• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

Living with an atheist as a christian...

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by CatG, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. CatG

    CatG Newbie

    In Relationship
    Ok, let me start by saying I know my current living situation isn't Godly simply based on the fact that we are living together and not married. With that said let me pour out the details and see what you all have to say. I'm struggling and would love the input.

    My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and living together for over a year. I'm very involved with helping to raise his two children. I have been a christian my whole life but have recently renewed my commitment in a major way. I am so excited to pursue God everyday at all times! Now the crux of the problem...my boyfriend is a very confirmed atheist. I know I won't ever have him by my side in church, I know I won't have the deep spiritual connection I so strongly desire in my relationship&most definitely in any future marriage. I feel obligated to leave yet somehow obligated to stay so as to be an example of christ to them. The relationship has already been in trouble before my renewed commitment to Jesus and there are issues of respect and fidelity involved as well. On the other hand we are a family. Not sure what my responsibility is in this situation.

    What the answer is I don't know.
  2. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter

    Calvary Chapel
    The Lord calls us to represent Him...it's hard to do that when you are involved sexual sin.
    You compromised your faith walk and grieving the Holy Spirit by
    rebelling against God's standards for how Christians are to live.

    Repent of your sins and stop living with the man who isn't your husband.
    You made it hard on yourself because you can't be a Godly witness to your boyfriend because you willfully
    engaged in immorality with him and this has been going on
    for a couple of years and you have produced children together.
    Your testimony is being dragged in the mud.
  3. bobbytimtim

    bobbytimtim Newbie

    If you've had a happy relationship for years and have two kids, I don't see how him being an atheist should make any difference.
  4. MasterpieceMesias

    MasterpieceMesias King of Stoic Cynicism

    Christian Seeker
    eh. . . probably wasn't the smartest thing to do getting into a serious relationship with an unbeliever. But you made the bed now you gotta lay in it. Plus you say he's been with you for a while and you still have solid faith?? That's good, shows your resilience in Christ, most people would've caved under the circumstances you're in.
  5. Pal Handy

    Pal Handy Irregular Member

    In the eyes of God I believe you are living together as husband and wife.

    Matthew 19
    5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and
    be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

    1 Corinthians 6
    16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body?
    for two, saith He, shall be one flesh.

    Even in the eyes of the law they recognize the validity of common law marriage.

    In your heart you have committed yourself to this man and he has
    committed himself to you? Is this true?

    If this man has been unfaithful then he has broken the committment
    and so you are not bound to stay with him.

    God does not require us to stay in a relationship when the other party denys the
    committment and fidelity that excludes all others in sexual intimacy.

    You need to talk with this man and get it straight.
    Let him know that you are committed to him and that you need
    to know if he is willing to return the committment.

    If the two of you are committed to each other then I see no reason why you cannot continue
    together as you have already been living together as husband and wife.

    So my advice to you is that you honor your committment to each other if it is mutual and ask God
    to be with you where you are at and ask Him to come into your common law marriage and
    to sanctify it and bless it and to begin a work in your husbands heart to lead him to the truth.

    Perhaps some would condemn my answer but Christ did not condemn
    the woman at the well who when Christ asked "were is you husband",
    she then admitted she was not married to the man she was with.

    Perhaps you did not begin properly but God is willing to help you were you are at and
    to hear your prayers and to work in your life and the life of your husband and the children
    if you will invite Him in.

    God is more concerned with blessing you as you turn to Him and seek His help
    than He is in enforcing the details of the law in such a way to exclude you from
    His saving grace and amazing love.

    If your sin of not properly marrying this man by ceremony excludes you from
    God's grace and salvation, then we are all doomed for all have sinned and fallen
    short of the glory of God.

    God did not send His son into the world to condemn it but to save it.
    For God so loved the world that He gave.....

