Looking for some Godly advice...

JesusServant

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And you better bring some meat... keep the milk for the kiddies. :p

Okay, quick summary of my personal life and recent history. Since I became a member here I went through an unwanted but necessary divorce, lost my job, house and then some. Five years later I'm ready to date. Yes, five years. That's what I needed. I found out tonight that my x-wife is now remarried and that is freeing. However, before I knew that I was still ready to begin dating.

Now, I work in ministry with men in recovery at a mission. (God is good, He's completely changed everything in my life for His purposes [Romans 8:28]). So I never meet women at work and if I did, it would be completely inappropriate for me to even flirt with, let alone, ask a lady out I meet here (which is extremely rare anyway).

The Church I am going to is full of married couples only.

So where do I go to meet godly women? I'm finally ready to date, but how do I meet someone? Yes, I am waiting for God to bring the right person into my life; however, I would at least like some female companionship in the meantime. It gets old being around nothing but testosterone all the time. I need a simple hug from time to time or the opinion of a good woman. I have a very good long time female friend, but she's in another city, married and very busy so we rarely talk these days.

So, any ideas or anyone have the Spirit inspire them as to anything I could try?

P.S. I have remained celibate for two years and plan to keep it that way until I re-marry.

Thanks in advance for any prayer, advice or simply a virtual hug lol!
 

hisbloodformysins

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And you better bring some meat... keep the milk for the kiddies. :p

Okay, quick summary of my personal life and recent history. Since I became a member here I went through an unwanted but necessary divorce, lost my job, house and then some. Five years later I'm ready to date. Yes, five years. That's what I needed. I found out tonight that my x-wife is now remarried and that is freeing. However, before I knew that I was still ready to begin dating.

Now, I work in ministry with men in recovery at a mission. (God is good, He's completely changed everything in my life for His purposes [Romans 8:28]). So I never meet women at work and if I did, it would be completely inappropriate for me to even flirt with, let alone, ask a lady out I meet here (which is extremely rare anyway).

The Church I am going to is full of married couples only.

So where do I go to meet godly women? I'm finally ready to date, but how do I meet someone? Yes, I am waiting for God to bring the right person into my life; however, I would at least like some female companionship in the meantime. It gets old being around nothing but testosterone all the time. I need a simple hug from time to time or the opinion of a good woman. I have a very good long time female friend, but she's in another city, married and very busy so we rarely talk these days.

So, any ideas or anyone have the Spirit inspire them as to anything I could try?

P.S. I have remained celibate for two years and plan to keep it that way until I re-marry.

Thanks in advance for any prayer, advice or simply a virtual hug lol!


Have you tried online dating sites? That's definitely a way to meet ppl. But I suggest finding a christian one if you can afford it. I know ppl who meet and marry that way.
 
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Nomarga

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And you better bring some meat... keep the milk for the kiddies. :p

Okay, quick summary of my personal life and recent history. Since I became a member here I went through an unwanted but necessary divorce, lost my job, house and then some. Five years later I'm ready to date. Yes, five years. That's what I needed. I found out tonight that my x-wife is now remarried and that is freeing. However, before I knew that I was still ready to begin dating.

Now, I work in ministry with men in recovery at a mission. (God is good, He's completely changed everything in my life for His purposes [Romans 8:28]). So I never meet women at work and if I did, it would be completely inappropriate for me to even flirt with, let alone, ask a lady out I meet here (which is extremely rare anyway).

The Church I am going to is full of married couples only.

So where do I go to meet godly women? I'm finally ready to date, but how do I meet someone? Yes, I am waiting for God to bring the right person into my life; however, I would at least like some female companionship in the meantime. It gets old being around nothing but testosterone all the time. I need a simple hug from time to time or the opinion of a good woman. I have a very good long time female friend, but she's in another city, married and very busy so we rarely talk these days.

So, any ideas or anyone have the Spirit inspire them as to anything I could try?

P.S. I have remained celibate for two years and plan to keep it that way until I re-marry.

Thanks in advance for any prayer, advice or simply a virtual hug lol!

