Looking for advice

[Matt27]

Sorry to the Mods if I have posted this in the wrong category, please feel free to move this thread where appropriate.

I have wanted to reach out for some time to see the opinions of other Christians about this matter. I am a gay man who is at the same time reconciling his belief in the Lord. Is there any advice anyone can provide for me on how to address reconciling my relationship with the Lord? I am sure you can understand this is a very difficult matter for me and any advice would be very helpful, thanks.

 

[Under One King]

Sorry to the Mods if I have posted this in the wrong category, please feel free to move this thread where appropriate.

I have wanted to reach out for some time to see the opinions of other Christians about this matter. I am a gay man who is at the same time reconciling his belief in the Lord. Is there any advice anyone can provide for me on how to address reconciling my relationship with the Lord? I am sure you can understand this is a very difficult matter for me and any advice would be very helpful, thanks.

What do you mean by reconciling?

 

[Matt27]

Thanks for reaching out. I have always had my faith in the Lord, the issue is homosexuality is seen as a huge sin one, some would say it's impossible to be gay and a Christian. I guess with me I am very confused because as a gay man I have seen so many messages throughout my life that essentially I can't be a Christian and on the other end I see people who say that isn't the case.

 

[Under One King]

Thanks for reaching out. I have always had my faith in the Lord, the issue is homosexuality is seen as a huge sin one, some would say it's impossible to be gay and a Christian. I guess with me I am very confused because as a gay man I have seen so many messages throughout my life that essentially I can't be a Christian and on the other end I see people who say that isn't the case.

I will be honest with you, I believe homosexuality is a sin, simply because the Bible says it is, and you cannot openly accept and live a life of sin and be a Christian. That goes for any sin, not just homosexuality. Lying, stealing, anger, drunkenness, envy, idolatry; all these things and more will prevent you from inheriting the kingdom of God if you do them.
I want to help you, so please don't think I am judging you or being hateful, because I'm not. I know you are in a hard place right now. I will be praying for you.

 

[Matt27]

Thanks for your prayers I really appreciate it and I also appreciate what you have mentioned because as a gay man I have only ever acted on my urges on very few occasions probably less than nearly all of us have every lied or sinned in another way. I think what worries me most is I don't understand if homosexual actions are actually a greater sin than those you have mentioned, I know many others say they are and that's what hinders me sometimes.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Sorry to the Mods if I have posted this in the wrong category, please feel free to move this thread where appropriate.

I have wanted to reach out for some time to see the opinions of other Christians about this matter. I am a gay man who is at the same time reconciling his belief in the Lord. Is there any advice anyone can provide for me on how to address reconciling my relationship with the Lord? I am sure you can understand this is a very difficult matter for me and any advice would be very helpful, thanks.

Couragerc.org

If you are not Catholic youay nonetheless fnd some help with them.

Don't lose heart in trying to be faithful to the Lord. You are not alone.

 

[com7fy8]

Well, if anything is wrong, you don't need to reconcile a wrong thing with Jesus.

And in case something is wrong, we know God is committed to changing us so it stops.

So, if you are talking about preference for getting gratification with someone of your gender > you are talking about how to get a very treasured pleasure. And so it can be extremely hard to change from a pleasure which is a treasure. Only God can change the preferences of our hearts, so we treasure Him, most of all, and enjoy loving any and all people.

The real problem can be preference for pleasure, and sexual sensations are very popular, since they are intensely nice feeling and can be easy to get free of charge. So, it can be a problem of the heart, of our character . . . not of physical genes and physical brain chemistry! But preference is a thing of our desires, and our hearts have our desires; but God is able to change the character of our hearts, so we are first deeply satisfied to seek God for Himself (Hebrews 11:6) . . . and this in sharing as family with others who are Jesus people (Ephesians 4:31-5:2).

Getting with Jesus is a family blessing. We help each other to overcome our different sorts of treasure pleasure preferences, so our personalities are about Jesus and loving . . . instead of being isolated with certain sorts of pleasure seeking.