    Definition Common law marriage:
    A marriage existing by mutual agreement between a man and a woman, or
    by the fact of their cohabitation, without a civil or religious ceremony.
    Last edited: Sep 28, 2011
  6. MasterpieceMesias

    MasterpieceMesias King of Stoic Cynicism

    Christian Seeker
  7. help_the_lord

    help_the_lord Everything tastes better with cheese

    It speaks in the bible about your belief sanctifying the unbeliever and thus the children become clean and if they enjoy staying with you not to leave them, however on the flip side if the unbeliever wants to leave your set free from them and are not an adulteress.. so this is basically saying do what makes the most sense in regards to the love you have for this person. If you really believe marriage will happen your in good grounds with god, however it you wish to depart from him I'd say your in even better grounds as God is very likely to point you to a true believer to take.

    I was in a relationship with a girl for 3 years.. we both started as atheists I came to the faith and it became a huge stumbling block.. she wanted to do X (movies, partys whatever) and I felt convicted to do Y (go to church or what not)... on one side I ended up caving and going to things like partying and engaging in sins such as fornication.. and on the other side she ended up being miserable as she got dragged to church and had to listen to me talking about God constantly... neither of us profited and in the end neither of us were happy... we both felt we were bound to each other though.. as if we had no choice but to stay... if God hadn't put it on my heart in a major way to leave her I would still probably be in bondage to this day.. it sucks though it's almost a year later and I still love the girl like she never left... the only consolation I have is knowing how miserable we had become together...

    It's also somewhat of a silver lining that God told me years ago when i came to the faith that the girl I would marry would be a beautiful Spanish girl that would be there when I got baptized... and sure enough a few months ago a beautiful Spanish girl about my age fully devoted to Christ that was there when it finally happened....

    so anyways moral of the story is your better off without him then miserable especially if he's cheating.. Trust is almost impossible to win back once lost... and men don't cheat unless there not satisfied with what they have... either there insecure and need to reaffirm themselves by seeking out what they perceive as a bigger score.. or they're just unhappy and looking to find the right partner to
  8. Boidae

    Boidae Senior Veteran

    Correct me if I'm wrong, but where does it say she has children with him?

    She said she's helping to raise his two children.

    As for the OP, I too was once a non-believer, not an atheist, I believed in God, but despised organized religion. because of my wife, I am now a believer and we attend a non-denominational church.

    It will be hard, and you probably should move out, unless he is in your home, but you may be able to help the Lord bring him into the Kingdom.
  9. MasterpieceMesias

    MasterpieceMesias King of Stoic Cynicism

    Christian Seeker
    ?? what exactly is wrong with not liking organized religion?? I most certainly don't. Overall it's been nothing but a negative factor in society. It mostly twists scripture and turns it into something it isn't and the people that are into organized religion are usually sheeple.

    EDIT: Also, why does disliking organized religion make you an 'unbeliever'?
  10. Boidae

    Boidae Senior Veteran

    I was considered Catholic up until I met my wife. I never said that disliking organized religion makes you an unbeliever, but I didn't believe in Jesus as my Lord and savior.

    I only did the Catholic thing because that was my family's religion. I had no choice in the matter up until I rebelled in my early teen years.
  11. MasterpieceMesias

    MasterpieceMesias King of Stoic Cynicism

    Christian Seeker
    oh, okay my bad
  12. Johnnz

    Johnnz Senior Veteran Supporter

    In the early church marriage to unbelievers was often undertaken. Some church leaders were against it, but that did not seem to change what some did. I know of good marriages where one is not a Christian, and some Christian ones that are far from happy.

  13. iambren

    iambren Newbie

    My roommate in college was an atheist. We had several strong arguments but remained close friends. Progress can be slow and it may take more than you to move him to God. I accomplished one thing---he became an agnostic. He died young and a priest was with him. I like to believe I allowed a door to be opened so that he might in the end have been saved.

    As far as you
    ----"I feel obligated to leave yet somehow obligated to stay so as to be an example of christ to them. "

    Realize that your obligation is to obey the Lord; it greatly undermines your witness. I do not believe you are married, in fact, unequally yoking is not a good idea. Sure there are exceptions where Christian/nonChristian marrige has worked but not advisable. Doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing.