Losing faith in god...

[IgnacioAvendano]

I'm Ignacio, I'm currently 24, I'm from Chile and I have belived in god all my life. At some points in my life I've been part of religions, but mostly I've just tried to follow god's word and apply his teachings in my life.

My life has been a bit of a struggle, I was given into adoption when I was born and was raised by a single mother and my adoptive sister here in Chile. Me and my family moved over to the US when I was 10, my mother had a car accident when I was 13 and she was left with serious brain damage, she managed to survive but I lost the mother I had, instead we were left with an agressive person due to post traumatic stress that every once in a while has some sparks of the person she used to be, after the accident my sister took the role my mother had and since then has looked after my mother, she put all her efforts into my mother's recovery and I could never stop thanking her for doing so, but when this happened I was left without guidance and became a troubled teenager.

I was constantly suspended from school and finally ended up getting expelled from the school district I was in, I did things to get attention such as writting "penis" on a bathroom wall and having the police called on me.

We moved back to chile when I was 16, my mother won a workers compensation lawsuit that was related to her accident and we managed to afford a better life style. I had to home school my self since I was not able to convalidate any of the education I had gotten in the US and when I was 18 I managed to get my highschool diploma through a free-exam process.

At that point in life I never gave up, I never doubted god or questioned any of the things that I had been through.

Social acceptance became an issue for me, I did not know how to relate myself to others and constantly felt neglected or unnoticed. I Realized that I became a lonely person since I felt different. I started asking myself why others had and easier life, why others did not have such a hard time being "likeable" and accepted.

Hate became a part of my daily routine, hate towards happy people, hate towards the life I had, hate towards myself and hate towards anyone that made me feel different.

At 20 I decided to study visual arts, I managed to stand out in everything, the first year I had some of the best grades and proyects in the university I was in, but my attitude and the negative way I saw life weighted upon me and upon my peers, my reputation only became worse to the point where nobody wanted to be around me or work with me, I became a competitive person and had no compasion for others. Two years into my studies I crumbled under my own weight, fell into depression and dropped out.

At 22 alcohol and drugs became my way of handling the things I didn't want to confront. Even thought I had dropped out I developed a passion towards photography and dedicated most of my sober time to developing this skill and learning more about it. I had lost the support of my family due to my life choises and ended up renting a room in a shady part of Santiago.

Photography became my way of expression, it became my life, all of the sudden people started liking what I did and how I told my story through the colors and shapes of my images, I started to feel better about my life and no longer had to uses subtances to evade the real me, because I liked the real me.

Last year during this process I met a girl, she had a story like mine or that's what it seemed like at the time, we became acquainted due to photography, she was starting in it and I shared alot of my experience with her, soon we started to enjoy our company and later became a couple in our own way.

Three months into our relationship she told me she was pregnant, we talked about the posibility of having a family and it just seemed right at the time. That night she left my house and erased me from her life, 2 months later I found out she was never really pregnant, she was never really in love and that I had just been manipulated by someone who was just along for the ride.

I left town and spent the next 5 months in the northen side of Chile, the Atacama desert. I left everything behind, my career, my proyects, my family, my friends... I left behind everything I had wanted in life, everything I had worked for, everything I had cryed for.

I felt that my will and spirit had finally been broken, I starting working in Antofagasta as an event photographer, everything I made went towards rent and drugs, the first few months I was never sober, I got myself a motorcycle and I would get high and ride for hours in the desert waiting for something to happen, amazingly something did happen... The time I spent by myself in this great and huge desert made me realize how small I am compared to everything in the universe, and how little everthing I do matters.

I realized that I could not spend so much time feeling the negative things I was feeling at the time, I realized I had to see the good things in life and live by that, take what I have and make the best out of it.

And since then I've lived that way, everything feels fine even when I don't get the things I want, everything feels ok until I think about God... See, I was taught that God was good and that if I lived by his word and his teachings nothing could ever harm me (Psalm 91:7-10).