So, I offer > gay is not a true identity. And it has nothing to do with sex, if by sex we mean activity which functions for reproducing. It is just one more preference for pleasure. And it tends to be an isolation thing, mainly with someone or others who help a person get one's treasured pleasure.

And heterosexuals, too, use sexual stuff only or mainly for pleasure, not for reproducing children who know how to love. Heteros, too, can be using each other, and isolated more or less. And real reproduction, for God, is not only physical; but children need how we feed them with good example for how to relate, so they can grow up knowing how to share in a tender and close involvement with another person. Therefore, we see, in the Bible, things like > "Do all things without complaining and disputing," (Philippians 2:14). Because arguing and complaining can ruin parents so they are not submissive to God in His peace and discovering how He has us relating. There are various scriptures about how God wants us to relate; so it is not enough only to stop wrong sexual stuff > we need to get into how our Father has us relating as His family > a few scriptures for this include > James 1:19-20, Ephesians 5:21, and 1 Peter 5:3.

So, part of recovery includes becoming able to love in a tender and affectionate relationship with our example of this feeding children and singles and couples. One needs to treasure the loving, more than the physical pleasure stuff. And be an example of this to feed others so we all can find out how to love in a close relationship, in true intimacy which is in Jesus and His way of loving. So, we all need to gain real correction which only God is able to do in us all > Hebrews 12:4-14 > and with this we share this with others, as family, since we all need this.

But you perhaps can see how weakness for pleasure can moonlight to keep you weak so you also can keep on deeply suffering emotionally, socially, and spiritually. But with Jesus, in obeying Him, "you will find rest for your souls." (in Matthew 11:28-30)

 

[Under One King]

All sin separates us from God. Is your lusting after men any worse then when I have lusted after women? No. Either way, it will send you to hell. It is only because of God's grace and mercy that we can be forgiven and live with Him someday. However, that does not give us an excuse to sin. We must realize what sin is, where it is in our lives, and we must go to great lengths to repent of that sin and get it out of our lives.
Do you believe that homosexuality is a sin?

 

[Matt27]

All sin separates us from God. Is your lusting after men any worse then when I have lusted after women? No. Either way, it will send you to hell. It is only because of God's grace and mercy that we can be forgiven and live with Him someday. However, that does not give us an excuse to sin. We must realize what sin is, where it is in our lives, and we must go to great lengths to repent of that sin and get it out of our lives.
Do you believe that homosexuality is a sin?

Thanks guys for all your advice, I really appreciate it.

I do believe homosexuality is a sin, just because a Western standard today might value one topic or another as being acceptable or at a different standards between one issue or another is a separate issue. I will say to the other person who replied to my thread, I don't know that I will ever be able to revert from my homosexuality and this is my opinion here, I do believe that my homosexuality will be a lifelong trial as many others have long term trials in their life in other ways. So although I am aware that the Lord has the possibility to do anything that may defy anything that we would see as 'impossible' today.

The one thing that I suppose I don't understand is, I see many times that homosexuals will go to hell but I have acted on my homosexuality on very few occasions, definitely less than the vast majority of people would lie, including myself and have asked for forgiveness after each time. I am just really confused and wondering if I am not a real Christian just because I have fallen into my homosexual temptations.

 

[Under One King]

Thanks guys for all your advice, I really appreciate it.

I do believe homosexuality is a sin, just because a Western standard today might value one topic or another as being acceptable or at a different standards between one issue or another is a separate issue. I will say to the other person who replied to my thread, I don't know that I will ever be able to revert from my homosexuality and this is my opinion here, I do believe that my homosexuality will be a lifelong trial as many others have long term trials in their life in other ways. So although I am aware that the Lord has the possibility to do anything that may defy anything that we would see as 'impossible' today.

The one thing that I suppose I don't understand is, I see many times that homosexuals will go to hell but I have acted on my homosexuality on very few occasions, definitely less than the vast majority of people would lie, including myself and have asked for forgiveness after each time. I am just really confused and wondering if I am not a real Christian just because I have fallen into my homosexual temptations.

