Living together before marriage

[minniemouse]

My hubby and I lived together before we were married. My hubby was a backsliding Christian and I hadn't been saved yet. And as you might guess we didn't wait for marriage...when we met neither of us were virgins to begin with. If I were in the same situation today we would not have lived together. Even if we didn't intend to become sexually active there would be way too much temptation if you were living under the same roof. It is much different (trust me) than simply sleeping at her house once in a while. The occasional time it is much easier to resist the temptation of going further than you should than if you live in the same household. I would push up the marriage date and not wait so long to be married since you have already been together for 3 years and move in together once you are married. JMO

 

[The-Doctor]

My Fiancee and I have lived together two years now, we are both christians and at one time actually lived next door to the church we attend. Neither of us care what other people think about our relationship since frankly its none of their business and no one has been negative towards us about it and everyone at church, including the vicar knows we live together. I think its what God thinks that's important not those around you.

 

[hollygirl]

I don't suggest you live together before you get married. I agree with all those who have said no.

My husband and I had a long distance relationship and only lived in the same town for four months before we got married. Due to it only being four months and not being able to get a four month apartment lease he lived at my place. We did not sleep together nor did we have pre-marital sex. He had his own room, bathroom, and bed. We worked 50 hours a week and hardly saw each other. I would never had done this if it weren't for the apartment situation. My convictions kept me looking over my shoulder. I didn't want to hurt my apperance or reputation. I took pride in being a virgin and didn't want anyone to think I was other wise. Like I said I don't suggest ya'll do it. Especially since it'll be a year. That's just too much temptation and stress.

 

[JillLars]

I have to disagree with everyone who is saying "no" if you haven't had sex yet, then you probably won't when you are living together. Especially if you have slept in the same bed together more often. I live with my boyfriend now and I love it. We can take things one step at a time, rather than getting married, buying a house, starting new jobs, starting a family all at once...if you want to talk about stressful situations I think that would be the worst.

The reason stats show your more likely to get divorced if you live together before you are married has to do with attitude more than the actual situation. Are you planning to get married? Do you have the same expectations? The real reason more people get divorced if they lived together before marriage is because the girl (or boy) thinks that living together means they'll get married and the other thinks its just a roomie situation. Obviously this will have more of an effect on the marriage than just living together. If you have a plan and the same expectations then things will work out and it may even make you stronger.

Also for those of you who said he could just sleep on a couch somewhere, that's not always as easy as it seems. I got into big trouble with my landlord last year for letting a girl stay with us and sleep on our couch. Rules are pretty strict about that in most cases, and unless you want to pay full rent just to sleep on a couch I'd be really careful.

While we're bringing up all these stats, most people who have sex before marriage do it somewhere other than their apt. together, usually in their parent's house. If you've been together for that long and have not taken up on any oppurtunities to have sex, I think you will be fine. When I go to bed with my boyfriend I'm not tempted, just tired and that is the honest truth

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I had to stay with Holly a few months before we got married. I moved down here and was way out of touch on the cost of living down here. I didn't have enough money for a deposit and a month of rent. The stay with friends bit didn't work because the only person I knew was Holly. She had a 1 bedroom apartment so I stayed on the couch. It was tiny so we moved up to a 2 bedroom apartment so I could unpack my bed and sleep on it. It's not what I had planned on doing, but it worked out. Luckily I got a job around the time my checking account got overdrawn.
If you live together, people think you have sex. They just do. ALthough I've never been one to give a flip about what people think, the bible indicates that we bear some responsibility concerning how people perceive us. I'm just beginning to understand this.
But if you're broke, jobless and are about to live on the street, well, you know what I did.

 

[coolhandluke]

I would definitely say a big no to the living together before marriage thing. I do believe it would create some lust issues, and really good oppurtunities to act on that lust, but even if it didn't, people would think you were having sex, which would ruin your witness, which is a sin. So yeah...I don't think it's a good idea, at all.

 

[superjsuh]

All,

Thank you for the replies.  First, let me state that we're definitely heading in the direction of living apart.  It will be tough financially, but it looks to be the path we're going to follow.

