Lust

[xjoeoconnorx]

Hey everyone,

So I've seen and read a lot of threads here focused on inappropriate contentography and masturbation, but I haven't seen one in my small amount of time here on lust.
Masturbation has definitely been a long-lasting struggle for me and inappropriate content has shown it's head throughout the years in varying degrees of severity. However, I feel like I have the knowledge and steps in place to combat those addictions through software and accountability.

But what I really struggle with is everyday lust. I spent a lot of time as a single guy, I was 21 when I first had a relationship, and then after that ended I spent around a year again as single. Over that time being single I felt like I was free to let my eyes wander, not online but in real life.
I felt like I could justify lusting after girls with something lame like "I'm just admiring God's creation" or "I'm single and I just find this person attractive". I don't think I ever realised that what I was doing was objectifying and lusting after girls, because I was never imagining them in some kind of sexual fantasy, I was just gawking with my eyeballs.
The result of that is that I'm basically addicted to looking at other women, or to the female physical form. It's so hard for me to not look at the body of someone when they walk past me, or people on Youtube or a TV show, I find myself looking at their body in an objectifying way. My brain is so hardwired to do it after years of doing so.

It's hard because I'm in a relationship now and for a long time the issue stopped because we were still in that honeymoon stage that we all go through when we start dating where you're infatuated with each other and life kinda stops for a bit (not as in sex outside of marriage, we're both celibate), but now that it's died down and it's more about real life and remaining dedicated and loyal to each other I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's so hard because we live in a hyper-sexualized culture and semi-naked women are thrown in my face constantly. If we're walking through a mall there are bra models everywhere. If we're going out to eat at a cafe or restaurant the servers wear low cut clothing because they get higher tips that way, and that's not even taking into consideration how mainstream society dresses today.
It's constantly in my face and the only way I feel like I can avoid looking at women is to walk along looking at my feet. But that's no way to live life.

My girlfriend sees it and it upsets her, but she understands my struggle. The more I let my eyes wander and lust, the easier it is to fall into greater temptation and touch or watch inappropriate content. It makes me feel like trash and while I have been able to take big steps forward, I still just have this automatic response to want to objectify every girl that I think looks good as they walk past.
I hate it, it's not me and it's not what God wants for my life and for His daughters. It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.
I want to get to the end of my life and have God congratulate me for always respecting His daughters, not asking what the heck I was doing.

Sorry this is a long ranty post thing but it's such a struggle for me at the moment. Any thoughts, ideas or tips? Lol.

God bless,
Joe

 

[Deus Vult!]

Hey everyone,

So I've seen and read a lot of threads here focused on inappropriate contentography and masturbation, but I haven't seen one in my small amount of time here on lust.
Masturbation has definitely been a long-lasting struggle for me and inappropriate content has shown it's head throughout the years in varying degrees of severity. However, I feel like I have the knowledge and steps in place to combat those addictions through software and accountability.

But what I really struggle with is everyday lust. I spent a lot of time as a single guy, I was 21 when I first had a relationship, and then after that ended I spent around a year again as single. Over that time being single I felt like I was free to let my eyes wander, not online but in real life.
I felt like I could justify lusting after girls with something lame like "I'm just admiring God's creation" or "I'm single and I just find this person attractive". I don't think I ever realised that what I was doing was objectifying and lusting after girls, because I was never imagining them in some kind of sexual fantasy, I was just gawking with my eyeballs.
The result of that is that I'm basically addicted to looking at other women, or to the female physical form. It's so hard for me to not look at the body of someone when they walk past me, or people on Youtube or a TV show, I find myself looking at their body in an objectifying way. My brain is so hardwired to do it after years of doing so.

It's hard because I'm in a relationship now and for a long time the issue stopped because we were still in that honeymoon stage that we all go through when we start dating, but now that it's died down and it's more about real life and remaining dedicated and loyal to each other I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's so hard because we live in a hyper-sexualized culture and semi-naked women are thrown in my face constantly. If we're walking through a mall there are bra models everywhere. If we're going out to eat at a cafe or restaurant the servers wear low cut clothing because they get higher tips that way, and that's not even taking into consideration how mainstream society dresses today.
It's constantly in my face and the only way I feel like I can avoid looking at women is to walk along looking at my feet. But that's no way to live life.