Does your church have sister churches in the area? Maybe the occasional conference you could go to?

As said above, you can go the online route too. Internet dating isn't as seedy as it used to be, but tread lightly all the same.
 
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dayhiker

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Ya, it can be hard to find the the singles your interested. I did the dating web site, plentyoffish dot com and found my GF there. She is a Christian but the site doesn't define any limits. It is free tho. I didn't like the pay sites .. I'd never use them again.

But you might like meetup dot com. Its an activity based groups. So you look for groups that are centered around an interest you have. Hiking and walking in my case.

you'll find something, just get out there and find them fish ... lol

dayhiker
 
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hisbloodformysins

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I get on ok cupid..... its free too pof is a popular one and I found a christian one that is free too not as nice but at least u know they r all christians on there... I startee chatting with a guy who is chrstian a couple states away on one and we r just chatting seems we have a lot in common which works great for me because I'm not ready yet to date ppl...so I suppose even on the ones that rnt christian its possible to find someone.. if nothing else its fun to get on sometimes
 
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SearcherKris

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Even if you don't want to meet on dating sites, there are other ways of meeting Christians online. I've made some of my best friend from message board and yahoo groups. My best friend is a guy I met on a yahoo christian group that was for talking about marriage values. It was open to single to people to read and discuss the topic along with them. I never intended on finding someone there to relate to personally, but I did, and we've been growing strong ever since.

Also try to get out in your community to meet people. Is there an outreach or social organization that has activities you could attend or volunteer with? Right after I left my ex-husband I did not want to spend my birthday sitting at home so I went to the Sr. Citizen's where they have a weekly square dance. There were very few people under the age of 60 there, but they were so friendly and so fun. Now this probably would not be the place to pick up a date, but it would get you meeting more people and people know people and you can create a social network of friends for yourself.

The more active you are around other people the greater you possibilities are.

Kudos to you for staying pure. Most men stop talking to me when they find out I don't want to have sex with them unless they are just wanting to be buddies.
 
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Inkachu

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Hi JServant, and nice to meet you here on CF! :hi:

KUDOS on remaining celibate and being determined to stay that way till marriage. Stay strong, brother, you won't regret it.

Are there NO single ladies at your church? I do understand your frustration, my church seems to be nothing but married couples and children, too lol. And that's not a bad thing, I LOVE seeing godly families. But where's my hubby? Where?!

The main thing to remember (IMHO) is that you aren't going to meet anyone inside your house (excluding 'meeting' people online). So GETTING OUT is the biggest advantage you have. The more places you go and the more activities you're involved in, the more people you'll encounter, and the higher your chance of running across a nice, single woman. What are your hobbies and pursuits? A lot of times you can find a group of local enthusiasts based on those things that you could join. I'm part of several local theater/chorus groups, for example. Volunteering is something that's always a good choice; you can help others and meet new friends at the same time.

I don't know where you live, but if you're in or near a major city, you could probably find someone on a Christian dating site. I live in The Middle of Nowhere, so dating sites are mostly pointless for me lol.

Hope something I've said is helpful :)
 
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JesusServant

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Thank you to everyone for your comments and suggestions; I will certainly prayerfully consider them. I'll check out those free sites as well, nothing to lose there. I have a hard time trusting the money sites too. People show interest then disappear. Sometimes I think that's to get you to subscribe.

I guess I have an issue I didn't mention as well. I don't know what happened; if it was getting hurt in my previous marriage or what. But when I'm around someone I'm interested in or want to get to know better I freeze up. I don't know if it's a deep routed issue where I don't want to get hurt again or what. But I know God can cause a situation to arise where you simply fall into conversation without it feeling 'forced' if that makes sense.

I know all things are possible with Him and that there's a reason for the delay. I know I had to grow a lot before I was ready and maybe who He has for me has some growing to do first as well.

Thanks again and God bless!
JS
 
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Inkachu

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I guess I have an issue I didn't mention as well. I don't know what happened; if it was getting hurt in my previous marriage or what. But when I'm around someone I'm interested in or want to get to know better I freeze up. I don't know if it's a deep routed issue where I don't want to get hurt again or what. But I know God can cause a situation to arise where you simply fall into conversation without it feeling 'forced' if that makes sense.