I know what I'm about to write is not right, but I feel like God dosen't like me. And deep in my heart I know this can't be true, why would God hate me? Why would he neglect me? What did a newborn do to deserve such a destiny from day one? And so on I could keep on questioning God, I could ask him why he gave me a talent such as the one I have in photography when I've not able to even land a single job in months...

See as of now I only see two choises in my head and maybe that's why I'm out here to seek help, because I'm left to belive that god does not care for me or that god does not exist.

Both of those possibilities create an unbearable desolation in my heart and mind.

I could really use some help, thanks beforehand.

 

[mukk_in]

I'm Ignacio, I'm currently 24, I'm from Chile and I have belived in god all my life. At some points in my life I've been part of religions, but mostly I've just tried to follow god's word and apply hes teachings in my life.

My life has been a bit of a struggle, I was given into adoption when I was born and was raised by a single mother and my adoptive sister here in Chile. Me and my family moved over to the US when I was 10, my mother had a car accident when I was 13 and she was left with serious brain damage, she managed to survive but I lost the mother I had, instead we were left with an agressive person due to post traumatic stress that every once in a while has some sparks of the person she used to be, after the accident my sister took the role my mother had and since then has looked after my mother, she put all her efforts into my mother's recovery and I could never stop thanking her for doing so, but when this happened I was left without guidance and became a troubled teenager.

I was constantly suspended from school and finally ended up getting expelled from the school district I was in, I did things to get attention such as writting "penis" on a bathroom wall and having the police called on me.

We moved back to chile when I was 16, my mother won a workers compensation lawsuit that was related to her accident and we managed to afford a better life style. I had to home school my self since I was not able to convalidate any of the education I had gotten in the US and when I was 18 I managed to get my highschool diploma through a free-exam process.

At that point in life I never gave up, I never doubted god or questioned any of the things that I had been through.

Social acceptance became an issue for me, I did not know how to relate myself to others and constantly felt neglected or unnoticed. I Realized that I became a lonely person since I felt different. I started asking myself why others had and easier life, why others did not have such a hard time being "likeable" and accepted.

Hate became a part of my daily routine, hate towards happy people, hate towards the life I had, hate towards myself and hate towards anyone that made me feel different.

At 20 I decided to study visual arts, I managed to stand out in everything, the first year I had some of the best grades and proyects in the university I was in, but my attitude and the negative way I saw life weighted upon me and upon my peers, my reputation only became worse to the point where nobody wanted to be around me or work with me, I became a competitive person and had no compasion for others. Two years into my studies I crumbled under my own weight, fell into depression and dropped out.

At 22 alcohol and drugs became my way of handling the things I didn't want to confront. Even thought I had dropped out I developed a passion towards photography and dedicated most of my sober time to developing this skill and learning more about it. I had lost the support of my family due to my life choises and ended up renting a room in a shady part of Santiago.

Photography became my way of expression, it became my life, all of the sudden people started liking what I did and how I told my story through the colors and shapes of my images, I started to feel better about my life and no longer had to uses subtances to evade the real me, because I liked the real me.

Last year during this process I met a girl, she had a story like mine or that's what it seemed like at the time, we became acquainted due to photography, she was starting in it and I shared alot of my experience with her, soon we started to enjoy our company and later became a couple in our own way.

Three months into our relationship she told me she was pregnant, we talked about the posibility of having a family and it just seemed right at the time. That night she left my house and erased me from her life, 2 months later I found out she was never really pregnant, she was never really in love and that I had just been manipulated by someone who was just along for the ride.

I left town and spent the next 5 months in the northen side of Chile, the Atacama desert. I left everything behind, my career, my proyects, my family, my friends... I left behind everything I had wanted in life, everything I had worked for, everything I had cryed for.

I felt that my will and spirit had finally been broken, I starting working in Antofagasta as an event photographer, everything I made went towards rent and drugs, the first few months I was never sober, I got myself a motorcycle and I would get high and ride for hours in the desert waiting for something to happen, amazingly something did happen... The time I spent by myself in this great and huge desert made me realize how small I am compared to everything in the universe, and how little everthing I do matters.