My girlfriend sees it and it upsets her, but she understands my struggle. The more I let my eyes wander and lust, the easier it is to fall into greater temptation and touch or watch inappropriate content. It makes me feel like trash and while I have been able to take big steps forward, I still just have this automatic response to want to objectify every girl that I think looks good as they walk past.
I hate it, it's not me and it's not what God wants for my life and for His daughters. It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.
I want to get to the end of my life and have God congratulate me for always respecting His daughters, not asking what the heck I was doing.

Sorry this is a long ranty post thing but it's such a struggle for me at the moment. Any thoughts, ideas or tips? Lol.

God bless,
Joe

How is it that you could have gone through a "honey moon phase" and yet you are not married?
Fornication is the act of sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
My tip would be to recognize that the Sacred Scripture explicitly states that unrepentant fornicators do not inherit the kingdom of God.
My tip would for you to live each day as if the Master were coming at the end of everyday, or rather for you to remind yourself that our Lord stated that Judgement will come upon all as a thief in the night, you do not know the hour of his arrival.
Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Marry your girlfriend in the Catholic Church so you do not cut yourself off from the Eucharist, and so you will cease to be a fornicator who defiles his own bed.

"Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled; but the sexually immoral and adulterers God will judge." - Hebrews 13:4

 

[xjoeoconnorx]

How is it that you could have gone through a "honey moon phase" and yet you are not married?
Fornication is the act of sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
My tip would be to recognize that the Sacred Scripture explicitly states that unrepentant fornicators do not inherit the kingdom of God.
My tip would for you to live each day as if the Master were coming at the end of everyday, or rather for you to remind yourself that our Lord stated that Judgement will come upon all as a thief in the night, you do not know the hour of his arrival.
Work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Marry your girlfriend in the Catholic Church so you do not cut yourself off from the Eucharist, and so you will cease to be a fornicator who defiles his own bed.

"Marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled; but the sexually immoral and adulterers God will judge." - Hebrews 13:4

Okay sorry, I should clarify. I don't mean the honeymoon stage in the sense of sex outside of marriage. We're both huge on celibacy.
I meant how when people first start dating they're infatuated with each other, spend all their time together and life almost halts for a while, while you get this brand new experience.
Like how when you're on your honeymoon, your life is halted while you enjoy time just the two of you.

I'll edit the original post.

 

[Sam91]

Loving people and changing what you value. In my opinion, favouring cute kids over ugly kids isn't fair either and that is hard to break too. Same when making friends with the same sex. I go through periods where I slip back into liking people better if they are attractive but that tends to be when I've been busy and spent less time with the Lord.

I am sometimes reminded of when James wrote about treating the rich person in the church better than a poor person. I remember such things as that are sinful in this instance and to me is no difference from liking people more based on appearance. I know this isn't lust but another way our flesh interferes with how we love each other. My solution is the same though.

My advice is to pray for wisdom and the capacity to love people better. New eyes to see past the surface and a pure heart. I find that praying against a sin or striving against it makes it harder to not do it. I advocate Philippians 4:6-8 approach instead.

Focus on the Lord and things which are good, Holy etc instead. (Admiring the Lord's creation in women as you said has caused you problems, so this isn't talking about that.) Walk in the Spirit.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Hey everyone,

So I've seen and read a lot of threads here focused on inappropriate contentography and masturbation, but I haven't seen one in my small amount of time here on lust.
Masturbation has definitely been a long-lasting struggle for me and inappropriate content has shown it's head throughout the years in varying degrees of severity. However, I feel like I have the knowledge and steps in place to combat those addictions through software and accountability.

But what I really struggle with is everyday lust. I spent a lot of time as a single guy, I was 21 when I first had a relationship, and then after that ended I spent around a year again as single. Over that time being single I felt like I was free to let my eyes wander, not online but in real life.
I felt like I could justify lusting after girls with something lame like "I'm just admiring God's creation" or "I'm single and I just find this person attractive". I don't think I ever realised that what I was doing was objectifying and lusting after girls, because I was never imagining them in some kind of sexual fantasy, I was just gawking with my eyeballs.
The result of that is that I'm basically addicted to looking at other women, or to the female physical form. It's so hard for me to not look at the body of someone when they walk past me, or people on Youtube or a TV show, I find myself looking at their body in an objectifying way. My brain is so hardwired to do it after years of doing so.

