we did a lot of work before and just after we married to get our finances in good order and eliminate debt, partly because I saw that as a way of putting us in a good position before an inevitable more difficult season.

 

[Speedwell]

Sometimes we were broke, sometimes we were flush, sometimes I worked, sometimes my wife worked and I stayed home with the kids, sometimes we both worked. Trying to live up to preconceived roles like I see described in this thread would have been just too much stress.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Yeah - some churches (like the one I attended in college) discouraged that kind of communication.

Mark Gungor should be compulsory watching for anyone contemplating marriage.

 

[RestoreTheJoy]

Statistics don’t influence my behavior. I follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. The loss of a few points doesn’t negate the failures that took place.

I prefer to converse with people who have thriving marriages whose behavior confirms the happiness they attest. I want to know how they clung to God in light of their challenges and how they’ve grown as a result.

This. If you want to know if this is a good match, hang out with some people married 25+ years. Or better yet, 50 years. They will tell you, if you have ears to hear.

 

[Noxot]

Always helps to have accurate states.
"It’s a useful myth,” said Bradley Wright, a University of Connecticut sociologist who recently wrote “Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites … and Other Lies You’ve Been Told.”
'the General Social Survey, a vast demographic study conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, and found that Christians, like adherents of other religions, have a divorce rate of about 42%. The rate among religiously unaffiliated Americans is 50%.

When Wright examined the statistics on evangelicals, he found worship attendance has a big influence on the numbers. Six in 10 evangelicals who never attend had been divorced or separated, compared to just 38% of weekly attendees.'

If it is advice about marriage try this lecture:-
William Lane Craig offers advice to Christians considering marriage

That doesn't mean that religious people are automatically better, it's not an automatic virtue to stay married no matter what. Some people won't divorce no matter what, and I'm talking about grevious sin. Not saying divorce is always the answer even in such horrible situations but sometimes people just won't divorce.

 

[Noxot]

It's kind of a relief to hear some of the testimonies in this thread. evolutionary psychology kind of tends to blackpill you. In particular it is one of the main things that incels know about and it often imbitters them even more.

I think it was an evolutionary psychologist named gad saad that mentioned that even if a woman makes plenty of money she tends to expect the man to pay for such things as dinners. He also mentioned that men are supposed to spend about 25% of their wealth on their partner.

also I heard that a woman tends to select for a man equal to or above her own status. However I am sure that their own perception and judgment plays A role. High-status woman might find it hard to find a proper partner.

 

[MehGuy]

Love Gad Saad. Although sadly I heard he's currently hiding under the table from rabid racists and anti-semites.

 

[Noxot]

Love Gad Saad. Although sadly I heard he's currently hiding under the table from rabid racists and anti-semites.

It's easy to hate the guy.

 

[FireDragon76]

Always helps to have accurate states.
"It’s a useful myth,” said Bradley Wright, a University of Connecticut sociologist who recently wrote “Christians Are Hate-Filled Hypocrites … and Other Lies You’ve Been Told.”
'the General Social Survey, a vast demographic study conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, and found that Christians, like adherents of other religions, have a divorce rate of about 42%. The rate among religiously unaffiliated Americans is 50%.

When Wright examined the statistics on evangelicals, he found worship attendance has a big influence on the numbers. Six in 10 evangelicals who never attend had been divorced or separated, compared to just 38% of weekly attendees.'

If it is advice about marriage try this lecture:-
William Lane Craig offers advice to Christians considering marriage

How can one be an evangelical that never attends church? That baffles me. Somebody needs to come up with better labels that actually describe peoples actual beliefs and behaviors.

 

[Tanj]

BTW - side note: If the discussion (pre-marriage) ever was about sex, the church leadership would (and did a couple of times) dissolve the engagement and move one of the parties to another city or state.

I'm sorry.... what now? How does that work? Do they bundle them into a black van in the middle of the night? How does anyone move someone to another city against their will?