Long Distance Relationships

[msjones21]

I have always been a nasayer of LDR's until recently. I read the story of how Sam and Bethany Torode met. Separated by several hundred miles their relationship started with an editorial, written by Bethany, about saving her kiss. Sam, taking the opposition, wrote the magazine about his qualms with Bethany's approach to "virgin lips". Afterwards he traveled to where Bethany lived to speak with her about the article and the relationship progressed from there.

I am a firm believer that hundreds of miles cannot separate you from the person God wants you to be with. I feel there are pros and cons to long distance relationships. I will list mine and then please feel free to share yours. Also, if you're in a long distance relationship or you met your spouse over the internet or were separated by several miles please share your story, I'd love to get a broad range of experiences and opinions.

Okay here is my "list":

Pros

~You have the opportunity to get to know the other person and their beliefs without having your judgement clouded by the whole physical appearance aspect.
~You cherish the time you spend together even moreso.
~Sexual temptation may not be a daily struggle.

Cons

~You don't have regular interaction with your significant other.
~You don't get to see them regularly interact with their family, your family, or fellow Christians.
~Communication skills may not be cultivated properly in a LDR.

These are just my opinions. I certainly wouldn't rule out a long distance relationship because I have to trust in God completely. Also, if the couple decides they want to marry who should move to where? Should the wife be expected to move to the husband's home state or vice versa? I know in my case I cannot leave my area because of my mother's health problems. Your opinions?

 

[Warrior Poet]

I have always been a nasayer of LDR's until recently. I read the story of how Sam and Bethany Torode met. Separated by several hundred miles their relationship started with an editorial, written by Bethany, about saving her kiss. Sam, taking the opposition, wrote the magazine about his qualms with Bethany's approach to "virgin lips". Afterwards he traveled to where Bethany lived to speak with her about the article and the relationship progressed from there.

I am a firm believer that hundreds of miles cannot separate you from the person God wants you to be with. I feel there are pros and cons to long distance relationships. I will list mine and then please feel free to share yours. Also, if you're in a long distance relationship or you met your spouse over the internet or were separated by several miles please share your story, I'd love to get a broad range of experiences and opinions.

Me personnaly I couldnt do it. It would really have to be something unique for me to get into a LDR and make it work...that doesnt mean it cant happen I know it can and I am sure lots of them are very successful but its just not for everyone.

Okay here is my "list":

Pros

~You have the opportunity to get to know the other person and their beliefs without having your judgement clouded by the whole physical appearance aspect.
~You cherish the time you spend together even moreso.
~Sexual temptation may not be a daily struggle.

Cons

~You don't have regular interaction with your significant other.
~You don't get to see them regularly interact with their family, your family, or fellow Christians.
~Communication skills may not be cultivated properly in a LDR.

I think I agree with the pros....but not the cons ( not all of them at least) The communication one i think is false I think that an LDR couple should be at a level about in communicating theymust do it and do it well for the relationship to survive. Regular interaction can be a pro or con, the less regular interaction the easier to fight the physical realm. I guess the one major communication con would be body language and expression...im big on that...my face can say exactly what i want it to without saying a word.

These are just my opinions. I certainly wouldn't rule out a long distance relationship because I have to trust in God completely. Also, if the couple decides they want to marry who should move to where? Should the wife be expected to move to the husband's home state or vice versa? I know in my case I cannot leave my area because of my mother's health problems. Your opinions?

Overall I agree with your opinions. Who is to move in that given situation....whichever is willing and will be more beneficial to the other. Compromise is a key word that exist with marriage another big one ends up beng sacrifice.

Warrior Poet

 

[fdldd]

My husband's and my relationship started out as long distance for 1 year, then I moved to the area and we got married 3 months afterwards. We kept in contact through the phone, letters, cards. I think that it can be done, at least it did for us I lived in Milwaukee, he lived in Minneapolis. 6 hours away. You treasure every minute you can spend together. We celebrated our 5 year anniversary this past October and are still very much in love.

 

[E-beth]

My husband and I met through the internet. He lived about 200 miles away, though in the same state. For us, talking several hours each day via IM meant we could progress rapidly into that level of intimacy where you learn how someone thinks. And I could maintain my own life, and he his. But when he would come and visit, it was hard to see him go back home. We had to cram so much into two or three days. The separation was so painful that we knew we were supposed to be together all the time, so he proposed after only a month after finally meeting face-to-face. We were engaged for about 8 months, and being engaged in a LDR is REALLY hard. All you want is to be done with the foolishness of being separated and actaully be together fro good. I would recommend very short LDR engagements.

I know several couples who met online in LDRs. One friend from Ohio met and fell in love with a girl from Sweden. They have had a rough time with visits and time changes, but she eventually moved to the US, they got married, and are living happily together.

LDRs can work, but only if you are willing to sacrifice. Maybe you can't be together on Valentine's Day, or maybe if it worked out one of you would have to move. But it can work out, if it is the Lord's Will.

