- Jun 12, 2004
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Sorry its so long but please read it. It would be really encouraging for me. Thank You.
Almost 4 months ago Matthew and I lost someone very dear to our hearts. Someone who we prayed for and hoped and dreamed for. We lost our son. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, I didnt believe it!!! I didnt know what to think. I was on cloud 9. God had finally answered my prayers.
Everything was going great, I was feeling good, and everything was fine. Until I was 9 weeks along. I started having some complications. I ended up being off work for a month.
In that time we saw our son Ryley once a week at my doctors appointments. We got to see him move and grow 1-2 times a week that whole month. It was the most amazing thing!!! He was so perfect. It was great seeing him wiggle around, seeing his heart beating. The first time we heard his little heartbeat. Those were the happiest 3 months of my life despite the problems I was having. I would go through it all again. I was head over heels in love with him.
The last doctors appointment I had was March 3rd. We went in at 11am and we saw Ryley had grown so much since the last week. He was asleep at first and then the doctor woke him up moving the u/s thing around. It was so cute. I was so assured that everything was fine. The doctor told me she was 99% sure that the baby would be ok.
I went home that night thinking all would be fine. I began having horrendous pains for about 2 hours straight. And then I had my son. I was devastated, heartbroken, and empty. Looking at his perfect little face, all my hopes and dreams for him were gone. I held my lifeless little baby boy in my hands and cried and cried.
Never once was I mad at God. I asked why thousands of times, but I was never mad at Him. I know that everything happens for a reason. And I know that we can never try to understand the works of God.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all
I may never know exactly why God chose us for this to happen to, but in our sorrow He has blessed me with the opportunity to witness and encourage other women who are in the same situation.
Romans 8:28 says: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Good has come out of this tragedy. I have strengthened my relationship with the Lord and I am able to witness and encourage other women. God is giving me peace and comfort daily.
I joined several message boards online where women share their stories and others can respond. I have shared my story with them and made many new friends who I have been able to share my faith with and give some words of encouragement to. Many of these women have lost all faith in God b/c they see Him being a loving God and then why would He take their child away. I tell them different. Some dont want to hear it, but others are so thankful that I came into their life and helped them.
Instead of turning from God in this terrible time I have turned to Him more. If He wasnt in my life I couldnt be up here today. I can truly say He is my comfort and my strength.
John 16:33:
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. The Lord gives me peace, He calms the storms in my life.
I know that in His time He will bless us with a child again. No matter what happens in the future, I will always praise the Lord.
I will always wonder what my son would have been like. His personality, looks, mannerisms, voice, etc . I will always have a space in my heart for my son. I will never forget him and will always consider him to be my first child.
Many people have told me to move on and get on with life. People have been rather harsh actually. Nobody understands that I lost my son. Regardless of how far along I was or wasnt, that was my son. I cant speed up the grieving process. I wish I could, but I cant. I wish I could be fine right now. I think of Ryley everyday. I think I am moving on b/c I go on with life. I do look to the future, but I will never forget my son.
I think I am at peace now because I dont cry that much anymore. I can talk about him and I have such calmness in my heart now. I dont feel the turmoil that I felt before. I do still cry, but thats life. Thats what happens when you lose a child.
Isaiah 53:4a says
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows,
Jesus understands my pain, but I don think anyone can understand until they have experienced it. At first I didnt want peoples sympathy, but when I didnt get it I really felt alone and abandoned. I felt like nobody cared except for the few people who offered me comfort. And I thank them so much for that. If it wasnt for those few people, I probably wouldnt have wanted to come back to the church.
I realized that it doesnt matter who is or isnt there for me. The Lord is with me always. In 1 Peter 5:7 it says Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I know the Lord cares for me and is their for me.
Romans 5:3-4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;And patience, experience; and experience, hope
I have been through a lot and I am thankful for it all because I am stronger. Losing my son has made me such a stronger person. I am more compassionate and understanding now. I really value life a lot more. I cherish every second the Lord gives me.
~~Stacy~~
Almost 4 months ago Matthew and I lost someone very dear to our hearts. Someone who we prayed for and hoped and dreamed for. We lost our son. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, I didnt believe it!!! I didnt know what to think. I was on cloud 9. God had finally answered my prayers.
Everything was going great, I was feeling good, and everything was fine. Until I was 9 weeks along. I started having some complications. I ended up being off work for a month.
In that time we saw our son Ryley once a week at my doctors appointments. We got to see him move and grow 1-2 times a week that whole month. It was the most amazing thing!!! He was so perfect. It was great seeing him wiggle around, seeing his heart beating. The first time we heard his little heartbeat. Those were the happiest 3 months of my life despite the problems I was having. I would go through it all again. I was head over heels in love with him.
The last doctors appointment I had was March 3rd. We went in at 11am and we saw Ryley had grown so much since the last week. He was asleep at first and then the doctor woke him up moving the u/s thing around. It was so cute. I was so assured that everything was fine. The doctor told me she was 99% sure that the baby would be ok.
I went home that night thinking all would be fine. I began having horrendous pains for about 2 hours straight. And then I had my son. I was devastated, heartbroken, and empty. Looking at his perfect little face, all my hopes and dreams for him were gone. I held my lifeless little baby boy in my hands and cried and cried.
Never once was I mad at God. I asked why thousands of times, but I was never mad at Him. I know that everything happens for a reason. And I know that we can never try to understand the works of God.
Ecclesiastes 11:5 As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all
I may never know exactly why God chose us for this to happen to, but in our sorrow He has blessed me with the opportunity to witness and encourage other women who are in the same situation.
Romans 8:28 says: And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Good has come out of this tragedy. I have strengthened my relationship with the Lord and I am able to witness and encourage other women. God is giving me peace and comfort daily.
I joined several message boards online where women share their stories and others can respond. I have shared my story with them and made many new friends who I have been able to share my faith with and give some words of encouragement to. Many of these women have lost all faith in God b/c they see Him being a loving God and then why would He take their child away. I tell them different. Some dont want to hear it, but others are so thankful that I came into their life and helped them.
Instead of turning from God in this terrible time I have turned to Him more. If He wasnt in my life I couldnt be up here today. I can truly say He is my comfort and my strength.
John 16:33:
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. The Lord gives me peace, He calms the storms in my life.
I know that in His time He will bless us with a child again. No matter what happens in the future, I will always praise the Lord.
I will always wonder what my son would have been like. His personality, looks, mannerisms, voice, etc . I will always have a space in my heart for my son. I will never forget him and will always consider him to be my first child.
Many people have told me to move on and get on with life. People have been rather harsh actually. Nobody understands that I lost my son. Regardless of how far along I was or wasnt, that was my son. I cant speed up the grieving process. I wish I could, but I cant. I wish I could be fine right now. I think of Ryley everyday. I think I am moving on b/c I go on with life. I do look to the future, but I will never forget my son.
I think I am at peace now because I dont cry that much anymore. I can talk about him and I have such calmness in my heart now. I dont feel the turmoil that I felt before. I do still cry, but thats life. Thats what happens when you lose a child.
Isaiah 53:4a says
Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows,
Jesus understands my pain, but I don think anyone can understand until they have experienced it. At first I didnt want peoples sympathy, but when I didnt get it I really felt alone and abandoned. I felt like nobody cared except for the few people who offered me comfort. And I thank them so much for that. If it wasnt for those few people, I probably wouldnt have wanted to come back to the church.
I realized that it doesnt matter who is or isnt there for me. The Lord is with me always. In 1 Peter 5:7 it says Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. I know the Lord cares for me and is their for me.
Romans 5:3-4
And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;And patience, experience; and experience, hope
I have been through a lot and I am thankful for it all because I am stronger. Losing my son has made me such a stronger person. I am more compassionate and understanding now. I really value life a lot more. I cherish every second the Lord gives me.
~~Stacy~~