It's hard because I'm in a relationship now and for a long time the issue stopped because we were still in that honeymoon stage that we all go through when we start dating where you're infatuated with each other and life kinda stops for a bit (not as in sex outside of marriage, we're both celibate), but now that it's died down and it's more about real life and remaining dedicated and loyal to each other I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's so hard because we live in a hyper-sexualized culture and semi-naked women are thrown in my face constantly. If we're walking through a mall there are bra models everywhere. If we're going out to eat at a cafe or restaurant the servers wear low cut clothing because they get higher tips that way, and that's not even taking into consideration how mainstream society dresses today.
It's constantly in my face and the only way I feel like I can avoid looking at women is to walk along looking at my feet. But that's no way to live life.

My girlfriend sees it and it upsets her, but she understands my struggle. The more I let my eyes wander and lust, the easier it is to fall into greater temptation and touch or watch inappropriate content. It makes me feel like trash and while I have been able to take big steps forward, I still just have this automatic response to want to objectify every girl that I think looks good as they walk past.
I hate it, it's not me and it's not what God wants for my life and for His daughters. It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.
I want to get to the end of my life and have God congratulate me for always respecting His daughters, not asking what the heck I was doing.

Sorry this is a long ranty post thing but it's such a struggle for me at the moment. Any thoughts, ideas or tips? Lol.

God bless,
Joe

First, it helps to know that being attracted to the female form is perfectly normal. Think of Adam's reaction when he saw Eve. "Wow man!" hence the word woman. Now it's changed to "woe-man" but that is a different issue.
Lust is an issue of the flesh. Lust is an excessive reaction to what we see or desire. You can lust after food, the lust of the eyes may not be sexual. The Lord told me off for admiring a Ferrari to excess.
The vast majority of men suffer from sexual lust and now most women also. Since it is against your will, you should consider the source. Lust is a work of the flesh but evil spirits take advantage of our ignorance and infiltrate the soul to bind the will. We need to walk in the Spirit to know the power to resist lust and we will need the demon of lust cast out. Once we are free, we need to stay free. It's really difficult, especially with the way women dress, advertising, movies and such. I asked the Lord to lower my sex drive, which He has.
The best cure for lust is marriage. Sex was ordained by God before the fall and there is nothing wrong with it. As with every aspect of human nature, Satan has twisted and defiled it with his foul nature. Don't let him rob you of the best that God has for you. You can be free. That's God's promise to you.

 

[com7fy8]

I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.

So, you know this is wrong.

My advice is to pray for wisdom and the capacity to love people better.

I agree with this. Caring instead of staring . . . knowing how our lust is anti-love. We need to love people, instead.

 

[Deus Vult!]

Okay sorry, I should clarify. I don't mean the honeymoon stage in the sense of sex outside of marriage. We're both huge on celibacy.
I meant how when people first start dating they're infatuated with each other, spend all their time together and life almost halts for a while, while you get this brand new experience.
Like how when you're on your honeymoon, your life is halted while you enjoy time just the two of you.

I'll edit the original post.

I got you. Yes, well then I retract my commentary about keeping chastity. My advice would be for you to remember the chastity of St.Mary, who in her virginity gave birth to the saviour of the human race. Thinking upon the purity and chastity of St.Mary, the new Eve, and remembering for yourself the chastity and purity of her Son Jesus. When you look upon a beautiful woman think of only the cloud of witnesses in Heaven who rejoiced over your good confession of the Deity of our Lord Jesus.

 

[LiquidCat]

Hey everyone,

So I've seen and read a lot of threads here focused on inappropriate contentography and masturbation, but I haven't seen one in my small amount of time here on lust.
Masturbation has definitely been a long-lasting struggle for me and inappropriate content has shown it's head throughout the years in varying degrees of severity. However, I feel like I have the knowledge and steps in place to combat those addictions through software and accountability.

