Living with bi polar

[Ovlov90]

OK~ here we go again. I sitting in my room despiseing God for His inaction while sitting on His throne and my daughter on her bedroom floor banging her fist into her forehead because of a blow up over her cat digging her house plants a regular occurrence I said the obvious thing to do is keep the door shut. Shes yelling how overwhelmed everyday life is and suicide would take care of that problem and Im so angry at Gld I started in sorrow for her His blatant apparent inaction when He could heal her with a word and because of my anger the evil ones sitting laughing at all five of us. God Jesus Spirit my daughter and me. Yeah laugh it up funny boy your so stupid you dont resliize youve allready been defeated. Im so @$#€*¥+ angry at the Lord right now. Some times I feel like a mouse in a box and people with sticks are standing around saying “lets see what he does when I stick it in his ear. How much before he cries uncle. For mercy. OK now in his eye. Lets try his eye”. I just scream at Him WHY what the &$*# are you trying to prove You allready won the whole war. And the evil ones are laughing at me for loseing myself to the situation but He just allows it to continue.
Enough Said. Time to move forward and take advice from an earlier poster to one of my threads and ask my daughter if she would like to go with me to town to accomplish some of the things overwhelming her on her to do list. Now that its quiet in her room.
Her cat does spitefull things to manipulate her. They have “personalities”. He actually jumped up on the buffet today w/ his bowl in his mouth then dropped it. Its metal. Its loud. Then jumped up on arm of couch patted her on her face and ran away. Then she discovered he had dug up her plants. That set into motion her panic outburst. Then I mentioned shuttig bedroom door which put focus on me. All downhill from there. I end up angry and curseing swearing in my mind at Gods inaction begging for mercy knowing evil ones are haveing a field day of entertainment at our expense.
Im also her older brothers payee and he has simalar issues. Get up dust off move on get up dust off move on. Give me kindness keep me from takeing it personally empathy not pity forgiveness without defences encourage without criticism.
Its only part of one day not the whole.
Sorry this thread is just a vent. But advice welcome.

 

[Open Heart]

God doesn't tell us why. God is simply with us. In the end, I'd rather have God with me during the hurt than know the reason.

Everyone is a little bit different. I share something that helped me when I was overwhelmed with pain. It doesn't mean it will help you or your daughter. But I'll share it.j

Joseph didn't deserve his suffering. He was betrayed by his brothers to a life of slavery. He was faithful to God and began to build up what life he could under the circumstances when he was betrayed yet again, this time under Potipher's wife, and thrown into jail. In jail he continued to have faith, and worked hard to become an assistant to the jailer. He befriended the cook and the butler, arranging with them to bring his case before Pharaoh after interpreting their dreams, but once more he was betrayed and forgotten. Anyone would give up in a life like that.

In the movie "Joseph, King of Dreams," Joseph finally loses it and screams against God. But in the end, he simply yields. Though he can't see why, he knows that the Creator of the universe knows what is best. And there is comfort in the surrender.

In counseling this is known as Radical Acceptance. If we can do this, if we can say aloud, "I can't do anything about this," or "It's out of my control," we immediately feel better.

Please listen to this song. There is something about having Joseph sing it in his despair which makes it have great depth. It was of enormous comfort to me. Try watching the whole movie as well. Unlike Joseph, I may never know God's purpose. But I know there *IS* a purpose.

"I've let go of the need to know why
For You know better than I."

 

[gym_class_hero]

my heart goes out to you Ov. Growing up as the oldest of five kids I helped my Mom deal with my dads bipolarism for years. Later I became his caretaker. Now my next oldest bro has it and I help care for him. Some days it seems there's no end in sight. My Dad had a rough life but he never lost his sense of humor or his faith. Its a vicious cycle sometimes....I get angry at him and lash out verbally then later I feel extremely guilty. Taking care of yourself is very important, I hope you get plenty of exercise, eat right and have some healthy escape from the situation. At the end of the day, the only true peace I find is knowing that God is in control and one day this too will pass. God bless you.