Secondly, in regards to purity.  I know temptation strikes when you're most confident of yourself.  But I am positive we will not have premarital sex.  We've shared beds countless times in our 3 years and it is actually gotten much easier over the past couple years to resist any lustful actions.  Jillars, I think you gauged my temptation situation correctly.

I think mr. cheese said it best that I shouldn't care about the condescending views of cohabitation by my peers.  But bearing witness is something I should still care about, and cohabitation unfortunately puts false ideas in people's heads.

I also like malachi's point about cohabitation being unhealthy because it confuses the transition to marriage.  Being forcibly pure when we sleep together may end up hurting our sex life in the future.  Married couples, any experiences with this?

I do still plan to sleep over occasionally if and when I am very tired and its too late for me to safely drive home.  I agree with minniemouse that there is a world of difference between the occasional sleep-over and permanent cohabitation.

 

Thanks again friends.   I appreciate all your inputs

 

 

[ScottEmerson]

I think that's a good decision. May God bless your relationship and your life in all that you do.

 

[IslandBreeze]

Originally posted by Pray4Isrel
I believe in the power of Purity.
I also believe that every dating/engagement/marriage relationship should reflect that of Christ. 
QUOTE]

AMEN to that!

Jill- your post 100% offended me. I feel that by Christians who live together before marriage and share a bed cheapen what my husband and I did by waiting. We wanted to share our purity together as a witness to our unsaved friends who ARE living together before they're married. I urge you to rethink your stance on cohabitation out of your witness for Christ. Your marriage will be blessed and better because of it...I know mine is...

 

[OracleX]

Here is some scripture...

Genesis 2:24-25
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

This talks of two people coming together in marriage not as 'room mates.' If there is nakedness as 'room mates' there will be shame or lust and other impure emotions. As husband and wife there will not be shame but love and pure emotions.

Romans 1:24
"Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them."

This passage talks about God giving people over to their lusts and desires. In the previous passages it mentions that this applies to those who know God and what He says in His Word. It is a grave thing to know what God commands of us then not follow it. It also talks in the previous verses that those who try to be wise in fact make themselves fools because they go against what God has written in His Word.

Romans 12:2
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."

We are not here to be as others are, we are to be different. We are to be transformed by Gods Word and that that transformation will show what is good and what is not good. I think that if you spent time reading Gods Word you will find your answer to this.

2 Timothy 2:22
"Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."

This is pretty straight forward. It says flee. Run! Get away. It does not say get as close as possible as long as you are strong enough. It says flee! It does not say to get close as possible but do not sin. It say flee! It does not say get as close as possible as long as it is convenent and it is helpful for you finaically. It says flee!

Too many people think that they can withstand temptation but in the end fall in to it. Even if you do not fall in to it think about the example you are giving to others. Think about your brother or sister. Or think about your children. What happens if they are not strong enough and fail. Your example is saying that what you are doing is ok and there is nothing wrong with it - whether you say it or not. Do you want to be responisble for helping your brother or sister to sin?

Remember that what you do speaks much louder than anything you say.

Although there is no passage in scripture that specifically says that you are not to live together before you get married, it is very easy to see that by many other passages that doing so is wrong. What you are doing is putting your self in a place where sin is just ready and waiting to pouce on you.

Why do you think that there are so many Christians that are against this sort of thing?

There are so many verses that speak against immorality that it would take pages to list them. These are only but a few but here are some references to them:
Romans 13:13
1 Corinthians 5:9, 11
1 Corinthians 6:9, 13, 18
Galatians 5:19
Ephesians 5:3
Colosians 3:5
1 Thesselonians 4:3
Jude 7

God bless and please flee from all evil not just lust.

 

[OracleX]

9th February 2003 at 08:44 PM superjsuh said this in Post #31

Secondly, in regards to purity.  I know temptation strikes when you're most confident of yourself.  But I am positive we will not have premarital sex.  We've shared beds countless times in our 3 years and it is actually gotten much easier over the past couple years to resist any lustful actions.  Jillars, I think you gauged my temptation situation correctly. 

 

You sound like Peter before he denied Christ three times.  He said that was some thing he would never do, but he did.

Just a thought ...

 

[minniemouse]

I am very glad to hear that you have chosen to wait until you are married to live together.  I know that financially it may be difficult, but just keep hanging in there and pray to the Lord to provide for you and you will be amazed at how everything seems to come together.  You may not have much extra, but you will have what you need.  And yes, I am speaking from experience.  My hubby is lost his job due to a medical condition, I am disabled and we have two children and only unemployment coming in right now.  My hubby has had difficulty finding another job that will enable us to make ends meet (many of them offer less than unemployment and that isn't feasible.)  Thanks to the Lord we have managed and just when we think that we are going to have to go without God comes through for us in some way to provide for us. 

God bless you and may he bless your relationship and upcoming marriage.

 

[YouthPastor]

First, this type of an environment is very tempting.  I am sure alot of people are able to live together and remain pure. However, it is still a very tempting enviroment.

You may "see" each other in 'less that appropriate" dress (nothing).  maybe not on purpose but on accident.  There is nothing wrong with nudity - however, it is meant for a marriage relationship.

The apperance of evil - is exactly THAT - avoiding the APPEARANCE OF EVIL.

it is NOT giving people the picture that you are committing a sin!

Good verses!

 

[hotknikkels]

Yeh - I think that it is a really bad idea to live together before you get married - you all opening yourself up to all kinds of temptations and I would say betta safe than sorry - anyway, one of the wonders of marriage (not concerning sex) is living together, sharing that space together and learning more about each other in close quarters!!!

Why ruin that? Wait!!!

 

[Eldons Wife]

We are not to judge. However I got married at 16 then of course lived together ,but honestly I wouldn't as christians it is to big of a step. You would be putting yourself in a marriage atmosphere ,and I think you know what I mean. Marriage and all the stuff you share with your spouse should wait untill you are married. There is nothing better than going on your honeymoon and and moving in together afterwards and everything being new. Believe me to many of my friends moved in first then got married and really regreted it.Some of them didnt even get married after that. I would do what the Lord wants you do and I m pretty sure that would be get married first. I mean if you are going to get married anyway just wait till then. Any thing good is worth waiting on!!!

-Eldons Wife

 

[Holyjoe]

yeah agreed. I'd never live with my future wife (before we got married that is) ! lol

It would ruin such a lot...It's not a lot to ask just to be patient and persevere

 

[uciflylow]

  My wife and I lived togather for a few months before we married so I do know where you are coming from. Looking back I wish we hadn't lived togather outside of marrage.

 Make sure when you look back years later you don't think you made the wrong choice. Seek God and his guidance and pray!

 

[hotknikkels]

And even if you do mess up - all is not lost - what the devil meant for harm, God can (and will) use for good - but that ain't an excuse to go ahead and sin!

 

[freeophelia]

The whole thing with living together before marriage is that it takes all the fun out of it when you do get married.

Imagine living with your boyfriend. You've got a bed for two. You've decorated your place. Two toothbrushes in the bathroom.

And then you get married. What's so special about it? You know what it's like to fall asleep in his arms. You've shopped for silverware together. You've cooked dinner together. Maybe now you can have sex. But so what? It's nothing special, just another day except now you have a different last name.

So no thank you. My marriage is going to be something else. My honeymoon is going to be more than just a nice vacation. And when I cuddle up next to my baby for the night, it will be special and new and exciting. Because I'll know we're together for life. And it will be worth the wait!

 

 

 

[IslandBreeze]

Today at 01:24 AM freeophelia said this in Post #44

The whole thing with living together before marriage is that it takes all the fun out of it when you do get married.

Imagine living with your boyfriend. You've got a bed for two. You've decorated your place. Two toothbrushes in the bathroom.

And then you get married. What's so special about it? You know what it's like to fall asleep in his arms. You've shopped for silverware together. You've cooked dinner together. Maybe now you can have sex. But so what? It's nothing special, just another day except now you have a different last name.

So no thank you. My marriage is going to be something else. My honeymoon is going to be more than just a nice vacation. And when I cuddle up next to my baby for the night, it will be special and new and exciting. Because I'll know we're together for life. And it will be worth the wait!

 

 

AMEN TO THAT! God bless ya!