Love...?

[but'n'ben]

First off, I'm a Christian, but I do need some advice.

I really liked this guy at work, and I asked him out. He said no to begin with, but it hurt me a lot. So, I prayed as hard as I could and we eventually did get together and have been so for nearly 2 years. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but whenever I thought the relationship was in danger, I prayed and we got on better than before. What is so special about him is that after all that time, we are both still virgins with no inclination to sleep together. So, imagine how upset I was on Saturday when we broke up suddenly.
The issues surrounding the break up are too long to go into. It's basically an outside problem which neither of us have any control over. But it is an issue that affects us directly. He said as soon as the situation burns itself out, we can see how it goes from there. But I have no idea how long it will take to burn itself out or if we'll be together when it does. He says he does still loves me, and it wasn't an easy choice, but we have to call it a day.

I have prayed and prayed for God to please help but He hasn't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this pain but I have no one to talk to because of the nature of the problem. I tried speaking to God, he knows how I feel but why won't he help now? Never, for the past 5 or so years since I became a Christain, have I gone one night without praying to Him. I have read the bible and tried to understand it. I do find comfort in its pages but I am very lost at the moment. Why do you think I'm being punished this way? I haven't done anything to deserve it. I just wish and pray with all me heart that God will help me like he has done before. I don't want to feel like this any longer.

 

[but'n'ben]

Is there no-one here who can help me? I really don't know who else to turn to.

 

[Victorian Rose]

First off, I'm a Christian, but I do need some advice.

I really liked this guy at work, and I asked him out. He said no to begin with, but it hurt me a lot. So, I prayed as hard as I could and we eventually did get together and have been so for nearly 2 years. We've had our ups and downs like any couple but whenever I thought the relationship was in danger, I prayed and we got on better than before. What is so special about him is that after all that time, we are both still virgins with no inclination to sleep together. So, imagine how upset I was on Saturday when we broke up suddenly.
The issues surrounding the break up are too long to go into. It's basically an outside problem which neither of us have any control over. But it is an issue that affects us directly. He said as soon as the situation burns itself out, we can see how it goes from there. But I have no idea how long it will take to burn itself out or if we'll be together when it does. He says he does still loves me, and it wasn't an easy choice, but we have to call it a day.

I have prayed and prayed for God to please help but He hasn't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this pain but I have no one to talk to because of the nature of the problem. I tried speaking to God, he knows how I feel but why won't he help now? Never, for the past 5 or so years since I became a Christain, have I gone one night without praying to Him. I have read the bible and tried to understand it. I do find comfort in its pages but I am very lost at the moment. Why do you think I'm being punished this way? I haven't done anything to deserve it. I just wish and pray with all me heart that God will help me like he has done before. I don't want to feel like this any longer.

It is hard to give advice or help when I don't know the full situation but, anything I said would be secondary to what you are already doing...Praying. The only one that can ease the hurt or help in this situation is God. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Achichem]

Why do you think I'm being punished this way? I haven't done anything to deserve it.

Well, first off you are not being punished, as to what would make you think such.

I wonder have you ask for the will of God? Perhaps you should go speak with your pastor, it seems, please don't take offence, that your have an odd skewed in your view of the relationship between God and you. Perhaps I am misunderstanding, can you tell us more? Feel free to answer by Pm if you would feel more comfortable.

As for your relationship between you and this fellow, from what you tell us, I am sorry but it appears lacking. Again more information would help us perhaps give you better comments.


Peace,
DaTsar

 

[Samuel0310]

First off, I'm a Christian, but I do need some advice.

I really liked this guy at work, and I asked him out. He said no to begin with, but it hurt me a lot. So, I prayed as hard as I could and we eventually did get together and have been so for nearly 2 years.

I have prayed and prayed for God to please help but He hasn't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this pain but I have no one to talk to because of the nature of the problem. I tried speaking to God, he knows how I feel but why won't he help now? Never, for the past 5 or so years since I became a Christain, have I gone one night without praying to Him. I have read the bible and tried to understand it. I do find comfort in its pages but I am very lost at the moment. Why do you think I'm being punished this way? I haven't done anything to deserve it. I just wish and pray with all me heart that God will help me like he has done before. I don't want to feel like this any longer.