I realized that I could not spend so much time feeling the negative things I was feeling at the time, I realized I had to see the good things in life and live by that, take what I have and make the best out of it.

And since then I've lived that way, everything feels fine even when I don't get the things I want, everything feels ok until I think about God... See, I was taught that God was good and that if I lived by his word and his teachings nothing could ever harm me (Psalm 91:7-10).

I know what I'm about to write is not right, but I feel like God dosen't like me. And deep in my heart I know this can't be true, why would God hate me? Why would he neglect me? What did a newborn do to deserve such a destiny from day one? And so on I could keep on questioning God, I could ask him why he gave me a talent such as the one I have in photography when I've not able to even land a single job in months...

See as of now I only see two choises in my head and maybe that's why I'm out here to seek help, because I'm left to belive that god does not care for me or that god does not exist.

Both of those possibilities create an unbearable desolation in my heart and mind.

I could really use some help, thanks beforehand.

You've been through unbelievable suffering my friend. I won't even pretend to understand that. But if you could, try and think about another innocent man who certainly went through a lot more and yet endured. His Name is Jesus of Nazareth, a carpenter's son. He died on a cross and never lost faith in God. I urge you to do the same. You're in right place for fellowship and encouragement. God bless .

 

[Heart2Soul]

I'm Ignacio, I'm currently 24, I'm from Chile and I have belived in god all my life. At some points in my life I've been part of religions, but mostly I've just tried to follow god's word and apply hes teachings in my life.

My life has been a bit of a struggle, I was given into adoption when I was born and was raised by a single mother and my adoptive sister here in Chile. Me and my family moved over to the US when I was 10, my mother had a car accident when I was 13 and she was left with serious brain damage, she managed to survive but I lost the mother I had, instead we were left with an agressive person due to post traumatic stress that every once in a while has some sparks of the person she used to be, after the accident my sister took the role my mother had and since then has looked after my mother, she put all her efforts into my mother's recovery and I could never stop thanking her for doing so, but when this happened I was left without guidance and became a troubled teenager.

I was constantly suspended from school and finally ended up getting expelled from the school district I was in, I did things to get attention such as writting "penis" on a bathroom wall and having the police called on me.

We moved back to chile when I was 16, my mother won a workers compensation lawsuit that was related to her accident and we managed to afford a better life style. I had to home school my self since I was not able to convalidate any of the education I had gotten in the US and when I was 18 I managed to get my highschool diploma through a free-exam process.

At that point in life I never gave up, I never doubted god or questioned any of the things that I had been through.

Social acceptance became an issue for me, I did not know how to relate myself to others and constantly felt neglected or unnoticed. I Realized that I became a lonely person since I felt different. I started asking myself why others had and easier life, why others did not have such a hard time being "likeable" and accepted.

Hate became a part of my daily routine, hate towards happy people, hate towards the life I had, hate towards myself and hate towards anyone that made me feel different.

At 20 I decided to study visual arts, I managed to stand out in everything, the first year I had some of the best grades and proyects in the university I was in, but my attitude and the negative way I saw life weighted upon me and upon my peers, my reputation only became worse to the point where nobody wanted to be around me or work with me, I became a competitive person and had no compasion for others. Two years into my studies I crumbled under my own weight, fell into depression and dropped out.

At 22 alcohol and drugs became my way of handling the things I didn't want to confront. Even thought I had dropped out I developed a passion towards photography and dedicated most of my sober time to developing this skill and learning more about it. I had lost the support of my family due to my life choises and ended up renting a room in a shady part of Santiago.

Photography became my way of expression, it became my life, all of the sudden people started liking what I did and how I told my story through the colors and shapes of my images, I started to feel better about my life and no longer had to uses subtances to evade the real me, because I liked the real me.

Last year during this process I met a girl, she had a story like mine or that's what it seemed like at the time, we became acquainted due to photography, she was starting in it and I shared alot of my experience with her, soon we started to enjoy our company and later became a couple in our own way.

Three months into our relationship she told me she was pregnant, we talked about the posibility of having a family and it just seemed right at the time. That night she left my house and erased me from her life, 2 months later I found out she was never really pregnant, she was never really in love and that I had just been manipulated by someone who was just along for the ride.