 

[Ovlov90]

God doesn't tell us why. God is simply with us. In the end, I'd rather have God with me during the hurt than know the reason.

Everyone is a little bit different. I share something that helped me when I was overwhelmed with pain. It doesn't mean it will help you or your daughter. But I'll share it.j

Joseph didn't deserve his suffering. He was betrayed by his brothers to a life of slavery. He was faithful to God and began to build up what life he could under the circumstances when he was betrayed yet again, this time under Potipher's wife, and thrown into jail. In jail he continued to have faith, and worked hard to become an assistant to the jailer. He befriended the cook and the butler, arranging with them to bring his case before Pharaoh after interpreting their dreams, but once more he was betrayed and forgotten. Anyone would give up in a life like that.

In the movie "Joseph, King of Dreams," Joseph finally loses it and screams against God. But in the end, he simply yields. Though he can't see why, he knows that the Creator of the universe knows what is best. And there is comfort in the surrender.

In counseling this is known as Radical Acceptance. If we can do this, if we can say aloud, "I can't do anything about this," or "It's out of my control," we immediately feel better.

Please listen to this song. There is something about having Joseph sing it in his despair which makes it have great depth. It was of enormous comfort to me. Try watching the whole movie as well. Unlike Joseph, I may never know God's purpose. But I know there *IS* a purpose.

"I've let go of the need to know why
For You know better than I."

Thans so much. Yes I know about that but not by clinical nominals. Oh goofy madeup word. Yeah I alluded to that in at txt to my pastor ystrdy. Like a volcano erupts in the back yrd. You could get a shovel and try to put it back but It would take less energy to embrace it. Corny but true. Year I was saved my wife left me a single parent. Also roveing recession caught up to me. Kicked against goad 3yrs untill I had a can of spray paint blow up in a fire and butned my arm. Took a factory job one state away. Cleared up my debts. Got on with things. Became a corrections officer. Got a bone marrow disorder. Had stem call trns. plnt. Had to retire. By grace just had 10yrs in enough for partial retirement. Damage was done though. Two yrs later needed heart & kidney replacement. Had to learn to walk again. Married my daughters mom. Started working on her bi polar issues. On a manic cycle she overdosed. Got my daughter through high school. Became her brothers payee. Hes a whole nother chapter. I just have a hard time knowing when to stand firm and when to stop kickingagainst the goad. When I get angry its hard to explain. If I went into detail the things He has done to make a clear path through it all is unbelievable. So I know Hes there. Its not that Ive lost faith. Just frustrated in it? I try to tell my kids that. Sometimes you need to just say you win I lose lets move on. Last week I told my step son that. He was in a state about an issue he had no control over. Didnt sleep for days. He said he tries to fight the mania but I said thats the problem you cant beat it. It almost makes no sense. But the more you try to fight it the worse it gets I told him. How to live with it though. Its exausting. An adventure for sure. I know that sounds weird. Ive learn tons about myself for sure. I need kindness patience. Thank You again.

 

[Ovlov90]

my heart goes out to you Ov. Growing up as the oldest of five kids I helped my Mom deal with my dads bipolarism for years. Later I became his caretaker. Now my next oldest bro has it and I help care for him. Some days it seems there's no end in sight. My Dad had a rough life but he never lost his sense of humor or his faith. Its a vicious cycle sometimes....I get angry at him and lash out verbally then later I feel extremely guilty. Taking care of yourself is very important, I hope you get plenty of exercise, eat right and have some healthy escape from the situation. At the end of the day, the only true peace I find is knowing that God is in control and one day this too will pass. God bless you.

Thats the hard part. Not getting angry. But I do. Then I feel like Im part of it and “lost” the battle. When I should not be fighting her on that level. Its not her Im fighting against. Its the narrative her mind is telling her. Yeah my whole day today also was lost. Ive learned to be flexible. Thank you God ThankyouGodThankyouGod.