 

[Koop]

LDRs are a pain, but a worthwhile one in my book. My last relationship was a LDR. It was an amazing blessing to me too. She ended up moving out here, and everything seemed great. It was hard being apart for most of the time. But we flew back and forth and saw one another 4-5 times a year for about a week a piece. Talking on the phone and vid confrencing got us through the rest of the time. The pain and hardships were more than outweighd by the love and joy we brought one another. The big question is always would you do it again. Well my answer is a resounding yes, but a firm not anytime soon! Relationships are hard as it is. The sacrifice involved in a LDR just makes it harder. When you really love somone it's worth it and more, but I don't love anyone right now let alone anyone that much. I'm just out there following the Lord and praying he doesn't invite me into another LDR.

As for the pro/con thing.... I think your list is pretty good. But there is a lot missing.
more pros....
you get a lot of frequent flier miles
the relationship can't be based on apearance
you know you can enjoy conversing with them
you know you love them a lot, because you never see them and you still love them
More cons.....
Some people have a hard time being faithful
constant pain and worry and missing the other
people look down on LDRs all the time. (especialy families)
phone bills are huge!
It's freakin expensive! a plane ticket across country is around 300 on average! then you don't normaly get to spoil them so you spend tons on them when you see them!
you also don't get to know the whole person. You can share everything about who you are on the phone, but you don't see what the person is like. Manerisms etc can be difficult getting used to at first.

All in all i think they are worth it if it's what God is looking for. I wouldn't encourage anyone into any relationship if God wasn't in it. But if i were i would be even less likely to if it were long distance.

 

[fdldd]

Also, oops I missed this somehow...We talked about it and decided mutually that I should move. He was willing to move to Milwaukee, but since we knew we were going to get married and that we wanted me to be able to stay home when we would have children, we thought it was wise for us to be in the city where he had his job. This decision was not made lightly only after much prayer, he could have moved to Milwaukee and started a job there were he would have made just as much money, but we felt that God wanted us in MN. We believe that God has blessed that decision, I was pregnant 1 month after we married after 8 years of problems getting/ staying pregnant with my former marriage. The only thing that made me in anyway sad about the move was that my parents lived in Milwaukee, but since we really felt it was what God wanted, I moved. My mother got transfered to a job in the Minneapolis area just 6 months later. God is good!

 

[E-beth]

oooh, that is kooky!

I also got pregnant after a month in my new marriage after 7 years of trying! And, I moved away from family to be with him as well. That has been the hardest thing...we moved 10 hours drive away from my family when he took a new job right before we got married. But I am going to visit tomorrow, and let me tell ya, a girl's LDR with her mom is harder than one with any man!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

They definitely put you to the test.
I did the LDR thing and it worked for me.
After liking a girl for five years through five states I finally got a date with her and ended up marrying her.
It's been a dream ever since.

 

[TCapp]

I met my man on the internet too. He lived 3000 miles away, and in another country. Our communication was mainly through email, 4 a day being the average (two each). Our communication was very rich. I treasured phone calls because we couldn't do it too often.

I only made one visit. My dad, God bless him, paid for the expensive airplane trip. He was convinced that after 5 months of emailing each other, any deception would have reared itself (there is a risk with internet relationships). Anyway, he proposed. We got married after another 5 months and I moved up to be with him.

My biggest con is that now I'm a long ways away from my family and I can't visit them at all because it is too expensive. Other than that, this style of relationship worked for us, and I would do it over again.

 

[plum]

I love hearing all of these stories, and I wish mine had ended in such wonderful ways

I had a LDR with my ex boyfriend, the one man I feel in love with so completely that I knew he could be that other half of my soul. It's been a long time since we broke it off (three years now), and we broke it off because of the distance and our ages. He only recently graduated college and I am committed to the college I am going to now. If anything were to develop now, it would have to be after I graduate in 2005.
We spent lots of time on the phone and chatting online. He and I became very closely connected and it became time for us to meet face-to-face. My parents gave him to me for my 17th birthday, so to speak. He was flown up to Michigan from his home in Georgia for one weekend. It was one of the best times of my life. We fit together perfectly. I knew I would have a hard time living without him when he left, and apparently, he knew the same because soon after that he broke it off. That ended up as a break, because we were still in love, and I went down to Georgia that summer for one more amazing week. And soon after that, we broke up again. It was just too much...

I was recently in Georgia for the first time since 2000 this September and October, for a job internship that actually had nothing to do with him. But still, he and I saw each other every weekend, acting like lovers once again... I just didn't know what to do. But we have resigned ourselves to being single again, being friends as best we possibly can... Only God knows if he truly is my missing puzzle piece. My heart tries to convince me that the LDR with him is possible, but my past and my present circumstances say it isn't.

 

[Matt Weston]

I'd hope they can work as my girlfriend lives in Indiana, and I in England. For us, we were together for the first four and a half months, and so I know her "in real life" as it were. So now it's really hard not being able to see her all the time. I'm visiting her in the summer though (you ever tried buying international flight tickets when you're still at school? Great fun...)