But what I really struggle with is everyday lust. I spent a lot of time as a single guy, I was 21 when I first had a relationship, and then after that ended I spent around a year again as single. Over that time being single I felt like I was free to let my eyes wander, not online but in real life.
I felt like I could justify lusting after girls with something lame like "I'm just admiring God's creation" or "I'm single and I just find this person attractive". I don't think I ever realised that what I was doing was objectifying and lusting after girls, because I was never imagining them in some kind of sexual fantasy, I was just gawking with my eyeballs.
The result of that is that I'm basically addicted to looking at other women, or to the female physical form. It's so hard for me to not look at the body of someone when they walk past me, or people on Youtube or a TV show, I find myself looking at their body in an objectifying way. My brain is so hardwired to do it after years of doing so.

It's hard because I'm in a relationship now and for a long time the issue stopped because we were still in that honeymoon stage that we all go through when we start dating where you're infatuated with each other and life kinda stops for a bit (not as in sex outside of marriage, we're both celibate), but now that it's died down and it's more about real life and remaining dedicated and loyal to each other I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's so hard because we live in a hyper-sexualized culture and semi-naked women are thrown in my face constantly. If we're walking through a mall there are bra models everywhere. If we're going out to eat at a cafe or restaurant the servers wear low cut clothing because they get higher tips that way, and that's not even taking into consideration how mainstream society dresses today.
It's constantly in my face and the only way I feel like I can avoid looking at women is to walk along looking at my feet. But that's no way to live life.

My girlfriend sees it and it upsets her, but she understands my struggle. The more I let my eyes wander and lust, the easier it is to fall into greater temptation and touch or watch inappropriate content. It makes me feel like trash and while I have been able to take big steps forward, I still just have this automatic response to want to objectify every girl that I think looks good as they walk past.
I hate it, it's not me and it's not what God wants for my life and for His daughters. It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.
I want to get to the end of my life and have God congratulate me for always respecting His daughters, not asking what the heck I was doing.

Sorry this is a long ranty post thing but it's such a struggle for me at the moment. Any thoughts, ideas or tips? Lol.

God bless,
Joe

Ye that is true we live in the society of sex and religion of sex and worshippers of it are everywhere , women usually dress like [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]s nowdays compared to like 50 years ago...

What you experience is perfectly normal for a man we are like this and you won't change it if you aren't given by God the gift of celibacy , as I said it's gift not every1 will get it , Paul said to get wife rather than burn with fire ( lust ) . When you become one as man and woman in your marriage your wife's body actually belongs to you and yours belongs to her , if she does not want to have sex for you for some reason in long time and is constantly turning you away then she is the problem not you so don't try to blame yourself for it in any way. It's good to have talk about it , maybe your body is disgusting for her since you become fat or something like that , since your body belongs to her she has rights for you to get fit actually ( just an example how it works , don't know if your fat or not doesn't matter ) but if there is no real excuse other than she just does not want to have sex then it's all her fault and it's her sin actually. She probably got bored that's all.

You can get more than one wife btw It's ok , even sometimes it was Law to have more than one wife if for example brother died and wife had no offspring and you would be punished by not doing that even by death.

It's western culture that force this mentality that you can have only 1 wife but most husbands in Bible had multiple wifes. It's funny when you think about it that this fallen world is okay with divorcing and re-marriage multiple times and with fornication ( "having fun" " using your youth " ) but they prohibit having more than 1 wife ...
Which is exactly opposite as Bible says like with most things .

Therefore if you want sex and your wife is sinning against you then you can get another wife.

 

[PeterJames0510]

Hey everyone,

So I've seen and read a lot of threads here focused on inappropriate contentography and masturbation, but I haven't seen one in my small amount of time here on lust.
Masturbation has definitely been a long-lasting struggle for me and inappropriate content has shown it's head throughout the years in varying degrees of severity. However, I feel like I have the knowledge and steps in place to combat those addictions through software and accountability.

