I didn’t understand because I was told as a kid that my father could not see me any more after a certain age. I didn’t get it how it was different for a strange male doctor. I think that my mom’s answer was something like “It’s different because he’s a doctor”. I didn’t buy my mom’s explanation because I knew that both the doctor and my father are men.
Your extreme reactions would seem to stem from this one incident.
In an ideal world, young girls learn about their sexuality from their dads. Dad admires how beautiful they are, but at the same time he knows how to model safe boundaries; he may look, and he may even say something appreciative in an age appropriate way, but he will not touch or speak or look inappropriately. The girl then learns that respectful men will not cross boundaries; she learns that she is beautiful, even attractive, but that she owns her own body.
In the same ideal world, the child's body only becomes out of bounds in terms of being seen (nakedness, as when having a bath, for example) when the
child decides it is appropriate for it to be, for both mum
and dad. When mum and dad realise that the nudity which has not been a problem until then has become a problem, then they will meet that child's need for privacy.
I did this with my d. Until she was about 7 or 8 we were both ok with being naked. Then she got coy, and wanted more privacy, so I fitted her bedroom with a bolt, so she could know that she had privacy for undressing, and I then also started to lock the bathroom door myself. It was because
she needed this; she set the boundaries, and I honoured them.
Your dad did not do this. What he did was not about your needs, but his. Therefore, it was not healthy, imo. Before you realised that you were naked, he decided that he was no longer going to look at you. The message this sends to a very young child is that her nakedness is totally unacceptable. In a sense, he cast you out of the Garden of Eden before you had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He did not allow you to discover your own nakedness; he communicated it to you far too early, and then your mother compounded the damage and reinforced his message.
You have, therefore, taken this shame on board, and you extrapolate from it to include every single other man, as if they are the same as your dad. The message your parents gave you is that the only way for you to be accepted, is for you never to be seen naked (incidentally, of course, the same message that Islam gives to its women). You are now living that message, and attempting to pass it on to other women as well. In theory you say your husband would be ok, but you do not have a husband, do you? I suspect that until you unravel this very deep shame, you will find it difficult to start a relationship of the kind you would like.
You even assume that because your dad could not handle seeing you naked without fear, that no doctor can either. This is all very understandable, but it is not about modesty. It is about your dad causing you emotional harm at a vulnerable moment, and that harm having an impact on your current life. You even come here and try to make other women fearful of their doctors as well.
Here is what is actually true. The vast majority of fathers DO NOT get aroused by the sight of their own naked daughters. And doctors DO NOT get aroused by the sight of patients.
Some random weirdos may abuse their daughters or patients, but some random weirdos also commit murder. Most men would not dream of doing either.
I am sure you will prefer to regard yourself as super pious, rather than emotionallly damaged; who wouldn't? Nonetheless, the fact remains, until you sort this issue out, your life is going to be unnecessarily constrained, and that is a real shame.