I left town and spent the next 5 months in the northen side of Chile, the Atacama desert. I left everything behind, my career, my proyects, my family, my friends... I left behind everything I had wanted in life, everything I had worked for, everything I had cryed for.

I felt that my will and spirit had finally been broken, I starting working in Antofagasta as an event photographer, everything I made went towards rent and drugs, the first few months I was never sober, I got myself a motorcycle and I would get high and ride for hours in the desert waiting for something to happen, amazingly something did happen... The time I spent by myself in this great and huge desert made me realize how small I am compared to everything in the universe, and how little everthing I do matters.

I realized that I could not spend so much time feeling the negative things I was feeling at the time, I realized I had to see the good things in life and live by that, take what I have and make the best out of it.

And since then I've lived that way, everything feels fine even when I don't get the things I want, everything feels ok until I think about God... See, I was taught that God was good and that if I lived by his word and his teachings nothing could ever harm me (Psalm 91:7-10).

I know what I'm about to write is not right, but I feel like God dosen't like me. And deep in my heart I know this can't be true, why would God hate me? Why would he neglect me? What did a newborn do to deserve such a destiny from day one? And so on I could keep on questioning God, I could ask him why he gave me a talent such as the one I have in photography when I've not able to even land a single job in months...

See as of now I only see two choises in my head and maybe that's why I'm out here to seek help, because I'm left to belive that god does not care for me or that god does not exist.

Both of those possibilities create an unbearable desolation in my heart and mind.

I could really use some help, thanks beforehand.

Okay, first of all, He loves you more than you can comprehend.....He sent His only begotten Son to die for you....that is a lot of love....secondly.....it is time to just surrender you all to Him...your whole life....and let Him take charge...He will open doors for you, close doors, direct you, instruct you and most delightedly bless you....His Word is the key...read it...study it...speak it...it will not return to Him void...it will accomplish what it was sent to do....
Basic teaching: first believe in your heart and speak with your mouth that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for your sins and you shall be saved.
Then, believe in His Word and Trust in HIm....He will do it...exercise your faith to call upon Him....He knows your needs and will supply all that you have need of when you call upon Him....

Okay.....meditate on this for awhile....I will get back with you on some more....do you need the chapter and verses to look up? let me know...

 

[discipler7]

Losing faith in god...

See as of now I only see two choises in my head and maybe that's why I'm out here to seek help, because I'm left to belive that god does not care for me or that god does not exist.

.
You should not blame God for your bad/evil situation. It was your biological parents who abandoned you as a baby to a single mother who probably brought you up with the evil intention of relying on you during her old age - hence, she brought you to USA, the supposed land of "milk and honey" and "the American dream". Your hate and jealousy against happy people in college brought your own downfall.(cf; DEUT.28)

Drug addicts should remain on a maintenance dose daily, or else they will suffer horrible withdrawal symptoms, eg Delirium Tremens in alcoholics.

The wife of Job probably lost faith in God by cursing God/Jesus and dying(JOB.2:9) while suffering for Job's ignorant sin/evil-deed(JOB.1:5 & 3:25, EXODUS.20:5) = lost her salvation.?
....... In comparison, Job kept the faith even though he did not understand the reason for his sufferings/afflictions. Job repented for demanding an answer from God. For keeping his faith, Job was eventually healed and doubly blessed by God.

 

[Heart2Soul]

.
You should not blame God for your bad/evil situation. It was your biological parents who abandoned you as a baby to a single mother who probably brought you up with the evil intention of relying on you during her old age - hence, she brought you to USA, the supposed land of "milk and honey" and "the American dream". Your hate and jealousy against happy people in college brought your own downfall.

Drug addicts should remain on a maintenance dose daily, or else they will suffer horrible withdrawal symptoms, eg Delirium Tremens in alcoholics.