The key is we have to repent of our sins, which means doing a 180° and always try our hardest to not do it anymore. Will we still fail? Of course. The Bible says we will. But the key is what is in your heart. You have to want to change, or change will never happen.

 

[Matt27]

That's very true and all we can do is have faith and try our best. I will always have faith in the Lord and hope that I will always do better. I hope even though I am gay that my faith will still help me in what might be a lifelong trial. Sometimes I worry that I place more emphasis on my homosexuality than my other sins and I should make sure that I try my hardest to focus on all of my transgressions.

 

[Under One King]

That's very true and all we can do is have faith and try our best. I will always have faith in the Lord and hope that I will always do better. I hope even though I am gay that my faith will still help me in what might be a lifelong trial. Sometimes I worry that I place more emphasis on my homosexuality than my other sins and I should make sure that I try my hardest to focus on all of my transgressions.

If you are truly wanting to change and turn away from this, I would stop calling yourself gay. Being gay is a choice, and I think it might help a bit if you don't think of yourself as one.

 

[Matt27]

If you are truly wanting to change and turn away from this, I would stop calling yourself gay. Being gay is a choice, and I think it might help a bit if you don't think of yourself as one.

I see what your saying. I would only be lying by not saying that I am a homosexual male and would say it's not a choice exactly in the sense that lying or stealing something is a choice we might make. All I know is that I have had these feelings since at least I was a young teenager, as much as I tried to have feelings women I am unable to. This is where I believe homosexuality may be a lifelong or at least a long term trial for me. I know the Lord has the power to allow me to remain with my homosexual feelings or to even in an instance rid of them but that is a decision for the Lord and a higher purpose which I am not aware of the decision making behind it. In the meantime I have to accept either possibility and try to find the best way to reconcile my relationship with the Lord despite my homosexual tenancies

 

[grasping the after wind]

I see what your saying. I would only be lying by not saying that I am a homosexual male and would say it's not a choice exactly in the sense that lying or stealing something is a choice we might make. All I know is that I have had these feelings since at least I was a young teenager, as much as I tried to have feelings women I am unable to. This is where I believe homosexuality may be a lifelong or at least a long term trial for me. I know the Lord has the power to allow me to remain with my homosexual feelings or to even in an instance rid of them but that is a decision for the Lord and a higher purpose which I am not aware of the decision making behind it. In the meantime I have to accept either possibility and try to find the best way to reconcile my relationship with the Lord despite my homosexual tenancies

Wanting to sin and sinning are two different things. Are people that are tempted to steal but do not steal just as guilty of sin as people that steal? Or people that want to lie but do not lie just as guilty as the liar? How would that be different for people that want to engage in same sex relations but do not. Being tempted to sin is not the same as sin.

 

[Matt27]

Wanting to sin and sinning are two different things. Are people that are tempted to steal but do not steal just as guilty of sin as people that steal? Or people that want to lie but do not lie just as guilty as the liar? How would that be different for people that want to engage in same sex relations but do not. Being tempted to sin is not the same as sin.

Exactly and that is what I hope is true and that my homosexual actions in the past would not be weighed higher than other sins. I think I could have explained better that my homosexuality isn't essentially something I can "switch off" and then I would be interested in women and be able to get married and start a family, at least at this point in time, perhaps the Lord will be able to provide that to me or not depending on what he decides. Essentially I am in a very difficult circumstance where I cannot if you like, "turn off" the homosexuality and essentially I cannot look at a woman in a way where I could engage in an emotional or even a further circumstance resulting in marriage.

 

[SPF]

Sorry to the Mods if I have posted this in the wrong category, please feel free to move this thread where appropriate.

I have wanted to reach out for some time to see the opinions of other Christians about this matter. I am a gay man who is at the same time reconciling his belief in the Lord. Is there any advice anyone can provide for me on how to address reconciling my relationship with the Lord? I am sure you can understand this is a very difficult matter for me and any advice would be very helpful, thanks.

I appreciate your willingness to open up to total strangers.

I have 3 boys, and they are each so incredibly unique and different. It's been really neat to watch them grow and see their personalities develop. As a parent, I've also been able to see their "natural" weaknesses, and tendencies towards sin.