Your stories are really encouraging

 

[Lizzi4Christ]

Con:
~Communication skills may not be cultivated properly in a LDR.

Actually, this is the complete opposite!! My beloved and I are seperated by 500 miles. We've been together for 2 weeks out of almost 15 months. I have NEVER been able to talk so freely with anyone before! We can talk about anything without worrying about what the other thinks about us. We talk on average of 3 hours a day and it seems like we never run out of things to talk about. They may get silly, but we still talk about them. It's really awesome!

 

[Katty]

LOL @ some of these posts Its cute though. I think that just like anything else, you take the good with the bad if you're ultimately placed in this position. I also think it depends on who the other person is to you and how much you're willing to invest into the relationship just like any other relationship wether LD or not. LDR's require more work and without a doubt, its harder--- double time.

For me, personally, I know they can ultimately work out, but it would have to be exceptionally something to me. I've never dealt with LDR's very well. I don't know if ultimately it came down to it, I'd move out of state for a guy unless it was something that was ultimately placed on my heart that it was something completely special and worth it. Like it was said before--- compromise. Goes a long way.

~Katty~

 

[Kasper]

Wow - I love your stories - talk about commitment and love!!

I had a very short LDR a few years back, before I met my current girlfriend. The girl and I had chatted online, and we fell in love, some foolish teenage-love, and we decided to meet after 3 months. That was the biggest mistake - She broke my heart.

She flew to my city, and she was going to stay in one of our guestrooms, and she was going to stay there for a weekend. (when I think about it, it's amazing her parents let her do it, we were only 17 and 18 years old...) Anyway, I was supposed to pick her up in the airport, and I hadn't seen a picture of her, so I wore a green cap and a I had a rose for her.
Lots of attractive and cute girls were on that flight, and I felt happy, because at least one of them had to be my girlfriend - But while I was looking at the other girls, a 15 year old girl came up to me, and gave me a hug and said hey. I was very surprised and I didn't know what to do, because she had been lying to me about her age.
Well I didn't want to be rude, so we went home to my place, though I was very disappointed and a bit angry with her.
It didn't work out - the weekend was horrible, and I broke up with her the tuesday after she'd gone home.

I'll never have a LDR again - unless, of course, it's God's plan, but I really don't hope so, plus I've got a girlfriend at the mo, (though we have problems, you can read that in another thread) and I love her.

 

[Living4Him03]

i'm in a long distance relationship now and it is hard. He lives 2 hours away and so it's not like he can just come out and go to the movies then travel back. He has to find a place to stay for the night and if I go see him I have to stay at his place, or get a hotel. The gas is expensive. It's tiring to drive that long, too. not getting to see him that often is also hard. I think the sexual temptation just gets worse, at least for us! Since we only see each other every so often it really is hard to not want to get really physical. When we really miss each other and can't wait til we see each other again it just makes the temptation grow. It's just hard and I hope he gets a job in my area soon so that we can finally see each other more often!!!

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I had a 4 year LDR. It was great. He lived in Japan aboard a ship, and I lived in Iowa, USA in a house. We did know eachother before our relationship started. We recently got married, little over a month ago. If I had to do it all over again, I would, except I wouldn't want the whole 9-11 and the two wars to have gone on during it.

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

Actually, this is the complete opposite!! My beloved and I are seperated by 500 miles. We've been together for 2 weeks out of almost 15 months. I have NEVER been able to talk so freely with anyone before! We can talk about anything without worrying about what the other thinks about us. We talk on average of 3 hours a day and it seems like we never run out of things to talk about. They may get silly, but we still talk about them. It's really awesome!

IT's the same with me too - we talk all the time, and I'm spending tons of money on phone bills! We talk tons even though he's at police training far away and his schedule is crazy. We also text each other on our cells, and email. When he goes out to clubs and stuff with some of the other guy trainees, all he can talk to me about when he gets back is how great it is to be at a bar with attractive women around, and to feel so certain and secure that he's got something better back home - that "the most beautiful woman I know is going to spend the rest of her life with me." I went to visit him on base a while ago, and when he was gone for a few minutes, the other guys told me that he's always talking about me and looking at pictures and stuff

 

[Sher]

aww... all of these stories are so sweet . you guys definitely encourage me, thanks .

 

[BlueKnight]

I'm currently in an LDR also, and one thing I know about it - it is HARD! LDRs can create so much confusion and stress because you don't get to spend enough time with the other person to feel as confident in your relationship as you would if you spent more time together. But thankfully both of us are strong and have gotten through many trials and troubles because of the whole LDR situation, and we're doing better than ever before.

 

[chpxpx]

I'm about to be in a LDR. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 13 months and she's going to be living 6hrs away for the next 2 years. Luckily she'll be able to come back here every few months because she's a teacher. I'm looking at it from the perspective that we can further develop our relationship and get to know each other even better. We'll still be able to talk most days on the phone and send emails.

It will be a bit hard for me because for the last 13 months we've talked everyday and seen each other at least 3 or 4 times a week. Being apart will be hard for both of us. We just have to be patient and see what God has in store!!