Long story ... need advice please.

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Well Ive come to the conclusion that I should take the semester off. I am overwhelmed with what I want to do in school. I dont feel God being a part of it right now. I had my first semester in the spring & now Im on my second semester. I switched my major to Fashion Design and Im not showing much interest in it either. Since I was young I thought Id pursue Fashion Design as a career but when I was 20 years old my relationship with God grew closer & from there instead of pursuing school or going into the military I thought Id spend a couple years growing with God & finding out what I really wanted in life. Those years had hard times but the good happened more often. This past year though my family went through a lot of changes. My SF left my mother for someone else.. he stopped paying for the house and my mother was left to move into a rental. My mother is disabled. I moved in to help her but she is very verbally abusive to the point I was driven to a nervous breakdown. I left my job hoping to find something better which I did but I was so messed up I didnt take them I kept looking for something else... I decided to start school... I felt so pressured to try to do something to make life better that I didnt take the time out to ask God if it was alright. From the time I started school I havent been feeling right about it. I dont know if its because Im going for something that God does not want me to go for or Im not suppose to be in school... Everything is a mess honestly... I used this summer to mentally work on myself and all Im feeling a lot better then I did at the beginning of the summer.. but the depression is still lingering.

Im stressing everyday as if this is the route for me to take. Ive loved the idea of creating things.. but now that Im in the class Im feeling less and less like its Gods calling at least for now.. Im finding that it might not be all its cracked up to be as I had made it.

I dont know but Im not making choices through a clear head here & I feel like the further I keep going the more money I will waste rather then taking the rest of this semester off and getting everything else in my life back together.

I feel like I am literally standing in the middle of the past and the future and have no idea which way to go and the more mistakes I make the more pressure I put on myself. I feel really stuck. I feel like no matter what choice I make the outcome will be negative. I dont know how I began having such a negative outlook on life when Ive always been very very positive.

Im worried about my mothers finances. She only gets a certain amount of money from Social Security she will need help in the future. I dont mind helping her but she is very abusive verbally and dependent. She has taken advantage of my help and kindness before which led to such a depressed state this year that I had to move out temporarily to stay with my sister.

I am very sensitive right now to being alone. I use to be very independent but now since all this has happened I feel very needy like I have this terrible fear I make one wrong decision and God could walk away from me. I feel like I cannot trust anyone.... like if I do the will only disappoint me.

I seriously dont know where to turn.

I keep seeing signs of a breakthrough but Im getting no where right now.
When I look to the future I do see very good things happening I see myself succeeding so I have a positive outlook but for right now I dont know which way to go at all. I think Ive bothered my sister to death with my problems to the point I dont really have anyone to turn to right now. Shes been through it herself and the situation is hard to talk to her about as well.

I know that I may have a lot of self doubt but I dont know how not to...

I know some will probably say to stay in school but I know that I do want to go back to school.. but I want to get better instead of just dragging my way through it and not enjoying it. Im an online student by the way. The idea that im trying to build a new life on an old foundation feels like even more pressure...

I liked my life with God the way it was where it was filled with mystery. I never had any money at all.. but somehow I got things that I want.. or I met such great people through my job... I loved the mornings the most when Id be headed into work.. just those simple moments.. Reality is now I want to move ahead and I feel like he wants me to as well but I dont know where that is suppose to be...

Have others taken a semester off??? I believe God wants me to do that because Im not finding peace in anything I am choosing.... and I dont think i hate any of them.. I think I have alot of pressure on my mind right now that its making me act impulsively... ANy advice???

Thank you in advance.

 

[freeport]

<snip>
I liked my life with God the way it was where it was filled with mystery. I never had any money at all.. but somehow I got things that I want.. or I met such great people through my job... I loved the mornings the most when Id be headed into work.. just those simple moments.. Reality is now I want to move ahead and I feel like he wants me to as well but I dont know where that is suppose to be...

Have others taken a semester off??? I believe God wants me to do that because Im not finding peace in anything I am choosing.... and I dont think i hate any of them.. I think I have alot of pressure on my mind right now that its making me act impulsively... ANy advice???

Thank you in advance.

I totally skipped out of college, went and searched for God... because I had a lot of signs and mysteries in my life.

My eldest daughter is taking fashion at FIDM, not the route I would prefer for her, but I am thrilled she has something to do that she loves. But, she really loves it and has the drive to stick to it. Otherwise, I would be concerned about her taking such a hard route for a career.

Always put God first and think of the will of God. After I did the poverty thing for some years, and had enough "answers", I got a real job and worked my way up in the field. I felt God would just call me someday. Then, God started to work in my religious life with my work life in a very huge way.


Eventually, all of those years of constantly seeking and trying to do His will, and all of those secrets... came to head, and exploded in my life. I never stopped seeking, but I just had no idea when it would come or how.


Point is the spiritual walk never ends, always put it first. You can find what you are looking for in whatever job God has you in. Could be anything, nothing "special". A lot of massive things can happen in the smallest of places.

