living with an alcoholic my wife

[Tyler52]

Be patient and wise. Show her that you still love her and won't leave her. Also, whatever you do, don't ever hurt or leave her. You probably aren't abusive, but don't ever let yourself get there. Be try to be as Christlike as possible and let her know that you still love her. Love her like you love yourself. She is your flesh.

1 Corinthians 7:12-16 NASB
But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. [13] And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. [14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. [15] Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. [16] For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

Seeing that she is a believer, but doesn't act like it, keep praying and don't give up. I'm not saying that she will choose Jesus over booze (edited after this), I just don't know what the futurefholds, but hope and pray that God will change her heart. Stay strong, for her and for God. God bless and I hope that she gets better

 

[btyler101]

To whoever reads this post,

I’m, I have tried everything good and bad have been heartbroken angry and frustrated I have tried everything to help her stop but to no avail, yes even bringing it to God, I worry about her while I’m at work to the point where I feel swallowed up in despair I weep in the morning and weep at night desiring for the night to pass and for it to be day again.

Is she a Christian believer God’s knows to my limited outward knowledge I feel she is only a professor of faith but who am I to judge? I’m not praying for her to stop drinking but that she may know Jesus, no human thing can help her, I have known of so many people who have been Alcoholics, Drug addicts, sexually perverted even a murderer who done time in jail yet all of these people’s lives were transformed when they had a living encounter with Christ Jesus

If anyone can offer some godly advice in this time of need I'm willing to pray and act on it

In desperation

I know exactly how you feel, My wife is a good person but twice a week she drinks a pint of vodka straight and becomes a evil person i cannot deal with. She feels sorry for herself and blames me for all her problems, she thinks everyone hates her and you cannot talk with her when she gets like this. She doesn't leave the house or damage anything, it's the things she say's tome that really hurts.. The next day she acts like it never happened. This has been going on for 6 years...It goes in stages, she seems okay for a while and then it starts up again.. She knows i know she hides the bottle but does it anyways...She works full time and has been okay with her job, it's almost like a split personality or bi-polar or something... I have tried to talk to her about it and she acts like she will stop but never does... I don't know what to do.

 

[mindfulzen]

Impossible to answer, if you do not know why she drinks and tell us. The drinking is related to something, druguse turned to addiction mostly is. The choice of drugs, is just a symptom. Trying to cure the symptom, will not cure your wife, I am sorry. If you succeed, you only remove her from you, if the core issue is not adressed first. And you are left with a wife that resents you, talk to her, find the rootcause. Otherwise you are lost, and so is she. This is what I was told by an addictioncouncelour when I beat some pill addiction. I did some questionsheet, and isolated issues for me, then ditched it. May work for her, or not, individual. Listen to her, even when you think she makes no sense, and use professionals and make her quit on her own, for the right reasons for her. Not for yours. It is her issue, not yours, she must solve it herself, it just affects you, making her not affect you just covers it, but does not solve it.

 

[jacks]

I have no advice. Just praying the Lord heals your wife of her addiction.

 

[rturner76]

I recommend ALANON. It is a 12 step program where people meet and discuss the book that contains the 12 steps. In the program, they teach people how to decipher "Which issues are mine and which issues are yours?" They also help you learn how to get over resentment and guilt.

You learn that you have no control over another human being's behavior. All you can control is your reaction/behavior and you learn what you are willing to put up with, and what is a dealbreaker.

Very good program. Not "Christian" but based on the need for a "Higher Power" who for me is the God of Christianity, for others it is the higher power of the group that supports them. No membership is required or fees.

Google it.

 

[mindfulzen]

edited

 

[Dan1988]

Impossible to answer, if you do not know why she drinks and tell us. The drinking is related to something, druguse turned to addiction mostly is. The choice of drugs, is just a symptom. Trying to cure the symptom, will not cure your wife, I am sorry. If you succeed, you only remove her from you, if the core issue is not adressed first. And you are left with a wife that resents you, talk to her, find the rootcause. Otherwise you are lost, and so is she. This is what I was told by an addictioncouncelour when I beat some pill addiction. I did some questionsheet, and isolated issues for me, then ditched it. May work for her, or not, individual. Listen to her, even when you think she makes no sense, and use professionals and make her quit on her own, for the right reasons for her. Not for yours. It is her issue, not yours, she must solve it herself, it just affects you, making her not affect you just covers it, but does not solve it.

