Lost my attraction to women and now very depressed and sad

[pantingdeer]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

 

[Sabertooth]

You say that you are a Christian "seeker." I don't know where you are in the process, but the Bible says that there is such a thing as the "spiritual gift" of celibacy. If that is you, it doesn't call into question your "manhood," it just means that your call before God precludes marriage.

(If you still have a strong desire to marry, you do not have that gift.)

 

[thecolorsblend]

You say that you are a Christian "seeker." I don't know where you are in the process, but the Bible says that there is such a thing as the "spiritual gift" of celibacy. If that is you, it doesn't call into question your "manhood," it just means that your call before God precludes marriage.

(If you still have a strong desire to marry, you do not have that gift.)

When I suggested the possibility of celibacy to the OP in the last thread he started on this subject (at
No sex attrcation to women anymore and I'm 20 yrs old), he dismissed the matter. So I don’t think that will work, sadly.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

Your born again identity may be clashing with your stage of life urges.

 

[Ttalkkugjil]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

Hmm... you don't find women attractive but you do find some girls atractive?

 

[Zoii]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

Is it possible you are gay?

 

[Jonaitis]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

Does this mean that you are "asexual"? I actually met people who are, and they aren't Christians either (as far as I know). I've noticed that this is a common trait among people with ASD I've met, do you have autism?

 

[pantingdeer]

Hmm... you don't find women attractive but you do find some girls atractive?

I can recognise an attractive girl when I see one as I know the type that of girl that I used to like. Nowadays I just feel empty though, no fire in heart or strong feelings of attraction if you now what I mean.

 

[pantingdeer]

Does this mean that you are "asexual"? I actually met people who are, and they aren't Christians either (as far as I know). I've noticed that this is a common trait among people with ASD I've met, do you have autism?

I don't know if I am autistic. I before 16 was very attracted to women and had crushes etc. One day it all just stopped and I couldn't feel how I wanted to feel anymore.

Please people pray for my healing.

 

[pantingdeer]

Is it possible you are gay?

No. When I stopped feeling strongly towards women I had fears that that meant I was gay. But I am definitely not. I don't want to be with men in that way.

 

[com7fy8]

Please pray and help me.

God knows what to do with you; so, yes, keep praying for all He pleases to do with us. You are not alone. We all need what you need. But some of us have already gotten enough correction and growing in Jesus so we can now help others . . . while we still need more, ourselves.

So, do not be tricked into supposing you're the only one who has problems!

There are a lot of people who do not know how to love; so you are not going to be able to do well with these people. But Jesus wants us to love people who do not know how to love us. So, if you want to get really well, you need to trust Jesus to change you so you are loving any and all people the way Jesus desires all of us to do.

And this means not just looking for some one person you hope to use for what you want. We need to share with godly and mature people who help us find out how to love, and help us to grow in this. So, if you are only looking for someone who is more like you . . . we need our mature seniors and leaders who feed us their example. But a really all right lady can help you to find people who are good for you.

Or else, what you could do is get with a girl who looks nice to you, but she is just an addition to your isolation; and then it's two of you isolated and not you by yourself!

So, find people who are family in Jesus, so if you do have a girlfriend you can have a love family to grow in.

 

[A_Thinker]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

Did anything traumatic happen in your life about the same time as when your attractions faded ?

 

[pantingdeer]

Did anything traumatic happen in your life about the same time as when your attractions faded ?

Not that I can think of.

 

[pantingdeer]

All I want is to get excited around women again like I used to be. I just feel empty and like a nobody now which gets me down. No one knows about my problem so I have to pretend to be someone else or else people who don't understand will think I'm odd.

 

[A_Thinker]

When I was 16 it seemed that overnight my attraction to women dramatically reduced. I am now 20 and I am still struggling with this and have become very depressed.
I find it very hard to get on with other people as I hate myself and get negative thoughts about myself all the time.
All I want is to feel normal and have friends, feel good about myself and have confidence again to mix with people and have a girlfriend.
I don't feel like a man, I feel like a loser as I am lonely with no friends and I feel like I'm different to everyone else.
I want attraction back so when I see attractive girl I like I can approach and be honest about myself and hang out with her

Please pray and help me.

It may be that God is calling you to a closer relationship with Himself.

Try to find other areas of life which are uplifting for you. Do not pin your whole life upon this one area.

I was in my mid-thirties before God revealed my wife to me.

 

[pantingdeer]

God knows what to do with you; so, yes, keep praying for all He pleases to do with us. You are not alone. We all need what you need. But some of us have already gotten enough correction and growing in Jesus so we can now help others . . . while we still need more, ourselves.

So, do not be tricked into supposing you're the only one who has problems!

There are a lot of people who do not know how to love; so you are not going to be able to do well with these people. But Jesus wants us to love people who do not know how to love us. So, if you want to get really well, you need to trust Jesus to change you so you are loving any and all people the way Jesus desires all of us to do.

And this means not just looking for some one person you hope to use for what you want. We need to share with godly and mature people who help us find out how to love, and help us to grow in this. So, if you are only looking for someone who is more like you . . . we need our mature seniors and leaders who feed us their example. But a really all right lady can help you to find people who are good for you.

Or else, what you could do is get with a girl who looks nice to you, but she is just an addition to your isolation; and then it's two of you isolated and not you by yourself!

So, find people who are family in Jesus, so if you do have a girlfriend you can have a love family to grow in.

You mention in your post about trying to find people like myself. But I don't want to feel more comfortable as I am right now. I want to be different to how I am right now.

 

[pantingdeer]

It may be that God is calling you to a closer relationship with Himself.

Try to find other areas of life which are uplifting for you. Do not pin your whole life upon this one area.

I was in my mid-thirties before God revealed my wife to me.

But for 3 years now I have all my hopes ripped from me. How can I socialise with people my own age when I feel this way - I can't make friendships/relationships with people when I feel as I do. Also my faith in God has decreased over time - I have prayed so many times for God to fix me so that I will have peace and joy again but I never get better.
I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable around women now as I can't pretend to feel things I don't. I can't lead them on as that would make me an unkind person.

 

[pantingdeer]

You say that you are a Christian "seeker." I don't know where you are in the process, but the Bible says that there is such a thing as the "spiritual gift" of celibacy. If that is you, it doesn't call into question your "manhood," it just means that your call before God precludes marriage.

(If you still have a strong desire to marry, you do not have that gift.)

Thank you for your response. I have desire to have girlfriend and then maybe that lead into marriage. However that seems pretty unlikely when I cannot be with a girl or take her out - it would be leading her on when I know she deserves a proper man.

 

[A_Thinker]

You mention in your post about trying to find people like myself. But I don't want to feel more comfortable as I am right now. I want to be different to how I am right now.

Sometimes God focuses on our issues ... as we focus on His issues.

Seek Him first ... and let Him work out your life issues in His timing ...

 

[com7fy8]

I want to be different to how I am right now.

amen > this goes for all of us.

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." (in Luke 9:23)