 

[ImperatorWall]

If you don't have peace now taking the semester off won't change anything. It is something you have to work out with God, not attempt to find by changing locations, jobs, etc. Be careful that you do not attempt to justify your decisions by attributing them to what God wants you to do. It is very easy to decieve yourself.

Been there, done that. Wasted a lot of time.

Whatever your problems are they will still be there at the end of the semester. Unless it is causing you serious emotional or financial hardship, don't take a semester off. Buckle down, do the work, and see if you still feel the same way in a few months. If it does not get any better start making plans about the direction you want to go at the end of the semester.

This statement really stands out to me, I have felt exactly like this myself:

I feel like I am literally standing in the middle of the past and the future and have no idea which way to go and the more mistakes I make the more pressure I put on myself. I feel really stuck. I feel like no matter what choice I make the outcome will be negative. I dont know how I began having such a negative outlook on life when Ive always been very very positive.

The solution I found, no matter how hard it gets, is don't quit.

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Thank you both for your quick answers... Very good advice.

Im just very upset. I dont have that kind of encouragement. Im 26 yrs old & suddenly I feel like a child that needs someone. I am literally stuck. I thought I had it all figured out over the summer.

My plan was not to go to college after awhile.. That I knew God would eventually make it all happen I was on a good route until everything fell apart & I felt like I had to intervene & took a grip on my future because I felt like my window of opportunity had closed since all that happened to my family. Now my mother needed my help. I moved in to help her.. everything was going smooth then it all backfired.

 

[freeport]

Thank you both for your quick answers... Very good advice.

Im just very upset. I dont have that kind of encouragement. Im 26 yrs old & suddenly I feel like a child that needs someone. I am literally stuck. I thought I had it all figured out over the summer.

My plan was not to go to college after awhile.. That I knew God would eventually make it all happen I was on a good route until everything fell apart & I felt like I had to intervene & took a grip on my future because I felt like my window of opportunity had closed since all that happened to my family. Now my mother needed my help. I moved in to help her.. everything was going smooth then it all backfired.

I can't tell you what to do with your mother. You are 26 and don't have your own family. I would put God's commands first, but I don't know your mother or what you mean by her being nasty. My wife's mother is in a cult, and I feel zero obligation to help her out while she is aging -- I won't even sit to eat with the woman.

In general, though, we are supposed to care for our parents.

Careers are really worthless. I had as much or more joy working menial labor as I do now making six figures in a technical field.


Neither provides happiness. Happiness only comes by doing God's will, then all else, God provides.

 

[MLEN]

Sounds like a lot is going through your mind right now. But God knows and understands it all. He wants the best for you. If you haven't yet, lay it all out to him in an open and honest conversation. He already knows, but it is often spiritually therapeutic for us to verbalize it to him audibly.

As you pray and ask him for direction, look for his direction. He will give it. You sound sincere in wanting to do what is right, so try not to worry too much that you will go wrong. In your time of weakness put your trust in God's strength and ability to steer you right. If you feel the Holy Spirit leading you to do/not do something - follow it. Even if it seems a bit off the wall (but still in line with God's Word). Most of all, stay connected to God.

I remember during my last year in college feeling drained after years of school study. I got a mental block and just couldn't focus and was not doing well with grades. I prayed and asked God what was going on and what I should do. Soon after, I bumped into a friend who was applying to teach English in Japan. Long story short - I ended up applying too, got the job and stayed for 2 years. After that God got me back on track (mentally and emotionally) and I went back home to finish college.

I'm not saying to up and go overseas. But I am saying to look, listen and then heed the Holy Spirit's guiding.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[BobW188]

Take the semester off only if you will have some activity that keeps you busy and serves a purpose. If you just "sit back and take it easy," you'll probably just tend to drift. Believe me, odd as it may sound, it's easier to reassess things when a large part of your day is taken up with useful activity.

 

[Meeker]

Ameri, don't be despaired. Much of what people have already said here are very valid points. It is very tempting to put life on HALT mode, isn't? I think many of us feel that way. We want to lock ourselves up in white room, with no windows, or doors, sound proof and stay in there until we have it all figured out. But, if we don't keep moving, God can't steer us in the direction He wants. You're like a little leaf in a river, where you may bump into twigs or rocks or simple flow far too fast with the current. But you're still moving in that river, and God can still steer you through it. But if you stop, God can't steer you. He knows everything that is going on. He will NOT get mad if you do not stop, or if you're spinning.

Also, we often have to be patient for God to tell us what He wants. We'd all love a list of directions from GodQuest, but we don't get that either. But don't worry! Keep moving, as you can, and God will steer you. Also, don't think that what you have done in life is a total waste. Going into Fashion is not a sin, and even if in the future God has different plans, that does not mean he cannot use what you have gained or learned in the past.

And sometimes, we have to go through down a lot of roads and around back alleys and over brigdes and under overpasses...only to find we got back onto the main road. Sometimes God works that way.

First, trust God that He's going to put you where He wants you. That's the very first thing. Sounds crazy, sounds scary, and when you get there you might even drop your jaw and say "Are you serious?" (or, the more likely alternative, for some "No way! This is even better than <insert preferred destination>!"), Second, figure out what can, should, or needs to be done concerning projects, or school, or family, and work on that. While you're doing that, God will make adjustments.

