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Losing faith, In need of help and advice

Discussion in 'For New Christians' started by SW501, Jan 1, 2020.

  1. SW501

    SW501 New Member

    39
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    United Kingdom
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    Hi all,

    I consider myself a Christian for a while now but I suffered a tragedy last year.

    October last year my sister was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she passed away on December 5th. I prayed and talked to God every day and I believe he told me she was going to be healed and I had received words which seemed to me that he was telling me it was going to be ok. Now earlier that year I had really started to grow in my faith and started to feel his presence.

    When she passed on it felt like I had been cut off from God and I have never felt the same, I didn't feel angry with God but just sad that he didn't keep his promise. My mother flat out refused to believe anymore but I can't blame her. It was not the same for me. I still believed and want to believe but it's getting harder and harder I feel no connection whatsoever anymore.

    To make matters worse I pretty much had a breakdown and even considered doing the unthinkable, I would have gone through with it if not for my boys. I had to go to the doctors to get help which was really hard because I was brought up to believe depression is a choice and you just have to pull yourself together. I feel pretty pathetic that I can't function as a normal person without help anymore.

    I just can't shake this feeling now that there is nothing and, perhaps we are just here and then we are gone and what is the point...

    Not sure what to do.
     
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  2. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    +5,304
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    I have had these feelings and the only thing that adequtely answers for me ... is that we are here to love ... and to be loved.

    Nothing conquers true love. Nothing will ever diminish the love you have for your sister ... and the love that she had for you.

    Continue to love her, your children, and all those around you. Let God love you in His soft and peaceful way. He will heal your heart.

    Will be praying ...
     
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  3. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +9,201
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    I'm sorry for your loss. God NEVER lies, so you can't blame Him for what you thought He said. When tragedies occur, He is there to comfort you. Don't throw your faith away! He helps us through all the hard times. And don't feel bad about availing yourself of medical help. It isn't a sin. Depression is not necessarily a choice; people who say that aren't compassionate or encouraging. God expects us to be compassionate and to encourage other believers!

    My older sister died of cancer at age 45. My younger half-sister died of cancer at age 52. My husband died of cancer when we had been married almost 43 years. My father and his mother died of cancer. We can use those experiences to lean on God and care for those who are experiencing similar losses. My mother and stepmother outlived those daughters; it had to have been hard for them, but they both lived into their nineties.

    We are here to glorify God and serve others. We can do that. It takes time to grieve, but in time the pain is bearable. We focus on how we can help others.

    May God bless and comfort you.
     
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  4. Maria Billingsley

    Maria Billingsley Well-Known Member Supporter

    +1,918
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    I am truly sorry for your loss. God has appointed a time for all of us to pass on and sometimes we can not understand the manner in which He chooses. What I do know is that He never leaves us. His Holy Spirit is in each believer. It still remains our choice on whether to stay the course or walk away during tribulation but I do hope your faith will be renewed knowing that your sister is with Him in paradise.
    Blessings
     
  5. SW501

    SW501 New Member

    39
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    My sister had only just turned 30, she didn't have chance to have much of a life as she had serious anxiety issues.

    I just which I good feel God, but I just feel disconnected from everything. I just feel empty and as if God is not there.

    I don't want to lose my faith but it's hard when I can't feel his presence.
     
  6. Mathetes66

    Mathetes66 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +840
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    It is painful when we lose a loved one. I am sorry for your loss. I am also thankful that you didn't do the unthinkable & love for your boys stopped you & you have carried on. I have experienced this numerous times in my life. Yet I have never doubted God's love or concern despite facing death or trials many times in my life. I am still here & still patiently trusting in God & bearing the fruit of my repentance.

    Death is a reality every one of us faces. None of us gets out of it. It is just a reality of life, no matter the circumstances of the death.

    Heb 9:27 'It is appointed for man to die once...'

    I don't want to sound like I am criticizing you but I am going to show you some things based on what you wrote here & WHY this is crucial to help you understand.

    I consider myself a Christian for awhile now UNTIL...
    I believe he told me she was going to be healed...
    I had received words which SEEMED to me...
    I started to FEEL his presence...
    When she passed I FELT like I had been cut off from God...
    I have never FELT the same...since she passed.

    I didn't FEEL angry with God just sad because he didn't keep his promise.

    My mother flat out refused to believe anymore but I CAN'T BLAME HER (but she & you CAN blame God for what you 'think or felt' He said & you ARE angry & offended with God, just denying it)

    I still believed & WANT TO believe but it's getting harder & harder.
    I FEEL NO CONNECTION WHATSOEVER anymore.
    To make matters worse I PRETTY MUCH had a breakdown.