Well first of all but'n'ben, we need to know that God is not obliged to answer every prayer of ours for it is His will that is to be done, and not ours. Right at the beginning, do ask yourself, were you really seeking God's will, or were you more driven by your desire to be with this guy? This answer is the crux of the matter, so do be honest with yourself (and with God of course).

If the answer is the former, then I would like to tell you simply that God has his perfect timing and perfect purpose for everything, absolutely everything. He is not obliged to answer a prayer right away, because instead of just relieving or making a situation better, He'd rather make the best out of the situation, for instance, He may use it as a test to mould a character, or draw that person closer to Him, making him/her realize that in his/her weakness, he/she can be strong in the Lord, etc...

If the answer is the latter, then most probably you've been trying to sustain this relationship with more of your own effort. Love is not an easy task, and sustaining a relationship ourselves is definitely not easy. Besides, before we get into a relationship, it is best to evaluate our relationship with God first. For if we do not have a good relationship with our "closest kin", who created us and loves us unconditionally, how can we have a good relationship with someone of this world? I'm not sure if you heard of the triangle analogy, but we can imagine a man and a woman being in love standing the two ends of a triangle base, while God is standing at the apex. Only when both of them draw closer toward the apex (God) together, then only can they draw closer to each other.

Falling in love and staying in love are two different things. Personally, I think we humans fall in love easily, often driven by the romance feelings initially, subsequently overwhelmed by our desires more than what God desires of us, then the fire seemingly starts to die down and doubts begin to set it.

Recently, I'd read an article by Ravi Zacharias, I think it might be useful to you. It points our that love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. It's actually an excerpt of his book, I, Isaac, Take Thee, Rebekah. Do read the whole article if you have the time. Here're some of his points in the article:

Love is a commitment that will be tested in the most vulnerable areas of spirituality, a commitment that will force you to make some very difficult choices. It is a commitment that demands that you deal with your lust, your greed, your pride, your power, your desire to control, your temper, your patience, and every area of temptation that the Bible so clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.
^
^
We see it here clearly. Love is a command, not just a feeling. Somehow, in the romantic world of music and theater we have made love to be what it is not. We have so mixed it with beauty and charm and sensuality and contact that we have robbed it of its higher call of cherishing and nurturing. Watch two young people in a passionate embrace—it may be love, but it may also be nothing more than passion. Watch two elderly people walking hand in hand with evident concern for each other, and you are closer to seeing love in that relationship than in the youthful embrace.
^
^
Lines must be drawn not at the level of acting but at the level of thinking. Lines must be drawn not at the level of doing but at the level of desiring. Lines must be drawn not at the level of contact but at the level of sight. Lines must be drawn knowing that marriage is not just a condition of being but a condition of becoming. The two become one, but the becoming is both a moment and a process.
^
^
Nothing brings harmony more than embracing the will of God. Nothing brings fragmentation more than turning away from the will of God.

Full article at:
http://www.gospelcom.net/rzim/publications/jttran.php?jtcode=JT04WRZ

Excerpt fr:-
Just Thinking
Ravi Zacharias
The Will To Do
2004 - Winter
www.rzim.org

 

[tqpix]

I have prayed and prayed for God to please help but He hasn't. I don't know what I've done to deserve this pain but I have no one to talk to because of the nature of the problem. I tried speaking to God, he knows how I feel but why won't he help now? Never, for the past 5 or so years since I became a Christain, have I gone one night without praying to Him. I have read the bible and tried to understand it. I do find comfort in its pages but I am very lost at the moment. Why do you think I'm being punished this way? I haven't done anything to deserve it. I just wish and pray with all me heart that God will help me like he has done before. I don't want to feel like this any longer.

This is the only passage I could find, or have found so far, as to why God is not answering your prayers:

James 4:3
KJV (3) Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

NIV (3) When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

I don't know if the following verses really apply to your situation:

1 Corinthians 13:4-5
KJV (4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
(5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil,

NIV (4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
(5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 

[but'n'ben]

Can a mod please delete this thread or close it? It's only made me feel worse.