Then, let go. =) *hug*

 

[AmeriLovesJesus]

Hi! Everyone Thank you for the wonderful encouraging words. Sorry the response is so late but I put my focus on my school work. I did as you suggested & just did the work for this week. Though I enjoyed it very much Im still feeling out of place with it.

Im glad I did the work but Im still feeling upset & unsure about where this is headed.

MLEN & MEEKER, Thanks you so much for those comforting words.

I still feel very stuck & keep having terrible headaches from all this thinking.

I definitely agree Bob, staying active gets the ball rolling... but I cannot seem to push myself to get out there all I keep doing is focusing on negative thoughts.

I am always worried these past fews weeks. I understand God does not want us to worry but I cannot get myself not to do it. If Im not worried Im very emotional/sensitive/insecure or if Im fine I start worrying about the next time I feel upset again. I really need to get out of my head. I did get a job at an art store at the middle of

Ill be honest here... What I really really want is my old life back. Ive chased this huge dream of being this independent career women all my life... & this dream to be this high successful person in my career... Now Im at that point to do that.. To leave behind everything here & move to California or NYC to do it ... suddenly Ive become very very sensitive to leaving behind everything Ive built since I graduated highschool.. that I have found myself yelling to God that I dont NEED that life... I dont need any of that I loved what I had before (just needed a little bit growing up to do)... I dont think its really the past Im looking at that I want to go back into its the value that I learned of those experiences I had & much I really loved the mystery of it... & my simple job was so important to me because instead of it being a job to me they were like family... I was a Customer Service rep so I was working with people all day everyday... & I used that opportunity wisely.. I built relationships with my customers.. they made me happy.. I learned from them & they learned from me.. my problem was I was going nowhere.. there were opportunities always available for me to move up but I didnt have the confidence and at the time near the end things were not going well.. I kept wanting more.. to get out.. now that Im out here & I got the chance to go for some dream I had since I was young.. Im finding that my real dream had already taken place... where I was becoming whole as a person, I was growing, I was building my own life, my relationship with my parents was actually getting better... etc. But then when everything crashed I freaked out & said to myself "Maybe Ive been wrong this whole time" So like I said before I gripped onto my other dream...

But now what I really want is for my mother to be okay & my family & for me to get back on course. Nothing huge. I look at this opportunity to go after this career dream and I also find myself saying "Is this it? There has got to be something more" .. I want to do great in my life that could impact others & so I could have path set out for my future children.. my goal since I was young was live my life to the fullest so I could show my children anything is possible.

I want my mother to have a wonderful life too as well as my brother & Im afraid of missing out on it if I run around in circles trying to find my purpose. Im worried about stepping out into something new... only to find it wasnt the right thing knowing I could have used that valuable time to spend with my family. My family life has not always been easy and I feel Ive spent most of my life chasing after that kind of life rather then allowing it to unfold naturally... I was always pressured by my mother when I was young that I had to leave the & never come back.. that I feared leaving her & she wouldnt allow me back... so I never left this area... except when I lived in NY with an ex BF...

I really need to find a church to go to... I want to be surrounded by encouraging people... I would also like to be a part of a church by Christmas this year so I could get involved with activities for the holidays. I have insecurities about church though.

But I did however drive passed one on day while I was having a difficult time making a decision on something.. and I saw on the sign it says "Need to make a Decision?" and the time for the meeting.. which I really thought was cool being at that moment I was going through it... but my insecurities of not having the right clothes or whatever to wear prevented me from going.

I have been very very sensitive lately... & have had a negative thought outcome for every single thing God has placed in my path... I wander if this means something???

Anyway sorry for the long response this is the only place I can really open up to anyone and get some really great advice.

Please pray for me! I will pray for all of you. <3

 

[ceh85]

Hi, so sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I know how hard and stressful family situations can be and I pray that you are relieved from some of the stress you are under soon.

I was interested to read what you said about your old job...it sounds like you really loved it. Can I ask if you think part of the reason you are finding your course difficult is because you enjoy working with people? When I was at university I discovered that actually I am not academic in the sense that I study for enjoyment's sake but that my strengths lie more with relating to people, is this true of you at all? I am basically wondering if maybe this is God's way of showing you another path you could take, ie down customer service routes? I don't know if this helps as it raises more questions!! But it occurred to me and I thought I would broach it to you. Obviously if you know where you are going and absolutely know fashion design is for you that's another matter.

I can see also that you feel under pressure to do what is expected of you, but that you are fighting against that in some way. My advice would be to pray and ask God to open your heart to help you look with honesty at what you really feel about what you are doing at the moment -perhaps your heart is just not in some aspects of your life.

When you are going through a hard time it seems like it will never end, but remember all things must pass. Your faith can strengthen during this time and see you through - and of course you are never alone! I think the best advice I could give you is to be truly honest with yourself. In my experience this has helped God to work within me. I will be praying for you and I really hope you find your peace soon.