But what I really struggle with is everyday lust. I spent a lot of time as a single guy, I was 21 when I first had a relationship, and then after that ended I spent around a year again as single. Over that time being single I felt like I was free to let my eyes wander, not online but in real life.
I felt like I could justify lusting after girls with something lame like "I'm just admiring God's creation" or "I'm single and I just find this person attractive". I don't think I ever realised that what I was doing was objectifying and lusting after girls, because I was never imagining them in some kind of sexual fantasy, I was just gawking with my eyeballs.
The result of that is that I'm basically addicted to looking at other women, or to the female physical form. It's so hard for me to not look at the body of someone when they walk past me, or people on Youtube or a TV show, I find myself looking at their body in an objectifying way. My brain is so hardwired to do it after years of doing so.

It's hard because I'm in a relationship now and for a long time the issue stopped because we were still in that honeymoon stage that we all go through when we start dating where you're infatuated with each other and life kinda stops for a bit (not as in sex outside of marriage, we're both celibate), but now that it's died down and it's more about real life and remaining dedicated and loyal to each other I'm once again finding it hard to keep my eyes true.

It's so hard because we live in a hyper-sexualized culture and semi-naked women are thrown in my face constantly. If we're walking through a mall there are bra models everywhere. If we're going out to eat at a cafe or restaurant the servers wear low cut clothing because they get higher tips that way, and that's not even taking into consideration how mainstream society dresses today.
It's constantly in my face and the only way I feel like I can avoid looking at women is to walk along looking at my feet. But that's no way to live life.

My girlfriend sees it and it upsets her, but she understands my struggle. The more I let my eyes wander and lust, the easier it is to fall into greater temptation and touch or watch inappropriate content. It makes me feel like trash and while I have been able to take big steps forward, I still just have this automatic response to want to objectify every girl that I think looks good as they walk past.
I hate it, it's not me and it's not what God wants for my life and for His daughters. It's not what those women or my girlfriend deserve.
I want to get to the end of my life and have God congratulate me for always respecting His daughters, not asking what the heck I was doing.

Sorry this is a long ranty post thing but it's such a struggle for me at the moment. Any thoughts, ideas or tips? Lol.

God bless,
Joe

Prayer.

Why do I say that?

For a couple of reasons. First, prayer to continue to reduce the addiction struggles you may or may not be having. That definitely messed with your mind; include your girlfriend in with the prayers so she can not only know your honesty but she can also pray for you. You do not need to go into sordid details, just simply, 'Lord, help me in the struggles you know about so I can *continue* to be whole for my fiance.'

Secondly, prayer because actually - men and women complement each other in every day work, church, or even family life. Think of it this way: you go out to a garden of plants and perhaps take a particular plant and bring it inside. Maybe you pot it or put it in flower vase to keep it alive. Does that mean you ignore the rest of the garden and say "I'm not going to look at any other flowers now, I'm just going to concentrate on this one plant."

No. I know life isn't gardens and pottery. But the point is, there are many beautiful flowers in God's garden. Yet, He may be gracious enough to give us One flower (not multiple, sorry - hat tip to the polygamist on here!) So, He may be gracious enough to give us One flower to take care of and for that flower to take care of us.

Or perhaps to say it more clearly, He may give us a fiance or a spouse to be with and they take care of us. He wants us to love the other person dearly and take care of them. But that is because as we nurture our love to each other and our love to God, when we go out into the 'garden of life' so to speak and see other 'flowers', we don't lust after them. Though there might be a momentary thought in our mind that says 'she is pretty' or 'she is attractive' or 'the Lord has blessed her with beauty'. Yet, we then say, 'God, thank you for the beautiful things in life', we see whether or not the love between us, the Lord, and our spouse or fiance may warrant being a blessing to the other person and if not, we move on. We should not dwell on the different flowers in the garden of life, for we have only been granted one flower to take care of.

Yet that brings me to the third point. If we do find ourselves lusting after another woman, then we can do something marvelous and wonderful without the other woman knowing it. We can pray, "Lord, please bless her in all her ways, bless her family, bless her boyfriend, her future husband, her fiance, her children. Meet all her needs in Christ Jesus; if she doesn't know the Lord, may she be told the gospel." And then when we have finished prayed, we may be on our way knowing that we turned lust into a thankful heart. Lust and a thankful heart cannot co-exist in ourselves simultaneously. It is either one or the other.

These are just thoughts and in no way do I claim to be the expert.