I agree with your view that the only way to treat an addiction is to deal with the root cause.
My Doctor recommended the 12 step program, which didn't address the root cause of addiction. They treated addiction as a physical disease and their method was to abstain from using one day at a time, this meant that we remain addicted for the rest of our life.

I ended up speaking to a church pastor who told me that addiction is the symptom of a spiritual disease. He suggested that the Lord Jesus Christ could liberate me from the bondage of addiction, if I trusted in Him alone.

Jesus did liberate me from addiction and many other spiritual poisons. I don't identify as an addict any longer because Jesus doesn't just arrest the disease, He removes it completely and gives you a new spirit which is free from addiction.

 

[mindfulzen]

I agree with your view that the only way to treat an addiction is to deal with the root cause.
My Doctor recommended the 12 step program, which didn't address the root cause of addiction. They treated addiction as a physical disease and their method was to abstain from using one day at a time, this meant that we remain addicted for the rest of our life.

I ended up speaking to a church pastor who told me that addiction is the symptom of a spiritual disease. He suggested that the Lord Jesus Christ could liberate me from the bondage of addiction, if I trusted in Him alone.

Jesus did liberate me from addiction and many other spiritual poisons. I don't identify as an addict any longer because Jesus doesn't just arrest the disease, He removes it completely and gives you a new spirit which is free from addiction.

You get it. I stopped with the pillsbecause I hated the envirnoment where I bought them. Bad dealer, addict, scamming, being wasted on pills and playing around with martial arts knives and swords. And stopped drinking for like a year, doing tests at the doctor once a month to keep the license, that I stopped because that was one of the rootcauses that crushed me. Was played by a woman to go down and seek help with her at my side, wasted, and just repeat what she told me. So by going through it, I allowed her to crush me.

So I went back to drinking, and just ignoring all the people that she had played. And I just came back to make her stop using family, since my mother iss old and ill now, and should not be used. She would not do it, so I told her that I had cut off all in my familytree apart from my mother and father, so she had no tools to use anymore, and I would stop contact with them too, if she did not let them be till she is better. That is my rootcause, a sosiopath nympho, who wants to destroy me, and using others. I cannot reach her and fix it, I think. And now I am talking to some former relatives, that I give the opportunity for closure with, but they block that. So only way to fix my rootcause, is to cut it off, since it takes two to tango, in fixing human relations that are broken. But I am not the object for me, I am just the ball that two sides are kicking on a field, hurting themselves. So I take the ball off the field for now, and perhaps some of them grow a brain. And some have gotten very nervous from hearing that I am christian and will not lie, made some into headless chickens running around stressed. Have told me that the truth is not the way to go. Very interesting, I wish I had known what I know now, about human nature and frailty, how weak, dumd and easy people can be, and how easy it is to (mis)lead people.

 

[Dan1988]

You get it. I stopped with the pillsbecause I hated the envirnoment where I bought them. Bad dealer, addict, scamming, being wasted on pills and playing around with martial arts knives and swords. And stopped drinking for like a year, doing tests at the doctor once a month to keep the license, that I stopped because that was one of the rootcauses that crushed me. Was played by a woman to go down and seek help with her at my side, wasted, and just repeat what she told me. So by going through it, I allowed her to crush me.

So I went back to drinking, and just ignoring all the people that she had played. And I just came back to make her stop using family, since my mother iss old and ill now, and should not be used. She would not do it, so I told her that I had cut off all in my familytree apart from my mother and father, so she had no tools to use anymore, and I would stop contact with them too, if she did not let them be till she is better. That is my rootcause, a sosiopath nympho, who wants to destroy me, and using others. I cannot reach her and fix it, I think. And now I am talking to some former relatives, that I give the opportunity for closure with, but they block that. So only way to fix my rootcause, is to cut it off, since it takes two to tango, in fixing human relations that are broken. But I am not the object for me, I am just the ball that two sides are kicking on a field, hurting themselves. So I take the ball off the field for now, and perhaps some of them grow a brain. And some have gotten very nervous from hearing that I am christian and will not lie, made some into headless chickens running around stressed. Have told me that the truth is not the way to go. Very interesting, I wish I had known what I know now, about human nature and frailty, how weak, dumd and easy people can be, and how easy it is to (mis)lead people.