    I had to go to the doctors to get help which {I found} was really hard because I WAS BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE depression is a choice & you just have to PULL YOURSELF together.

    I FEEL PRETTY PATHETIC that I CAN'T function as a normal person without help anymore.

    I just can't shake THIS FEELING NOW that there is nothing & perhaps we are just here & then we are gone & what is the point.

    I hope you can see now where your deceived belief system is, based on your own words.

    Your belief system is based on what you were taught--not on the Scriptures & the biblical definition of faith. You never once mentioned Jesus nor did you capitalize the pronouns for God, again indicating a possible feeling of offense toward God & not showing do honor & respect toward Him. (or it may be you have a habit of not capitalizing them).

    Your belief system is based on feelings, which are very volatile & can change at a whim vs biblical belief based on faith & trusting & relying upon the Lord Jesus Christ in all situations.

    Third, your whole belief system collapsed based on ONE EVENT! And typical of grief & its cycle one goes through (very predictable cycle for everyone) when it happens, is that people suppress their anger--yours being toward God & your being offended with God.

    Circumstances don't make a person, they only reveal the true nature of a person. Our enemy, Satan, has beat up on you now for awhile. He is the deceiver, the destroyer, the father of lies. Now you must renounce these lies & believe the truth of God's Word.

    If your sister was saved, she is no longer in pain, she is indeed completely healed & in the joyous presence of the Lord. I long to be there as well, when God is all done maturing me through trials & using me for furthering His kingdom.

    'Rise up O men of God. Be done with lesser things.'





    The Scripture describes your situation to a tee.

    Mark 4:13 And he said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? How then will you understand all the parables?

    Luke 8:11-15 (Matt 13:18-23; Mark 4:13-20) Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes & takes away the word from their hearts, so that they may not believe & be saved.

    And THESE ARE LIKEWISE--those sown upon the rocky places, who when they hear the word, immediately receive it with joy...But these have no root; they believe for a while & in time of TESTING-- when affliction or persecution arises for the word's sake, immediately they are OFFENDED...AND FALL AWAY.

    Still others--like seed sown among thorns, hears the word BUT-- as they go on their way they are choked by THE CARES {of this life} & riches & pleasures of life & their fruit does not mature.

    But--those that were sown on the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, HOLD IT FAST in an honest & good heart & bear fruit WITH PATIENCE.

    My suggestion to you is to get realize your life took a downward spiral based on ONE EVENT, the death of your sister & your inability to cope with it, blaming God for it & allowing your life to spin out of control because of it.

    Now you CAN do something about it & see positive change for the better, if you:

    Repent of going your own way, based on feelings not faith & not trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ to save you. Confess your sin of believing God didn't keep His promise (only your perception of this) & stop blaming & being offended at God. Death is a reality for everyone. Confess your sin concerning your growing up belief system & how you were deceived by this.

    Cry out to the Lord Jesus Christ to save you & your mom & your boys, placing your belief in Christ & not your feelings.

    Repent of your belief system that your life is pathetic & move forward out of being a victim to being an overcomer.

    You need to properly grieve & work through the grief of the loss of your sister. Get in a positive support group & a strong church fellowship that can encourage you, as you all work together to grow in biblical faith despite the trials & can genuinely experience the true joy of the Lord, that is the very thing that strengthens us, by God's grace & power. I have prayed for you in all these things. May the Lord's grace & love bring healing & wholeness to you.

    Romans 8:36-39 As it is written: “For Your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
     
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  7. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    Well, Mathetes gave you some good counsel from our Holy Bible. One should NEVER challenge our Creator-God, friend. We may not understand, but that is not His fault! We are all sorry for your loss, friend, but God never makes a mistake when He takes one from this world. Be sure of that. When one makes the Lord Jesus lord of their life and is devoted to Him, that one will be sealed by the indwelling Holy Spirit of God. Reading His Word is the way to learn of Him. Keep looking up!
     
  8. Phoebe Ann

    Phoebe Ann From Mormonism to Christ Supporter

    +9,201
    United States
    Protestant
    Widowed
    I know how hard it is.:hug: My older sister had a very rough life. At age thirteen she was cooking meals for me and my brother. We seldom saw our mother. Then when she married she made a horrible choice and married an evil man who broke his son's arm and molested young girls in our family.Who knows what else he did! They were married until her death (23 1/2 years). At the funeral home he had his arm around another woman. I didn't speak to him. Some of my siblings are alcoholics.:(
     
  9. longwait

    longwait Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes people think God told them this or that but it might not be God at all. Sometimes we want something so bad that we convince ourselves into believing that that's what God wants for us or will give us. But life is not always rosy. What I have learned from mine is that its from the tough times that we learn and grow and not from the good happy days. So just hang in there. Just give a sacrifice of praise to the Lord and He will console you and lead you successfully to the finish line.
     
  10. SW501

    SW501 New Member

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    Thank you for all your kind words, and sorry if I didn't capitalize the G in God. I honestly mean no disrespect. I am doing my best to keep my faith up. I really do believe, if anything I blame myself and not God. Maybe if I was a better person it wouldn't have all happened.

    When I said I can't blame my mother for the way she feels I just meant I understood.

    It is hard to explain what I am going through, I still believe it's just the more I feel cut off from God's presence the more my mind plays games with me and start thinking of silly questions like "maybe this is it"

    I don't know, to be honest, maybe I am repressing my anger but I never meant to challenge God I was just so caught off guard as I was 100% sure she was going to be ok and I shared this with my family. I do feel a bit guilty for that as I may have given them false hope.
     
  11. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

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    Feeling "cut off from God" as you say never happens! He is always present and ready to receive all who will humble self and receive Him in His "...beloved Son" ---the Lord Jesus. Make the Lord Jesus your savior and lord of your life and you will have the blessings of His Father ---our Creator-God. Please read John 14 and all of the four Gospels to know the Savior for man. Keep looking up, friend.
     
  12. NanTN

    NanTN New Member

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    My sister had some health, anxiety issues and unfortunately suffered from low self-esteem. She was never married, no children, limited income thus still working at 70 years old and and had just got laided off from work so no health insurance.. Even with limitied income (lived in a one room efficiency apartment) she also helped other people in anyway she could. When we found out she had breast cancer there was lots of difficult discussions. She lived alone in another city, talked about her coming to stay with us but she would be away from all of her life long friends. She was also fiercely independent but was now scared ,afraid and was worried she would land up on the street (I would not let that happen). All decisions were taken from us as she had one chemo treatment and passed away 10 days later from sever sepsis (infection). I hurts deeply and I miss her everyday but I can say without doubt that GOD knew/knows all the ins and outs of her physical and mental health and she is in heaven with out Mom, I know some day I will see them again. GOD is there for you I pray that you feel his presence again soon.
     
  13. SW501

    SW501 New Member

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    Thank you, I hope so too. My sister passed 7 days after her 30th. She was just starting to try and deal with her anxiety and we discussed all the things we would do. She was healthy and never really got sick before this other than her epilepsy. I miss her so much. I feel constantly like I am underwater fighting to get above.


    I am so sorry for your loss, I know how you feel.
     
  14. Bob Crowley

    Bob Crowley Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I suppose I had one advantage - I had a pastor who was rather prophetic. I found after I got to know him well that if he said he thought something would, then it did. A few things he said haven't happened yet, but I think they will.

    One of this predictions circa 1990/91 (before he died himself in January 1992) was "I don't think your sister will live very long..." I'm pretty sure he added "I think she'll get leukemia". Sure enough in 2005, when she was 45, she died of leukemia. Fortunately she had a great husband, who looked after the three kids - two girls aged 13 and 11, and a son of 3.

    When she got leukemia, I wasn't particularly surprised, as this was the pastor's prediction. I wasn't happy about it, but if that was the pre-ordained future, there wasn't much I could do about it.

    If I have a concern, it's more about where she is now. The reason I say that is that the night my father died, way back in January 1979, he appeared in my room. He started with an apology for the way he treated me, we argued and conversed, and at the end he gave this absolutely terrifying scream and then just disappeared. I haven't seen him since.

    Frankly I believe he's in Hell. It was quite obvious something was coming for him, as his scream was just sheer terror. And things have happened since then that indicate it happened all right.

    It wasn't a dream. I don't remember dreams. Most days when I wake up I wouldn't even know if I've had a dream. However a couple of weeks ago I had some silly dream. I can't remember a single clear image of that dream, but there was one aspect I do remember, as I said to my wife the next morning "I had this stupid dream last night. I dreamed I was getting married again, but I couldn't remember the bride's name!"

    She laughed.

    But the exchange with my father occurred over 40 years ago, and I can still remember the way he appeared near the door of the room, the fact I could focus on him, or see through him (I remember being able to see an old chipboard bookcase with a bent middle shelf behind him and through him), the words we said in considerable detail, predictions of his own, the way he looked etc.

    Then four days later one of my uncles turned up to tell me he'd died, but it was a mess as his body hadn't been found for four days. The penny dropped, and I still remember turning towards the bedroom and thinking "What the hell was that the other night?".

    So my main concern is where she is now, rather than the mere fact she died from leukemia. The simple fact is that we'll all die sometime, every single one of us. But I also know for an absolute fact there's life after death, along with a judgement as my father found out.

    Personally I think she's in Purgatory (I'm Catholic) even though she's been "dead" for nearly 15 years. She had herself baptised before she died, and I think she was moving towards the church. I have the same concerns for my mother as far as that goes.

    As far as my father was concerned, in the words of a former neighbour, he was a "... miserable, bad tempered b_______d! Nobody was sorry when he died!" Or in the words of the above pastor when he found out a few things about my father, he described him to at least one of his own sons using the words, "All this because of one cruel, stupid, bad-tempered, vindictive man!".

    So I don't miss him, and unless he'd changed I wouldn't want him back again.

    As I said my main concerns are with my sister's and mother's ultimate fates. That's what we should really be concerned about - their eternal welfare.

    I think the OP would be better praying for his or her sister's spiritual state, which is eternal, rather than feeling let down because God didn't heal her of cancer. The next life is eternal - this life is temporal, and has one certain end apart from taxes - death.

    But then I suppose I had an advantage - the pastor had forewarned me that "I don't think your sister will live very long". He was right - as usual.
     
  15. Mountainmanbob

    Mountainmanbob Goat Whisperer Supporter

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    So many examples in His creation.
    The moon is just one
    how does it stay in such a perfect orbit?

    Believe me -- not by itself.

    M-Bob
     
  16. PurpleThistles

    PurpleThistles New Member

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    It’s been a little while since you posted this, I hope things are a little better for you now. I am a fairly new Christian, really still at the beginning in learning about God and Jesus. I have no doubt in my faith but my knowledge is small. I didn’t have a Christian upbringing.

    When I was 18, my older brother killed himself. It was a terrible time and some well meaning religious people called at the house to pass on their condolences...and their prayers for my brother who they said was now in limbo because of his actions. I was so angry with them though many years on, I know they meant well. I was very against God from that day on. Like you, I went from religion to religion over the next decade, trying to find something I knew was missing from my life. I flat out refused to even entertain the idea of Christianity however.

    To keep a long story (and reply) short, my years before being saved were full of trauma from early childhood onwards. I even tried to take my own life once. Whenever anyone mentioned God, I would argue against His existence, how could there be a God when all this terrible things had happened to me and to people I loved?

    As it turned out, God was just doing things in His own perfect time. I went on to have children and one day something happened to one of them that had also happened to me as a child. Suddenly I realised that thanks to the trauma that had happened to me, I was able to understand and support my child in a way I never could have done if I had not experienced the same myself. In fact it was through telling her about my trauma that gave her the confidence to tell me what was happening to her.

    What I’m trying to say, is that I think God prepares us in ways that can take months or years, or even a lifetime to realise that is what He has been doing. Before I was even saved, He set in motion the path that would lead me to Him.

    I don’t know why your sister wasn’t healed but I do hope that one day God may reveal His reasoning to you, as He did to me. Just as sometimes my children don’t understand why I may say or do the things I do, they know deep down that decisions I make for them always come from a place of love, even if those decisions are ones that make them unhappy. We are made in His image so I believe God allows our suffering, sometimes for reasons we cannot understand, out of His love for us.
     
  17. Marumorose

    Marumorose Member

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    I lost my brother and i believed that God would save his life. But i did not blame God because i believe that everything happens for a reason. Matthew 5:4 Jesus Christ says"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted"
     
  18. LovesOurLord

    LovesOurLord Member

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    I've experienced some stuff like this. Consider that when God makes us promises, most of them are not about our lives in this world but our life with him in Glory after we leave this world, and consider your sister in that context.

    He's saying he's taken care of her.
     
  19. LovesOurLord

    LovesOurLord Member

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    Yes, we don't have that hindsight when we're emotionally hurt and caught in the thick of things. Our minds tend to view things from our limited perspectives with our limited minds, and we must remind ourselves that there is a higher purpose, a higher wisdom, controlling the world, and most importantly - that there is a life beyond this one. I've found this reading from Romans 8 to be of comfort and it helps to keep me more at ease with the difficulties of life:

    18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
    19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
    20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope
    21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
    22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.
    23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
    24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees?
    25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

    I lost my mother suddenly when I was 16 years old. I never had a father as he ran away before I was born. One thing I know my mother would never have wanted me to do is to hate God or want to die due to her passing.

    Speaking of that, I just ran into a wonderful new song from one of my favorite gospel music singers which speaks to this subject so, so well. It's absolutely inspired music.

     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  20. LovesOurLord

    LovesOurLord Member

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    Indeed this is true. I went through a suicide of a friend in the summer of 2018 and that's exactly what I did; it's exactly what I was forced to do because I was overwhelmed with grief. I gave it to Him and He helped me and purged me of some things. It was an experience I really have difficulty putting into words.
     
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