For example, my middle child has a problem with telling the truth. He has since he was little. He hasn't been raised differently than his brothers, and both his mother and I are actually very open, and I think for the most part provide a stable and safe environment for them. Yet, he still has a problem with lying.

Why do you think that is? Is it a character flaw? Does he need "more Jesus"?

I think part of sin entering the world is that often times people are born with a tendency towards one "type" of sin over another. Whether it's an addictive personality, telling the truth, or even sexually related.

I believe that Scripture is clear that God created men and women uniquely, and purposefully to be together. Sexually speaking, the natural relationship is for a man and a woman. More than that, I believe God has said it is immoral and sinful for a man and a man or a woman and a woman to have a physical relationship.

Thus, for a man or a woman who finds themselves attracted to someone of the same sex, I personally have great compassion for them. I think each case is different, and I think there are some people that can find love from the opposite sex, but I think there are also people that will never be able to find love from the opposite sex.

And that's the hardest.

It's the hardest because God created us as relational beings. Marriage is the most intimate and God-reflective relationship we can have this side of heaven. For people born with a homosexual bent - that honestly just sets them up for a difficult life.

But at the end of the day, for me, it's always about reminding myself that God is God, and I am His creation. Life is not about me. Life is about knowing Christ, loving Him, becoming more like Him, and showing that love through my life to others.

For now, we all deal with sin. We all deal with sexual struggles, homosexual and heterosexuals alike.

If I was homosexual, I think I would pray that the Lord would help me to overcome that and to find a loving relationship with a woman. But I would also be realistic and understand that it might not happen, and that I might need to remain single for the rest of my life. If that were the case, then someone like Paul from Scripture would probably say I was making a good choice. For the single man can be more dedicated and singularly focused on the Gospel than the married man.

 

[com7fy8]

my homosexuality isn't essentially something I can "switch off" and then I would be interested in women and be able to get married and start a family

I would say you have made this clear.

It is not what you get yourself to do.

All of us depend on God to change us how He wants.

But . . . Jesus has us dearly loving all our brothers and sisters. So, first grow in loving any and all of your Jesus family people, as family, caring and sharing. And then you will see what happens.

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:31-32)

Sometimes I worry that I place more emphasis on my homosexuality than my other sins and I should make sure that I try my hardest to focus on all of my transgressions.

Every sin can help to keep you weak so you can give in to other sins, in my opinion. Less obvious sins can help to maintain our weakness. We need to always do things in God's love which makes us strong against any and all wrong stuff.

"Let all that you do be done with love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)

All I know is that I have had these feelings since at least I was a young teenager,

We were all born wrong . . . in sin. So, we all have had feelings which would take us the wrong way. All I could function about, pretty much, was ice cream and candy when I was a little kid. Then money became an obsession, since I could use it to buy stuff I treasured. I was not social, really, at all, for a while. And then I was picking out the pretty girls whose parents were in my mother and father's in-crowd > I was not loving, but using them for status. So, that was perverted from real love . . . not only perversion from sex.

Using people is not loving them.

Then I became a perpetual bully, after our father started abusing us emotionally. But God stopped that, but then I became a religious goody-goody two-shoes religious jerk. I would say I have been in major correctional custody for . . . oh, let's see > I am 73, now, and then was about 1966 > that's about 54 years ago, when I graduated as one of the "class angels". Right > I've been in some sort of correctional custody to get me to find out how to love, now for about 54 years.

I would say my conceit and self-righteous way of looking down on anyone and everyone would qualify to be called wrong.

And there is every scripture to help us to find out how to love. God can use any scripture to help us.

 

[tdidymas]

Sorry to the Mods if I have posted this in the wrong category, please feel free to move this thread where appropriate.

I have wanted to reach out for some time to see the opinions of other Christians about this matter. I am a gay man who is at the same time reconciling his belief in the Lord. Is there any advice anyone can provide for me on how to address reconciling my relationship with the Lord? I am sure you can understand this is a very difficult matter for me and any advice would be very helpful, thanks.