It's good to hear that you have identified all the negative influences in your life.
I also had to cut ties with some of my family, friends and relatives in order to stay clean and sober.
My family and relatives are all Roman Catholics, most were offended when I told them that I'm a born again Christian. My pastor advised me to keep away from other addicts because they could temp me to use again.
We only find out who our true friends are when we try to walk on the straight path. Our true friends will encourage us to continue, while others will try to drag us back to into slavery to alcohol and drugs.

 

[Anthony2019]

For many people, giving up alcohol is extremely difficult, and depending on the level of physical dependence, cutting down or stopping without medical support can be very dangerous. It can lead to complications such as seizures and delirium tremens. As a general rule of thumb, if someone is regularly drinking a couple of bottles of wine or more every day, the chances are that they have developed a physical dependency, or at the very least are heading for it, especially if they develop unpleasant symptoms, such as tremours or cravings, when they try to cut down or stop.

The first step is to contact your Doctor/GP and then your local Alcohol Support Service. They will likely carry out an assessment into your wife's drinking patterns and use a screening tool such as the SADQ questionnaire (developed by WHO) to assess her level of physical dependency and the right level of treatment. Depending on the severity of dependence, they may suggest a plan for your wife to undergo a detox. It will take commitment and motivation on your wife’s part, but it will ensure that she is able to come off alcohol in a controlled and safe environment. Depending on your wife’s circumstances and level of risk, the detox can be done at home or as a hospital inpatient and normally takes around one to two weeks. Normally the detox is carried out using chlordiazepoxide, acamprosate, thiamine and possibly an anti-epileptic medication - your wife's GP/detox nurse will go through the options with her and choose and prescribe the medication that will work best for her. Obviously, the home detox option is the most cost effective option (in many cases - depending on where you live, it is free apart from the medication prescription costs which may be payable) but it will only be considered if it is safe for her to do so and she will require someone at home 24/7 to ensure she is OK.

The focus then will be on relapse prevention, and there are many groups available. AA and the 12 step groups are some of the more popular choices, but they do not suit everybody and their rate of success has been subject to much scrutiny. Fortunately there are many other groups that can offer well tailored and structured support for people dealing with drinking problems. Some programmes focus on moderation management, but if the alcohol dependency has become severe and well established, the only realistic and safe option is total abstinence from drinking.

This is intended to give you a general guide as to kind of treatment and support that is available, to make you aware of the risks of abrupt withdrawal from heavy drinking. It is in no way a substitute for a professional medical opinion from your own doctor. Ultimately your wife needs professional support which is beyond the scope of what we can offer here. This can only be done through consulting her GP and her local specialist Alcohol Support Team.

I wish you and your wife the very best - and every success with her recovery.

 

[disciple1]

To whoever reads this post,

I’m, I have tried everything good and bad have been heartbroken angry and frustrated I have tried everything to help her stop but to no avail, yes even bringing it to God, I worry about her while I’m at work to the point where I feel swallowed up in despair I weep in the morning and weep at night desiring for the night to pass and for it to be day again.

Is she a Christian believer God’s knows to my limited outward knowledge I feel she is only a professor of faith but who am I to judge? I’m not praying for her to stop drinking but that she may know Jesus, no human thing can help her, I have known of so many people who have been Alcoholics, Drug addicts, sexually perverted even a murderer who done time in jail yet all of these people’s lives were transformed when they had a living encounter with Christ Jesus

If anyone can offer some godly advice in this time of need I'm willing to pray and act on it

In desperation

I went to AA in 1985 on and off, in 1995 my liver got enlarged, so I went back, I've been sober since, and now have read or listened to the bible over 200 times maybe over 300, AA works for some people Church works for some people everyone needs to find their own way.