Long-distance engagement

Gnarwhal

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Hey folks, I'm just curious if anyone in here is currently in a long-distance engagement, or maybe just "graduated" from one to marriage? If so, I'm curious how it played out and what kinds of things helped you cope with the distance and reduce the inevitable strain on the relationship?

My fiancee and I got engaged in March and we're getting married October 2, 2021. We met through Catholic Match in June, 2020 (and before you say we're moving too fast, we're both in our mid-thirties and have lived quite a bit of life thus far, so we know what we're looking for) and did ultra-long-distance for about six months: I'm from California and she's from Long Island. We spent the first few months getting to know each other and decided to go for it and officially court back in October. The Lord's fingerprints were all over everything as about two months in he opened up a job opportunity for me in Washington DC, which brought me about 2,000 miles closer to her. A couple months after relocating, I proposed and now that the initial excitement has seemed to wear off a bit, we're continuing to discern our vocation until June at which point we'll actually begin planning the wedding.

Sorry for the long-winded backstory. I'm just curious if there's anyone here currently living out a long-distance engagement as well? How far apart are you? How often do you see each other? How long do you plan to be engaged for?

I think it's been a bit harder for me than her, first because I'm the one who relocated. So I left behind everything I knew to start this next chapter. Second, she has twin teenagers that require a lot of her attention so she doesn't have the downtime I do to ruminate and overthink things. We try to see each other every other week, but finances being what they are, those trips add up...so we're trying to cut back to save for the wedding and thereafter. In the meantime I try to stay connected by sending her occasional flowers, or having a coffee delivered to her, and (not so much lately but typically) participate in a group rosary Zoom call with some friends every night.

Does anyone have anymore suggestions to stay connected from afar? Curious what thoughts are out there.

Peace!
 

pdudgeon

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Try to have regular chats online every day. Staying in touch is the most important thing.
Talk with each other about your plans, exchange photos, try reading the same things, or describing your days, and what you're doing.
fix dinner, dish her up a plate, and send her a photo. Plan to share a bottle of wine virtually ( each of you get a bottle of the same wine, uncork, pour a glass, and enjoy.)
Take a picture of your sunset or sun rise, and send it to her.
There are so many things that couples who are parted from each other can still do together, if you want to make it happen.
Best wishes!
 
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pdudgeon

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P.s. yes, it's absolutely possible to do this, and to build a relationship this way, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Especially if God is in it from the beginning.
 
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ReesePiece23

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Not me, but my sister did it back in 2015 and it worked actually VERY well (I'm an uncle now lol.)

You just can't afford to sweat the small stuff too much - yes, it's an overused cliche (sorry) but overthinking is a pretty lousy prerequisite, as 95% of what you're thinking is probably meaningless and will add nothing but stress - so just switch it off, relax and float downstream on that one. You'll only end up having to leave all of those thoughts in the hotel room on the night before the wedding anyway, so you might as well pack em' away now.

I just told my sister to make bold moves WHEN the time came to make them (which, clearly you have been doing) and to just generally block out negativity from family who 'mean well' - because it's going to be an uphill battle as it is already without the family sticking their beaks in and making it harder.

It's not easy to make bold life changing moves; that's why so many people stick to the same job for 40 years and gawk at the same old loveless face on the other side of the Cornflakes every morning, because it IS very hard to change. It's uncomfortable and uncertain, and the thought of it is daunting. But, ultimately, that's the difference between you and them. And that's why at 30-something you have such scope and self awareness. You've changed continuously though the years. And will continue to.

I'd maybe ease up on some of the niceties like flowers and coffee and stuff but that IS just me. I've always been on the tight side if I'm honest, but ONLY to extend the novelty of *me* - because honeymoon phases wear fast, and will wear faster if things become routine.

BUT, if it continues to be received well, then by all means keep it up, it won't hurt. I think my sister overdid the zoom calls and drove the guy insane before they'd even moved in together (marriage came later) but he was patient - and that's when you KNOW you've found the right one, when you can make calamitous screw ups and have them almost go unnoticed.

Other than that though, you appear to be doing everything right. You just need to avoid allowing your mind to become a runaway train. Because if there is ONE threat here, it IS your overthinking. You're probably always going to be an over thinker, so just make sure that when are doing it that you know you're just having a wild five minutes.

Enjoy the now though. Don't think 20 years into the future, and don't say "we're making history" just relish the moment for what it is and try not to judge it too much.
 
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