Homosexuality is an addiction like any other addiction, and it doesn't hurt to call yourself gay just as it doesn't hurt me to call myself alcoholic, even though I've been sober for 9 years. I think the proper way to relate to your temptation is to say you're gay, meaning that you have that slant of temptation (like I have a slant for temptation to alcohol and drugs). It doesn't mean it's your identity, since you're in Christ which is your identity. It also doesn't mean you have to yield to the temptation.

For me, I've been tempted many times, and once 5 years ago I stumbled in it, but recovered after realizing how foolish I was in that stumble. That stumble helped me to know my weakness. It also requires trusting in the Lord to deliver you from every temptation you encounter. It requires making special rules for yourself, to avoid all situations that would increase the temptation. You might have to make new friends. You might have to join a recovery group. You might even need some Christian counseling or therapy. These things may not cure, but they are helpful, as long as you are looking for spiritual and psychological healing, which God can do for you through the ministries of the church.

All in all, most of us put far too much stock in feelings, and that weakens our resistance to temptations. We need to be real followers of Christ, which requires memorizing scripture and applying it to our everyday lives.
TD

 

[Paul4JC]

Thanks for reaching out. I have always had my faith in the Lord, the issue is homosexuality is seen as a huge sin one, some would say it's impossible to be gay and a Christian. I guess with me I am very confused because as a gay man I have seen so many messages throughout my life that essentially I can't be a Christian and on the other end I see people who say that isn't the case.

Hows your faith in the Lord? Do you read the Bible and pray?

Many years ago I had a Christian friend. We were good friends. He had formerly practiced gay lifestyle but was now following the Lord, and repented. We prayed, evangelized together even on mission trips. Later I went to another country, and lost contact. I came back some years later to find that he had gone back to the lifestyle(moved to SF), and now also had aids and was dying in the hospital. I visited him and prayed with him. I believe I will see him in heaven.

I would guess accountability would be best, but with trustworthy people. Some will always judge you, but at the end of the day it's between you and the Lord. He knows you best.

Lord help Matt27 move forward in his faith with you. Put the right people around him so he can develop healthy habits, and grow in repentance and his faith. Help him grow in your word, and know your grace in new ways. In Jesus name, Amen.

Have your heard of Joe Dallas?

Gay Christian Identity--Joe Dallas--HOPE2017

 

[chevyontheriver]

Thanks guys for all your advice, I really appreciate it.

I do believe homosexuality is a sin, just because a Western standard today might value one topic or another as being acceptable or at a different standards between one issue or another is a separate issue. I will say to the other person who replied to my thread, I don't know that I will ever be able to revert from my homosexuality and this is my opinion here, I do believe that my homosexuality will be a lifelong trial as many others have long term trials in their life in other ways. So although I am aware that the Lord has the possibility to do anything that may defy anything that we would see as 'impossible' today.

The one thing that I suppose I don't understand is, I see many times that homosexuals will go to hell but I have acted on my homosexuality on very few occasions, definitely less than the vast majority of people would lie, including myself and have asked for forgiveness after each time. I am just really confused and wondering if I am not a real Christian just because I have fallen into my homosexual temptations.

You raise the issue of being homosexual, having homosexual temptations, and acting on those temptations. Those are different things.

I don't think of myself as a heterosexual. It just isn't one of the things that I use to define myself. And there is no need for you to define yourself as a homosexual. You can be a guy attracted to the same sex without setting up all sorts of expectations about how you are inclined to act.

As to temptations, we all have them. We get tempted by different things. But the temptations are not in and of themselves sinful. It's what we do with those temptations that matters. Do we indulge the temptations? That is sinful. Or do we quickly think of something else? That's no sin at all. I am tempted by a pretty woman, and so I offer a prayer that she make it to heaven, and that I do. Puts the inappropriate lusting right out of mind.

If you do let a temptation get the best of you there is forgiveness. You are not trapped by your past, not even if you fail numerous times. God wants you whole. Even if temptations continue. Even when you fail. Have courage.