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Living as Roommates

Discussion in 'Separation and Marriage Restoration' started by anewday, May 25, 2020.

  1. anewday

    anewday This girl is on fire.

    +635
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    For most of this year, my husband and I have been living as roommates. I filed for divorce, but that was put on hold due to the virus. Now that I finally told my husband I want a divorce and filed, he is finally the man I had always hoped he would be. But I have no desire to be any more than friends with him. We've been through this before where he says he will change and he does, for awhile, then the verbal, emotional, and mental manipulation would creep back in. I don't trust him.

    I know I'm supposed to forgive him for the hurt he has caused me during most of our marriage, but I don't have many feelings for him anymore and don't want a romantic relationship with him. My mom recently told me I have walls up because of the hurt that he caused. That could be true.

    Yes, I know that marriage is much more than romance and feelings. Once I chose to take a step back from the relationship, I have felt a lot better about myself and my future. I'm looking forward to the next chapter in my life.

    I know this will be hard and weird, but I feel like I'm making the right decision. I dunno, just looking for a place to put down my thoughts. I also need prayers of forgiveness. There are still some days where I hate him for what he did to me, and myself for allowing certain behaviors to go on for years.

    Thank you.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Arc F1

    Arc F1 Let the righteous man arise from slumber

    543
    +383
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    Mathew 19. We don't always listen but the Bible definitely gives us the path we should follow.
     
  3. Hammster

    Hammster Showin’ how funky and strong is your fight Staff Member Site Advisor Supporter

    +19,024
    United States
    Reformed
    Married
    US-Libertarian
    What do your elders say about this?
     
  4. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

    +2,897
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Others
    You've already made your decision and are comfortable with it. Go forward and may the Lord be with you as you do.
     
  5. NerdGirl123

    NerdGirl123 Member

    190
    +197
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    As I've told you before, I can relate to all of this. I'm not quite to the stage that you are. I haven't said the "D" word, but I've told him I'm struggling, depressed, stressed, anxious, and feel like we haven't been on the same page or working towards the same goals and future, for a long time. And that I may be looking for a place to go, while I think and pray on what to do. Also like you, I'm 'stuck' right now because of the pandemic, and not having anywhere to go. We've been living like roommates for years, so I'm used to it.

    I know it's a jumble of thoughts and feelings. Sadness, guilt, fear, regret. Not being able to move forward and move out and clear my head and get some perspective is incredibly draining on me. As long as I'm still in the same house, I feel like I'm just going through the motions and being a robot sometimes.

    Hugs for you <3
     
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