I know all things are possible with Him and that there's a reason for the delay. I know I had to grow a lot before I was ready and maybe who He has for me has some growing to do first as well.

Thanks again and God bless!
JS

I know exactly what you mean. Or at least, I think I do. I'm not a natural people-pleaser or social butterfly, so I've found myself sometimes forcing conversations and interest because I want to be polite or just don't want to ruin a date. And afterwards I feel let down and disappointed, thinking "Why was it so HARD just to talk to that person?" The times where you meet someone and the convo just flows...it's so rare for me. So maybe it's not a problem with you, maybe you're just the same sort of personality?
 
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GQ Chris

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Just pursue your passion and hobbies, and the places that those take you keep your eye out for any women. Once you see one you like go talk to her, and then take it from there. Also try to avoid those spots where its a sausage fest and that should take care of the bein around too much testosterone part.
 
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JesusServant

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I know exactly what you mean. Or at least, I think I do. I'm not a natural people-pleaser or social butterfly, so I've found myself sometimes forcing conversations and interest because I want to be polite or just don't want to ruin a date. And afterwards I feel let down and disappointed, thinking "Why was it so HARD just to talk to that person?" The times where you meet someone and the convo just flows...it's so rare for me. So maybe it's not a problem with you, maybe you're just the same sort of personality?

Well, I am somewhat extroverted and like I mentioned before I work in men's ministry. I have no problem expressing my views, opinions or simply listening while someone vents or shares. However, with women now I go stupid. It wasn't a problem before I got married. Maybe I got comfortable being with the same woman for over eight years and forgot how to simply get to know women. While married I knew it was safe to be friends with women because I was faithful; but now it's like I won't let that go too far. I freeze up or say stupid things almost like I'm subconsciously thwarting a possible relationship of any kind.

It's like I want it and am ready spiritually and emotionally, but my brain keeps jumping in and setting off a defense mechanism.

What is that?!?!? lol
 
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hisbloodformysins

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Have you considered starting a conversation with them and then see if it goes anywhere? Have you ever had those expeirences in which conversation and interaction is a little awkward at first, but once the ice is broken it flows much easier? Don't worry about looking dorky, what do you have to lose?
 
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DrenchedInHisBlood

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i don't know if u know Jimmy Needham, the recording artist. Look him up on the webm, in his site there is a site for his wife's blog site. Go to it and you'll find some blogs she posted concerning dating, it is really good. You may need to search her blog site to find the dating section
 
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JesusServant

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Drenched, I take it you're a Barlow Girl fan? :)

I never knew that about them... that they had never even held a guy's hand. I love when people get dedicated to Him!

It's funny, I used to pray for a believing wife as I went into the mission field and He's shown me He wants to be that person I lean on first... and not just in order but in time. So in His infinite wisdom He said no to my prayer and placed me where He wanted me first and it was never easy and I still need Him every day. But it is so worth it. To see some of these men light up and see the light bulb go off on a new revelation that God uses me to share with them; or when they come back and tell me how what I had said earlier had meant so much to them and made such a difference and it is all from His Word in the first place.

He is so good to us how He lets us be a part of His plan!
 
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Inkachu

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Well, I am somewhat extroverted and like I mentioned before I work in men's ministry. I have no problem expressing my views, opinions or simply listening while someone vents or shares. However, with women now I go stupid. It wasn't a problem before I got married. Maybe I got comfortable being with the same woman for over eight years and forgot how to simply get to know women. While married I knew it was safe to be friends with women because I was faithful; but now it's like I won't let that go too far. I freeze up or say stupid things almost like I'm subconsciously thwarting a possible relationship of any kind.

It's like I want it and am ready spiritually and emotionally, but my brain keeps jumping in and setting off a defense mechanism.

What is that?!?!? lol

Awww...that's a shame. All I can say is, keep praying, and don't stop trying :)
 
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