The wife of Job probably lost faith in God by cursing God/Jesus and dying(JOB.2:9) while suffering for Job's ignorant sin/evil-deed.(JOB.1:5 & 3:25, EXODUS.20:5)

Let me help you put this in a more positive tone....what you really mean is that the enemy attacks us even at a young age and tries to kill, steal and destroy us before we ever get a chance to grow strong in Him....so the sins of our parents has a tremendous impact on us and without intervention and being taught at an early age about the abundant Love of Jesus....we become depressed, beaten, angry...and so forth...these are natural reactions to painful situations in our lives....but if you call upon Him, He will save you and undo all those things that afflict you...He will turn your sorrow into joy, He will give you the Holy Spirit to comfort you, guide you and teach you...He will cause all those things in your life to turn to good...just call upon Him....AMen.

 

[Sabertooth]

Maybe it's time to reconsider the basis of your faith. THIS PAGE laid it out for me.

 

[Spikey]

Why would the two possibilities that you outlined cause you to feel desolation? Let's assume that God does not exist, what difference would that make in your everyday life? I'm guessing absolutely none.
People can live happy worthwhile lives without the notion of God in their minds. Thinking that a higher being loves and cares for you is a comfort granted, but is unrealistic to say the least.
My advice... Live your one and only life to the full, and try to leave the world in a better state than you found it. Good luck and all the best.

 

[R. Hartono]

God doesnt ask too much from us, God wants us to love one another and be grateful whatever is our situation, be meek, life is difficult we should not make it more difficult with drugs and alcohol.

Matt 5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

 

[Dave G.]

You have had a really really bad round with the devil in charge by living in the world view of things, now it is time to put Jesus Christ in charge of your life. Turn to him today, tell Him today that you are turning to Him and want to live forever His way. I knew God too before I was saved and things didn't go so well, it was when I turned to Jesus at age 29 when everything changed. Jesus is the conduit to the father, He is the intercessor to the Father, He edits our prayers to be palatable, and it is He who brings sufficiency to our lives and fills our needs so we can sustain ourselves while on our very short journey on earth and fulfills the promise of eternal security.. This life on earth is but a flash of a light compared to our time in eternity, it's like the flash on your camera going off, compared to the constant light of LED or incandescent light banks in portrait photography. Poof and this life is over and then we live forever somewhere else. That somewhere else is up to you to choose. See our lives are not about us, it is about Jesus Christ and God the Father who once we accept live in us and give us purpose going into eternity...

Friend, you need Jesus Christ in your life. If you don't want Him then Satan wins. I would submit to you that you have not lost faith in God or you wouldn't be here. What you have lost faith in and sight of is your ability to use that faith you have how ever small. Take that fragment that is left and entrust it to Jesus Christ.

 

[paul1149]

See, I was taught that God was good and that if I lived by his word and his teachings nothing could ever harm me (Psalm 91:7-10).

That is a VERY common misconception. Why do good people suffer and the evil prosper? has been asked over and over again, even in the Word (ps 73; Hab 1; etc).

The amazing thing is that God did not drop-kick the human race into hyperspace when father Adam rebelled against Him. He had every right to do so. But He hung onto us when we could not hang onto Him. His love is truly astonishing.

The stuff that happened to you is not by God's design. "He does not afflict willingly", Lam. 3 tells us. But He uses the evil in this world to achieve His good ends. And those who love Him will reap the fruit of His faithfulness.

We must take the full counsel of God into consideration, if we are to be "innocent", as was Paul in Acts 21. Some of the Psalms promise protection, but we know from other scripture that it is by tribulation we enter the kingdom, and suffering in Christ in part of the program. The protection God promises is first spiritual, and then circumstantial to the degree that it is for the best.

Once you understand that, you will be relieved of doubts concerning God's goodness and love. He sent Jesus to bear an incredible price for us, that we might return to Father. So He's not going to abandon you readily now, with the price already paid. He's not irrational.

It's up to us to understand these realities, and commit ourselves to letting them shape and disciple us. He loves you very much, my brother, and everything that has befallen you He can use - and powerfully, I will add - for the good. You will be strong in the broken places, and you will be, and already are, a blessing to the Body of Christ.